I Was Such A Dumbass...

[Advent]

I could use some help with this. This is mainly from my own stupidity. Basically my friend told me her friend (who I met at a party because she doesn't go to my school) liked me. After talking and hanging out with her for a while, I began to like her. A lot. She's fun, she's amazing on the violin (which I also play, we're both First Violins at our schools and that was one of our first conversations), and we had some hilarious conversations about Sailor Moon V.S. Death Note among other things. However after a while (about one or two months of knowing each other) we ran out of things to talk about, and out conversations got really dry and brief. We stopped talking for about two months, and I was going to ask her out pretty soon before we stopped talking. I've been beating myself up over it ever since we stopped talking, and I have wanted to talk to her again and my friends have encouraged me. However I don't know if she wants to talk to me or if a relationship we may get into would work out due to a lack of conversation. Thank you guys so much for any advice.

[Deathsight44]

Dude, you've godda set the mood for you guys to be able to talk first, ya know what I'm sayen.

You godda get together with her first man. Just cuz you don't have anything to talk about don't mean that you guys can't hang. What else have you guys ever done besides talk?

You guys play any games with eachother?

Better yet, describe her likes and dislikes. I mean, not for nothen, but you really godda know what to do here, cuz ya don't wanna screw things up, know what I'm sayen?

[Advent]

Dude, you've godda set the mood for you guys to be able to talk first, ya know what I'm sayen.

You godda get together with her first man. Just cuz you don't have anything to talk about don't mean that you guys can't hang. What else have you guys ever done besides talk?

You guys play any games with eachother?

Better yet, describe her likes and dislikes. I mean, not for nothen, but you really godda know what to do here, cuz ya don't wanna screw things up, know what I'm sayen?

Hehe, well since we live about forty five minutes away we only hang out every now and then, but it wasn't just us, a few of our friends also came. We went to the movies and hung out at the mall occasionally, but I think the prime example of how we just have nothing to talk about came up when we were hanging out one time. We were waiting for our friend Chris to show up, and there was a huge awkward silence for like five minutes of us just standing there. I started to wonder why I just couldn't think of anything to say... However when Chris showed up, the conversation became pretty lively... I just don't know.

[Repliku]

I could use some help with this. This is mainly from my own stupidity. Basically my friend told me her friend (who I met at a party because she doesn't go to my school) liked me. After talking and hanging out with her for a while, I began to like her. A lot. She's fun, she's amazing on the violin (which I also play, we're both First Violins at our schools and that was one of our first conversations), and we had some hilarious conversations about Sailor Moon V.S. Death Note among other things. However after a while (about one or two months of knowing each other) we ran out of things to talk about, and out conversations got really dry and brief. We stopped talking for about two months, and I was going to ask her out pretty soon before we stopped talking. I've been beating myself up over it ever since we stopped talking, and I have wanted to talk to her again and my friends have encouraged me. However I don't know if she wants to talk to me or is a relationship we may have gotten into would work out due to a lack of conversation. Thank you guys so much for any advice.

I think you should try to talk to her again. Also, you might want to actually go try to do some fun things together that may even be a bit exhilarating. Try doing activities that give you memories and things to talk about with each other. Play games, go wander around at the mall, see movies, go out to different restaurants to try them out, try ethnic unusual foods you two aren't used to etc. Suggest things and also ask her what she'd like to do. If you pick up the activities, you will have more to talk about. And well, if you did ask her out once you start hanging out again, then you'll have even more things to do and chat about. I wish you luck. Listen to your friends on this one. :)

Also, that awkward silence...that's when you ask her if she likes you and tell her that you like her. xD

[Mehgahtraun]

I agree.....you were a dumbass. XD My suggestion is that you should spend more time with her. Girls love that. Also, say stuff like, "You are my everything." if you really like her.

[Deathsight44]

Repliku was on the ball with that one, but he makes it sound TOO much like a date.

Try bowlen, and then maybe after, head out for some pizza with her. Trust me, this simple activity is most likely the best possible thing to do.

You do bowling, right?

[Nashida]

Let me see if I can help, seeing as how I am of the female variety.

Start small. Whatever you do, DO NOT suddenly splash onto the scene and say something like "You are my everything" right off the bat. It scares us. You won't be just a dumbass, you'll be deemed a creep.

So start by finding things you like to do together and just hang out first. Movies, hang out at the mall, pizza...stuff you'd do with your friends. You gotta learn to walk before you can run, right? Maybe offer to have her come visit the house once in a while and play games. Then maybe, just maybe, if the two of you are comfortable being around one another, say something about how you feel. I'm just saying don't come out with it right away, as it might scare her and you might even lose her as a friend.

From my own personal experience, I met my BF three years ago, and we were friends before we decided to hook up. We seemed to just click, because the two of us always had something to do or talk about. We're both equally quirky, and anything we do or say to one another sets us off laughing.

Maybe the same will happen for you with her. If not, at least you'll have a new friend and will learn from the experience.

[Sora March]

I'd have to say, even with as little experience as I have, that you're not a dumba** for not having anything to say. I'm with Nashida though. DO NOT COME OUT OF THE BLUE WITH 'You are my everything.' IT WILL DEFINATLY BE MOVING TOO FAST. You may decide that you don't love this girl, so don't say it unless you (I'm doing capitals again) MEAN IT!!!!!!!

[tSG1]

Try taking things slowly. If you think that the umcomfortable silence is too much, then try and make a joke out of it, or distract her by talking about something completly random. i dont have much expricence but in awkward silences, thats what i do. Hope this helps ^^.

[Peyton]

Dude, talk to her. You never know if you don't try. If it doesn't work out at all you can just be friends instead. But you might be missing out on a great girl if you don't try at all :3

[Misty]

I agree with everyone else -- you're not a dumbass, but take things slow. you will seriously freak her out if you're just like "i liek u." But anyway, try to talk to her again. Worst comes to worst, you'll just stop talking, which is what you've already been doing.

[P]

Curious.

Get a source of conversations that refreshes itself. For example, try discussing the worldly events. A simple "Obama or Mcain?" could be a starting point of a topic. "Was Kevvedy shot?" could kindle a topic.

If you are stuck for ideas, go on wikipedia and do the random article thing a few times. You should get a topic you like eventually.

[Styx]

Try talking about things she likes (or better yet: about things you both like). Talk about something interesting that happened to you lately or something like that. Ask a lot of questions too; show interest.
Gradually increase the time you spend together. Try not to aim for a relationship per se, repair the ties first and see how things turn out.

Also, don't be too afraid of silences. Not all kinds of silence are awkward.

[Nashida]

Just thought of something else.

Watch your space. Don't get too close (physically) that it makes her feel uncomfortable. And if she says "Don't do that", listen to her and don't push. My first boyfriend did just that, heck I broke the guy's nose twice cuz he'd stick his face so close to the back of my head and I wouldn't see him there, and I'd jerk my head back or something and WHAM. Or the kid would be all over me, on me, invading my space bubble, etc. and ask "You like?" and if I said "No, please move away," he'd press on. ANNOYING. And creepy.

One of my guy friends in my group is "dating" ( as in, they've never gone out anywhere, they stay on campus in their dorm), and he's always wicked, wicked close to her face. Staring. Not kissing. Just staring. I can't see how she likes that.

[Nova]

Try just telling her... idk something random, then you'll have something to talk about, and you'll never get bored... I know that sounds really lame, but sometimes I find that simple really does work when it comes to this stuff :]

[Advent]

Curious.

Get a source of conversations that refreshes itself. For example, try discussing the worldly events. A simple "Obama or Mcain?" could be a starting point of a topic. "Was Kevvedy shot?" could kindle a topic.

If you are stuck for ideas, go on wikipedia and do the random article thing a few times. You should get a topic you like eventually.

Hmmmmm... I really like that Wikipedia idea. =D

If only she would ever come on AIM. D=

[ArchVice]

I don't think you're a dumbass. I think you should try to find things that she is interested in. You know the people you could ask. Just figure that out and talk with her about those things.

[P]

Hmmmmm... I really like that Wikipedia idea. =D

If only she would ever come on AIM. D=

So the problem has shifted from a lack of topics to not being able to try out the topics?

[Advent]

So the problem has shifted from a lack of topics to not being able to try out the topics?

Indeed. D=

I dunno, she hasn't been on in like a week. xD

[ArchVice]

Curious.

Get a source of conversations that refreshes itself. For example, try discussing the worldly events. A simple "Obama or Mcain?" could be a starting point of a topic. "Was Kevvedy shot?" could kindle a topic.

If you are stuck for ideas, go on wikipedia and do the random article thing a few times. You should get a topic you like eventually.


Once again, Pika hits the nail on the head.