“It all started with that dream, the dream where my light drew forth its power and our journey into the darkness, in which he had been consumed in, started. In hose shadows, we had lost a brother, and soon ourselves in those shadows and this was our chance to renew and try to start again, to try and free ourselves from those shadows, but we failed, thus it is time I rest finally and allow those whom are truly pure of heart take over the fight for me…” Those were the final words of a great hero to his love as he perished at the hands of the man he thought of as his best friend in the hands of his true love after she was awakened from her deep slumber, in which she could only hold his limp body, his blood on the floor until the young man with blood on his hands took her away from his body, kicking and screaming bloody murder. Soon, after his death she was used to create a deadly weapon, one of ultimate power. This weapon was known as the Keyblade of People’s Hearts. This weapon gave the wielder immense strength, and the ability to remove anyone person’s heart and bend it to their will. Ansem, Seeker of Darkness had taken control of the boy with blood on his hands, whose name is long forgotten in this time, and has continued to possess the bodies of many young men and women in order to continue control of the heart of all worlds: Kingdom Hearts as his previous one aged. Time and time again, many a hero had arisen from Ansem, Seeker of Darkness’s dictatorship, his tyranny, but all had failed. All until a young man and his loving friends came and stopped Ansem once and for all. This is their story. “Ahh the sand! So warm, I thought we’d never make it to the beach!” a young orange haired boy breathed out as he plopped himself onto the sand of a warm beach and began to sink into it. “Quiet! We don’t want the Guardians hearing us. I’m lucky that this place is not patrolled by the Guardians.” Snapped a young, brown haired girl, but you could see the excitement in her eyes as well. “C’mon Jessie, Relax a bit!” a young looking, sandy brown haired girl burst out with as she was hanging down from a nearby paopu tree. “Oh please! This trip may be to relax, but we still have to be on-guard for enemies. If one of the Guardians spot us were dead.” Guardians. Dreadful pureblood heartless, dark as shadows themselves, a toothy grin, a chest with what look like ribs on the outside, antenna on each side of his head, and a long tail that they dragged through the ground. “C’mon Jessie, Leah is right. We don’t have time to relax for a while; we gotta get back to Lyric continent soon, our family is going to be worried if we’re back late.” The sandy haired girl spoke.” I hate to admit it, but you’re right.” Flicking the sandy haired girl’s nose. “I should stop worrying all the time.” Leah lied down in the sand near by the orange haired boy. “Ahh this is nice, what do you think Russ.” The orange haired boy didn’t reply, Leah looked over to see him half buried in the sand and asleep. “That boy said the first time he stepped on a beach, he would take a nap before all else, and he held true to his promises!” breathed out the sandy haired girl. “You’re right Nina, he’s out cold, but that don’t mean we can’t have a little fun ourselves.” Leah stood back up. “Well Nina, let’s get to practice, you may look young for a fifteen year old, but you’re not and you need the practice, unlike Russ who’s only twelve.” Leah drawing a short blade with a curved, flat, back edge. “Ugh you can never relax for long can you Leah; you’re the oldest by three years, but you aren’t my boss!” she exclaimed as she climbed down, and drew out a wooden scythe from her back. “Might as well, I never fought someone on the sand before!” as they took their stances, a blackish, small monster appeared with glowing yellow eyes and two long antenna spying on the three, then sinking into the ground and fleeing the scene after a few minutes…
Good so far, a few mistakes and when someone is talking, it better to start it on a knew line "Like this" so the reading is clear that someone is reading.
This is a really good start! Its a little hard to follow in this format, but I'm pretty sure I got it. Its really impressive.
I wouldn't be suprised to see you actually able to market this. Their are a few grammar mistakes i saw but nothing major or vital. I do suggest the format of new lines for new dialoge but i made the same mistake with my fan fic. But i cant wait to see more.
Yeah i know, i wrotw this on msw so i wassent sectioned on khv format i made a wordign mistake, what were the others, im not too sue myself which ones are which
It was kinda hard to read but I still liked it. Make sure to tell me when the next part is up. Cause I forgot things to fast XD. Lol keep up the good work.
Thanks, updating some stuff on the wrighting (like adding font color to each individual speaker) and grammer usage so bare with me
