My Commonplace Thread

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Judge Sunrose, Jun 9, 2012.

  1. Judge Sunrose Destiny Islands Resident

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    Just like the title doesn't say, these are the electronic transcriptions of the poems I've written.
    I am compiling them in my Commonplace Book (AKA The Blank Book), so I thought, why not share it?
    Just a head up, some of 'em contain KH references, be it only content or direct (sometimes even obvious rip-offs) ones.
    here goes a ton of overrating~

    Part 1: ASPECTS OF THE HORIZON

    I - Twilit

    To love a memorized fake,
    Such a foolish path to take.
    Fulfilling the promises you make
    Demands every moment awake.

    A phantom promise can corrode
    One's heart and one's road.
    As the path becomes daft
    Darkness fills in what's left.

    There is always Light between meet and part
    Of a kind person with a kind heart,
    A hope once false from the very start.

    There is always sleep between part and meet
    With our usual words on the usual street.
    An answer comes whence Light and Dark greet.


    [See what I mean by 'rip-off'?]
    __________________________________________________________________________
    II - Flowering Permanence

    Amidst the shadows in my heart,
    I find it hard to tell them apart
    - Where the heart ends
    And the shadows start.
    An ever-drowning oblivion.

    Salvation, the heart knows none,
    Though memories and bonds still thread.
    Should its state of yore be put in its stead,
    The feasting darkness would begone.

    Alas, the once invisible edge gives its place
    To a line no destiny can erase.
    A blooming horizon.


    [One of my favorites. The Blooming Horizon becomes, herein, a recurring motif]
    __________________________________________________________________________
    III - Delusions

    Not a single day can go by
    Where we don't play the Fates' game.
    No matter how hard we may try,
    Our roles remain the same.

    Even though It has no escape,
    It is through Dreams
    That reality we may reshape.

    Destiny's pen frequently wrote
    Tragic stories of sad petals afloat.
    And yet I solely dream
    Of beautiful horizons in bloom.

    Still, unable to go against its plot,
    We play the Fates' jested game.
    Ultimately, our doom we'll refuse to claim.


    [A bad poem's not the end of the world, right...?]
    __________________________________________________________________________
    IV - Love and Seashells

    Bright as the sun shining red,
    Deep as the surf's wavering bed.
    Vast as the horizon's dawning light,
    Amorphous as the clouds' skyward flight.

    Infinite as the stars and above,
    Endless as the late hours of dark.
    There is no place in my heart for love.
    As it houses but only
    Crested seashells never lonely.


    [I tried not to rhyme on this one. Couldn't resist the temptation, though...]
    __________________________________________________________________________
    V - Doubt, Future and Purpose

    The first part of this poem
    Was lost, much like its purpose.
    Half of it drowned.
    The other half fell to death.
    Maybe I'll find it, maybe not.
    But the poem goes on -

    Cast into high sea,
    Tossed across gray skies,
    Left to sink or float.
    Darting past the clouds.
    What becomes of me?
    Will I fall or will I fly?

    Regardless; what makes me shine
    Is the resolute, daybreaking line.


    [...Success! Also, the 2nd and 3rd stanzas can be read in any order, not that it'd change much...]
    __________________________________________________________________________
    VI - Shallowly Natural

    The horizon works like a natural shroud,
    Stopping the waves from crashing into a cloud.

    [First couplet, kinda childish]
    __________________________________________________________________________
    VII - Despair vs Geometrical Hope

    They say that with two dots you make a line.
    But during the darkest nightmares of mine,
    When all shining shells and hopes appear gone,
    You two embody the stars
    From which my horizon is drawn.


    [Gosh, downhill much? D:> ]
    __________________________________________________________________________


    - End of Part 1 -





    I have some other pieces, but I'd still need to put together a few more to make a solid "Part 2". Would you even like to see one?
    I'll stop if you want me to
    So, what do you think? Or rather, CnC if possible...
    By the way, I'm not a native english speaker, so come at me full power, you grammar nazis!
    Oh, and if you happen to be from the Literate Beans too, hiya~!​
     
  2. Hesteen Merlin's Housekeeper

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    I say keep writing and bring us a part two.

    What makes poetry beautiful is that it allows the author to play with language, giving them freedom to ignore some of the rules so that they can freely express their feelings or make their point across. I would love to see some poetry with both English and your native language combined.
     
  3. Agent.T Destiny Islands Resident

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    These are all really good! I eagerly await a part 2! :3 I really like these! And looking at the way they're written it seems you've tried something new with each poem :) I really like all them! :3 Keep writing, and remember, poetry is an art and as long as you put your heart to it, it's a masterpiece <3
     
  4. Misty gimme kiss

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    Oh these were really nice! Sorry this took so long.

    I could definitely see the Kingdom Hearts references in some of them but there's nothing wrong with that! Inspiration can come from all kinds of places, and even if it does feel a little silly to say "well I got some of these ideas from a children's video game...," Kingdom Hearts deals with some very general and universal concepts (light & darkness, nothingness, etc). No shame!

    I especially liked this stanza:
    It's quite sad but still very hopeful. :)
     
  5. Judge Sunrose Destiny Islands Resident

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    Thank you very much, guys I really appreciate it. In response to your requests, here's Part 2! I put a lot of effort in these, just for you peeps :D
    I even got to the point of "complementing" some, if that's the correct term. I.e. they had, like, a single stanza or something.


    Part 2: IMMANENT MORPHOSES

    I - Torment in the World

    Heaven has a machine gun
    To shoot the Earth, called rain.
    But to heal her, rises the Sun,
    And the skies, once more, cry in vain.

    In this game, Earth sees only fun.
    While Heaven finds naught but pain.
    Having tried countless times,
    She's never won.

    After all, raindrops cannot stain.


    [Simple concepts, I luv u :3]
    __________________________________________________________________________​
    II - A Beach

    Should your purpose drop to a sleep
    With no foreseeable end,
    You will find me, friend.
    And we'll make another promise to keep.

    So fret not, I'll give you a hand.
    For even when you're in waters so deep,
    I will be there.
    Waiting by the surf and the sand.

    [Yet another meh poem... Don't mind it.]
    __________________________________________________________________________​
    III - The Unexpected Death of Time
    OR
    III - Momentaneous Gore and Madness

    I was about to die -
    Then, Time was
    buried instead.
    It stained everything in
    red.

    Not knowing what lied ahead,
    The sequence of events went on.
    Thus,
    disorder supremely spread.

    That
    dreadful scenery painted red...
    And I look back from now:
    How didn't I become mad?

    I should've been in his place,
    Lying inside the coffin,
    dead;
    For I brought his disgrace.

    Much better me than Saturn
    To have life and soul shred'.
    And until the end he did
    burn,
    Forever forgotten,
    bleeding red.

    [I believe this one is my best piece of trash work to date. There's a lulzy story behind its inspiration: I was putting my wristwatch away in a drawer, and I thought "I'm burying time!"]
    __________________________________________________________________________​
    IV - Greater Grief

    I feel like crying
    But the tears won't drop.
    They don't want to
    'Cause they are lonely too.

    Their sadness is greater then mine.
    Spare them -
    For they reside in a place
    Where light would once shine.


    [Quite old. It might be my oldest piece, actually]
    __________________________________________________________________________


    - End of Part 2 -





    Now, since this was somewhat rushed, don't expect another part anytime soon... I'm all outta Imaginatium and Creativium.​
     
  6. Agent.T Destiny Islands Resident

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    Just as amazing as part 1~ Don't rush to write more on our account ^_^ take all the time you want :3 I love the inspiration behind III...I laughed out loud at 2 in the morning~ But the poems are all fantastic! Very well done on another job well done :D
     
  7. Judge Sunrose Destiny Islands Resident

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    *do not insert shameless KH-Vids User Awards self-promotion excuse here*
    Only one this time, because I ran out of stockpiled poems. It turned out quite big, to tell the truth. At least it is my longest one thus far.


    INTERLUDE

    Playing Royalty

    Fiercest and bravest of the deck,
    First to be introduced is the Jack.
    His Majesty's trustworthy captain
    Stands forth to head his attack.
    Yet that which manifests in him strife
    Is his forbidden love for the King's wife.

    And here she comes, our charming Queen;
    Not as valiant as a young Jack,
    Or a King so powerful and wise,
    But having a beauty like you've never seen.
    A single look into those mesmerizing eyes,
    And you're done for, it is your demise.

    Now, the King.
    Matched in wisdom by no man or thing,
    He sought to hold the throne forever,
    Not short on arrogance for such endeavor.
    Whoever is found to be of him jealous
    Gets a one-way ticket straight to the gallows.

    You can't have a regime without opposition.
    That's why we have this trump card,
    So often preferred by the magician
    To slyly catch you off your guard.
    Who could this be? None other than the Ace.
    Shifting in value, unknown is his face.

    Last but not least, there's the royal clown,
    Bearing a smile you'll never see frown.
    He sits and watches and laughs about,
    Prepared to slap you with a metaphorical trout.

    Club, Heart, Diamond and Spade
    Are all bad jokes he never made.

    Spade, Diamond, Club and Heart
    Make a flawed game in which he never took part.

    [Special thanks to What? and my big brother for helping me out!]
     
  8. Styx That's me inside your head.

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    I like how intricate your poems are, both within each piece as the links between them. You experiment even while telling a story, making every read worthwhile. My favourites thus far would be "Love And Seashells" and "Playing Royalty". Enjoyed reading!