A Gaia investigation.

Sorry in advance for stretching the page. I would normally shrink the images but you wouldn't be able to see them clearly.
After having a random discussion with the member cocohints (which was awesome!) we got onto the topic of Gaia. Neither of us knew what the true extent of the damage was, so we thought an investigation was in order. I bravely volunteered to this dangerous task.

I set out into google to find this dismal site. Taking a few deep breathes, some comforting words from cocohints and feeling pumped up as I listened to ‘The raising fighting spirit’ from Naruto I leaped head first into the site.

I wasn’t even on the site for 30 seconds before signs of ******edness were showing.




I became baffled when I saw the small characterised avatars placed on the homepage. Luckily cocohints warned me not to be fooled by these mind sucking pixels. The only way for me to continue was to click on the button that read ’Create your own avatar now, and discover the World of Gaia.’ I was intrigued.


I was faced with my first obstacle, with the creation of my disguise. I had to create something that would allow me to blend in with the Gaiaites. As I clicked through all the variations of eyes, hair style etc, it hurt me. What type of people are the most common stereotypes on the web? Emo’s!



With my disguise set, I was ready to move on.

I came to the information screen. I thought hard for the perfect name. Kitty_McKechnie was no name for a place like Gaia, and I couldn‘t tarnish my name. What type of name would a noob use? I needed a name that cried for attention, something that drew guys in. Having little imagination today I decided to go for Hawt_mamma.


Having found a name, I soon found myself in another pickle. It asked for my email address. There was no way in hell I would ever give my email address to folk in Gaia, the noobs would surely overrun me with cybering requests! I was not prepared to offer that. Luckily, cocohints was by my side to offer her wisdom. ‘Use a fake one!’ she suggested. Brilliant! It would put my investigation on hold for a bit, but it would save my life.



I was getting deep now, but there was no turning back. I had to press on! Not just for me, but for all those that dare not venture into Gaia. This was for research into the causes of noobish behaviour!



‘Find a friend!’ was the next screen. My first thoughts were, ‘Do the people on Gaia even have 5 friends? Surely 50 is a bit too much for them. AND, who would be so cruel to invite a friend to this dreadful place? It’s inhumane’ I was about to invite cocohints, but she was my driving force and without her to support me if I ever got lost , I would surely perish from kh-vids forever.


‘What is Gaia?’
‘Gaia is an Online Hangout with endless possibilities. On Gaia, everyone can be unique. From the moment you join our community, there are tons of ways to create, customize, explore and have fun!’
Why do folk fear Gaia? It sounds delightfully fun and pleasant. You get to customize the virtual you, what’s not to like? You even get a profile page that you can create to tell the world about you! Having pictures and other sorts of media to show off.

I made a startling discovery!
‘Be who you want to be on our huge forums. There are millions of members, but you never have to blend into the crowd. Be funny, be serious, be sarcastic or sincere. Or be a giant squid!’
It may be one of the reasons why people from Gaia are so random, and hated by thousands. And meeting thousands of others that act the same way would only encourage you to act like a squid. I decided to press on.


It was time to explore the wonders within Gaia! First, I would have to log in. Easier said than done on Gaia. ‘no username with that email found’ I don’t even see how that was possible. The only difference between the email and username was an extra ‘m’ in the username. +1 to Gaia’s failness. After 5 minutes of trying to log in, after it logged me out once I finished reading the introduction , and me complaining to cocohints, it finally let me in.

My first task was to create my profile as if a ‘noob’ had made it. Cocohints - being incredibly knowledgably in the field of noobs, offered her knowledge to me as I struggled to write a small paragraph about ‘myself’.



I didn’t bother to write much in the profile, since I wasn‘t mentally capable of writing a lengthy paragraph of noobish, and I felt I had lingered there for too long. Time was short and I hadn’t even ventured into the heart of Gaia…the forums. So off I went.

To my surprise, there is an introduction section. This would be the perfect place to post my first post.



I decided to leave my short time in the forums for now, and explore the wonders of the market place. I would later return once other Gaiaites had replied. One thing I noticed in the intro forum’s were the Gaiaites honesty…





I couldn’t help but wonder what type of freak they would have at the market place, and lo’ n’ behold, I was welcomed by a cat with feakin’ antlers on his head. You can even talk to it! At the bottom of the page is a list of everything you own.



Since my character would never wear any of the clothing down there selling it all was the best thing. WHAT THE HELL?! They only sell for 1 gold piece per item? Damn that fat cat and his cheap ways! He got me, I sold everything I owned to him. I made about 10+ gold pieces, not even close enough to purchas a Trolls brow. Gold aren’t earned just by selling items though, no. Your gold increase ever time you post and while you are on the site, although I don’t know the time period the gold increases over. (Or, so I figured)



With nothn’ but pennies, I went to choose a location for my house with the help of Josie, the Housing Commission leader (or so I presume she was the leader). I was kinda excited at choosing a location for my home, I’ve never moved before, so WHOOOOOOOOOO! +1 to Gaia’s failness. It failed to open up the Town location, even when I tried on another computer. I was forced to let Josie choose my town. Even as I tried to visit my house at the location she picked it wouldn’t let me view it. It would load fully but it wouldn’t view the house. Lame!


I have a habit of pressing the wrong button as I reach for chocolate, but this was a good thing this time. I stumbled onto a page that allows you to edit your avatar, or rather the virtual you. It allows you to change clothing or the virtual you body position. It helps if you actually have a change of clothes.



I noticed a lot of members at Gaia like to have their avatars in their underwear. I wonder why…


The site also has several games to offer members that just want to lay back, from jigsaw puzzles to fishing. The jigsaw loading window was being a pain, so I went for some fishing. I thought fishing was meant to be relaxing? Not this version. The fish will sometimes decide to spaz out, and will result in you losing the fish.




But, it’s worth the practice. Especially when you discover that the fish you have been fighting for, is actually a Yellow Guppy.



I’ll stick to my fishing in Zelda any day and age, thank you very much.




It was finally time to go back to my intro thread. Lets see who, or what posted a reply in there.

By this point cocohints had left me to explore by myself. I was on the verge of quitting, but no! FOR COCOHINTS! …and all you other folks out there, I must prevail. :3

I wasn’t surprised by the replies, consisting of short, non-personal comments. They hadn’t detected I was an outsider, so everything was still goin’ according to plan. No noobs yet, but some of the threads were ridiculous, like the bumping thread. Why oh why do you need a bumping thread? Completely pointless, even for Gaia. They will do anything for money over here, and for what? To customize their virtual selves? The avatars over there are mingin’ anyway, no amount of money those members have could fix that.






Gaia threads were completely new to me, nothing’ like I have ever seen on kh-vids before. Some of the things came as a shock to me. There are things there that would not be acceptable here.



Was it wrong of me to fall off my seat and burst out laughing? I’m only human.

I did not create this bar! This person is framing me!!!





Running incredibly low on time I had to make one last stop. The RP section. Having heard many tales about the members and their RP’ing ways, I couldn’t miss this opportunity. I didn’t get a chance to fully explore the over-populated section, but the members there sure do love to RP…




I never got to explore Gaia as much as I wanted to, but it’s far too large to explore in one day.

I’ll finish with these words. Gaia - It’s not worth it. I felt as though I lost several IQ points as I read through some of the content there. Some of the members…are just that bad. It would be wrong of me to say all members are terrible, that’s not true. I will admit, some were plain weird, but what do you expect when you join a site that is as vast as Gaia?

For members on kh-vids that have thought about joining Gaia, take my word on this, it‘s not worth it. The site is so large, you will not get recognised. Members there act ******ed as an attempt to get noticed, and when they leave Gaia, they forget to leave the ******edness behind. The ******edness there is a disease, and you will catch it!

The first try resulted in a database error. Even kh-vids struggled to post this report due to it’s ******ed content.


Something incredibly disturbing discovered by cocohints.

(18:18) If it's not Scot: You teaching me the noobish arts.
(18:19) Cocohints: For some reason this reminds me of a Matrix moment
(18:19) Cocohints: Show me the art of n00b
(18:20) If it's not Scot: It's like I know Kung Fu, except it would be, i know N00b! (18:20) Cocohints:I know, it fits too much
(18:20) Cocohints:X3
(18:20) If it's not Scot: kinda scary...
(18:21) If it's not Scot: All the n00bs trying to be like Neo, but changing his words so their completely noobish.
(18:21) Cocohints: So instead they're mr. Smith clones
(18:22) Cocohints: going after TNB - That One N00b
(18:22) Cocohints: no wait I typed wrong. XD
(18:22) Cocohints:T1N
(18:23) If it's not Scot: LOL
(18:23) If it's not Scot: lets not tell the noobs, they might start doin' it.
(18:23) If it's not Scot: They would ruin the matrix
(18:24) Cocohints: What a disaster it would be. And it would all be Gaia's fault for making us curious



It came and bit us in the toosh real good.

 

liek omg plz bee meh frend on gaia

 

oh lawd, I can't stop laughing at the tranny guild. >XD

 

My eyes have been opened, my eternal thanks to you *bows*

At least if we want to take n00bs off of the internet forever we could just virus Gaia and get them all at once 8D

 

All this started with a simple MSN convo.... And kept me online for about 7 hours. XD


My laptop knew of the danger and refused to let me register as a ripoff of Sephiroth.

 

I few weeks ago I did my own Gaia infiltration. I bet most of the male members are pedofiles >_>

 

That convo was pretty long XD

Your laptop reminds me of Lassie, always aware of dangers that lurk ahead.

 

I thought Warcraft was bad, but this....this is just.......concerning.

 

At least on Warcraft you get a chance to kill the n00bs =D

Also, said n00bs require money to play WOW =_=

 

Thanks to this comment, I have now named my laptop Lassie. It was previously marked as Cybercom, which worried me greatly.

 

Gaia is a vile pit of scum and vilany. It's the Mos Eisley of the internet.

 

Lassie is a pretty name for a laptop. :3

Reminds me of Skynet...

You seem to know a lot about Gaia. A resident there?

 

Oh, I've actually drawn my laptop as a human shape since I joined a bandwagon.

It was only later that I saw it was my subcontience that had been influenced by Yu-Gi-Oh.

 

I have an account but I don't go on it. I joined about two or three weeks ago to see if it's as bad as they say. It truely is the nut house of the interwebz =_=

You Gay Hoe FTW!

 

Some nice investigating there Kitty. You may now go by the name Detective Kitty.

 

It can be her staff nickname 8D

I think mines either Nosy Rosey...

Either that or slave ._.

 

Wow..I had no idea what my little cousin was getting into...
O.o

 

I shall wear it with pride!

I think cocohints deserves a title as well.

SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSON!

 

I SUPPORT THIS SUGGESTION

 

Im on this Gaia thing ( Zee_Zexek is my name if ur interested) the place is full of noobs and wat u see here my friend is only the tip of the iceburg.....