My first KH one-shot: "Do you feel it? The 'moon's' power?"

A/N: Here's just something my tired mind thought of a while ago, after seeing a certain 'Xigbar Report' by psycrowe on Deviantart...
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or the characters used. They belong to Square Enix. And I'm not gonna say what would happen if I would own them. You don't wanna know.
WARNING: Contains some strong language, a bit of OOC:ness (I have my excuse, sorta) and a small hinting of a very one-sided XemSaï


"VII?"

The Luna Diviner lifted his eyes from his wine. He grunted an answer for Zexion:

"Hmph?"

The Cloaked Schemer looked at Saïx, eyes a bit glassy. Most of the Organization was completely drunk. Few had had enough self-control to forbid themselves from alcohol, and Zexion wasn't one of them. He slurred a bit as he spoke:

"Well, me and those three," he pointed at a equally drunk Axel, the passed out Roxas and Demyx, who was high on caffeine, running around the room, singing some obscure pop-song surprisingly well, "were wondering why the Superior gave you the moon as an element. Unless you were a werewolf when you still had a heart, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I mean, I can see why Vexen has ice, he was always cold. I understand why I have illusion, since I like deceiving, and most people think that I'm just a emo-kid, because of my appearance. After giving one look at Axel's hair, I understand why his element is fire. Demyx, or Myde in this situation, was apparently a gifted swimmer before he joined the Organization. Marluxia... I think that's obvious... As for the rest, you can sort of understand their elements. But you," he gabbed his finger at the light-blue haired man, "are a complete mystery."

Saïx thought of it for a moment. He had just been given his element as he had joined the Organization. He had never asked about it, he had just used his powers for the advantage of the Organization, and occasionally even for his own pleasure. He answered as truthfully as he could:

"I don't know, I never asked. Now that you mention it, it doesn't make sense..."

"That you're not, not, not gonna get any better, you won't, won't, won't, you won't get rid of me never. Like it or not, even though she's a lot like me, we're not the same..." Demyx's loud singing interrupted. He still continued his singing, as a thought came to his mind. It just took a minute for his mind to process it:

"And yeah, yeah, yeah I'm a lot to handle, you don't know trouble, I'm a hell of a scandal. Me, I'm a scene, I'm a drama-queen, I'm the best da- OOOOOHHHHH!!!! IKNOWIKNOWIKNOW!!! LET'SGOASKMANSEXWHYYYYYY!!!!!!!"

"Whaddaya say?" Axel asked, rubbing his ear. Demyx had been right next to him. The Melodious Nocturne drew a deep breath, before saying, slowly this time:

"Let's go ask Mr."I wanna be like Darth Maul when I grow up!" why he gave his boyfriend, no offense, Saïx, the moon's powers."

"For the last time, I'm straight. I even had a wife before I was a Nobody!" Saïx growled, head buried in his pitcher of wine.

"Yeah yeah, whatever, let's go do what water-boy said!" Zexion said, still slurring.

"Don't call me that!"

"Then stop calling me emo."

"Fine, emo-boy... Oops, I didn't mean to, I swear, I swear!!!"

During Demyx's and Zexion's 'argument', Axel had bent down next to his blond friend, and was yelling in the Keybearer's ear:

"WAKE UP SUNSHINE!!!!! THE EARTH SAYS "HELLO"!!!"

"AAAAHHHH!!!!! RIKU, STOP HITTING ME, I GET IT, YOUR DARKNESS BEATS ALL!!!!!!!"

Roxas was suddenly very aware of what he had said, and who he had said it to.

"Uuuh... Well, his darkness was very painful!"

"Whatever, let's go find Mansex..." Zexion said, while he and Demyx grabbed the rather reluctant Berserker, who was fortunately not in his Berserk-state at the moment.

"I've got a bad feeling about this..."

"Oh, don't be such a killjoy, Sailor Moonman!"

"As your superior by rank and authority (does that actually mean anything, or is the author making up **** again?), I ask you to kindly SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"

XxX​

After a short while, they found their 'beloved' leader, at the Altar of Naught, as usual. Apparently Xemnas had also decided that it had been a good night for drinking, since his daily Kingdom Hearts worship-moment had become a bit... strang...-er.

"Oh, sweet Kingdom Hearts, grant us an eternal supply of painkillers and chocolate, so that we can get through a certain member's coughLarxene'scough periods, without losing yet another member. Grant us a good shooting area, so that Xigbar can get through his mid-life crisis without shooting at every living, or non-living thing he can spot. Grant us..."

That had been going on for hours. And it was bound to go on for another few, and become a lot weirder, unless he were stopped.

"Go on, ask him, so we can go get some more beer!" Roxas urged the blue-haired Nobody.

"Eww, beer is disgusting, I want Coke!"

"Demyx, shut up..." Axel sighed, before shoving Saïx forward, as Zexion raised his voice.

"Excuse us sir, but VII has something to ask."

"Yes?" (of course, since it was Xemnas, it sounded more like: "Yyyeeeesss????)

The Luna Diviner shot the four with a 'if it were full moon, you all would be in deep ****'-look, before turning to his Superior.

"Well, sir, we were wondering... Why did you give me the moon as my element?"

"Because you have a fine ass."

It took a moment for this to sink in. After that, the look on everyones faces was priceless. Since I'm not that good at descriptions, their facial expression could be best described by this o.O'.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Because you have a fine ass," Xemnas repeated.

"Cou-could you say that again a bit slower?" Roxas piped up. The 'great and Almighty' leader of Organization gave the rest a pitying smile, then, slowed his speech, which everyone had thought to be impossible:

"VII-has-a-great-ass. That is why I gave him the moon's powers."

"Sir, we're completely serious," Zexion nearly managed to hide his snicker.

"So am I!"

Saïx's face had become rather crimson, as he closed his eyes, and said:

"Sir... You do know that I am straight? And that I am, or at least was, married to a woman?"

Xemnas stiffened. Then he nodded slowly:

"I was aware of that..."

"You know," it was Axel's turn to speak, "Mansex is right. Saïx does have a good ass. I never noticed it before..."

This made Zexion and Roxas stare at the Berserker's rear too. Demyx, however, made gagging noises, and tried to cover his eyes.

"EEEEEWWWW!!!!!!! Why is everyone staring at Saïx's butt?"

"C'mon Demyx, just give it a quick look, and you'll see why!" Roxas tried to pry the Nocturnes hands off of his face. The others, apart from Saïx, who had buried his face in to his hand turned to the two fighting Nobodies, and started laughing at their antics. After a minute or so, Zexion turned away.

"Hey, where did moon-man go?"

Axel snorted:

"Dunno, don't care. Let's go get wasted."

Roxas shook his head:

"But, we're already completely drunk!"

"I WANT COFFEEEEEE!!!!!"

"Shut up Demyx. Let's go get even more wasted then."

Uhhh, yeah, hope you liked it! Oh yeah, I might put other one-shots on the same thread, but I'm not a 100% sure yet...

 

i liked it...
it was funny and interesting....
good work miss!!

 

*glomps* Thank you!!! And good to have you back, even for a short time!

 

° Funneh! Yeah, I've already read it, but I just felt like commenting. °

 

This is really funny. You can do really good fanfics!

 

Hehee, I appreciate it!

Thanks! Your plot-lines are hilarious, by the time you're my age you're gonna be a brilliant writer! Trust me!

 

First one-shot, huh? XD Well, I'll have to say it was a lot better than MY first one. XD You'll get to be great at this in no time. XD

4 out of 5 stars! Take it or leave it! D8

 

Yes, my first one-shot, but not my first fan-fic, though :D
And I'll definitely take it, four's better than nothing!

 

Very very hilarious! :D:D
Keep up your good work up!!!! :noworries:

 

Hehee, thanks for this! :glomp:

 

absolutely LOL'd at this one 4/5 stars

 

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!! And again: :glomp:

 

XD

hey.........YOU SHOULD MAKE ONE ON ZEXION'S EMONESS!!!! XD

 

Hmmm, I don't know, I don't consider him emo... I comment on his emoness in another fan-fic, though! In case you wanna read it!

 

Lol i kinda wondered about why he had the moons power (or just that he goes crazy but that is kindof already explained to me lol), but Saix's ass?! lol

 

^^ Thanks, you rock too! And a very merry Christmas, and happy Holidays to you too! XD

Hehee, I'm good at making completely stupid and random explanations/theories. For example, I posted a theory about Pluto actually being Hades in disguise, due to the fact that the Roman equivalent (a.k.a. the god of death in ancient Rome) for Hades is called none other than *inserts drum-roll here* PLUTO!!! *coughs* So... yeah, I just had to be the one coming up with the ass-theory, and then turning it in to a fan-fiction. ^^
I'm glad that you read and reviewed my story! Thank you!​