Something short, wrote it a while ago, decided I'd let you guys see it. [They say she wanders alone, that on cold grey nights if you look into the moonlight at just the right angle, you will see her pale silhouette as she dances along lost in a song that only she can hear. They say that to see her is a sign of danger to come, that she is an omen for impending disaster, and that if you see her you better run. Rumours are strange things are they not? An underlying truth that is hidden and obscured by exaggerations and lies. Like a game of Chinese whispers played in the school ground the original message and the original words become lost to something new. Perhaps the real power comes from words and not just rumours. They say that when she was alive she was attacked and killed one night as she was making her way home after a dance, and that the violence of her death keeps her trapped in this realm seeking vengeance on people who seek to cause harm. Over time they said that her intentions became twisted and she started to seek to hurt anyone and everyone who crossed her path. Personally I don’t believe that, after all, no human is perfectly moral. Everyone has at some time or another sought to cause someone else hurt regardless of whether they carried it out or not. You know, it is odd the power of human belief. Humans are told something and they seem to almost automatically believe it. You tell one person that something will happen, they tell two more people, those two people tell another two people each and soon enough the rumour becomes a truth. A reality created by the human mind, true for all intents and purposes. I heard that she was beautiful, that her smile could charm most anyone and that her voice could stir the hearts of even the bitterest people. They say that she was going places, that she could have been someone and made it big, that it is a shame that her life was cut short so cruelly and painfully. They made her sing you know, before they killed her. They left her to die bleeding in the snow, frozen and alone with only the moon for company as she died. We live in a society where the word has ultimate power. The majority of our conversations are carried out via words whether it is through text messages, emails or instant messaging services and vocalised conversations are becoming rarer. Funny thing about words, as their power grows so do the messages that they carry. They say I wander alone, that on cold grey nights if you look into the moonlight at just the right angle, you will see my pale silhouette as I dance along lost in a song that only I can hear. They say that to see me is a sign of danger to come, that I am an omen for impending disaster, and that if you see me you better run. That was true at one time, but times have changed, the act of contacting you serves as omen enough. An underlying truth that is hidden and obscured by exaggerations and lies, maybe it is a thing of comfort, we cling to rumours and urban legends because they protect us, C will only occur if A and B occur before it, but rumours are only real in the human mind, and that man behind you will get you whether you turn around or not…]
You are very good with atmosphere. Enviably so. But that isn't what I'm most impressed with. It's the fact that this reads both like an essay and like poetry at the same time. The way it's paragraphs parallel stanzas but at the same time still maintain that flow of an essay in careful prose. I wouldn't call it excellent because there are some elements that fall short of the whole piece's potential but it is still very impressive and I like it. I do not presume to make suggestions since I do not fully understand what I feel is less than excellent myself, but I may at a later time.
Thanks <3 Thank you :] Thank you very much, if you do decide to make suggestions then please do, I could use the pointers and you are one of the writers I respect.
