Tangled in Yesterday's Memories

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Aura, Apr 14, 2009.

  1. Aura Goddess

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    Okay, first off, I don't plan to continue this. This is just something I wrote because I've been stressed with...stuff. >>; Don't feel like talking about. Well yeah, haven't been in a good mood for the past two days so I'm trying to write to release my stress on paper.

    This is more like a little story that is being told to someone else by someone else. In other words, second person story. Whatever. Did this in less than an hour. So yeah, you might see grammar mistakes and stuff like that. If you do, tell me and I'll probably fix it. Some sentences might seem a little awkward because I couldn't really find how to put it. I was distracted by...stuff. << And I know it's short. It was meant to be like that.
    Anyway, tell me what you think and enjoy.

    Tangled in Yesterday’s Memories​

    There once was a city that went by the name Pulse. Many years ago Pulse was a high tech, rich city. People always had money and there was hardly any crime. But, when a group of terrorists attacked Pulse, people lost their jobs, their homes, and the crime rate sky rocketed; it literally became hell. Eventually, the terrorists’ leader took over Pulse, making everyone in the city his slaves. People were homeless and many lost their lives. If anyone dared to raise their voice against the new ruler, they would be immediately killed.

    But, there was a little girl that lived during this time, believing there will be someone that would save them all. Every night she prayed, asking God to send down an angel or just a human being with the strength to rescue her and everyone else. But as days and nights passed, the little girl began to lose hope. Then one day, her older brother stood up against the ruler.

    “Enough is enough! You will die by my hands!” he yelled taking a guard’s sword.

    The little girl’s brother charged towards the ruler as he simply sat in his throne, watching the boy come closer and closer. The girl watched from a distance, fearing something was going to happen to her dear brother. The ruler chuckled, snapping his fingers ordering a group of guards to arrest and kill the boy. Before he could react, the guards had their weapons pierced through the boy’s stomach. The little girl watched in horror as her brother died in front of her. His motionless body collapsed as the guards simply walked away, wiping the boy’s blood off their weapons. Tears ran down the girl’s face as she was pushed away, being told to leave.

    That same night, the little girl asked God to kill her so she can be with her brother. Years passed and the girl lived through slavery and poverty. Even though she now lived on her own, she helped those in need. With this girl’s strength and faith, she has been able to live through a terrible time.
     
  2. Chevalier Crystal Princess

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    This is very good. It would be interesting to see how the girl kept going...Stress does you good in writting...well, maybe not. It opens different facets is all.

    Another thing, Pulse where is that from? I've heard it before, just don't remember where.
     
  3. Aura Goddess

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    I'm not sure. Pulse came from the top of my head. XD

    Thank you, though. And maybe I'll continue it, depending if people even like it and all that. And depending if I even have enough free time.
     
  4. Aura Goddess

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    I wasn't in a good mood when I wrote it. But thanks anyway.
     
  5. Aura Goddess

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    Eh. I might or I might not. Depending if I even feel better or if I even have free time. I don't know. But thank you for the comment.
     
  6. LayceSatoshi Moogle Assistant

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    Isnt Pluse a pokemon? or am i gettin confused between sumfin else? Plz correct me if im rong!
     
  7. T A F F Y シ Hollow Bastion Committee

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    I simply went to tears when they killed her brother
    Your a very good writer
    You know how to give your readers such emotion
    It's a shame you won't continue D:
    But this was beautiful
    Well Done

    :'3
     
  8. Aura Goddess

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    8D

    Thank you.

    I didn't mean for this to make anybody teary. XD But I'm glad you liked it.
     
  9. Jiku Neon Kingdom Keeper

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    I'd like to deviate a bit here and say that I did not like this. It lacked clear description throughout. The sequence of events were oversimplified and displayed an incomplete understanding of the way things work. But the thing that brought all of this to my attention was the commonplace, simple, standard language you used. This is something that should have certainly been fairly complexly and meticulously structured with diction and syntax that don't just get across an idea but give it some life and feeling through rhythm and such things. I know prose is prosaic is how most people would go but I think there is an art beyond simply saying something needed in all writing, one that in my opinion is far more appealing than any poetry.
     
  10. Aura Goddess

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    Like I said, did it less than an hour and I was distracted by a few things. But, thanks for the comment.