Thirty Nine Daisies

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Catch the Rain, Oct 12, 2009.

  1. Catch the Rain As the world falls down ♥

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2007
    Location:
    The Labyrinth
    790
    Ok, this is probably one of the longest things I have written. I spent two days on it. I am not going to lie, it is pretty ****. I've fixed the things people pointed out to me last night but I am sure there is whole ton of other things that need changing to. So if you see anything then please say, I need to improve.

    Last night I got pretty down because one person was very insulting about my writing, it completely knocked my confidence down, but I have decided I need to grow a thicker skin and stop letting negativity for the sake of negativity get to me.

    Anyways, enough rambling, I've put it in spoiler tags because it looks less messy that way.

    If you do read it then please comment <3 comments are love and I need them.


    Thirty Nine Daisies


    It was a beautiful morning, the kind that comes very rarely and surpasses just about every other. The sun rose gracefully, slowly, washing the sky in a flood of different colours and hues. The silver tint of the dying night leading to pale blues and vivid pinks, fiery reds and oranges as the sun said good morning to the world. The soft rays drenched the top of the trees in colour, rising higher to soak into the grass of a small clearing, the daylight spreading across the ground like searching fingers to the edges of a small silver pool, before finally settling to shine down on Sirena Dancer.

    The gentle rays of light illuminated her lovely face, and lovely it truly was. Sirena was the kind of pretty that made you stop and look twice; she had full lips accompanied by a wide smile, cheekbones that a model would be envious of, and eyes that were a mix of blues and greens, almost similar to the sea. Her tall frame was graceful and slender and she moved like her name, her limbs always poised on the edge of some dance to a song only she could hear.

    She sat on the edge of the water her feet bare and swirling in the shallows whilst her hands worked on turning the bunch of daisies in her lap into a long chain. She paused, glancing up at the lightening sky and sighed happily with the air of one fully content. Her fingers trailed through the mass of waves and curls that was her honeyed colour hair lightly working a knot out of a small lock before returning to work on her daisy chain.

    She checked the delicate silver watch that decorated her slender wrists, he would be here soon. Today Sirena was meeting with her lover to celebrate their fifth year as a couple.

    She added another daisy to the chain, each new flower representing a different memory of her relationship. The first flower in the chain represented their first meeting.

    The First Flower: It was a Sunday afternoon when Sirena’s mother sent her into town to buy ice-cream for desert, she chose to walk taking the chance to enjoy the late summer air before it faded completely into the approaching autumn. She wandered along lost in thought swinging her bag backwards and forwards as she went humming along to some song within her mind. Backwards and forwards her bag swung, backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, backwards and connection. Pause. Sirena turned around found herself face to face with Michael Rose. Their eyes connecting, she was the one who looked away first, the faintest traces of a blush gracing her pale skin. She had apologised for hitting him with her bag, he had laughed and told her it was ok, he should have been looking where he was going better. They had walked the rest of the way into town together before parting at the ice-cream parlour, but not before Michael had taken Sirena’s number joking that it was the least she could do after bashing him with her bag.

    She splashed her toes happily in the water, the noise breaking the quietness of the morning; breaking it but not disturbing it. Birds continued their roles in the dawn chorus perhaps thinking that the strange human who sat on the waters edge was one of them as she hummed along with their melodies. Graceful fingertips touched her lips as she bought her hands to her mouth brushing away a stray hair that had fallen loose from the locks tucked behind her ears.

    The Fifth Flower: Sirena looked out of the ice-cream parlour window looking for Michael, it was their fifth date. Since meeting for the first time a little over two weeks ago the pair had been inseparable. She checked the clock on the wall; the hands were shaped like mini ice-cream cones that ticked around almost teasingly. She willed them to move faster glaring at the smiley faces that decorated the clock face so intent on watching the seconds that she didn’t register the ‘ting!’ of the bell over the door, nor did she sense the presence behind her until a long stemmed carnation appeared in front of her eyes, the yellow petals frilled edged and perfect. She smiled and turned around to greet Michael, his fingers traced her jaw line before tucking a random curl behind her ears. Later that afternoon as they shared an sundae sat in one of the booths he had wiped away a faint trace of toffee sauce from the corner of her mouth, tilting her chin upwards before leaning down and kissing her full on the lips. Their first kiss.

    Sirena smiled to herself as her fingers worked through the shrinking pile of stems and flowers, brushing away stray petals from her skirt. She picked up one particularly long stemmed daisy, its petals tinged with deep pink, she twirled it between her fingers wrinkling up her nose at it before taking one of the petals between her fingers and pulling it away. She watched it twirl to the grass as it spun in the breeze. He loves me...he loves me not...he loves me...

    The Twelfth Flower:...he loves me not...he loves me. Sirena smiled widely as the final petal slipped to the ground by her feet. Warm hands covered her eyes from behind as she felt soft lips brush her ear “Guess who”

    “Hmmm I don’t know, you’ll have to give me a clue!”

    “I’m offended by that.”

    “Is that your idea of a clue?”

    “Then how about this?”

    The whispering mouth moved lower trailing kisses down her neck as the hands moved themselves from her eyes to wrap around her waist.

    “Happy six month anniversary.”


    Sirena stretched her arms, yawning lightly and wriggling her shoulders in the still rising sun. She set aside the daisies and stood up reaching her arms up towards the sky. She took a sip from the bottle beside her as she stepped out of the water and stood on the mossy grass, her toes pointed as she twirled around. Sirena glided around the clearing twisting into the breeze and bending this way and that her hands moving and changing direction as she danced. She spun in the morning light around and around and around her arms outstretched from her sides as her face soaked up the warmth from the early morning sun. Round and round she spun

    The Seventeenth Flower: “You’ll make yourself dizzy if you keep spinning like that!” Michael told her as he watched her spin.

    “No I won’t, you forget I’m a pro.”

    “You’re making ME dizzy spinning like that!”

    Sirena laughed as she spun, each rotation she snuck a glance at Michael as he leant against an old cracked fence post watching her. They had spent the day at the annual fair and were meant to be on their way home but had decided to take a detour and go through the corn fields alongside the river path. It was early evening, still light enough to see but with the kind of glow that come from approaching night. Sirena carried on spinning until rough hands caught hers and caused her to stop. Her balance distorted she stumbled and the pair fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs and wheat.

    “You did that on purpose!” she accused him with mock anger, he grinned and poked her shoulder, “So what if I did?” he asked in mock defiance.

    “You’re so mean to me!”

    “Oh what lies are these?”

    “Bully!”

    “Yeah well, you have candy floss stuck in your hair!”

    The random timing of the statement made them both laugh as Michael tried to untangle the sticky sweet pink mess from Sirena’s hair. Their fingertips brushing he took her hand.

    “You know, I’ve wanted to say something for a while...”

    “Is this the part where you tell me you are a transvestite named Sven?”

    “Yes, yes it is, and I am leaving you to marry a man called Consuela”

    “I knew it!”

    “Sirena?”

    “Yes?”

    “I love you”

    “I love you too”

    They had stayed there watching the sky grow darker until they both realised they were meant to be home an hour earlier. They laughed as they ran down the lane towards their homes, holding hands and happy in love.


    Sirena leant back until she was lying down in the still dew-fresh grass. She put her hands up to shield her eyes from the early morning sun as she watched clouds float across the sky. She formed pictures amongst the cotton wool with her imagination smiling to herself as one cloud took on the characteristics of a rabbit grazing on a plant.

    The Twenty First Flower: “I don’t know, it looks more like a dog to me” Michael said ponderingly

    “Are you kidding me? How many dogs do you know that look like bunnies?”

    “Hey you didn’t say it had to be based on REAL animals and objects, only that I had to use my imagination!”

    “...smartarse.”

    “And you love me for it.”

    “That is beside the point!”

    “I love you.”

    “I love you too.”

    They were lying in the grass of a small clearing that they had found the previous day whilst hiking. It was peaceful, almost dreamlike and the perfect place to camp for the night. They had woken early to watch the sunrise. Sat cocooned in blankets as the sky raced through a thousand colours they stayed watching until the day shone blue arguing over the forms the clouds took. Tentative kisses and shy fingers they made love for the first time amidst the dew.


    Sirena danced her way back to the daisy chain at the waters edge. She sat back down taking a sip from the bottle of water she had with her before checking her watch. She could barely believe that it had already been five years. She closed her eyes and pictured Michael’s face the way he smiled and the way he sang in the shower in the morning. The way his hair never did what he wanted to and always stuck up more than it should at the back no matter how many products he used and no matter how many times he smoothed it down.

    The Twenty Ninth Flower: Michael raised his hand to flatten his hair, the back still sticking up; he glared at the mirror blaming his reflection for messing up his style. Sirena shook her head and smiled to herself as they got ready. Finally done preening himself Michael helped Sirena into her coat kissing her gently on the forehead as he brushed her hair aside. Outside he helped her into his father’s car before he drove them to the restaurant, “I’ll have lasagne please and my girlfriend will have the chicken risotto.”, he hadn’t even needed to ask her what she wanted knowing instinctively what her choice would be. They gazed at one another in adoration over glasses of wine and a three course meal. They knocked glasses celebrating another year together. It was their third Christmas together. A gasp from a startled fellow diner caused them to break out of their bubble as they glanced up to see snow falling outside the window. They walked home leaving footsteps in the icing sugar scattering of snow that covered the pavements whilst they caught snowflakes on their tongues.

    Sirena sat up slowly her eyes lost in past memories. She threaded another daisy into the chain absentmindedly bringing the total to thirty three flowers. She had more memories than daisies, she had more memories than there were daisies in the clearing let alone the ones that remained in her lap. Six daisies remained waiting patiently as she twisted the thin silver band on her left ring finger.

    The Thirty Third flower: She had awoken to find her room covered in flowers. Carnations to be specific. Yellow and perfect. She rubbed her eyes almost expecting them to vanish with blinking, they didn’t. she got out of bed and walked over to her dresser finding a handwritten note, ‘Good morning princess’ she smiled and went downstairs following yellow carnations that decorated the floor and were strewn around. Hearing noise in the kitchen she walked in to find Michael at the stove making pancakes, he turned around and smiled at her before pulling out a chair at the table. She sat down as he put a stack of pancakes in front of her. The syrup on the top spelling out the words “Marry Me” she turned around to find him on one knee holding out a ring.


    Her fingers worked the daisy chain almost on their own as she thought through a million memories all circling around her mind and clamouring for attention. The memories that she didn’t want to face surfaced unbidden.

    The Thirty Sixth Flower: They were driving, both singing along to some love song that was playing on the radio. It was a warm evening and they were on their way to the ice-cream parlour. It had been a long time since they had been there and on a spur of the moment they decided to revisit the place of their early dates. They stopped at a red light waiting to go. Red flashed to amber, amber flashed to green. Michael pulled off at the same moment a speeding car raced through its red light straight into them. There was a sound like glass splintering and the crunch of metal as they spun around and around collecting another car as they went before coming to a stop with a crash into a lamppost.

    Sirena wiped away a tear that was threatening to fall from her lashes. The crunch of metal and glass echoing through her mind.

    The Thirty Seventh Flower: The noise of sirens, the noise of people screaming, somewhere the noise of something was hissing. Sirena came out of a foggy daze the sound of ringing rushing in her hears. Almost perversely the radio continued to sing out love songs, “Michael?” There was no answer, she coughed on smoke and dust, and it hurt to breathe, “Michael? Michael are you ok?” No answer, she turned her head to the side, her right arm hung awkwardly and useless at her side. Michael was still unconscious, a thin trail of blood snaking its way from his forehead down to his neck.

    She traced the scars on her arm lightly. She barely remembered the physical pain of the crash now but it had left her with half a dozen silvery scars along her arms and one at the base of her neck.

    The Thirty Eighth Flower: Beep...beep...beep... the machine beeped away next to the bed. Each beep was a reassuring sound meaning an extra moment of life, an extra moment that he was ok. Sirena sat in an uncomfortable plastic chair at the side of the hospital bed. She hadn’t moved from the spot except for bathroom breaks and the occasional cup of coffee since she herself had been released. Her arm was still in a cast but the doctors said she had been lucky. Michael had not been so lucky; he was still now in intensive care. The only thing that kept Sirena going was the beep...beep...beep of the machine.

    Sirena picked up the last remaining daisy from her lap. She supposed it was fitting that this would be the last one in the chain. Carefully with perfectly manicured nails she pierced the stem and threaded the daisy into the chain. She set the spiralling chain down on the ground beside her and swallowed down the rest of her water before standing and facing the pool in front of her. She walked out into the water her skirt becoming soaked, her flesh coming up in goose bumps.

    The Thirty Ninth Flower: Sirena watched behind a veil of black lace as Michael was interred into the ground. It was fitting that it was raining so hard, as though the sky was crying for him too. The physical pain of the crash was nothing compared to the complete and total pain that gripped her now and had done since his death. He had looked so peaceful as he slipped away even as she had screamed at him to live, to live for her, but the beeping had stopped and there was nothing anyone could do to bring him back. Sirena stood in the rain long after everyone else had left the cemetery.

    The sleeping pills that she had added to her water bottle began to take affect; Sirena stumbled as she walked into the water landing with a splash. She didn’t fight to break the surface, the calmness of being underneath making her feel like she was flying. She floated to the surface watching the sky, making pictures with the clouds before sleep took over and the weight of her soaked clothes dragged her down to never wake again.

    It was a beautiful twilight, the kind that comes very rarely and surpasses just about every other. The sun sank gracefully, slowly, washing the sky in a flood of different colours and hues. The flaming tint of the dying day leading to pale blues and faded purples, dark greys and silver as the moon said good evening to the world. The soft beams drenched the top of the trees in silver white, rising higher to soak into the grass of a small clearing, the moonlight spreading across the ground like searching fingers to the edges of a small silver pool, before finally settling to shine down on Sirena Dancer. Tonight Sirena was meeting with her lover to celebrate eternity as a couple.
     
  2. Daenerys Targaryen ok

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2007
    Gender:
    Female
    873
    Kay;I loved this. I thought the description was beautiful and the whole concept of the story was nice. It might have been long, but it seemed so short to me. I liked how you made the flowers stand for different memories and how you there still wasn't enough flowers for her memories. I only say a few grammar and spelling errors; other than that I loved it. I have to say, I didn't expect the ending. I thought since at the beginning you said that Sirena was meeting her lover, that it was just another date. And towards the end of the story, I actually felt the same emotion she felt, which is good quality in a writer. Very nice job.
     
  3. Catch the Rain As the world falls down ♥

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2007
    Location:
    The Labyrinth
    790
    Thank you very much for the compliments, I am glad you liked it.

    I hate to be a pain but can I ask where my errors are? I need to know so I can fix them D8

    The ending was hard for me to write xD it took it out of me a little bit emotionally.
     
  4. Juicy Chaser

    Joined:
    May 29, 2008
    325
    It's beautiful, like I said last night. Still made me cry the second time round, damn you ;~;

    Just noticed one tiny mistake.
    It should be effect, I believe.

    Such an amazing idea, to take something as childlike as a daisy chain and make a story so chilling.
     
  5. Catch the Rain As the world falls down ♥

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2007
    Location:
    The Labyrinth
    790
    I'm sorry D: *hugs*

    I think you're right, but I'm not sure, damnit, normally that is one of the words I always get the right way around too D:

    Thanks for picking that up <3 and also thanks for the comments :3
     
  6. Daenerys Targaryen ok

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2007
    Gender:
    Female
    873
    It's no problem xD <3
    Where it says "She had more memories that daisies,"
    It think you meant to write "She had more memories than daisies,"
     
  7. Catch the Rain As the world falls down ♥

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2007
    Location:
    The Labyrinth
    790
    Thanking you, I'll change that now, and yes xD you are correct that is what I meant to say.
     
  8. Chevalier Crystal Princess

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
    Location:
    Trapped on an Island
    552
    When you first showed me this...I was extremely surprised. You manage to entangle us in a vision of beauty and love, that represents purity and passion. And we think everything is perfect with the world between this couple.

    Then you send us to the climax, and we hope our suspicions aren't true, so we keep on fervently reading. There it happens. We begin to see the devastating consequences of love that goes beyond. I was literally open-jawed at the end.

    You manage to captivate us into this narrative and string us along in lavish serenity, only to drop us back into reality...

    That, my friend, is amazing

    And, while this is sappy, in a way. It's still so great, and baffling. The only mistake I did pay attention to, was the missing comma at the start of the last paragraph.
     
  9. Catch the Rain As the world falls down ♥

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2007
    Location:
    The Labyrinth
    790
    Thank you, I'll edit that now and correct it <3

    btw, I am actually seriously blushing from that, so thank you x:

    Last night I was so down because of one bad review I nearly deleted this off my laptop XD