Recent Content by 2Foxxie4U
OMGGGG you read Lackadaisy. 8D *points out the obvious*
The Story of Xilord
Chapters 3 and 4
If you watch me on DeviantArt, you'll notice that this update was originally posted as three. However, when I originally planned it, this was to be one chapter. I decided to go the Easy Route and go back to that. As always, profanity, your poor virgin ears might bleed, yadda yadda yadda.
In Which Xilord Is Named \
A few weeks laterâ€¦
â€œI told you, I told you, I told you,â€ Marluxia gloated, commenting on Xigbarâ€™s â€œnew lookâ€.
â€œShut up, Marluxia,â€ Zexion growled, stalking through the halls.
â€œWhat?â€ the pink-haired assassin chuckled. â€œIâ€™m just sayinâ€™â€¦ I mean, Iâ€™M the one who told you that, when Xigâ€™s stomach got bigger, thereâ€™d be no pinning it on a beer belly. Andâ€¦ Wellâ€¦ LOOK at him!â€
â€œWell, it COULD be a beer bellyâ€¦â€ Zexion muttered sourly.
â€œPsh! No it couldnâ€™t! Câ€™mon, Zex â€“ he hasnâ€™t visited a bar for WEEKS now! Admit it. I was right, and you were wrong. Câ€™mon! Say itâ€¦!~â€
â€œI ainâ€™t saying ANYTHING until he HAVES the damnedâ€¦ THING. Men having children is nothing but pure science fiction.â€
Marluxia rolled his eyes. â€œWhatever ya say, Zexâ€¦â€
Elsewhere in the sleepy castle, Luxord was pressing his ear to Xigbarâ€™s rapidly growing stomach. â€œHey there, little guy!~ Canâ€™t wait to see ya!â€ A gasp. â€œWhatâ€™s that? Youâ€™re gonna be a gambler just like your Pop? Youâ€™re gonna best your mum at surfinâ€™?! You do yer old man proudâ€¦â€
Xigbar shoved Luxord off, scowling. â€œQuit it!â€ he complained. â€œThat is SO totally awkward, dude â€“ seriously. And, besides â€“ no kid of MINE is gonna beat me at surfinâ€™. Itâ€™s impossible. Youâ€™d have a better chance of Vexen getting laid.â€
Luxord chuckled. â€œNow, love, thatâ€™s rudeâ€¦â€
â€œSince when did I ever care about manners?â€ Xigbar huffed. Thankfully, the mood swings were getting a bit more predictable, but he was finding himself more and more irritable from the lack of alcohol and smokingâ€¦
Luxord sat on the bed across from Xigbar. They were in the Gambler of Fateâ€™s room, Xigbar seated at the far end of the room, slurping another vanilla-and-pickle milkshake as if his life depended on it.
The blonde smiled at him. â€œYa know, we havenâ€™t named it yet!~ How about we give a shot, huh, luv? Got any ideas?â€
Xigbar blinked. â€œUhâ€¦ Okayâ€¦ But we should come up with boy AND a girl name since weâ€™re still not sure what it isâ€¦ How aboutâ€¦ Juxeil? For a girl?â€
â€œOoh â€“ good one, mate! Okay, okayâ€¦ What aboutâ€¦ Xaustelle? Sounds pretty exotic, huh?â€
â€œYeah, dude. Awesome â€“ we should be, like, professional namer-dudes or something. People should totally PAY US for doing this.â€
â€œGetting back to the namingâ€¦~ Okay, uhâ€¦ Uhâ€¦ How about Xonah?â€
â€œOrâ€¦ Xavier? Always loved that name, dude. Sounds SO badass!â€
â€œOr even Maxwell!â€ Luxord cried, sounding proud of himself.
â€œNo, noâ€¦ Maxwell sounds tooâ€¦ Normal. I want somethinâ€™ thatâ€™s BOOM. In your FACE, as soon as you say it!â€
â€œOoh! Ooh! Iâ€™ve got it, mate!â€ Luxord cried, grinning. â€œHow aboutâ€¦ LUXORD THE SECOND!!!â€ He beamed at Xigbar, fully expecting him to agree.
Xigbar rewarded him with a dead stare. â€œEhâ€¦ No. Hereâ€™s a thought â€“ how about we try to COMBINE our names instead?â€
â€œOhâ€¦ You mean something likeâ€¦ Luxigâ€¦?â€
â€œNah â€“ that sounds like a weird remix of â€˜Luigiâ€™ or somethinâ€™,â€ Xigbar laughed. â€œHmmmâ€¦ Damn â€“ why are boysâ€™ names so much harder to come up with?â€
â€œOH! OH! I KNOW! How aboutâ€¦ LUXIGORD!â€ Insert more beaming here.
â€œDUDE! NO! Jeez! Youâ€™re not very good at this, are you? I was thinking something likeâ€¦ Iunno. Xilord!â€
Luxord whined a bit. â€œXILORD?! Why THAT name?! Iâ€™m the dad, mate! Shouldnâ€™t I be the one at the front of the name?!â€
Wrong. Thing. To do.
â€œOh, Iâ€™M sorry, Luxord â€“ I just thought that, Iunno, because Iâ€™M the one having to ****ing **** the kid-turd OUT, that maybe Iâ€™D go in front of the name this time?! How does THAT sound?!â€
Oh, for the love of Kingdom Hearts! Luxord, deciding that it would be better to end this before it really began. â€œOkay, okay! Youâ€™re right, love! You get the front of the name, and I get the most letters! Howâ€™s that?â€
Xigbar grunted. â€œAlright, I guessâ€¦â€
Luxord gave a grateful sigh. Heâ€™d dodged a bullet with that one. â€œSo itâ€™s settled? If itâ€™s a girl, itâ€™s Xaustelle. If itâ€™s a boy, itâ€™s Xilord?â€
Xigbar nodded, grinning. â€œWorks for me.â€
Knocking suddenly sounded on the door. Luxord blinked. â€œWho is itâ€¦?â€ he called nervously. If it was Xemnas or SaÃ¯x, Xigbar would have to get out of there and fast. They didnâ€™t want Xemnas to know about it, lest he order them to â€œget rid of itâ€.
Luckily, it WASNâ€™T Xemnas or his lapdog. The door swung open smoothly, revealing Lexaeus with a miniscule smile on his usually-serious face. â€œHello, you two.â€
â€œOhâ€¦â€ Xigbar sighed slightly. â€œLex, you nearly gave us a stroke, dude! What is it?â€
â€œXigbar, Vexen wants to take you in for another examinationâ€¦ He thinks that it is VERY important to document all of the happenings of this very special event.â€
Xigbar groaned. â€œI dun WANNA!â€ he whined. â€œWhat the hellâ€™s so great about sitting on a cold freakinâ€™ table while a boney old scientist dude standing they, pokinâ€™ and proddinâ€™ you all ANNOYING like?!â€
Luxord chuckled slightly. â€œYou seem to be forgettinâ€™, mate â€“ YOUâ€™RE a boney, old scientist, too, ya know!â€
Xigbar snarled, snatching him up by his collar. â€œMake another smart comment like that again, and Iâ€™ll rip yer arm off and BEAT ya with it!â€ he growled.
Luxord just smirked slightly, chuckling again as Xigbar shoved him away harmlessly with a disgruntled pout.
â€œWe really should be moving, you twoâ€¦â€ Lexaeus murmured patiently.
â€œOh â€“ yes, of courseâ€¦â€
Lexaeus formed a portal with a swish of his hand, and they all stepped through. Moments later, Xigbar was lying on the table, looking thoroughly pissed as Vexen moved his rather-cold stethoscope over Xigbarâ€™s scared torso to see if he was breathing normally and such. Every time he found something intriguing, he jotted it down on a notebook, and went to his laptop and clicked something a few times. It was pretty boring.
After a moment, Vexen murmured, â€œThatâ€™s oddâ€¦â€
â€œWhat?â€ Xigbar and Luxord asked in unison.
â€œAccording to my calculations, Xigbar, this child has been developing 3 to 4 times faster than usualâ€¦ This is mind-boggling!â€ he exclaimed.
â€œWhoa. Dude. Freaky,â€ Xigbar said with a cringe.
â€œSoâ€¦ How long do you think itâ€™s going to take before he has it, Vexen?â€ Luxord asked.
â€œHmmmâ€¦ Hard to sayâ€¦ My guess is somewhere between four to six more weeks. Give or take.â€
Luxord mumbled slightly under his breath. I want my baby NOW, damn itâ€¦
â€œOf courseâ€¦â€ Vexen drawled. â€œI canâ€™t be sure unless I see for myselfâ€¦ Are you ready for your first ultrasound, Xigbar?â€
The man grunted slightly. â€œNoâ€¦â€
â€œCâ€™mon, luv â€“ donâ€™t you want to get a first look at our little bundle of joyâ€¦?â€ Luxord asked softly, squeezing Xigbarâ€™s hand.
A sigh. â€œYeah â€“ I guessâ€¦â€ the man muttered.
After Xigbar was laid in the proper position, and Vexen had applied some conducting gel, he began gently sliding his transducer along the manâ€™s slightly bulging stomach and looking up at the screen.
What he saw absolutely baffled him. He moved the transducer this way and that, furrowing his brow slightly.
â€œSo, uhâ€¦â€ Xigbar blinked. â€œWhat exactly are we supposed to be lookinâ€™ at, anyway?â€
â€œâ€¦ There is supposed to an image of a fetus showing on the screenâ€¦â€ Vexen was squinting.
â€œâ€¦ Really?â€ Luxord peered closer. â€œâ€¦ All I see is aâ€¦ white cloudâ€¦â€
â€œâ€¦ Thatâ€™s the alarming partâ€¦â€ Vexen murmured, jotting something down.
Luxord and Xigbar shot each other worried glances.
After a few more minutes of scanning and dutiful note-taking, Vexen placed his pen daintily into his clipboard. â€œWell, Xigbar, Iâ€™m going to have to insist that you return at least twice a week so that I can continue to monitor this astounding occurrence.â€
The two worried parents nodded, Luxord squeezing Xigbarâ€™s hand gingerly. â€œSo Iâ€™m clear, then? We can go?â€ Xigbar asked.
â€œWellâ€¦â€ Vexen started slowly. Carefully, even. â€œThere actually was another matter I wanted to discuss with you twoâ€¦â€
Luxord blinked. â€œWell? Spit it out, mate.â€
Thatâ€™s when Xigbar saw it. That slow, devious, scheming grin that would make a small child have nightmares for a week.
He gasped. â€œWHAT?! No!â€ A scowl of disgust. â€œVexen, there will be NO experimenting on the baby!â€
The smirk dropped, and Vexen let out an undignified whine. â€œBut Xiiiiiig-baaaaaaaaar! This will be the first Nobody child born in history! And by a male, too! Think of the discoveries to be made!â€
â€œ****. Your. ****ing. Discoveries,â€ Xigbar growled, sitting up. â€œNo means NO.â€
Xigbar seized the blonde scientist by the collar and dragged him down to eye-level, grinning dangerously. â€œListen, palâ€¦â€ he hissed between clenched teeth. â€œMy back is KILLING ME. Iâ€™ve had to go six long, BRUTAL weeks without the TINIEST bit of rum, or even a ****ing smoke. I have peed FIFTY-TWO times today, and you donâ€™t even wanna KNOW about whatâ€™s going on with my nipples.â€
Vexen blinked. â€œAllow me to take an educated guess?â€
Xigbarâ€™s grip got tighter and his grin got wider and more scary. â€œLISTEN, you ****er. Donâ€™t push your luck ANY more, because I am NOT in the mood for your bullshit. You want to do your freaky-assed experiments? **** out your OWN damn kid-turd.â€
He shoved the bumbling scientist away and turned to the snickering Luxord. â€œHelp me up, ya bum!â€ he snapped moodily.
â€œRight away, darlinâ€™!~â€
The two left the discontented scientist by himself in his lab, muttering to himself about imbeciles who didnâ€™t know the finer points of science.
For some reason, Xigbar suddenly had a whole new appreciation for the twilight hours. Not sunset, though, as some of the younger Nobodies seemed to be so fond of. For him, the real beauty lied at the peak of dawn.
There was just something soâ€¦ invigorating about it. The feeling of having survived the cold, dark night, and being delivered to a new, fresh day. The sensation of grass, crisp and decorated with sparkling dew underneath bare feet â€“ everything from the cool, humid air to the soft, pink tint of the skies was justâ€¦ perfect.
Xigbar took a deep breath, watching the sun gently peak over the horizon of the Blue Mountains of Hallow Bastion. He gingerly patted his bulging belly, almost wishing that his child was there already so that he could see the beautiful sight for himself.
A sigh. The following weeks had been worrying. There was something growing inside of him â€“ that was for certain â€“ but everything about it wasâ€¦ Off. The baby should have been far past the kicking stage by then, but Xigbar never felt a thing. Also, the white cloud never went away. Itâ€™d been all Luxord could do to convince him that the baby hadnâ€™t been lost. But how could they know for certain, unlessâ€”
â€œOh, damn itâ€¦â€
Xigbar moaned as a sudden contraction rocked his body, and his eyes widened with a gasp. Wetness trickled down his thighs, and unless heâ€™d spontaneously contracted Alzheimer's and lost full control of his bladder, he was sure that his water had broken. â€œDamn it,â€ he cursed to himself, waving open a portal. â€œI thought those contractions I was having last night were just false alarms! This is REALLY ****ing happening!!!â€
He stumbled into Luxordâ€™s room and banged on the wall, shaking. â€œLuxord! Luxord, get up! Itâ€™s coming â€“ I can feel it!â€
â€œEh â€“ whatâ€¦?â€ Luxord asked drowsily, not used to being woken at this hour.
â€œUP, YOU BUM!!!â€ Xigbar screeched. â€œMY MANGINA IS READY TO **** THE KID TURD!!!â€
â€œWhat?â€ Luxord gasped, popping up. â€œThe baby? Itâ€™s here???â€ He squealed and waved open another portal. â€œCâ€™mon, hun! Hurry! Letâ€™s hurry to Vexenâ€™s lab!â€
Minutes later, Xigbar was being helped onto a stainless-steel table on an inflatable, plastic mattress in the Chilly Academicâ€™s lair. Vexen was buzzing around in excitement, wanting to capture every moment of this astounding breakthrough for science.
Luxord patted his loverâ€™s hand. â€œHow are you doing, hun?â€ he whispered.
Xigbar hummed idly. â€œYou knowâ€¦ itâ€™s weird. I always figured that Iâ€™d be freaking out about this, butâ€¦ Iâ€™m totally cool about it, dude.â€ He smiled up at Luxord. â€œItâ€™s true what they say. This really IS a magical moment weâ€™ll cherish forever, that nothing could EVâ€”â€
â€œHOLY ****!!! Get it out of me! GET IT OUT OF MEEEE!!!â€
Dear God, itâ€™d only taken a few hours before he was screaming and cursing like a soldier. Vexen had also called in Zexion and Marluxia â€“ one to assist him with the delivery, and the other to video tape what was going on for later study. Needless to say, Xigbar wasnâ€™t too happy about this, but he had OTHER things to worry about. Like trying to strangle Luxord.
The Freeshooter hissed, grabbing the poor blonde by the collar, and dragging him close. â€œYou ****er â€“ YOU did this to me!!! I oughta blow your ****inâ€™ brains out RIGHT NOW!!! YOU should be the one shitting out the ****ing kid-turd, not me! Iâ€™M SEME!!!â€
Luxord choked. â€œCâ€¦Come now, loveâ€¦ You remember what you were saying earlier, about this being a magical experience and that weâ€™ll cherish it forevâ€”ACK!!!â€
Xigbarâ€™s grip tightened on the manâ€™s neck, nostrils flaring. â€œBULLSHIT!!! You try shitting this thing out, and then YOU tell me how ****ing magical this experience is!!!â€
â€œVâ€¦ Vexenâ€¦!â€ Luxord managed to gasp out, face turning alarmingly purple.
The blonde scientist glanced up distractedly. â€œRestrain him,â€ he commanded Marluxia as he went on with his work.
Soon, Xigbar was being forcefully held down by several strong vines, and Luxord had been released from his deadly grip. Shaken, he rubbed his bruising neck gingerly. â€œCâ€¦Canâ€™t you give him, like, some sort of anesthesia orâ€¦ something? Donâ€™t women usually do that?â€
â€œGive him epidural?â€ Vexen gasped. â€œOh, no! Absolutely not! This is the first childbirth of Nobody history! And from a MAN, too! No â€“ absolutely not. This childbirth must be entirely NATURAL.â€
â€œVEXEN, YOU PIG-****ER!!! Iâ€™m going to ****ing KILL you!â€
â€œYes, quite,â€ Vexen hummed idly. â€œNow, make sure you breathe the way Iâ€™ve been instructing youâ€¦â€
The tortuous experience went on with a multitude of screaming, cursing, and gnashing from Xigbar. Luxord could barely watch. Why would any woman WANT to do this?! This was insane!!! And disgusting, too.
He gagged, twitching as a rush of reddish mucus gushed out from the sheet that was thankfully covering the lower part of Xigbarâ€™s body. â€œIâ€¦ Is thatâ€¦ bloodâ€¦?â€ he whimpered, face going pale.
Zexion nodded, holding the camera steady. â€œYep. As Iâ€™ve shown you before, itâ€™s quite normal for blood-covered mucus toâ€”â€
Zexion blinked, and glanced out to see a passed out Luxord on the ground next to him. â€œOh, for the love ofâ€¦â€ He groaned. â€œVexen! We lost Luxord!â€
â€œIgnore him â€“ we have enough people to take care of this, anyway!â€ the scientist snapped. â€œXIGBAR! Keep doing those breathing exercises I told you about!â€
â€œI AM, YOU ****ING DONKEY HUMPER â€“ SHUT THE HELL UP!â€
Marluxia was monitoring his vital signs. The man sighed. â€œReally, Vexen â€“ how much longer is this going to take! It was fun at first, but it really loses its hilarity the fiftieth time he accuses you of bestiality.â€
Zexion nodded silently in agreement.
â€œBe patient, you two â€“ if my estimght, it shouldnâ€™t be long beforeâ€¦â€ A squint. â€œBeforeâ€¦â€
A sudden gasp. â€œXigbar! Xigbar, push! Push!â€ he commanded.
â€œI AM ****ING PUSHING!!!â€
â€œWell push HARDER! I think I see the head! Push! Push!!!â€
Encouraged by the thought of getting the horrid experience over with, Xigbar did as he was commanded, grunting and straining as hard as he could. A pained gasp, and, thankfully, the worst of it was all over. The bedraggled man sighed, collapsing onto his bed, running a hand shakily through his hair.
â€œMy babyâ€¦â€ he muttered. â€œWhere is it? I want to seeâ€¦â€
â€œHello?! Guy who just went through fifteen ****ing hours of labor wants to see his kid now!â€
Vexen stared at the bloodied delivery in his hands awkwardly, Marluxiaâ€™s jaw dropped to the floor, and Zexion nearly dropped the camera in shock. Vexen wiped away some bloody mucus, staring.
â€œErâ€¦ Congratulations, Xigbarâ€¦ Itâ€™s aâ€¦ aâ€¦ hmmmâ€¦â€
â€œA what? Whatâ€™s going on?!â€ Xigbar turned slightly frantic. â€œIs everything okay???â€ He tried to sit up to get a look for himself.
Marluxia tried to finish for Vexen, whoâ€™d suddenly lost the ability to say anything decipherable. â€œItâ€™s aâ€¦ Itâ€™s anâ€”â€
A gasp, and suddenly Xigbarâ€™s eyes got as big as grapefruits. â€œHOLY ****!!! Itâ€™s a ****ing EGG!!!â€
Another stunned silence, and, with a weak moan, Zexion swooned and passed out right next to Luxord.
(( To be continued... ))
You're reading a story about friggin' mpreg. Logic holds no influence here.
More updates later!
You open it. It's a(n)...
1: Letter of acceptance from the college you're planning on going to finally.
2: A letter from an old flame who left.
3: Junk mail.Post by: 2Foxxie4U, Jun 16, 2010 in forum: The Spam Zone
You open the door and...
1: say, "Get offa my property or I'll shatter your damn kneecaps."
2: say, "I GOT YOUR GIRL SCOUT COOKIES RIGHT HERE!!!"
3: invite them in cordially.Post by: 2Foxxie4U, Jun 16, 2010 in forum: The Spam Zone
I'm never on anymore. XD I'm surprised that I caught this when I did.Profile Post by 2Foxxie4U for Shadow_Rocks, May 24, 2010
Shut up. It's sexxxxxxxxxy. You know you want a piece of this.