You might have to see a doctor for it then. Have you taken any medicine for it yet?
Maybe t's an upset stomach. Whenever I fee like that, I go wait by the toilet just in case and wait for it to go away, or to lose my lunch. Whichever comes first. Seems like a Journal entry to me. How do you imagine the character telling this? Are they talking to someone or are they writting this down? http://www.kh-vids.net/showthread.php?t=51728 I've started a Beta Reader request thread. I did it on another site and it had gotten some success. Anybody willing to check it out?
I already posted that information on another forum and didn't get much of a reaction. I'd prefer not to start a thread if it were just going to be overlooked.
Advice on first person? Well, the best advice I would give is to learn how to write autobiographies. Really, a first person isn't too different from them just recounting past events in their lives, unless it's in the present tense, then I don't really have a clue. But if you want an idea of the first person perspective, Mark Twain's Huckleberry Fin was narrated in the first person, and a lot of American comic books are set up so that in some parts of the story, the main character is narrating the events in first person, sort of an internal dialog or a journal of one's life being in the future.
Ooof! *Falls over* Oww.... I remember you!Great to see you again DS! How's it going? I've got to run for right now, but I'll see you guys later!
Thank you, thank you very much. I'l post chapter two when I get far enough along on chapter three.
Dragon Ball Z, one of the only series worh reading and watching.
Chapter 1: The Hero of Legends, Part 1. Tucked away from the rest of the world, a sleepy kingdom and its surrounding region are awakened by the rising sun. Hyrule stirs to life, as all its residents from the awesome peaks of its mountains to the majestic Lake Hyrule shake the sleep from their eyes, preparing to carry out the tasks set upon them by the day ahead. No truer is this fact then it is with the residents of Castle Town, the central hub of all of Hyrule’s commerce and trade. Under the watchful eyes of the royal family, the citizens live their lives free of fear and worry. Looking at them today, you never would have believed that three years ago, they were in the middle of their darkest hour. A great evil had descended upon them, inviting horrors beyond their wildest imagining. Just as all seemed lost, the great evil disappeared, almost without a trace. While relieved that they had been spared from whatever dark fate that had been forced upon them, they couldn’t help but wonder what could cause it to disappear so suddenly. Hyrule’s citizens had come to assume that it was the power of Queen Zelda, who had risen to the throne in place of her father two and a half years ago, who lifted the cloak of darkness that had been suffocating the lands. While this was the commonly held belief, there was a rumor spoken in whisper of a different savior. A young boy clad in green, brandishing Hyrule’s legendary sword, had come forth to oppose the evil one and his army, doing what Hyrule’s greatest warriors could not. In a tornado of slashes, the hero cut apart the evil one, dispelling his darkness with the light of his blade, and vanished into the world, almost as if he were never there. Despite what the truth of three years ago was, a new age had begun for the region. The memory of the dark one was like a distant nightmare, banished into oblivion by the cleansing light of day. All is as it should be for Hyrule and for Castle Town, but more so for a secluded cabin in the middle of Hyrule field outside of Castle Town’s southern gate. As the sun peaks over the over the stone walls, it bathes the field, along with the cabin, in its radiance, signaling the call for all to awaken and greet the day. Up until a year ago, the light cast upon the lone wooden structure would mean nothing. Before the darkness came, it was a home to a blacksmith and his beloved grandson. When the evil one had begun to tighten its grip, the blacksmith left the cabin, taking up arms to defend the land and the house that had cradled him, his departed son, and his grandson. The grandson left the cabin out of worry for his grandfather, leaving the cabin to wait for their return. On any other day, people who passed by the empty cabin on their way to and from Castle town would often stop and stare at the cabin looking at it expectantly. Some say that there was a strange presence about the old wooden structure. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it. It was made out of fine Hyrulian cedar from the great forest, just like all trustworthy cabins would have been. It was only common sense. The base and cellar of the cabin was constructed of Goronite imported from Death Mountain, to ensure that it remain strong throughout the decades. With a brick fire place and chimney, it was an exceptionally above average cabin. But for two years, it would seem to have a sad, almost lonely air that seemed to loft about it to the people who passed it by, but on the eve of the third year, the air of sorrow that had clung to it had lifted. The grandson that had left two years prior had returned, after seeing the wide, expansive world beyond Hyrule, eager to pick up the trade that his grandfather left behind, and just like the hero whispered of in hushed conversation, dispelled the veil of loneliness. And as the sun greeted the cabin, as it had for the past year, it also greeted the young man as the light peered into the second story window. Tucked away in a bed, was the grandson. The light fills the window, streams through the bedroom and hits him square in the face, causing him to stir from his slumber. “Go away sun.†The youth pleaded, unwilling to heed the call of the morn. He turned onto his side away from the sunlight as he pulled the comforter over his head to block out the light further in an effort to resume his slumber. “It’s too early to be morning…†As the sound of sleep resumes, a shadow is cast from the window over the lad. Perched inside the frame, a cucco gazed into the bed room. It sits there for but a moment, starring at the youth in silence. Then with a flutter of its wings, it hops from the window to the desk, to the table, to the chair, and finally, to the night stand situated next to the bed, it looked at the young man for a moment longer as looking as if he were contemplating something. But with a nod of its head, it arches its back, and inhales deeply, taking in as much air as its small body allows, puffing out its chest. Next, a loud screeching voice screamed out, filling the room with a shrill of a voice! “CUUUUUCUCUCOCOOOOOOOOO†“WHOWHATWHENWHERE?!?†The youth shouted in surprised response to the abrupt and unwelcome noise. He panicked, arms flailing about his bed. He got tangled in his sheets, and rolled over the side, landing with a dull THUD! Groaning slightly, he untangled himself sluggishly, reaching up to the bed and pulled himself up, peeking over the edge towards the other side of the room only to see that his unwelcome and unseen visitor had already departed. He scowled in displeasure, wishing that this ritual that had been going on for the last year would come to an end. “One of these days, that poor excuse for an entrée’s luck is gonna run out. And when that happens, I have a pretty good feeling what dinner that night will be.†Realizing that any chance of returning to bed had escaped him, he begrudgingly trotted over to his dresser. He threw open the doors and took out his favorite clothes, pulling a brown long sleeved under shirt over his messy, un-kept blond hair, followed by a green tunic, tied off at the sides. Next, he pulled up a pair of knee length brown shorts, and slipping his feet into them soon after. Finally, he pulled his favorite green cap which hung on a hook by the door and slipped it on to his head. After looking at himself in the mirror, giving himself the once over, he looks over to a portrait on the side of the wall, an image of an old man immortalized in its dried oils. The youth stared at it moment, and smiled slightly, with a hint of sadness in his eyes. “Well grandpa, I’m off!†He said happily as he exited the room, waving back at the mural. He trotted down the stairs into walked into the main dining room, where, after a breakfast of bread and cheese, retrieved his saddle bag and rupee pouch, and immediately rushed out the door, heading north to Castle Town. Inside the gates, after showing a permit to the guards standing watch, He strolls about the town, watching the people of the region go about their lives, listening in on various conversations here and there, trying to figure out what the latest on the developments are. It’s difficult to keep up with the times when you live by yourself in a cabin in the fields. “I’m telling you! It wasn’t the Queen who saved Hyrule!†A young lad off in a side alley yelled loudly in argument, causing the blond haired youth’s pointy ears to perk up and pay attention. He stopped in his tracks just behind the wall of a shop, just out of sight as he listened in on the conversation the boy was having with his friends. “I tell you, it was this guy, covered head to two in green cloth!†“Oh please! You know that’s just a rumor!†One boy remarked in a scoff. “You’re always tricking people into believing crazy things. If you try to trick us, you should at least try something a little more believable!†The other said in dismissal. “I’m telling you…†the first boy persuaded, but that is all that the blond haired lad had heard, as he continued on his way with a smile on his face, snickering to himself. So, after three years, they’re still talking about it. If Hyrule only knew… “Link!†A feminine voice called out from behind, snapping Link to attention. He turned around to see a girl, a little shorter than himself standing behind him, smirking slightly. “It’s dangerous to just walk around town and not pay any attention to what’s going on! Get your head in the game!†“Oh, hey there Melody.†The blond haired youth greeted rather casually. Melody was the fifteen year old daughter of Brigadier, a retired soldier who runs a street grill and goods vendor in castle town, and is considered by many in town to be the fairest maiden in all of Hyrule. At least, the fairest maiden outside the castle that is. Beautiful, kind, and feminine in every sense of the word, and yet at the same time strong willed and would often not tolerate injustice, much like the Queen. And like the queen, Melody was considered to be an unreachable beauty, but for reasons entirely different, for while the queen was protected by the walls of her castle and her hordes of guards, Melody has her father, a beast of a man, who has become more and more protective of his child as she began blossoming into a woman, and the rumors of his strength has been enough to drive of most suitors. Of course, the rumors and gossip surrounding the pair meant little to Link, who had only been acquainted with the young woman since his return the year before, meeting through Brigadier, who was an old friend of Link’s grandfather. Melody had long bright red hair tied into a pony tail reaching down to her mid waist, with her bangs parted neatly down the middle, framing her hazel eyes perfectly. There were slight dimples on each cheek, adding to the allure that made her so popular amongst the town. She was of medium build, with slender but strong arms and legs, toned from her daily tasks from around the town. She wore a dark red leather button up vest with short sleeves, which was lined with a very refined cotton for comfort, along with a white under shirt to hide her medium sized bust, and a long dark red skirt that went down to about four inches above her ankles. She wore a pair of leather lace tie up work boots with a three inch and a half heel which fit snuggly upon her feet, being fashionable enough for a young girl to wear while still being strong and durable enough for prolonged labor. She held a big wicker basket filled with assorted vegetables and fruits in her hands. “Hey yourself, stranger.†She chuckled, rather amused at the spaced blond youth. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that you looked to be a thousand miles away! What’cha thinking about?†“J-just thinking about some smithing techniques that I read about in my grandpa’s notes.†He croaked while being caught off guard as he avoided eye contact with for a moment as he scratched his cheek, blushing slightly. Then he started rubbing the back of his head, gave her a big nervous grin, and let out a forced chuckled. “I’m still learning a lot on how to be a blacksmith, so if I ever want to be as good as grandpa, I have to study new techniques all the time!†“I see…†she breathed, a knowing smile across her beautiful face, tapping the toe of her left boot on the limestone road. She loved how nervous he can get whenever she caught Link off guard. She thought it was rather endearing. “So, what brings you into town?†“Same thing as always.†He answered rather plainly, thrusting his thumb in the direction of the castle. “I’m going to the grand hall to see if there are any requests that I can take. And what are you up too?†“Just delivering these goods to father.†She answered. “Can’t run a shop slash grill without the proper products, right?†“How about I walk with you? I got some time to kill.†He asked, after taking a quick glance at his shadow. One of the first lessons his grandfather ever taught him was how to tell time by the position of his shadow, which, currently indicated that it was somewhere into the days eighth hour. “I’d like that. Truly I would.†She replied rather timidly as she looked down rather nervously, her face, for a moment, almost as red as her hair, which had gone unnoticed by the youth in green. They started along the path, chatting together happily, Link oblivious to the many stares of jealousy being cast his way by the young men of the town, too intimidated by Melody’s father to even approach her. Ten minutes along their trek through the town, Melody asked Link a question. “Hey, have you ever thought of moving into town? I’d think it’d be much easier for you to get materials and customers if you were.†“Well…†Link drawled, holding his hands with fingers laced behind his head as he walked. “I had thought of that, but it’s so expensive to rent in the city. I just don’t have the money to set up shop.†“That all?†She said in amazement. “My father has a spare space to lease. I’m sure he’d be willing to make some sort of deal with you.†“Even so, I don’t think I’d move want to move out of the cabin anyways…†He stated with crossed arms. “Huh?†Melody huffed with a raised brow, trying not to show her disappointment. “And why not?†“Well for starters, it’s fully stocked with everything I need to be a blacksmith. No need to pay for new tools, furnace, anvil, or any of the essentials needed.†He replied, counting off his fingers with his fingers. “It is a strong, well built structure, capable of holding up to some of Hyrule’s harshest weather.†“Uh huh…†The scarlet haired maiden mumbled, following along her compatriot closely. “And I guess there is also some sentimental value too…†Link drawled in a hushed voice, a soft, even wistful look in his eye as he glanced off to the side. “It’s the cabin that I was born in. Just like my father. And grandfather too. It’s been like that since grandpa’s dad built it with his father. That cabin isn’t just a pile of wood, stone, and mortar. It’s been a home for me and my family for decades. “ He turned towards Melody, eyes wide with that knowing, thoughtful look that she loved so much and a soft smile upon his soft, yet strong visage. She felt as if her heart had skipped a beat as she looked into Link’s sky Hazel eyes. “In fact, it’s more than a home to me. It’s a member of my family. We’ve always taken care of the cabin, and the cabin has always taken care of us. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what a family is?’ “Wow… I never even considered anything like that.†She said in awe. “I never thought that your cabin had such sentimental value. I’m really, very sorry that I even asked.†“Ah, don’t apologize!†Link chuckled with a smirk and a wink. “My family’s personal history isn’t exactly something one would find recorded in a history scrolls! I can’t expect you to know something like that about me!†“True!†She chirped happily, giving her one million rupee smile. “I guess it really doesn’t matter if you live in town or outside of it in the end.†“And in the end, even if I wanted to move into town, I don’t think I’d be able to…†Link drawled, suddenly going off on a tangent. “Huh, what do you mean?†“Well, like I said, I’m still learning. I don’t know how to make very many tools yet. The only thing I know how to make are swords!†Link grumbled, his brow furrowed, grinding his teeth in annoyance. “I’m practically living off of royal commissions. Even with the deal you mentioned earlier, there’s no way I’d be able to pay the rent along with buying food and the materials needed for my trade. Not to mention that living in Castle Town would distract me from studying.†“But why do you need to study?†Melody inquired earnestly. They had become so immersed in their conversation, everything else seemed to have faded into the background. “Isn’t that what smithing is? Making swords?†“That is a surprisingly common misconception.†Link corrected knowingly. “Blacksmiths don’t just make swords. They also make a wide assortment of tools. Things like cutlery, hammers, chains, pots, pans, just to name a few. Each one demands a different type of technique. Sword making is just the most basic form of smithing. It can be very technical at times.†“I bet…†“And the thing is, I don’t want to make swords.†Link grumbled. “If I were willing to just make swords, I’d be fine. But that’s not me. I want to make something else. Something… more. For that reason, I need to study in a place where there are no distractions.†“I see…†Melody said with a note of playfulness in her voice. “And tell me, mister big studier, what exactly do you want to make that requires so much scroll learning?†Link had fallen silent. He gazed down at his feet as he walked, thinking deeply as he walked. Having fallen behind in pace, Melody stared at his right profile of his face with adamancy. “Well, I guess what I really want to make are tools for living.†The young man stated. “Tools for living?†she repeated in confusion, puzzled by his odd phrasing. Link stopped in his tracks, dead center in the middle of the street, arms crossed as he nodded his head slightly. “Is something wrong?†“Swords have a long and rich history in Hyrule and the world beyond.†Link breathed calmly. He stood there in the middle of the streets with closed eyes, as solemn and still as a statue. “They often are associated with royalty, power, and honor.†Melody just stood in the middle of the street, a puzzled look upon her face. “They are used to represent many things, but in the end they’re just tools. Tools that are reached for to slay a King’s enemies. Tools that are reached for to flaunt unearned power. Tools that are reached for to polish a tarnished honor in pointless duals.†His arms unfolded and slumped down, hanging in the air. A slight smirk came across his face, a snide chuckle escaped his lips. “As much as swords represent all of these seemingly unrelated things, they are all joined together by the same retched thread!†He barked furiously, gnashing and grinding his teeth violently, his fists clenched tightly out of anger, his finger nails digging into his skin, his fists trembling with animosity. “Swords are tools used to kill! No matter how you dress it up, swords are for killing!†“L-link?†Melody stuttered, worried about her friend, who had suddenly seemed to be holding in an enormous amount of anger. Link took in a deep breath, and his fists stopped trembling violently. His voice returned to its solemn, monotone state from before. “Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate swords. In fact, I have had to use one more than once myself.†He breathed calmly, his knowing smile having returned to his face. He almost had the look of an old monk, like the wisdom of the ancients about him for the briefest of moments. “It’s just that I can’t stand to be associated with something that can be used to kill so easily. The sooner that I’m able to expand my trade, the sooner I can stop making them. I can start making tools that never held the purpose to kill, but too make the lives of everyone in Hyrule better.†His fist had unclenched, and he turned around, looking deep into Melody’s deep brown eyes with a slight smile, and chuckled “Better to be a Merchant of Life than one of Death, wouldn’t you say?†Melody’s face went red. Her heart raced like a zora swimming downstream at top speed. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. Her ears twitched slightly out of excitement from this warmth that halled up from the inside of her that his image seemed to invoke.. He’s just so cool! “But I digress, I think we got way off topic. What where we talking about again?†He asked laughing nervously, snapping Melody out of her dazed state. “I-I think we were talking about your cabin…†Melody stammered, looking up the street to compose herself. As her eyes scanned the upper street, they fell upon a certain shop slash street side grill. “But it doesn’t really matter anymore, because father is right there! Come on Link!!†She grabbed Link by the wrist and pulled him along up the street, giggling all the way. “H-hey! Don’t pull! There’s no rush, is there?!?†Link stammered as he quickly kept the pace, the two of them racing up the street. Chapter 1: The Hero of Legends, Part 1:End
lol, thanks. I'll go ahead and post chapter 1 then. And I'd appreciate it if people would post their responses in the thread if they're going to.
*Shakes hand back* I've began posting both of them on site. Both links are in my sig. But here they are anyways. Legend of Link: A LoZ fic. Currently one prologue, 2 chapters long. Currently posted on site: The prologue http://www.kh-vids.net/showthread.php?t=51637 Beginning of Destiny: A Roxas Fanfic. Currently 23 chapters long. Currently posted on site: 12 chapters. http://www.kh-vids.net/showthread.php?t=40615 I'd love ot know your thoughts!
Lol, thanks! ^_^ You guys can just call me ASG. I've started two fics, and they seem pretty popular on another site. If you want to check it out, there are links in my sig!
Uh, hi. I'm new here. Nice to meet you guys!
Okay, how about... ASG,-- Disciple of Twilight. The title is actually a story element in one of my fanfics.
A writer's group, eh? Any chance I can join?
Are you a new writer trying to get your story off the ground? Looking for someone to give you a review of your work? Are you a veteran who suddenly got a case of the nerves about your new story, and would like someone to give it an expert review? Well have no fear, because the Beta Reader Request thread is here! Basically, this is where you can come to ask for someone to read and review your fic, and then give you their thoughts, and make you aware of anything that might need to be approved on, whether it be punctuation, run on sentences, paragraph clumping, anything that might seem to warrant improvement. You can request either one of two ways. The first is to post the request using the following format: [Name of story] [Author's name (or username if you prefer)] [Date of when story is posted] [Chapter]* [Link to thread] The second option is to PM it to one of our beta readers. If you don't want to post your story quite yet, but still wish to have it reviewed, simply ask for permission for permission to PM your story to a beta reader, and if one gives you permission then you are free to PM it at your leisure. Please note that there is a character limitation when sending PMs, and you may be required to send your story in two PMs. You can also, if the beta reader agrees, e-mail to it to them. If you wish to be a beta reader, then simply post asking to be one. But be aware that by being a beta reader you are agreeing to abide by the following guidelines: 1. To review each story with an impartial and fair mind set. 2. Stay in the best interests of the author of the story you are reviewing. 3. Be tactful and considerate when relaying your thoughts and advice for improvement to the author. Be sure to tell them everything that you found to be sub standard, and advise them on what they can do to improve. (Keep in mind, this doesn't mean you can say things such as "OMG YOU CAN'T WRITE FOR ****!!" and at the same time, it means that you should hold anything back. If it's bad, then tell them "This is a bad story." But follow up by "Here are some things you can do/try to improve." It doesn't have to be that cut and dry, mind you, but remember that we are doing this entirely for the writer's benifit.) 4. Not so much a rule as it is a suggestion, but if you are stumped and can't think of anything to say, try to ask for a second opinion from another beta reader. Ask them to give the one you are reviewing a quick read, and then throw some ideas back and forth at each other. We're a team, so don't be afraid to ask for a little support. New! 5. Beta Readers, don't be afraid to review fics that have already been reviewed by another Beta Reader. Different people are able to pick up on different things. And it's entirely likely that you can find an error that somebody else missed. New! 6. Beta Readers, when reviewing a request that was linked, I must ask you to relay your thoughts to the writer by replying to the source thread, i.e., posting in the thread that they posted the link to. If you reply here, there is allways a chance that they won't check back and they might miss any vital advice you might have to give. The Beta Reader Team: And to close, here is a tip that I, and many writers here at KHI, find extremely helpful: Use the edit button. Don't wait until the next update to correct your mistakes. Use the edit button to fix what ever might be the problem. They are located at the bottom right corner of every one of your posts. Take pride of your work, and make it the best it can be. So that's about it. Hope that everyone finds this to be extremely helpful. ------- *NOTE: Apply only if you are unsure about your update and wish to have a beta reader review it. Don't post a request for every single one of your chapters. Beta readers may not have the time nor desire to review every one of your chapters, and are not obligated to read every single request. ABUSE THIS AND IT WILL BE REVOKED!
Well for starters, the manga has bios of characters at the end, and it has better dialog then the anime in my opinion. Plus, you can pretty much read it anywhere.
Yeah, this is probably what is most likely. Technology is nothing more than a tool for the person using it.
It doesn't have anything to do with it. I couldn't find a pokemon thread and this is the only nintendo related thread there was.
Has anybody picked up Darkrai today? http://www.gamertell.com/gaming/comment/darkrai-coming-to-america/ I have, and I'm loving it.
Uh, Riku was never blind. He wore that bandana while he was in his Xehanort form because his eyes were his give. his honesty showed through in his eyes, and he wore the bandana to block that.And putting on a Org thirteen coat doesn't give a person some special properties. And if Hollow Bastion Riku is Riku in his dark form, I thought everybody just calls him Dark Riku?
