You seem to have to much sentences, and the story is seeming to stray off the subject, the actual point.It seems too forward, example, She fought the monster. But it fought back.She fell back,and michael caught her. see? You'll need more description, and plus, in the beginning, the boy just simply asked to stay with her.kinda not so good. Try to add more thoughts, and feelings. other then that, its a good story.
well, i see that you like to change people to different things, like cats, or maybe... mwahahahah!dogs...i like to see that comin!
sadly, ill have to say that the next chapter is not coming until a week from now...unless i can cram something in...
yays!oh i almost forgot!i love your story!keep on writing! grah!now!
Wherrrreeesss mmyyyyy charraacterr!!i thought he was coming when they were at merlins house!!!! calm down.get my character in!have you forgoten?
All of the companions were in a bind of confusion, but they had to wait for that to pass until they got all of the heartless....lets see...an estimation.. 20,000 x 10....200,000 heartless!!!! The battle continued, for a few hours, with Sora, Donald, Goofy on the ground, which they fainted from exhaustion. If you've seen the secret ending of Kingdom hearts 1, pretty much everyone was like Roxas, fighting like mad, doing really cool moves. If you want to have a real big spoiler, I shall go into the minds of everyone. In Soras mind: Sora was dancing in a field of flowers, with Kairi holding his hand. Wow. In Donalds mind: Donald was screaming for his life as Daisy was chasing him to death. Err. In Goofy's mind: Goofy was lazily sleeping in a garden, with strange shields flying everywhere. Glad I got all of the knocked out people cleared off. New people! In Kashas mind: A wolf was in her mind, and she felt all of the transformation that turned her into one. "All of the organization members wanted me to get Sora...but I'm never picking sides! Now I'm here, helping the people defeating the heartless!I hope nobody will soon acuse me of back-stabbing.God!I'm Lucky! There he is, knocked out, all in the open! She thought in her mind. In Edens mind: "So, I was thinking I'd meet new friends, yet now I'm here, defeating strange creatures. This death. I just can't take it." She thought. In Evans mind: "Why is there so much heartless now? Is the organization sending these heartless because they want me back, and want revenge since I just got a keyblade out of there refusal for free? Man, the members were furious for breaking there plans. I just think now I gotta watch out for them. In Rebeccas mind: "All these secrets I always hold. Oh, Soras heavy! Huh? Whats that dog doing in the battle field, and is running towards me?" she thought. Her eyes widened as she felt the paws strike her stomach, as the wind flew out of her, and she felt the relief of Sora falling off of her, the heavy burden thats now is being captured by a dog! "What the heck is that?" She thought, as she felt the ground hit her head, and blackness consuming her mind. In Rinns mind: "Hey!" She thought. "Whats that dog doing here! Hey! Why is it taking Sora? I'll get you, Fido freak!" Her eyes widened as it turned into a girl. "Huh? Now its a transformer!?" In Dantes mind: "These black dudes are too easy. Lucifer this, Lucifer that. Rebellion this, Rebellion that. Geez, I gotta give them a reward for that. Not to mention Gilgamesh too. I'll have to give alot of crackers to Lucifer, and for Gilgamesh and Rebellion a nice cleaning to do and to whipe the rust off of them. Thats alot of stuff to do, and boy, do they deserve it." Well, as you can see, I pretty much covered everything in our known adventurers minds, lets take a sneek peek at my character that I made up! In Keaths mind: ................... What a quiet guy. Lets get back to the fighting, without the mind thingies. Two dark figures stood up on branches, overlooking the scene. One had eight tails, and the other had sandals. "Kashas doing quite well. Knocking out Rebecca like that. Since shes always helping us, the darkness in her that we've made will start to grow, and soon overcome her. Look at her now." The eight taled figure said, pionting at the wolf. The wolf now had large claws, it was much more faster, the fur was beginning to darken, the eyes turning red, and the tail was slashing around like a shadow, with ash coming out of her legs. "Changing sides is just a way to destroy yourself." the sandaled figure said, which they both agreed on. Kasha turned back into a wolf, with a boy on her back, jumped onto the same branch the members were on, and handed Sora to the members. "Thank you." The sandaled girl said in a sweet voice. "No problem." Kasha replied, jumping back onto the ground, attacking heartless. I feel...strange, Kasha thought...I want..blood. It was hard for me to give up Sora. He...looked delicious.... To be continued...
Ok!TA-DA!iTS Coming! like right now...
Nyum nyum wheres my guy.... man he'll be cool.ooh!i got an idea!Get him to apear when they fight a large group and finishing them. He'll clap....mwhaha
Awesome!Shame on sora for losing.hes fighting so badly and she simply teaches him what she knows what hes doing wrong and kick!lost!SHAME!!!! im gonna join this merry go round. Name: Keath Feathertail Gender:Boy Bad/good: Good, but but the travellers dont believe him. Powers: raw strength of the pheonix. Only if hes about to die, or lose, or know his normal form wont do anything, he'll turn yellow, glowing, and his weapon, and he becomes fast and can jump far. weapon: One handed sword thats double sided personality: quiet, and never loses his cool. He doesnt really care what happens to him. looks like: Long coat thats blue, and a huge belt around his waist, a hat that has four points, and is baggy, he wears that hat way down so you cant see his eyes, dirty blonde hair that goes down to his chin in streaks, baggy black pants, a sheath on his back, brown boots, a compass on around his neck, an earing on his right ear.Hes tall, and hes 18 story: A boy with absoultly no weakness, was once in the organization but decided to disband and be a bounty hunter. Hes a really skilled fighter, better then Roxanne. something else: He barely tries when he fights, and barely says anything. Maybe he could be shy, or mysterious, preferably to meet with the travellers in the city, drinking water at a pub. Get the companions to see him, but then he disapears. remember, hes quiet, and mysterious, so dont get him to their hide out.(right now, hes hunting the enemies-the same ones-for lots of money, but he takes his time)
Ok.These type of stories are gettin popular. Name: Zaxen age:19 gender: boy appearance: another organization member, this guy has white short hair like luxords, and his eyes are thin and mysterious,with markings on his face like scars across his eye. role:a person who is trying to put the darkness into riku (evil!!!) die or not: riku!go kill that guy! weapon:(must add dis info) he holds large gigantic claws that come out of his gloves unexpectedly, like he punches, and they come out...(ouch!) err...yeah.
heyyy....you put my character jailed!!!oh noes!
more. now.go.to.the.computer.and.type.more.NOW!!!
YUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE TO STOP DOING THAT TYPE OF WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!! :guns4:
goofies voice: sorry. I just thought that i might as well make my own characters (2-evil and good) so i can join this merry go round. HERE IT COMES ONCE AGAIN!!! Well well well, Rambo thought. Once again we have a new member. This organization is big now.... ok, let me calculate..10+13=......ermmm....grah.....HUUUHHHHH......HYAH!!!! Rambo got mad and furious and raged because he couldn't do that, so he started flaming up, burning up the ground, yelling, "WHY CAN'T I DO THIS STUPID MATH?!!!" I guess now this member realizes how we go through this everyday at school. A organization member passed the lava flow, with her baggy pants drooping to the floor, and she said, "It's twenty three." Rambo sat down, furious that he got bettered by a girl, so he ran at her with all this lava and fire swirling around him. She turned, sand flowing up, punching the member. Yep, villains never get along. Moving along....lets take a birds eye view in all the worlds! Heartless! Heartless! Heartless. Heartless...heartless..heart...*yawn...less....*snore..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......... Ok. So, we now understand that every world is like Hollow Bastion when it had a heartless army. X's 10. How bout a birds eye view in all the world again? I hope its different. Heartless....Fighting....oooh! A difference! Fighting! Heartless! Fighting! Heartless! Fighting! Fighting! Heartless....heart-.....*yawn.......-ing....fight-....lesss.......*snore.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...... Ok. So, lets not do those anymore! Maybe just one more with birdseye view over the travellers!! I hope this is not like the other two...having second thoughts....have to risk it!Ok! Donald, Goofy, Sora, half-demon, Rebecca, and Rinn all get surrounded by many heartless-X's 10. "Whats with all these heartless!?" Goofy asked. "Oh!Enough already!" Donald furiously quacked, zapping a heartless. "Yeah."Sora said. "Hey!Bird brains!" Rinn yelled. "Right." Rebecca said. "Hey Lucifer!I'll give you another cracker if you can do those red thingies again!" The demon said. The heartless lept at them, in rows, and the 1,2..3..4,5...6, adventurers blocked, attacked,deflected,reflected, destroyed...blablabla you get the picture. Red blades flew, heartless detonated, key-blades swung, lighting crashed on the heartless, and one shield went up, defending the adventurers. Unfortunately, its X's 10, so the heartless kept on coming. Sora swung with his arm that he hadn't used in a long time sleeping chopping up the heartless. In the corner of his eye, he saw other people fighting the heartless too. And yet more with the keyblade, he thought. Whats with all these key-bearers!? Back at the world that never was, a hallway filled with sand,lava,fire, one raged organization member, and another one that still didnt lose her cool were fighting for....half an hour. Another member passed by, his hood still on, and he simply said, "Theres more then twenty three. Times that by 2, and you got all of your members and their heartless,including me, add 2. Thats 48." The newest member dissapeared into darkness, just as sand and lava were hurtled at him. Well thats what I got so far now. Enjoy. That is all. Continuation of story will come soon. :action-smiley-030: :action-smiley-057: Hmm...is it just me, or i feel like i need to make my post/story bigger..
oh yeah. its ok about my character not coming in. i wouldnt like him to be a destiny islands resident..... :( good job with da story so far.
OH....wow.these stories are getting annoying.everybody starts doing this. Name: Shequin Black (Shay for short) Age: 18 Gender: boy Weapon: large broad sword (thats a two sided sharp sword, not two swords attached to each other like darth maul). Role in story: a wanted bounty hunter, that is payed to do anything. Can be payed in this story to help the travellers, by a mysterious person-supposedly the king. Appearance: A tall boy with a long, elegant black coat, outlined in gold, with blue buttons, with a hat that is similar to a police mans hat, except with out the rim, and he pulls it low over his face. He has blonde messy hair, that goes down in straight streaks, that goes down to his chin. He wears a black bandana over his eyes, and a necklace that is a compass hanging around his neck. over the coat is a large brown belt with a small brown bag filled with coins. The coat goes down passed his knees, and half way to his ankles. He wears old brown boots, and black baggy pants. Lastly, his sword is belted on to his back, and has black gloves that end halfway over his fingers, and over his fingers and cheeks are scars that shows the battles he has fought with mud smudges on his clothes. Personality: a tough guy, thats quiet and mysterious.He barely talks, and knows alot of things about the world and heartless. Hes quite mysterious with his past, and his long broad sword glows yellow when hes about to die, which means he could call upon enournmous energy (thats yellow) over objects that he could throw (like a snowball :) ), or entirely over himself, giving him a berserk ability of skill. Dies or not: no way.
hmm....you mean you were waiting? here comes the continuation! Melissa smiled at the bunch, but she didn't feel anything. "What are we all doing here?" Xemnas said, staring at the demon leader. "I have all brought you back. Now, I can take your free lives away if you don't co-operate." The new leader said. Demyx cowered away. "Haku!" Melissa yelled. A boy with black hair and red eyes came in, and looked at the old members. "What?" "If they don't agree, use your powers." The leader said. "I came back to realize a demon freak had tooken over our castle? Xemnas, this is just a joke!" Xigbar laughed, using alot of hand gestures. The demon leader simply moved his head toward Xigbar, and the talkative gun slinger fell down, closing his eyes, a heartless ghost entering him. "Anyone else?" The demon said. The members retreated, but more ghosts appeared, following into the portal. Xigbar stood up, and asked a strange question. "What do I need to do?" The brainwashing worked perfectly, Melissa thought in her head. All of the organization members came back, and asked the same question, even Xemnas. "As you can see, Melissa, we have new members." The demon leader said, flying back to his throne."Bring me back all the keyblade bearers dead, or alive, Larxene and Marluxia. "As for the rest of them, Luxord and Demyx will kill them off. Axel and Saix will go and recruit more people to the organization. Zexion, Lexaueus, Vexen, Xaldin, Xigbar, and Xemnas, you all will go to seperate worlds and put as many heartless in them as you can. Haku. You will make every organization members heartless, and bring back Xemnas's heartless." All of the members went to work, and the demon leader, pleased with his work, layed back on his throne. "Don't you agree it was a splendid idea?" Melissa said, looking back at all the disappearing members. "Yes. It was." The demon leader said. But Melissa didnt forget about Maxi. "Where could Sora have hid him?" "Who?" "Maxi." "You worry to much. He's probably just tied up, knocked out in Destiny Islands." Melissa disappeared into darkness too, and the demon lord just laughed. "What a fool. She'll probably take down Destiny Islands." Back with the companions..... "Who are you?" Sora asked the half-demon. "I'm just a guy whos looking for someone." The demon said, looking at the place the heartless fell. "Hey! Did you see a guy called Nero?" Rebecca asked. "Why would I want to see a guy named Nero?" The half-breed said, feeding the black creature on his back a cracker. Jimminy wrote more in his journal. There was a large fight, and another person in the organization tried to defeat us, but a half demon saved us, and is also looking for someone. Ta-da!another part done!
wha-oh! thats what you mean....i think that too. Ok...here comes the spamming warning!!!!!!!! ANYONE WHO DOES NOT READ THIS POST COMPLETELY AND POST A PERSON ON WILL NOT BE JOINING. SINCE THERE HAS BEEN ALOT OF PEOPLE JOINING, I WILL HAVE TO KILL OFF SOME PEOPLE......PLEASE STATE A SUMMARY WITH YOUR PERSON OF THE LAST CHAPTER. TANK JOU. Here is the next chapter, still continuing from the organization place. "I cant shake the feeling that were becoming just like the other organization members that passed away before us." A white cloaked figure said. "Relax." Another figure said, twisting their wrist, and a black flow of blackness flowed around him/her like a snake. "Anyway, just like before, did you get any new organization members?" the white figure responded, taking off the hood, revealing a face with black eyes and hair. "Just a person called Haku or something. You?" "A boy named Lucas." "We still need to think of a plan to get the overpowering adventurers, Sora, and the others." "I got an idea. Its pretty old. How 'bout we keep on sending heartless again and again at the friends, day and night, with no constant rest?" "That won't work. I've done some research on the companions, and the new one, which defeated my heartless, his name is Dante, and his powers exceed the numbers. He's a demon, just like the leader of us." "And what powers does this person have?" "His weapons have a life of their own." "Really." the black coated figure said, looking at the pages that had Melissas writing on it. "A weekness?" "Just like me. Hes looking for someone." The black coated figure put down the pages, and sat down on the floor. "I dont think our leader would want to bring back kingdom hearts...that was a waste." "Our leader wouldn't try to just simply take over the worlds. Thats a dumb plot." The black figure disappeared into darkness, grunting with curiosity. Melissa looked at the pages she wrote on. She examined every person against them. Oh, she thought. Dante has named al of his living weapons....Lucifer....somehow that seems to link with the idea of Xemnas's powers....maybe we could bring them back...all of them... She thought of the idea, and disappeared into darkness. In the room of thrones, the new demon leader of the organization sat on his high throne, and still sat calmy as Melissa appeared before him. "Death. I have come with a new idea to your plot." she said, smiling. "Enough of the fake smiling. We don't have hearts, remember?" the leader said, flapping his wings lightly."What is your idea?" "Bring back the last organization." "Then what about Xemnas? He'll want to overthrow it." The leader said, looking at Melissa. "Rambo has recruited a new member that can control darkness. His name is Haku." Melissa said, with a winning glee in her eyes. "We could use them to our advantages!" "Agreed." The demon leader said, and he raised his hands up, his cloak flowing around him, and shadows zoomed around the walls, and landed in a line. From each shadow, a member appeared. Larxene....Marluxia.....Luxord.....Demyx......Axel.......Saix......Zexion.......Lexaueus.....Vexen.......Xaldin....Xigbar......and finally Xemnas. The demon leader flew from his throne, and landed in front of the line. "Welcome back." Well, thats what I got over here. Hehe! :rockdover:
ok that was very reasuring... ok here it comes!!!! In a chamber with tall seats, in the world that never was, eight cloaked figures walked in, disapearing, only reapearing on the seats. "They've beaten Melissas lackeys." A cloaked figure said with eight tails. "Don't worry. Theres plenty of more where that came from." a tattered cloaked figure said. "So now we are to fill in the organization members." A cloaked figure said. "Mostly all of us are looking for someone." another figure said, swinging her feet around, her sandals dangling. "Silence. Really." A figure said, with their black coat ending at her knees. "What do I always say?" "Poetry." a white cloaked figure said. "Yah...I guess. But in the poetry?" "Shakespear." "Juliet." "How is that gonna help?!" Another figure yelled, flames rising. "No.No! We need to find a weakness! Lets see here. Romeo died, because of Juliet." "You mean we need someone to fuel Soras anger?" "Exactly!" "You always say Juliet?!" "Gah!" "That never worked! Saix and Axel got killed that way!" "Saix?" "Axel?" "No!Axel thought he felt a nice heart for Roxas!" "Don't say bad about Axel!" "Saix captured Kairi himself!" "Noooo! Saix didnt have a crush on Kairi!" "Axel captured Kairi!" And so it went on like this, arguing about what happened. "Luxord was a gambler!" "Can you all just-#$@%!!!!!" "I hated Axel!" "Don't talk bad about Axel!!!" "Yah!!!" "HAYA!" "DIE!!" And so on, this turned out to be the new organizations first meeting.It resulted in.....I can't say.Shall I go on? "I like Demyx!!!" "Be quiet!Axels better!" "Oh yeah!?" "YOU GONNA-" "HYAH" The member in the tallest seat, the #1 looked down at all the chaos. He was thinking, Why do I have to put up with this? Flames rose, wind blew, sand soared, figures fell over, flying against walls. Rocks rose out of the ground, heartless apeared. Not a very organised organization. Now....where did I here that from? TA-DA! I just went through alot of your characters in only one scene!!!Haha! Ok. Delaying has stopped. :) That is also the end of chapter one.
DID.YOU.JUST.READ.THE.WARNING.I.TOLD.YOU.NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!aNYBODY WHO POSTS IM GONNA......*sparkly eyes* play guitar hero....
