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Why?

Spoiler

Why?
In my life of hatred and lies.
I found the One who seemed for me.
when it seemed that I was a mistake
I saw you there.

WhY? have you done this to me?
Leading me into the wreck I've become
Making life unbearable torturing hatred
Why? have you done this to me?

When life started looking to the better
'cause of you You left me in my life
leaving me with the pain and lies.
Hating and consuming in my own loss.

WhY? have you done this to me?
Leading me into the wreck I've become
Making life unbearable torturing hatred
Why? have you done this to me?

I thought you were the one for me.
But now I know it was a mistake.
You were my mistake.
I was my own mistake.
Now I lie here in this pool of blood
thinking. Is life worth its pain?
Why? Why does it aways lead to pain?
When things start to get better I'm always knocked down.

And in my sorrow I turn to my last friend
It never says no. It helps you deal with your pain.
It lies there, wating for you.
I lie in this pool of my blood. Turned to the last resort.
As my friend, covered in blood, falls to the ground.
I feel the last inch of life slipping away.

Why? Have you done this to me?
Always leading me away. In to my pool of pain.
So I found my way to a new pool.
And I sleep forever, knowing that, life always leads to my pain.

My Abyss

Spoiler

I hear you calling.
I hear them crying.
I want to help but.
I need to help but.


I hear myself calling out.
They hear me cry in the darkness.
They dont understand.
Alone in the abyss of my life.

I hear your pain.
I know your loneliness.
I want to help.
I need to help.

They dont know me.
They dont understand the way I feel.
They think they can help but they just make it worse.
I live and am alone.
The swirling abyss of my life drags on bringing naught but pain.
And I cant find a way out of the abyss.

I need to help.

They cant help me.
All alone bearing the pain.

You cant live like this, let me help.

You're alone
I'm alone
In the abyss.
Alone.

Fear

Spoiler

we feel its power seeping into us
holding us back like a leech
it stops us and ruins us
causing us pain and misery

We try to overpower it,
but it never leaves us
Eating away
delving deep into our soul
it brings out the worst in us.

People say it isn't there
but how can we feel it eating away
if truly it was not there we would be complete.
But remember.
It is not the true us
it is a mere thorn on the rose of our lives
we must overcome it throw it away.

It drives us insane
It hates us
Sometimes it seems like it is us.
But I'm here telling you.
It's not you, its me.

The pit of rage

Spoiler

Blinded by hatred.
friendless and alone.
Falling and hating.
Into the pit of rage.
But know this.
Dont fall.
Grab my hand.
Dont be blinded.
See the light.
Dont go falling into the pit of rage.

Deceitful Lies.

Spoiler

From a rumour.
It spreads like fire.
The fire inside burns.
pain unleashed.
Seemingly trapped with no way out.
Yet dont give up.
There is a way up.
My hand is there to pull you out.
These deceitful lies will vanish.
For there is true power in love.

Life

Spoiler

It passes by slowly.
Is there an end?
Is there a point?
Why does it just pass by?
Like wind in the branches,
It comes and goes.
But dont lose hope.
Theres something at the end.
Just give time.
We'll go together.

Alone.

Spoiler

I stand in the crossroad.
Watching the clouds pass by.
Where do I belong.
REJECTED BY LIFE.
REJECTED BY DEATH.
I stand alone.
at my crossrroads between joy and pain
heaven and hell.
Life and death
in an endless stream
alone.

The grass sways peacefully.
In the field of my crossroad.
In an endless stream of the now.
With nowhere to go.
Nothing to see.
No future, no past
Just me.
All alone.
In my crossroad.

Remorseful escape

Spoiler

Slowly look up at the mirror
Viewing a despicable stranger
How could something so pure
Become something so shameful?

Feel the surges of regret
Shame, hate and disgust
Where did it all go wrong?
Surely this isn't me.

Look down at the blood stained sink
View the cleansing crimson regret
Washing your sins away
Making you whole again

Slowly peek into your eyes
See a cold, remote soul
staring back at you anhedonically
How can something so beautiful
Turn so dark and loathesome?

Stare back down at the cleansing filth
Maybe if you could spill it all
Everything would be alright
Pull the blade up to your throat
Atone for the failures you called your life.

Hope?

Spoiler

Looking back at past successes
Victories of a person long gone
How could we sink so low?
That we cannot even, with a passing shrug
do that which before was easy?

Looking back at past friendships
Bonds which seemed as strong as diamond
Viewing the rise and surely the fall
even diamond has its breaking point

Looking back at old ambitions
dreams which seems so easy to reach
Watch them all crumble away
That human will was easy to breach.

Watch the children running by
Each a vessel of hope and life
How many of these will achieve their dreams?
You suppose that only one should suffice

Turn around to face your future
What things lay await in there?
Perhaps riches, fortune, fame and glory
Run forwards gladly, the future is waiting

The sombre call of forlornness

Spoiler

If I could find a way to thank you
For all the things that you have said
The time you wasted so I wont lose
The things that we have shared
I'd write a million lines for you
If only to glimpse this spectrum of emotion
I'd sleep on broken glass for you
Just not to lose your laugh.

I feel I must apologize
For not valuing and utilizing
The time which you have given to me
Now it is up I feel so ashamed
so guilt ridden and disdainful
That I used it so unwisely.

Let go of my hand my friend
You have already shut me off
If I am truly a boulder on your back
Then I would rather I was dead.
Forgive me for the failures
the shortcomings and the let downs.
But remember those memories
those perfect memories you confessed we had made.

And with a tear in my eye I bid you farewell
My friend, my love and my dear, dear saviour.
I wish you well for your future endeavours
And I thank you for what you have done for me.
So go, friend, I will hold you back no longer
Au Revoir my dear maki.
Au revoir.

Why do I love you?

Spoiler

Why do I love you?
Of the many things that elude me
This seems the most evasive
But suffice it to say
That try as I may
The answer always escapes me.

Is it your changing personality?
That in a single moment,
The passing of one fateful tide
Might suddenly be raised aloft
And in the next, might be stricken down.

Is it your voice?
An odd choice, you might say
But one which I choose no less
To others it may seem
That your voice has no gleam
Though to me it raises the heart on high
An odd choice to make
As it changes oft times
But nay, I say that not to its discredit
For t'would seem that with each change
At the risk of sounding cliché
My heart flutters yet more.


Is it the power?
Though this claim may sound selfish
And in a way, it is.
Though I speak not of influence, or not of a sort.
I speak not of the power to move men and kill hearts
Perhaps, in part, but not in whole.
The power I speak of is one I well know
That with a single glance might reduce me to nothing
Yet with another raises me to strengths I have never yet known.
One which, when exercised, has taught me to fear
But also to love
And to cherish, to adore and to trust.
But enough of that, at the risk of sounding like this love is vain, for it assuredly is not.

I doubt this contributes much yet I feel I must comment
On those drawings which never cease to amaze
To amuse and to charm
Which, though they are but drawings, bring me such joy
Which I could view for hours and still never grow tired
I am a well known fan
Of the works of Michelangelo
Yet for a single one of your drawings
I would forsake his whole library.

Is it the way in which you react to Chris?
Both jealous, annoyed and hateful
That in a whirl of merriment
He and I ignite in an instant
Which in others sight
Might seem out of spite
But is in fact a show of affection.
For we know you enjoy it
Though you'd never admit it
And it makes you seem
So cute how you steam.

I'm not sure why I love you
It's all this and more
I can't help but love you
And so I implore
That it will last forevermore
And if I am held to account
All this I will shout.

So forgive me.
I don't know why I love you.
I just know that I do.
It goes against everything I've known
All that I've learned
Yet I love you more
Than I ever knew I could
So believe me when I tell you that
I Love You.

I'm still pure...

Spoiler

Knocking at the door again
Like a frightened child I hide
When will you stop bringing my pain?
I suppose I can only hope in time

Lie to the friends, lie to the counsellors
They never took my innocence
I'm still pure as rain
Lie to the friends, lie to the counsellors
I'm not going mad
I'm just losing my mind.

I obey and let them have their way
Is my existence merely for others pleasure
I wish I could just break away
But fear is an effective means of control

Lie to the friends, lie to the counsellors
They never took my innocence
I'm still pure as rain
Lie to the friends, lie to the counsellors
I'm not going mad
I'm just losing my mind.

I wait up at night, cold and frustrated
Fleeting desires and needs most ignominious
Did they think it was fun, to embed these needs within me
To make me need to satisfy their desires
And with a laugh of malice, whisk themselves away?
Leaving me waiting up at night, cold and frustrated

Lie to the friends, lie to the counsellors
They never took my innocence
I'm still pure as rain
Lie to the friends, lie to the counsellors
I'm not going mad
I'm just losing my mind

Fear is an effective means of control
But need is a more effective one
I cry out at night, bring my innocence back
End this self torturous nightmare
Wipe these desires clean.
Give me my innocence back
Make me pure as rain
Give me my dignity back
Make me pure again

Voices

Spoiler

I hear her voice, I hear her voice
Make it stop, Make it stop.
I see her stare, I see her stare
Make it stop, Make it stop.

I saw you watching me today
Judging, despising, condemning
I saw your brain turning today
All those words you were slowly planning.

And I know you see how it breaks me apart
As I tear at my ears and pray to be deaf
Your constant arrows leaft me with no heart
I swear this war will end with death.

Today I tried to tear my throat out
To spare me from your cursed voice.
you should know I'd care to rip your heart out
If only I could take that choice...

So tell me, mother, do you like mind games?
I'll take you on in your own field
A battle of mind, of hate, and insanity
And whoever dies last, will be the winner.

I hear your voice, I hear your voice
I'll shut you up, I'll shut you up
I see you stare, I see you stare
I'll **** you up, I'll **** you up.

Funny, how a knife should sing
I daresay its a beautiful thing
To see the bane of my own life
ending with the singing of my knife.

Words

Spoiler

What is a word?
A wise word, aptly spoken is like a shining angel reaching out
A harsh word, cruelly spoken is like a wretched ant, scratching at the mind
A bitter word, hatefully spoken, is like a cancer, eating away at the speaker
A loving word, tenderly spoken, is like a refreshing waterfall welling up from within

A word is a thing, intangible, invisible.
It enters our core and it works away.
A word is a tool, a powerful one at that,
which can sway armies and conquer hearts.
A word is a word
and should be used with caution
for with one misused word
a great many undesired things may happen
like the shifting of a single piece of snow
causing an avalanche.

Therefore, let us think, and use words wisely
or we may find ourselves caught in our own avalanche
and dragging many others into it also.

Through the Valley of Death

Spoiler

Walking down the path of life
Thorns, chains and rocks abound
An angel stopped me for a while
To ask me why I tried
"You're a masochistic, insecure, self doubting little man,
why carry on this wretched road, why even give a damn?"
I looked the angel in the eyes
and asked him why he cared
"Tell me, friend, why does this bother you?
Does it upset you that I walk along
like my path is gold and my gate is pearl.
Does it confuse you how I still love others
even if they have more than me?
I may have little to my name
I may be a broken wretch of a man
But as long as there's a person I can help
A stranger I can love, and a journey I can make
I'll walk this wretched road of mine
If only for their sake"
The angel looked at me a while
and bowed his head down low
his shoulders dropped as he realized,
he was not as great as he thought.
"I see now how it comes to be
that the wretched are often filled with glee
They come to learn the truth of life
That with love and selflessness, they find their purpose
I thank you friend, you have opened my eyes
How could I repay you?"
I answered this easily,
for I had always known
and planned for a question such as this
I looked at the angel, and softened my voice
"walk your path, and look upon others,
with gladness, love and compassion instead
that in the breaking of your own prideful chains
you might break the chains of others."

Untitled

Spoiler

With the simple movement of one grain of sand, a dune can collapse. With the beat of a butterflies wing, with time, a tornado can form. From one pebble, a multitude of waves can sprout forth.

In everything we do we have a profound effect on the world around us, whether we notice it or not, and therefore each and everyone of us are important.

In doing good things, in succeeding, and in acting with love, we free those around us to do the same, in breaking our own chains, we also break the chains of those around us.

If the snow at the top of a mountain is impure, then so is the stream that will run to the sea, therefore we should purify that very snow, before looking to the sea for the problem.

After all, in order for evil to succeed all is required is that good men do nothing. But without first looking to ourselves for that which is not good, how can we then see it accurately within others?