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  1. AmericanSephiroth
    I'm not too sure what to say other than i feel like my whole world is crashing around me. by that i mean i have felt nothing but pure depression and no matter what I do i can't feel any better. I have gained weight I'm now well over 400 pounds how i am alive is a mystery to me i have constant chest pain and just feel like dying or commiting suicide whichever happens first. i can barely muster the effort do even do anything but eat and sleep and the only time i can't really feel sad is when i'm so busy with a game my brain has ceased thought. here is a list of why i feel so bad see if anyone who cares enough to read can understand it.

    1. i nearly failed school due to my own stupidity and since my math score was so low its unlikely any college will take me
    2. i have no money neither does anyone in my house/no job/I'm single/virtually no friends/0 social life/a dead love life/and most of my family has turned on me.
    3. the girl i love more than anything is thinking about getting married hint not to me
    4. im over 400lbs and ugly as **** i despise what i see in the mirror
    5. i got rejected from a job where they said they were hiring anyone with a pulse
    6. im going blind and losing my hair
    7. i have no talents no skills and nothing to look forward to
    8. im the only reason my moms alive
    9. my mom said not intentionally that the only reason the girl i love was even attracted to me was because she's a whore and likes anyone who will give her dick
    10. my whole house is falling apart and is likely going to fall on me.
    11. i have ****** luck and i have never won something without me having to cheat or use dirty tactics.
    12. my entire personality conflicts with every chance in life ive ever had
    13. ive wasted nearly every chance ive ever had to do anything with my life
    14. I only have 3 hobbies in life and all 3 of them are useless
    15. I cant really show my emotions without a million questions attached to them and then a lecture on top of it

    theres more but i dont even really feel like talking about it i just purely hate myself and everything i am and ever will be i dont even feel deserving of life and i contemplate suicide atleast 7-8 times a day and i even have individually addressed suicide notes for many many people and i feel like maybe i got a few months left to live and the only reason i havent killed myself is i can't muster up enough courage to do it because im a ****ing coward. I'm just so tired of dealing with life and just existing hurts most of the time all i do now is just wait around and do nothing until death comes mostly. I dont know how else i can put how i feel. Any questions, suggestions, thoughts, input, smart comments, ideas on how to off myself, vodka donations? i just feel like im ate the edge of my rope but i dont have the strength to let go
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Dec 11, 2012, 6 replies, in forum: Help with Life
  2. AmericanSephiroth
    well i know this is the second time i have come back after an unannounced departure/hiatus. but now ive plenty of free time to spend since i graduated and boy do i have things to talk about. but right now im kinda glad im back ive been through quite a lot recently and now maybe i can offer more of my attention to this forum since during my last return i kinda couldnt devote any attention to anyone because of my own cluttered life. so in short im back for a while at least hopefully.
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Oct 11, 2012, 5 replies, in forum: Introductions & Departures
  3. AmericanSephiroth
    Thread

    finally back

    so yeah i returned after a hectic time of having a broken computer and virtually no way to get online sorry for the sudden leave but now im back
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Apr 12, 2012, 12 replies, in forum: Introductions & Departures
  4. AmericanSephiroth
    I don't really know what to say I just. I think I'm losing it. I believe I'm bi-polar and now I hear news that the one girl I like found someone and fell head over heels for and I think I'm giving up romance or anything really I mean really this is the 4th girl that I've liked that basically rejected me (2 taken , 1 is more into girls, 1 likes someone they have only met once) I mean how the ****? why do i get the worst luck. and a whole other host of problems I mean if I wasn't too weak-willed to take my own life i would be dead by now but I'm too weak and pitiful to do it. any advice or anything? I just think I'm at the end of my rope and should let go.
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Apr 11, 2011, 7 replies, in forum: Help with Life
  5. AmericanSephiroth
    ok here goes.... I am going to prom with this one girl we are going as friends k? now I really like her and i think she likes me too but i dont even know anymore I know even if we got together if something went wrong I'd be flattened because I'm extremely prone to heartbreak and also I usually get too attached so that's not good also the last girl i was with (3 years ago btw) said she broke up with me because i was too submissive (talk about soul crushing when a girl tells a guy they are too submissive for them) plus I'm not really great in relationships and maybe this will clear up but I have a small problem if i see a couple I usually either get explosive anger or extreme sadness I'm not even sure if this is asking for help or just a rant but any thoughts or advice on this?
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Apr 2, 2011, 12 replies, in forum: Help with Life
  6. AmericanSephiroth
    umm.... this is kind of odd to talk about but I'm wondering if this is a real issue. I think my speech ability is slowly weakening along with my memory..... for example I can speak using longer, more complicated words and also I can write poetry and write regularly as well but when I try to speak normally (or simply put talk to less verbally advanced i suppose would be the term) I often forget what I was saying mid-sentence or stutter and stumble over my words. I don't know but I can still speak poetically and sing well but simple words and sentences are quite often a challenge. and do not get me started on memory I cannot remember numbers or locations to save my life. I didn't have this problem a few years ago. I do not know maybe i took a nasty blow to the head or something but those cognitive faculties are somehow degrading. any suggestions or ideas at all?
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Dec 23, 2010, 7 replies, in forum: Help with Life
  7. AmericanSephiroth
    This is my idea. it kind of bridges mass effect 2 and 3. here are my ideas

    -This will have multiple settings and will have some parts on the normandy
    -Will need someone to be Joker(preferably someone who is great at being a smartass) and an EDI also various crewmembers that speak like ken gabby and kelly but they can be removed as necessary
    -Shepard will be included I will use him (my shepard) since there are millions of different ones.
    -Shepard's crew most likely will be useable (if we go with my story there will be no ashley and also try to fit the roles of the character)
    -The OCs will be divided into the normal classes plus one more that i designed
    -OCs can be any race that has appeared as a squad member (plus batarians)
    -Race rules apply (all asari have some form of biotics and there can only be 1 ardat-yakshi)
    -Biotics probably will have to be careful to not be overpowered
    -The merc groups are not currently going to be involved but an OC can be a former member
    -Also if I follow my story in this Tali is my romance option just throwing that out there

    If there are any suggestions I'd love to hear them also since this roleplay is going to require a lot of people (or a few people who love to multi-task) please start telling me if you are interested.

    -the general idea of this role play is that Shepard didnt make it in time to save the whole crew and is now looking to fill a sizeable hole and/or is trying to build an impressive army to combat the reapers seeing as cerberus is a bit on the untrustable side and the alliance and council are sitting on their hands(not hard to imagine where their thumbs are(Mass Effect 1 joke))
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Nov 5, 2010, 0 replies, in forum: Retirement Home
  8. AmericanSephiroth
    Before we go any further I'd just like to say one thing..................................................................................................................................................................





    BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLS!!!!!!!


    cookie if you get the reference
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Oct 31, 2010, 10 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
  9. AmericanSephiroth
    Thread

    Worried......

    So I just very literally just got into a fight at school a couple of minutes ago I didnt start it but I'm afraid it will make me be kicked out of some of my classes I mean i have only gotten into 1 fight within the last 3 years so I'm worried it might make me lose somee of my favorite elective classes advice please and i apologise if my grammar is off I'm still shaking from the adrenaline.
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Oct 27, 2010, 12 replies, in forum: Help with Life
  10. AmericanSephiroth
    OK this is a little idea i just made up using the song titles of your favorite songs tell KHV a little about yourself. Please put the song titles in bold or italics for the convenience of the reader. (i dare not post this in in the Spam Zone because i wouldnt get one legitimate story)

    I'll start

    My name is AmericanSephiroth. I'm 16. I don't like people who dont Awaken themselves to new ideas. I'm a nice guy but I'll openly admit I'm no (s)aint. I'll also say my personality can form a bit of a Duality. I am also quite vain. I dont like it when people have way to much Innocence because that occasionally make me think less of them just because i thing they may be mentally Diluted. I guess it is odd though how one like me can be vain but still be Stricken with such a hideous face as mine. But my personality split makes me seem more like I'm Alive rather than not simply because of my extreme opposites seeing as i am extremely friendly and far nicer of a friend than most people have when I am on good terms with them. However to my enemies if I'm not putting up a Façade i usually treat them with the bitterest venom, they usually have no chance for Redemption if they are treated like an enemy by me. I also Despise the sentiment of Sacrifice. So to summarize i am a nice guy but dont try to Play With Me.

    Bands Mentioned: Disturbed, Gackt, Slipknot, Godsmack, Marilyn Manson, ICP

    So now you know both a little about me and my music tastes so now everyone else try.
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Oct 14, 2010, 4 replies, in forum: The Playground
  11. AmericanSephiroth
    its 1:07 here what do i do? GO GO GO
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Aug 7, 2010, 2 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
  12. AmericanSephiroth
    i havent posted poems in probably close to a year so i figured im going to post the ones i made either early this year or late last year here goes.

    Monochrome maid and Icy master

    With you skin of crystal white
    And your eyes with sadness glow
    With your hair as black as obsidian night
    And your face does sadness show
    I the Icy Master with winter in my eyes
    And my hair the icy gray of broken dreams
    And a soul with which love merely dies
    Together we'll be forever it seems
    Our hearts stained bitter
    And our minds a cloud
    We shall cause wither
    In all around in a shroud
    I must say however i love
    My monochrome little dove

    That was my first love poem and my first sonnet it describes what i see as my ideal self and my ideal woman

    Heartless?

    I have no heart in this world
    In this life only sadness may show
    How long have i been alone?
    In this quiet world i call home
    I have friends they help the sadness
    What must i say is this gladness?
    This is the pleasure of being alone
    In this world I call home
    I had a love once a pretty little thing
    She shattered my heart and broke my brain
    What becomes I now I say
    This is on they and only they
    Still I am loved
    Young and alone but now I say
    Maybe I am not so alone

    this was my first non-sad poem and to prove it was different i tried not to rhyme as much

    Breaking The Heart Of The Night

    Heart of the night
    Filled with a heartless blight
    This heart is broken
    With words spoken and unspoken
    It will fill with blood and hate
    So is the loving heart's fate
    Will your love cure me?
    Or will your love fear it's fate to be?

    Love is sweet
    Sweet... like the beat
    Of a heart hidden
    With love ridden
    It ticks with a blood clot
    Like a bullet shot
    Your love will thrash
    The heart that hate makes trash

    Lost be I...
    Since i saw you cry
    Why oh why?
    did you die?
    This will cost my soul
    But once more you will be whole
    I give my life to he
    To make your life be
    A soul I will pay
    Even if its only a day
    Because you cured this broken heart
    Now in death we shall never part

    This is a progressive poem... a cookie if you can tell me the point of it all and also this is the longest poem i ever wrote (submitted it to a poetry contest and took i think 4th place state wide)


    So like, Dislike and comment on them if you want.
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Jul 17, 2010, 0 replies, in forum: Archives
  13. AmericanSephiroth
    poptarts and pepperoni cheese rolls with milk yum ^.^
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Jul 16, 2010, 0 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
  14. AmericanSephiroth
    A new genesis is at hand and I will be the creator (RE5 reference FTW)
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Jul 14, 2010, 8 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
  15. AmericanSephiroth
    It is 10 years after Vegnagun's fall and 12 after Sin's now a new threat arrives some fool has busted open the farplane and fiends are flowing freely now the only bonus in this is the Aeons have come back but even now there are those who will use that to their advantage they are the Dark Summoners now how will spira's protectors help save the living from being massacred by the long since dead

    RULES
    1. no GodModding/Powerplaying (I see it too much and you are gone.)
    2. no more then 5 characters per person (seriously it confuses people), and stay in character please
    3. color code your characters
    4. no ** for actions
    5. Summoners must have atleast one guardian but no more than 6
    6. 3 strike rule
    7. no spam
    8. no 1 liners
    9. if you have read the rules so far put "Spira's Crisis" in your first post somewhere
    10. please not too many summoners
    11. if you have read everything put ",We will stop it." in your first post

    Characters
    Summoners
    Regular: good summoners they summon the normal aeons and are proficient in magic but prefer white magic, and are extremely poor in melee combat, and if unguarded can be killed easily
    Dark: Evil summoners who call the Dark Aeons and other then that are the same as normal summoners but they have their own agendas and they are usually not save the people of spira

    Guardians/Citizens
    Types​
    Melee specialists: good melee, little to no magic, high defense, low Magic Defense (think Kimahri, Auron, Tidus)
    Mages (white/black): Good magic, terrible melee low health great magic defense (think Lulu/Yuna)
    Machinists(mostly Al Bhed): Variable can be quick/slow strong/weak but rely on machines nontheless (think Rikku)
    Other: Basically can be good at some things but unless gifted have little fighting skill unless like a city guard or something

    NOTE
    1. Auron is dead
    2. Kimahri is leader so has own problems
    3. Tidus and Yuna still are around
    4. Wakka and Lulu are parents so probably wont leave besaid
    5. Rikku is with Yuna probably
    6. Paine is still around
    7. Nooj Baralai, and Gippal are leaders so the will have minor to no roles

    Taken characters
    Tidus: Labomba
    Yuna:
    Paine: ♦Demon♥Angel♦
    Rikku: heartless_angel
    Wakka:
    Lulu:
    Kimahri:

    OC Form

    Username:
    Name: (first and last)
    Age: (no very small children, and no 1200 year old Maechins)
    Race: (Ronso, Al Bhed, Spiran, Guado) (can be half breeds)
    Type: (Guardian, Summoner, Dark Summoner, Citizen)
    Guarding: (Guardians only)
    Appearance: (3 lines or picture please)
    Weapon/magic:
    Aeon: (summoners only they start with only the one where they are from but can get more) (dark summoners have either Anima or the magus sisters and have to get the rest) ( Summoners Don't start at Baaj, remiem, or the sunken temple)
    Personality: (a few lines)
    Bio: (whey they are what they are)
    Other: (extra stuff)


    Groups
    Summoner-Guardian/Guardians
    Demetrio- Rio “Ace†Vernecci, , , ,
    Rita-none currently
    Mya-none currently
    Arthur-Hiyono
    My OC


    Username: American Sephiroth
    Name: Demetrio Zanetti
    Age: 21
    Race: Spiran/Guado
    Type: Dark Summoner
    Guarding: none
    Appearance: [​IMG]
    Weapon/magic: Very powerful black magic and Summons
    Aeon: Dark Anima
    Personality: Very cold and calculating, his personality is like Seymour's but he has a God complex, he uses his looks and his power to take whatever it is he wants he isnt a complete villan because he doesnt wish to control everything he just has an insane power lust
    Bio: Demetrio was the offspring of Seymour and a human woman although he didnt know that until he was told by tromell that his father Seymour had died, he became a summoner shortly after that when the farplane burst open he was able to call forth more then just Dark Anima who his father had left him in death.
    Other: none
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Jul 14, 2010, 22 replies, in forum: Retirement Home
  16. AmericanSephiroth
    Post you public name or alias here(not your real name) basically just post the name most people who know you irl call you.

    ill start........ Seph (big surprise?)
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Jan 23, 2010, 49 replies, in forum: The Spam Zone
  17. AmericanSephiroth
    Into The Depths

    Why?
    all I wished was for them to die
    is it true? can it be?
    have they defeated me?
    it was my fall
    because i didnt stop that little ball
    now the puppet holds my head
    too bad..... i never stay dead
    (i will give you a cookie if you can guess where i got the inspiration for this)

    Pits Of Fire
    Forever burning
    even as the world's turning
    I followed my ways
    so here i dont spend my days
    for i didnt bow to fiction
    that allowed me to use my ambition
    (same exact thing as above)
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Dec 28, 2009, 0 replies, in forum: Archives
  18. AmericanSephiroth
    I am sorry in advance if this comes off as a bit of a rant but. I am fully sick and tired of people,bands,and annoying bible-beaters(no they are NOT people) talking absolute crap about satanists. We are not bad people, sure we are not the biggest fans of christians(obviously), but we do not do anything wrong. I and others have become sick of people bashing us. i swear the next person who comes up to me with a bible trying to "bless(brainwash)" me i will cram that bible where it belongs and light it on fire...... Ok. i am done ranting but i would like to hear everyones thoughts(unbiased please) on satanism, on that note, ANY AND ALL BIBLE BEATERS WILL BE IGNORED BECAUSE THEY ARE TROLLS. but please let me hear your though because i am curious on everyones thoughts. also if you want to know where to find true information about satanism please just pm me
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Nov 18, 2009, 94 replies, in forum: Discussion
  19. AmericanSephiroth
    no one.. i ish sad now
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Nov 15, 2009, 13 replies, in forum: Social Groups (KH-Vids.Net Forum)
  20. AmericanSephiroth
    rawrness- the ness of rawr
    Thread by: AmericanSephiroth, Oct 8, 2009, 43 replies, in forum: Social Groups (KH-Vids.Net Forum)