I'm not too sure what to say other than i feel like my whole world is crashing around me. by that i mean i have felt nothing but pure depression and no matter what I do i can't feel any better. I have gained weight I'm now well over 400 pounds how i am alive is a mystery to me i have constant chest pain and just feel like dying or commiting suicide whichever happens first. i can barely muster the effort do even do anything but eat and sleep and the only time i can't really feel sad is when i'm so busy with a game my brain has ceased thought. here is a list of why i feel so bad see if anyone who cares enough to read can understand it. 1. i nearly failed school due to my own stupidity and since my math score was so low its unlikely any college will take me 2. i have no money neither does anyone in my house/no job/I'm single/virtually no friends/0 social life/a dead love life/and most of my family has turned on me. 3. the girl i love more than anything is thinking about getting married hint not to me 4. im over 400lbs and ugly as **** i despise what i see in the mirror 5. i got rejected from a job where they said they were hiring anyone with a pulse 6. im going blind and losing my hair 7. i have no talents no skills and nothing to look forward to 8. im the only reason my moms alive 9. my mom said not intentionally that the only reason the girl i love was even attracted to me was because she's a whore and likes anyone who will give her dick 10. my whole house is falling apart and is likely going to fall on me. 11. i have ****** luck and i have never won something without me having to cheat or use dirty tactics. 12. my entire personality conflicts with every chance in life ive ever had 13. ive wasted nearly every chance ive ever had to do anything with my life 14. I only have 3 hobbies in life and all 3 of them are useless 15. I cant really show my emotions without a million questions attached to them and then a lecture on top of it theres more but i dont even really feel like talking about it i just purely hate myself and everything i am and ever will be i dont even feel deserving of life and i contemplate suicide atleast 7-8 times a day and i even have individually addressed suicide notes for many many people and i feel like maybe i got a few months left to live and the only reason i havent killed myself is i can't muster up enough courage to do it because im a ****ing coward. I'm just so tired of dealing with life and just existing hurts most of the time all i do now is just wait around and do nothing until death comes mostly. I dont know how else i can put how i feel. Any questions, suggestions, thoughts, input, smart comments, ideas on how to off myself, vodka donations? i just feel like im ate the edge of my rope but i dont have the strength to let go
well i know this is the second time i have come back after an unannounced departure/hiatus. but now ive plenty of free time to spend since i graduated and boy do i have things to talk about. but right now im kinda glad im back ive been through quite a lot recently and now maybe i can offer more of my attention to this forum since during my last return i kinda couldnt devote any attention to anyone because of my own cluttered life. so in short im back for a while at least hopefully.
so yeah i returned after a hectic time of having a broken computer and virtually no way to get online sorry for the sudden leave but now im back
I don't really know what to say I just. I think I'm losing it. I believe I'm bi-polar and now I hear news that the one girl I like found someone and fell head over heels for and I think I'm giving up romance or anything really I mean really this is the 4th girl that I've liked that basically rejected me (2 taken , 1 is more into girls, 1 likes someone they have only met once) I mean how the ****? why do i get the worst luck. and a whole other host of problems I mean if I wasn't too weak-willed to take my own life i would be dead by now but I'm too weak and pitiful to do it. any advice or anything? I just think I'm at the end of my rope and should let go.
ok here goes.... I am going to prom with this one girl we are going as friends k? now I really like her and i think she likes me too but i dont even know anymore I know even if we got together if something went wrong I'd be flattened because I'm extremely prone to heartbreak and also I usually get too attached so that's not good also the last girl i was with (3 years ago btw) said she broke up with me because i was too submissive (talk about soul crushing when a girl tells a guy they are too submissive for them) plus I'm not really great in relationships and maybe this will clear up but I have a small problem if i see a couple I usually either get explosive anger or extreme sadness I'm not even sure if this is asking for help or just a rant but any thoughts or advice on this?
umm.... this is kind of odd to talk about but I'm wondering if this is a real issue. I think my speech ability is slowly weakening along with my memory..... for example I can speak using longer, more complicated words and also I can write poetry and write regularly as well but when I try to speak normally (or simply put talk to less verbally advanced i suppose would be the term) I often forget what I was saying mid-sentence or stutter and stumble over my words. I don't know but I can still speak poetically and sing well but simple words and sentences are quite often a challenge. and do not get me started on memory I cannot remember numbers or locations to save my life. I didn't have this problem a few years ago. I do not know maybe i took a nasty blow to the head or something but those cognitive faculties are somehow degrading. any suggestions or ideas at all?
This is my idea. it kind of bridges mass effect 2 and 3. here are my ideas -This will have multiple settings and will have some parts on the normandy -Will need someone to be Joker(preferably someone who is great at being a smartass) and an EDI also various crewmembers that speak like ken gabby and kelly but they can be removed as necessary -Shepard will be included I will use him (my shepard) since there are millions of different ones. -Shepard's crew most likely will be useable (if we go with my story there will be no ashley and also try to fit the roles of the character) -The OCs will be divided into the normal classes plus one more that i designed -OCs can be any race that has appeared as a squad member (plus batarians) -Race rules apply (all asari have some form of biotics and there can only be 1 ardat-yakshi) -Biotics probably will have to be careful to not be overpowered -The merc groups are not currently going to be involved but an OC can be a former member -Also if I follow my story in this Tali is my romance option just throwing that out there If there are any suggestions I'd love to hear them also since this roleplay is going to require a lot of people (or a few people who love to multi-task) please start telling me if you are interested. -the general idea of this role play is that Shepard didnt make it in time to save the whole crew and is now looking to fill a sizeable hole and/or is trying to build an impressive army to combat the reapers seeing as cerberus is a bit on the untrustable side and the alliance and council are sitting on their hands(not hard to imagine where their thumbs are(Mass Effect 1 joke))
Before we go any further I'd just like to say one thing.................................................................................................................................................................. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLS!!!!!!! cookie if you get the reference
So I just very literally just got into a fight at school a couple of minutes ago I didnt start it but I'm afraid it will make me be kicked out of some of my classes I mean i have only gotten into 1 fight within the last 3 years so I'm worried it might make me lose somee of my favorite elective classes advice please and i apologise if my grammar is off I'm still shaking from the adrenaline.
OK this is a little idea i just made up using the song titles of your favorite songs tell KHV a little about yourself. Please put the song titles in bold or italics for the convenience of the reader. (i dare not post this in in the Spam Zone because i wouldnt get one legitimate story) I'll start My name is AmericanSephiroth. I'm 16. I don't like people who dont Awaken themselves to new ideas. I'm a nice guy but I'll openly admit I'm no (s)aint. I'll also say my personality can form a bit of a Duality. I am also quite vain. I dont like it when people have way to much Innocence because that occasionally make me think less of them just because i thing they may be mentally Diluted. I guess it is odd though how one like me can be vain but still be Stricken with such a hideous face as mine. But my personality split makes me seem more like I'm Alive rather than not simply because of my extreme opposites seeing as i am extremely friendly and far nicer of a friend than most people have when I am on good terms with them. However to my enemies if I'm not putting up a Façade i usually treat them with the bitterest venom, they usually have no chance for Redemption if they are treated like an enemy by me. I also Despise the sentiment of Sacrifice. So to summarize i am a nice guy but dont try to Play With Me. Bands Mentioned: Disturbed, Gackt, Slipknot, Godsmack, Marilyn Manson, ICP So now you know both a little about me and my music tastes so now everyone else try.
its 1:07 here what do i do? GO GO GO
i havent posted poems in probably close to a year so i figured im going to post the ones i made either early this year or late last year here goes. Monochrome maid and Icy master With you skin of crystal white And your eyes with sadness glow With your hair as black as obsidian night And your face does sadness show I the Icy Master with winter in my eyes And my hair the icy gray of broken dreams And a soul with which love merely dies Together we'll be forever it seems Our hearts stained bitter And our minds a cloud We shall cause wither In all around in a shroud I must say however i love My monochrome little dove That was my first love poem and my first sonnet it describes what i see as my ideal self and my ideal woman Heartless? I have no heart in this world In this life only sadness may show How long have i been alone? In this quiet world i call home I have friends they help the sadness What must i say is this gladness? This is the pleasure of being alone In this world I call home I had a love once a pretty little thing She shattered my heart and broke my brain What becomes I now I say This is on they and only they Still I am loved Young and alone but now I say Maybe I am not so alone this was my first non-sad poem and to prove it was different i tried not to rhyme as much Breaking The Heart Of The Night Heart of the night Filled with a heartless blight This heart is broken With words spoken and unspoken It will fill with blood and hate So is the loving heart's fate Will your love cure me? Or will your love fear it's fate to be? Love is sweet Sweet... like the beat Of a heart hidden With love ridden It ticks with a blood clot Like a bullet shot Your love will thrash The heart that hate makes trash Lost be I... Since i saw you cry Why oh why? did you die? This will cost my soul But once more you will be whole I give my life to he To make your life be A soul I will pay Even if its only a day Because you cured this broken heart Now in death we shall never part This is a progressive poem... a cookie if you can tell me the point of it all and also this is the longest poem i ever wrote (submitted it to a poetry contest and took i think 4th place state wide) So like, Dislike and comment on them if you want.
poptarts and pepperoni cheese rolls with milk yum ^.^
A new genesis is at hand and I will be the creator (RE5 reference FTW)
It is 10 years after Vegnagun's fall and 12 after Sin's now a new threat arrives some fool has busted open the farplane and fiends are flowing freely now the only bonus in this is the Aeons have come back but even now there are those who will use that to their advantage they are the Dark Summoners now how will spira's protectors help save the living from being massacred by the long since dead RULES 1. no GodModding/Powerplaying (I see it too much and you are gone.) 2. no more then 5 characters per person (seriously it confuses people), and stay in character please 3. color code your characters 4. no ** for actions 5. Summoners must have atleast one guardian but no more than 6 6. 3 strike rule 7. no spam 8. no 1 liners 9. if you have read the rules so far put "Spira's Crisis" in your first post somewhere 10. please not too many summoners 11. if you have read everything put ",We will stop it." in your first post Characters SummonersRegular: good summoners they summon the normal aeons and are proficient in magic but prefer white magic, and are extremely poor in melee combat, and if unguarded can be killed easily Dark: Evil summoners who call the Dark Aeons and other then that are the same as normal summoners but they have their own agendas and they are usually not save the people of spira Guardians/Citizens TypesMelee specialists: good melee, little to no magic, high defense, low Magic Defense (think Kimahri, Auron, Tidus) Mages (white/black): Good magic, terrible melee low health great magic defense (think Lulu/Yuna) Machinists(mostly Al Bhed): Variable can be quick/slow strong/weak but rely on machines nontheless (think Rikku) Other: Basically can be good at some things but unless gifted have little fighting skill unless like a city guard or something NOTE1. Auron is dead 2. Kimahri is leader so has own problems 3. Tidus and Yuna still are around 4. Wakka and Lulu are parents so probably wont leave besaid 5. Rikku is with Yuna probably 6. Paine is still around 7. Nooj Baralai, and Gippal are leaders so the will have minor to no roles Taken charactersTidus: Labomba Yuna: Paine: ♦Demon♥Angel♦ Rikku: heartless_angel Wakka: Lulu: Kimahri: OC Form Username: Name: (first and last) Age: (no very small children, and no 1200 year old Maechins) Race: (Ronso, Al Bhed, Spiran, Guado) (can be half breeds) Type: (Guardian, Summoner, Dark Summoner, Citizen) Guarding: (Guardians only) Appearance: (3 lines or picture please) Weapon/magic: Aeon: (summoners only they start with only the one where they are from but can get more) (dark summoners have either Anima or the magus sisters and have to get the rest) ( Summoners Don't start at Baaj, remiem, or the sunken temple) Personality: (a few lines) Bio: (whey they are what they are) Other: (extra stuff) GroupsSummoner-Guardian/Guardians Demetrio- Rio “Ace†Vernecci, , , , Rita-none currently Mya-none currently Arthur-Hiyono My OC Username: American Sephiroth Name: Demetrio Zanetti Age: 21 Race: Spiran/Guado Type: Dark Summoner Guarding: none Appearance: Weapon/magic: Very powerful black magic and Summons Aeon: Dark Anima Personality: Very cold and calculating, his personality is like Seymour's but he has a God complex, he uses his looks and his power to take whatever it is he wants he isnt a complete villan because he doesnt wish to control everything he just has an insane power lust Bio: Demetrio was the offspring of Seymour and a human woman although he didnt know that until he was told by tromell that his father Seymour had died, he became a summoner shortly after that when the farplane burst open he was able to call forth more then just Dark Anima who his father had left him in death. Other: none
Post you public name or alias here(not your real name) basically just post the name most people who know you irl call you. ill start........ Seph (big surprise?)
Into The Depths Why? all I wished was for them to die is it true? can it be? have they defeated me? it was my fall because i didnt stop that little ball now the puppet holds my head too bad..... i never stay dead (i will give you a cookie if you can guess where i got the inspiration for this) Pits Of Fire Forever burning even as the world's turning I followed my ways so here i dont spend my days for i didnt bow to fiction that allowed me to use my ambition (same exact thing as above)
I am sorry in advance if this comes off as a bit of a rant but. I am fully sick and tired of people,bands,and annoying bible-beaters(no they are NOT people) talking absolute crap about satanists. We are not bad people, sure we are not the biggest fans of christians(obviously), but we do not do anything wrong. I and others have become sick of people bashing us. i swear the next person who comes up to me with a bible trying to "bless(brainwash)" me i will cram that bible where it belongs and light it on fire...... Ok. i am done ranting but i would like to hear everyones thoughts(unbiased please) on satanism, on that note, ANY AND ALL BIBLE BEATERS WILL BE IGNORED BECAUSE THEY ARE TROLLS. but please let me hear your though because i am curious on everyones thoughts. also if you want to know where to find true information about satanism please just pm me
no one.. i ish sad now
rawrness- the ness of rawr