Am I...messing everything up?

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Hiro ✩, Oct 6, 2013.

  1. Hiro ✩ Guardian

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    Let me just say that it'll likely be fairly obvious who I'm referring to in this thread, but I am not calling them out, I am just at the point where I need help.

    Anyway, at this point, I just feel like I'm the only one messing up, just as the thread title states. I don't want to get too ahead of myself, but what needs to be known is that about a week ago, my girlfriend and I decided to take a break. I was in a pretty crap mood, so I ended up losing it and saying things I shouldn't have, but we got over it and are talking again.

    Or so it seems.

    Every time I go to talk to her, she seems okay with talking to me. I usually have to start the conversations because she doesn't, but I don't hold that against her, even if I feel she just doesn't want anything to do with me anymore at all. We talk for a bit, then she just closes off and acts like "okay Hector go away I'm busy", and is just too nice to say so. Normally, i'd lose my temper pretty fast, but two things happened that basically ensured I wouldn't do so anymore:

    A) I played The World Ends With You and realized a lot of my internal and external conflicts are just due to past experiences that I have to learn to let go of.
    B) I am sick of getting upset and us landing in square 1 again. I'd get mad, we'd make up, and then she'd just do it again. Like I said, not going through it again if it won't be fixed.

    So anyway, I now just say I'll leave her alone and that she can speak to me later if she wants to, well knowing she won't because she'll occupy herself with her friends (whom she's been siding with lately, so I kinda haven't been able to count on her support because of that, and it kinda hurts). It's basically just my way of telling her I'll be out of her hair if she wants me to be.

    Now onto the main subject. Am I really doing everything wrong? Am I not caring for her enough? Am I too focused on my stuff? I'm to the point of tears and hating myself because I just don't know what I did or what I can do to repair things. I don't mean to incessantly whine, but I'm just feeling like everyone is against me for things I accidentally did. I used to be on such good terms with everyone, and now we have my girlfriend's friends who don't like me, half the people I see on here just want me to go away, and even my friends, who I knew before she did, are becoming distant from me, because they're friends with her too. Heck, it seems I just can't grasp what I learned these past few weeks.

    I figured that having my own values and letting everyone keep theirs would work. That i should only love and trust those who do the same with me, protect them because they care, and just not give two craps about the people who don't like me.

    But in all honesty, it's easier said then done.

    She's done so much for me, she's helped me through a lot, and I wish I could say I've done the same for her... but in all honesty, her attitude states otherwise, and it makes me feel worthless. Like I kinda deserve to have her leave me, which is another thing that I keep getting from her attitude. I just feel like one day she's gonna message me and say it isn't working out, because I'm just not doing enough. I'm stuck in a hole, where I just can't get out and fix anything.

    I'm just scared. No one understands me as well as she does. I can't form connections with people at my school, and I don't trust anyone else enough. Even now, she's more mature than me. She acts like an adult, and I still have the mentality of a child. I know it sounds like incessant 'Oh, I love her and need her, wha wha wha', but it's not that. I seriously feel like I'm doing something wrong and have it coming if she does decide to leave me behind. So... am I really messing up, or is this just how life goes?
     
  2. Amaury Legendary Hero

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    Girls like their space, so probably the best thing you can do for now is to just sort of take the "back seat" for a while. You know, let her initiate the conversations. Kind of similar to what happened between my friend and I in real life back in July.

    I don't think you're a bad person at all. We all make mistakes, and it's stupid to hold grudges over something so trivial (something major, however, like murder, I would definitely understand), which is why I pretty much get over things like 10 minutes after they happens (e.g., my mom and I would have arguments all the time when she still drove me to school, and the second I walked into the school building, I was over it). At the same time, and I know you probably won't like hearing this, losing your temper was a bad choice to make. It, unfortunately, gives people the impression that you're always like that. Although it does vary from person to person -- most would probably just think you're having a bad day or something.

    Just hang in there. If you guys truly love each other, I've no doubt this'll just blow over in no time.

    Hope I was able to help. Also, don't forget: I'm pretty much always available on Skype.
     
  3. Misty gimme kiss

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    I'm going to say something that might be kind of harsh: you need to work on yourself before you can take on someone else.

    This is true, I think, for most any relationship. The truth is that you simply can't be as dedicated and "right," so to speak, in a relationship if you have a lot of personal issues holding you back. That's not to say that everyone with personal issues should bar themselves from relationships, not at all--because having the help & support of someone you love can be great--but it sounds to me like the questions you're asking (am I worthless, am I doing something wrong, etc.) are stemming from some sort of internal insecurity.

    I can't say I have particular thoughts on what's going on in your relationship, but maybe you should take this break as a chance to focus on yourself. This in particular:
    made me think so.

    When you've sorted out some of your personal problems, then you'll be at a better position to resume your relationship, or to start a new one with someone else. This could be a simple issue of incompatibility that lent itself to your break up, but it sounds to me as though there's more at work here.
     
  4. Blayz Mods Set The World A Blayz

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    hey hector, I just want to say that relationships are not always easy, what I mean by that is there will come times where things may occur, but you can'y let it get you so down where you start hating yourself, things happen that can sometimes only be mended by giving it time eventually she will hopefully come around and you two can have a happy relationship again but you need to give her her space because it'll only cause more conflict between you two, women sometimes need their space so you need to just sit back a give it time, if you two really do truly love one another then I hope you eventually get things sorted out.^^
     
  5. Ienzo ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

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    I agree with Amaury and Misty, first do give her some space, as a female I know how detrimental somethnig can be if I am not given space, I begin to detest the thought of seeing and hearing the person until I stop hearing from them and then I can resume the friendship.

    Secondly, don't beat yourself up so much, you'll only hurt yourself. I think some time apart will be good as it will give you both a breather and things can happen naturally and I know you don't want to but it may be exactly what you need. I would take this time to think about why you are feeling this way and how you can rectify it which is what I do in order to be productive. If you can figure that out then you should feel much better about yourself and then you can feel happier with your girlfriend.
     
  6. ShibuyaGato Transformation

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    I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I have to agree with what's already been said. Relationships are give and take, so maybe you just have to give her some time. Even if you're afraid that time will only widen the gap that's growing between you two, you should at least give her time to think things through. If it wasn't meant to be, then it's just the unfortunate reality of things.

    While TWEWY has some great lessons that can be applied to real life, not every situation needs you to "broaden your horizons" or open up to the world around you. You have to form your own conclusions through experiences, and then you should at least have some idea of where to go. Things don't always go the way we want them to, and this can be especially true in relationships, but when one door closes another does open. You just have to believe in yourself like your friends believe in you.
    I know you can get through this, and I know you'll come out stronger in the end. Just live your life the way you want to.
     
  7. Hiro ✩ Guardian

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    First off, thank you all for the advice. It makes me feel like I'm genuinely liked, especially by those who I consider close friends. I really appreciate this advice, and it's really given me a lot to think about. Most notably about what I see in myself rather than what others see in me.

    Second of all, I talked to her. And, to be honest... She's improving. Not a lot all in one go, but she's trying. She tried to do the most wonderful thing tonight (which I ruined on my own since I was so busy >.<), and she actually was willing to discuss our problems with me.

    So, i'm going to give her one last chance. We both improved, and I feel she deserves it. In the end, if I really AM better off... then something like this will happen again, and I will know for sure. She's not a bad person, we've just disagreed a lot. But really, what couples or even friends haven't?

    Again, thank you all, and I now know that I shouldn't fear venting my problems to anyone <3
     
  8. AlexleHoshi Dude called Alex

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    This sound like the same crap I went through last year with me ex, we 'took a break' and she ended up going with someone she only met because of me. My advice would be to not talk to her for awhile and if she asks why simple say 'You needed your space right?' If she still wants you she'll try and get close to you again 'hopefully' but if not then I guess it's the end of that chapter of your life so try to move on.
     
  9. Shiki my waifu is better than yours, thanks

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    I really want to say something nice here, but I'd rather talk to you on skype about this.
    Is that okay?
    I mean, it's a little more private there and I want to talk about some private things.
    Hope you and Gabi can get back...