Don't usually do this, but

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Ars Nova, Aug 2, 2013.

  1. Ars Nova Just a ghost.

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    can't sleep, got somethin' on my mind, literally sick to my stomach over it, can't really do anything else about it, thought I'd try this.

    The whole mess is under the cut. Bit long-winded, it is. Like everything I've ever said in my life. :'D

    So there's this friend of mine. Let's call her K.H. Shut up, I'm tired. She and I have had an interesting history. Mostly consisting of her being great and me being a glorified asswipe. Somehow I managed at one point to be really tight with this girl. To the point that I guess... I got it in my head that we could've been a little more than friends?

    But when something as rare and precious as that comes along and you're notorious for f██king up such same situations by getting ahead of yourself, saying too much too soon, so on and so forth, you don't just go "Hey you're a dynamite gal how do you feel about us being a unit?" No, you clam up and do everything in your power not to push your luck, and you let that sh█t come out organically.

    Well, I'll spare you the whole hundred pages and say, I may have kinda sorta lost the initiative to someone else. Which is cool, hey, I'm still up one really good friend. Kinda caught me off-guard, but whatever! Y'know? I didn't ask how she felt, I couldn't have known where I stood. You play baseball in the dark, sometimes you hit yourself with the bat. Didn't figure it as something worth talking about at the time, I probably would've just come off as a whiner.

    I would then proceed to exercise my lack of communication in much more destructive ways, like a couple of severe breaches of trust and effectively cutting myself off from K.H. for an extended period of time. And now we're at the last stop on the train: K.H. and I are, blatantly, no longer close. Which is a bummer. And if we had a Biggest Understatement 2013 in the awards this year, "a bummer" would be a shoe-in for the prize.

    I figure at this point either the whole sitch just doesn't weigh on her mind, doesn't even register as a thing that happened, and I'm just some guy she used to talk to - or she hates me. If ye knew what I did, oy... But... her thoughts came out recently, and... I guess I was wrong. I guess she still has a really high opinion of me. Like higher than expected or hoped or dreamed, or conjured in the most blissful psycho-haze of ecs and trance music. Full disclosure I've never done ecstasy so that last one takes some conjecture And even with some wwwwwwwwell-deserved criticisms in the mix, it's still one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said about me.

    And I don't wanna distrust that. K.H. is wise, and thoughtful, and smart like a fox. She wouldn't say sh█t about me she didn't believe. But I just feel sick from thinking of it. That somebody can put all these beautiful words down in my name when I'm... well, a jerk. To put it lightly. A talentless, layabout jerk who does more bad turns than good, abuses people's trust, inspires more fear than love-*brick'dshutitnovayou'regettingemo*

    And I get this feeling now, like... like the door's open to reconnect. And I'm not even talking to romantic involvement levels. I'm not even worried about that. I lost my chance at that, and I'm probably not gonna get it back. But easily as important to me if not moreso is earning back that really good friend.

    But can I even do that? Do I even have the words for it? Worse yet, do I have too many words? I'm pretty sure if I try to talk at all, I'll talk too much, and end up saying something stupid, hurting her feelings or giving off the wrong vibe or whatever. There's still a baker's dozen ways I could make this worse. I don't trust myself. I f██ked it up once, I could end up doing it again.

    So how 'bout it, y'all? Is it better to try and fail than to never try? Even after you've failed about five times in a row?

    My stomach feels better, so hopefully I can catch some Z's. At the very least, this thread achieved that. :'D
     
  2. Plums Wakanda Forever

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    It is better to try and go out in a sphere of plasma ejected from the nutcracker of the sun into the deepest, darkest hole just outside the galaxy than to do nothing. Dramatic, yeah? Its also likely how you're playing out the scenario beforehand and assuming that you will fail at rekindling the friendship.

    Thinking about how you can potentially fail is like assuming everything will be perfect and how many BOBIES will flow from her hips into your fatherly hands -- they're extremes, polar ends of the issue. It might help just to focus on what she has said regarding you recently. Whole there were criticisms and you should keep them in mind, you also have to keep in mind that she does have a high opinion of you and does miss the closeness of your friendship.

    It is really ****ing terrifying to try and rekindle something that you blame yourself for burning in the first place, but the most memorable stories aren't built in one dash, one go at the page. It's likely that you will talk and talk and talk and things won't snap back to how they used to be, but proving you're open and willing to talk through it and show that you do want to be there again will make the tread a little lighter than worrying while you don't say anything.

    Even if you talk too much or talk too little, even if you say a Wrong Thing, you just have to push through it and keep clawing your way to the end, even if it takes a few months. She does think highly of you Novu, and I'm sure that you crazy kids will be able to reach a mutual understanding. But you've just gotta put yourself out there right in the storm and fight your damned best.
     
  3. GhettoXemnas literally dead inside

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    The way you talk about yourself reminds me of me at a point in my life.

    My advice to you is to not over think. If you want to reconnect, reach out and do it. And don't be afraid of having too much to say and what not, and don't over think your words. Share your feelings as you feel them.
     
  4. DigitalAtlas Don't wake me from the dream.

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    I kept searching for page numbers because I almost couldn't believe you posted this. I haven't known you long, but you don't seem like the type to get down in the dumps... Ever, actually. You seem like you get more mad than you do upset.

    We've all suffered from the late night thinks once or twice...

    As far as reconnecting, always do it. Always. If I had the balls to come back here after years of being regarded as the villain of the story and try to reach out to CtR with the door locked in front of me, nothing's stopping you from going to someone who's already opened the door. The person you're referring to is sweet, kind, and would never devalue a friend and you know it. Screw up? Pfft, with her you have easy mode on with KHII autolock. You can't mess up beyond repair unless you descend again, which you don't plan on.

    Obviously, take it slow. Don't try to jump in all at once. Then you get so much out you have nothing left. Go slow, start a conversation with a basic wassup playaplaya and enjoy the old times. The feelings and remorse don't need to come out right away. Instead, have some fun first. That'll save your friendship. After all, you need to light the fire before trying not to let it burn out.
     
  5. Amaury Legendary Hero

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    I have no personal experience to relate, but definitely reconnect.

    You will never know what will happen by just sitting there pondering about it. Get off your butt and just do it. If you talk too much out of habit, then instead of worrying about it, use it to your adventure somehow.

    Reading your post, the gal definitely has feelings for you, so you've got that going for you.

    Hope I didn't come off as rude, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope this helps.
     
  6. Menos Grande Kingdom Keeper

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    I read the first time thinking you were doing a metaphor for Kingdom Hearts and how it hurts you that it didn't came at Ps3.

    But now that I understand, I can say what I've experienced, and what I've done In similar situation.

    There was a girl that I liked, and yes it pains me to say that she put me (or maybe only in mind) at friendzone. It sucks. Although since the begining she had a boyfriend and I knew nothing would happen between us. I was fine with that, and learned to be friends. One day the boyfriend was over, and I had all that mix feeling that I should ask her out, or shouldn't.. but not before long she was already seeing another dude.

    Then i finally got over her (and we are still friends), I ended up with a girlfriend (that I am currently dating for five years) and it all have been great , I think everything end up at the best way possible we are still friends, and I have the best girlfriend.

    ----

    Now lets see! I can't know exactly what your situation is, so I'll try to give my opinion to what I should had said to myself six years ago:

    1) If you feel something , say it, unless you are happy as things are now.

    2) Don't expect the best outcome, but don't expect the worst.. things work out on its own.

    3) When you think that there is only "One" for you, know that it is false! We all have different degrees of compatibility with different people, there will be another chance with somebody else.

    4) Boys (and girls) sometimes mistake "being polite" to being hitting at, just because someone is nice to you It doesn't mean that they want something else with you, maybe your friendship and sometimes not even that.

    that being said, If you truly is over her and is Ok in being friends, GREAT, but by my experience you probably aren't and are fooling yourself.. If you truly doesn't mind seeing her with another, If you just want be friends untill the end and above all... than yes you can be! The best way to be sure that you are over her though is to be interested in someone else, that will be the only way that you could ask yourself "If the situation gets reversed, will I keep our friendship and not engage in a relatioship with her?"

    If your answer is "I won't date her no matter what" than go be friends, if it is "oohh but if she really wants it..." than you are not truly over her, and inside you still have hopes that she will come around, the problem is that you will not only torture yourself by being close to her, you'll probably mistake any "sign" that she gives you as a token of her love for you, and It will probably not be the case.
     
  7. AlexleHoshi Dude called Alex

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    You can do one of two things;
    One; Link her to this and ask her what she thinks of this.
    Two: Tell her that you like her but know nothing will happen and you're willing to be friends.
     
  8. Ienzo ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

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    I have to agree, if you don't reconnect then you shall regret it and be constantly wondering what would have happened. That isn't even the main reason for rekindling this friendship- it's always sad to drift and the only way you both remain apart is if no one does anything about it, not sure abotu her romantic feelings for you but her attachment to you is obviously very strong and I am 100% certain that she would not reject you if you offer to meet up and yes you may worry about saying the wrong thing but if she's as kind as you say then she may just laugh with you or not even worry about it, in fact she may just be happy to have you back as she obviously has a very high opinion of you. It would mean so much to her, I know it would if it was me.

    These fears are natural and they are always very detrimental as they stop us from taking amazing opportunities and, as humans, we miss out on so much because of anxiety. I have learnt that the hard way and I've adopted a new attitude which is: if it scares me then I should go for it as I will learn something from the experience if it fails and if not then that's fabulous! That little voice in my head is always saying "you won't be good enough", "you'll fail", "why bother?" and the truth is that that voice is basically a ball of lies that has developed throughout life from experience but try not to listen to it as it just makes things worse. The truth is, you can only fail if you do nothing (OH YEAH! CHEESY LINE FTW!) and you are not a horrible guy, I haven't spoken to you loads but I always got the vibe of an intelligent, entertaining, kind guy so you need not put yourself down. No I don't know what you've done in life to make you feel that way but I don't need to as our opinions of ourselves are incredibly distorted no matter who you are and there are few exceptions. KH has a high opinion of you! She doesn't think you are a jerk and she;d probably gain a lot of respect for you from just trying to rekindle a lost friendship.

    It's amazing how good we feel about ourselves when we do stuff for other people and it can really boost your self esteem even if it's something simple life offering to make someone a cup of tea/coffee or running down the shop to get more milk, it gives us a feeling of achievement and can pull you out of a cesspit of feeling low about yourself but you just have to take the first step. Laziness is another one (I'm falling into one at the moment...) but you just have to find productive things to do to get out of a downward spiral (I'm currently reading and organising stuff that I can do in my potential gap year or stuff I can put on my personal statement to get into university) but you just have to do something and not fall into the same habits. Again, that can just boost your self esteem : )

    So bottom line, go get her Nova! : D because Nova is sexy xD