Anime/Manga Evangelion 3.14: You Are (not) a Circle

AKA: KS is bored and it's Pi Day, so he decided to write this stupid one shot fanfic thing. There are unmarked spoilers for both Evangelion 2.22 and the early events of 3.33.

LAST TIME, ON REBUILD OF EVANGELION

Shinji Ikari almost caused the Third Impact, but Kaworu Nagisa came out of nowhere and impaled Unit-01 with the Spear of Cassius, winning the day and saving everybody except Shinji, who has been rendered comatose inside the plug of Unit-01.

While in the plug, Shinji dreams about his friends, family, and what a total mind**** this experience has been for him, as well as a bunch of traumatizing stuff because Unit-01 is kind of part of him or something. He dreams about these things for five years in the plug, until his comatose mind gets bored and starts to wander. For the next nine years, he dreams about one very simple thing: Circles. This is probably the story of Shinji's comatose and often very Seinfeldian musings on the subject.

"Man, circles are weird, aren't they? They're all round and stuff. I mean, look at the inside of this plug. It's perfectly round, but it didn't have to be. They could have made it square, or pentagonal. If nothing else, it help to keep the aligned properly in the plug hole thingy. I wonder what would happen if were misaligned. Would anything happen? Probably not, but it still seems like the kind of thing that they might be worried about. If nothing else, I would have expected them to have a notch or something on the plug so it would only be able to go in the one way but no, it's perfectly round, which is weird. You know, I bet that's why Unit 01 was rejecting the Dummy Plug earlier! It was simply misaligned! Yes, that's got to be it! I can't believe my father made such a simple mistake! "

"Come to think of it, AT Fields kind of have circles, don't they? They're more like hexagons than circles, but in the end I supposed that's what a bunch of tightly packed circles would look like, right? Like a beehive. I wonder if bees have AT fields. Oh! I wonder if a bee could pilot an Evangelion. Surely being taken away from its hive would cause sufficient trauma to such a small and social bug. I bet I could be a bee. Bees are tough, but very shy and liable to accidentally kill themselves if there's a sufficient danger to their hive, which is what they care about the most. That's kind of like what I did for Rei, right? I mean, I'm dead, aren't I? Yeah, I'm dead in the plug, just like one of those bugs with the stinger. What are those called again? I was just thinking about them. Huh. Bug rhymes with plug. Bug. Plug. Plug. Bug. Plugbug. Bugplug. Blug? Pug? I don't really like pugs. The only pugs I've met seemed to really hate me, even more than Asuka does. They're very ugly too, but I guess they're ugly in a cute way. "

"You know what else is cute? Circles. I wish I'd paid more attention in school about circles. I never did quite understand that whole area thing. Pie are squared? Pies aren't square! You know, now I've got all the time in the world, I should try to devise something for the area of a circle that makes more sense. So I guess since I'm dead and dreaming, I'll make a circle now. Okay, I've got my circle, now I need to figure out how big it is. Wait! I don't have to do that! I can just decide how big it its. Okay, so from one side to the other, I'm going to say that it's one meter. Okay. Good. We have a one meter long circle. Now I need to figure out how big around that is."

It took Shinji five years of thinking about circles to get to this point. For the next four years, Shinji will continue his long and often digressive calculations in his mind to figure out the area of his hypothetical circle. Unfortunately, he will be awakened by WILLE moments before the solution comes to him, thus proving once again how futile it is to hope that Shinji will get any semblance of a happy ending.

The End