Family Problems

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Hyuge ✧, Sep 25, 2014.

  1. Hyuge ✧ [[ Fairy Queen ]]

    Joined:
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    Camp Half-Blood
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    #RealTalk

    So I know a lot of you are aware that I am moving to Wisconsin in November, what you might not be aware of is that I decided to go back to my parent's house until I leave. The issue is surprising not with my immediate family and myself [I know, right?] -- it's with a cousin of mine. He's my third cousin, which I know is considered kind of distant, but when my parents were first going through their divorce, my mom and I lived with his family for about nine months so I pretty much consider him my little brother. He's 16 now and is going through a lot of issues with his family because his dad isn't a very good person. He never has been.

    The most recent stunt was over the summer he had been going hard on my cousin for a long time and his mom had been gone for a few days and so there was no one to mediate, so he finally said enough. He pushed his dad up against the wall [ which yes, wasn't the best way to handle it, but that was literally all he did to him ], and his dad called the cops on him, having him sent to jail for four days because he was trying to get extra charges thrown on him that were ridiculous at best.

    I've been really out of touch with my extended family over the last couple of years because of all the crap going on in my life, but when I saw him a month ago at a wedding, we got to talking and he was filling me in on everything that had been happening [ which was later confirmed by my mother who is best friends with his aunt, one of her cousins ]. My brother had a small party last weekend consisting of this cousin that I'm talking about, another cousin of ours, and the latter cousin's girlfriend. I told him that if he ever needed anyone to talk to or needed to get away for even five minutes, I would be there in a heartbeat, so long as I wasn't working.

    I can empathize with his situation quite well and I wasn't sure if he would actually take me up on my offer. Then today, he sent me a message asking if I would come over and get him this weekend to hang out. I am more than happy to and I fully want to. I feel responsible for him in a way, and I want to try and make things better for him the only way I know how. My issue is that I don't know what I can do for him once I leave. I know he has other family and he has his friends, but now that I've reached out to him and he's accepted my offer, I feel like I'm letting him down in a way by leaving and I don't want him to feel like I'm just going to be another person in his life that abandons him to his father's tyranny.

    =/

    I'm not even really sure what I'm asking for here, other than just wanting to get this off my chest.
     
  2. 61 No. B

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2011
    3,455
    I mean, there's not much you can do if I'm understanding this correctly. The best you can do, from my understanding, is stay in regular contact and support him from a distance and come to peace with not being able to be there whenever. If he has friends like you said, it's not like you're leaving him by himself. If your only alternative is not moving, there's not much that can be done.
     
  3. KaiserDragon Merlin's Housekeeper

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
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    England
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    Probably a little late to chip in on what to advise your cousin, but I can offer some to you.

    In a situation like this you really have to remember to put your own needs first, sure you feel bad for you cousin, its only natural, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Your cousins situation sounds horrible but at the end of the day only he can pull himself out of it and you leaving might be the trigger he needs to to do something for himself rather then staying with his dad, he might be a little young but people have to grow up sooner or later and it sounds like (from what you wrote) it has been 16 years in the making of a confrontation between his asshat dad and himself.

    If I were in your shoes I would advise you cousin to try and put up with it till he gets to college, then he only has to see his father on breaks. if he has access to the internet tell him to keep in contact with you, at least this way you can provide him with support via skype or something similar. I will say that if you can talk with a camera through something like skype it will mean a lot to him as it shows that while you are moving away you can still maintain a friendship with him and that you can see each other every now and then.