I don't know what to title this...

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by cstar, Aug 16, 2015.

  1. cstar stay away from my waifu

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2008
    Gender:
    Female
    3,252
    I have a strange issue that I have no idea if anyone else is going through but I need to express it anyway.

    So I believe I stated previously in another HWL thread that my mother passed away earlier this year, and she was so important that it threw off the entire family dynamic ten-fold. And we're going through interesting changes and reforms

    I am moving out for college soon, and my brother got himself a job he likes and wants a friend to move into the house (because he moved away from this town and hates the school there and thinks it'd be healthier if he moved back and my brother offered and it could work out). There's a lot of changes and some are a lot stranger.

    One is my dad deciding to date again.

    Now let me be clear before I continue the meat of this: I do not have a problem with my father dating. He is a grown man and can do what he wants with his life and if he believes he is ready to date again that's fine even if I don't necessarily like it because of how soon it is.

    My dad began talking to a high school friend he hadn't spoken to in years about a month ago. He started making the occasional phone call before it became a nightly routine and eventually, although my dad never told me, I heard his conversations start to sound move lovey-dovey and I asked him if they were dating and he said he was. He started visiting her on the weekends for the majority of the day every Saturday lately and he'd come back a little later each time. Tonight in particular my dad is staying overnight, and while I know there was really bad weather storm I can't help but think there were other intentions behind it.

    My dad has been dating this woman for... less than 3 weeks I believe, and he keeps asking me if I approve of her.
    I have never met this woman in person. Ever. I don't have an opinion because I've never met her.

    I haven't met her, my dad uses one day out of his weekend to visit her so we can't do anything, and I'm moving out for college in 2-3 weeks. I have never met a woman my dad is now spending the night with, and I think he's getting into a serious relationship with her.

    I mention meeting her and he avoids the topic altogether.

    I guess this is more of a vent but if anyone has any advice or anything to say I might be blindsided to, that'd be great.
     
  2. Magick ~Meaner then my demons~

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    The True North.
    390
    I've been through a similar issue with my father, which is still ongoing. I honestly think the only thing you can really do is to be honest with him. He might be trying to avoid the fact that you're leaving for school by burying himself in this relationship. He could also be doing it as a way of moving on from your mother, which isn't entirely healthy, but there it is.

    I would be honest with him. Get his attention in person, sit him down, and tell him that you don't feel comfortable with this. That you don't care if he dates, but that you're leaving soon, and you want to spend as much time with him as you can before you leave the nest. When he brings up what your opinion is is of this woman, be honest and say that you can't form one, since you don't know her. If you want to meet her, pursue it. You don't necessarily have to wait for his permission to do so, either. I think it's perfectly acceptable to creep on her facebook, twitter, whatever, or even to message her and start talking.

    I guarantee she'll tell your dad, but more then likely he won't be too upset about it. He just wants to know that you're okay with what he's doing and you don't resent him from moving on, because it could be that he might resent himself a little for not being able to stay alone the rest of his life. It's always a very hard thing to go through when your spouse dies. There's a period of guilt after you start dating again, because you don't feel as though you should need companionship or love from anyone but your former spouse. Not to mention if your family is particularly religious, there's the thought of them watching and waiting for you in the afterlife.

    It's a hard hurdle for anyone to overcome and handle in an effective way. By saying this am I in no way trying to disrespect your own mourning of your mother. Losing a parent is an awful thing that no one should have to experience, and I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. If you ever need an ear or a virtual shoulder, I'll be on here and I guess I'm getting a skype tonight so....>.>

    But I would just be honest with your dad, and communicate how you feel. Just the fact that he asks your opinion means he cares, which is great. I hope this all helps, and good luck with your move! Make sure to label each and every box with everything inside it, it'll save you hell later.