Incomplete

Discussion in 'Archives' started by DarknessKingdom, Dec 10, 2006.

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  1. DarknessKingdom The Kingpin of the TV

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    Sep 30, 2006
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    I written this way back in Feb, so it's an old one-shot Sora x Kairi fanfic.

    Summary: Kairi's thoughts after being seperated by Sora at the end of Kingdom Hearts...

    ...​

    Kairi sighed as she sat on the shores of Destiny Island, watching the waves of salt water come back and forth, and also seeing the sun set in the distance…


    Empty spaces fill me up with holes

    Distant faces with no place left to go

    Without you within me I can't find no rest

    Where I'm going is anybody's guess


    She sat in silence as the tears lazily rolled down her face, holding in her palms, a thalassa shell…

    “What’s that, Kairi?†Sora asked.

    “This? I'm making a necklace of thalassa shells. In the old days, sailors always wore thalassa shells. They were supposed to ensure a safe voyage,†Kairi replied.


    She chuckled, remembering the memory, and looked at the sky…


    I've tried to go on like I never knew you

    I'm awake but my world is half asleep

    I pray for this heart to be unbroken

    But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete


    She then remembered when she saw him as a Heartless at Hallow Bastion…it was a bit frightening but she had to admit…he looked cute…


    Voices tell me I should carry on

    But I am swimming in an ocean all alone

    Baby, my baby

    It's written on your face

    You still wonder if we made a big mistake


    Kairi stepped forward, “Sora? Is that you?†she asked, touching the Heartless’ cheek.

    “UH OH!â€

    Kairi turned and watched Donald and Goofy take up battle positions beside her, as they were surrounded by Heartless.

    The Heartless stalked closer to the four, slowly each each passing step, happily awaiting their claws to find the strong and burning hearts.

    “This time…I’ll protect you,†Kairi whispered…



    I've tried to go on like I never knew you

    I'm awake but my world is half asleep

    I pray for this heart to be unbroken

    But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete


    Kairi smiled as she recalled that memory, ‘It was strange,’ she thought, ‘For once in my life, I wasn’t just standing by the sidelines, watching Sora and Riku compete…it actually felt…good.’


    I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go

    I don't wanna make you face this world alone

    I wanna let you go


    Kairi looked at the rift between Sora and herself, she then reached for Sora and they held each other, hand in hand.

    “Kairi! Remember what you said before? I'm always with you, too. I'll come back to you. I promise!†Sora said with despair and fear in his eyes.

    Kairi felt her tears rolling down her face, “I know you will!†she answered.



    I've tried to go on like I never knew you

    I'm awake but my world is half asleep

    I pray for this heart to be unbroken

    But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete​


    Kairi wiped away her tears and began to walk away, ‘I’ll wait for you, Sora,’ she thought, ‘Even if time and space separates us, I know we’ll be together again…someday.’

    (Please review!)

    Song: Incomplete

    Artist: Backstreet Boys
     
  2. twilightsown King's Apprentice

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    O_o I liked it, but there were more lyrics than your story. I love the idea, but I think you could elaborate a lot more on everything. Your wording was great, and you have good grammatical qualities to what you do have...but there is so little here. For me at least, I see a great opportunity to go into each scene incredibly detailed, recounting it through Kairi and explaining how she felt. This was well written, but it only feels half done. I do like the idea, and you wrote it well, its just this story is begging for more.
     
  3. DarknessKingdom The Kingpin of the TV

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2006
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    lol. I know what you mean, twilightsown. I've been meaning to put some time to editing it but I've just never really being able to find it. Either that or I'm not motivated enough.
     
  4. twilightsown King's Apprentice

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    I can understand the motivation part ^^;; I have a story I've been meaning to edit for over a year now...Anyways, to keep this from being spam...
    I think that it could just really be adding more. That's all it is. I really hope you post more of your work as well, because I'd like to see your writing style really put to the test. I want to know what you really write like, so I'd like to see more than a few words in between some song lyrics. If you're as good as I think you are, then I will enjor reading anything else you post XD
     
  5. Axel Chaser

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    I really liked it. At first I didn't realise they were lyrics of aa song and I was like this is great. So yeahs for you.
     
  6. DarknessKingdom The Kingpin of the TV

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2006
    31
    lol. Again, thank you, twilightsown. I'll keep your comments in mind and you can bet that you will see more of my work in the future...now and then of course. I just recently put something in the Writer's Workshop for some reading and editing. Need someone's opinion if it's good, boring, bad, etc.

    Thanks, Axel! Thanks for your comment!
     
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