Invisible Wires

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Doukuro, Dec 11, 2012.

  1. Doukuro Chaser

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    [​IMG]
    So I'm basically trying out an interactive story, in which your choices will not only affect the outcome, but the main character's personality and how others view him as well.

    My main goal here is to work out the story and hopefully get some feedback because I wish to turn this into a short visual novel as well, since I plan on practicing with that in the near future. It's nothing big though, mostly all experimental.

    A Quick Summary:

    After years of working at a mental institute Riley has learned that there's always a story behind his patients insanity. However when one patient's story turns out to be more than just metaphors he soon finds himself in the supernatural community, hunted by demons and monsters of all kinds.

    5:59am.

    You've been waking up throughout the night and each time the only thing you could think about was your phone. Will the text come in again today? Who was it? What did they want from you?

    You wanted nothing more than to believe it was a mere prank. Even as no one confessed to doing it, it had to be right? For the thought of having a stalker... Why, it was rather scary, wasn't it? Especially one who already knew what times you woke and when you went to bed.

    Perhaps changing your number would help... But if they already know where you lived what difference would that make? Still, something had to be done.

    Cops... A cop in particular...

    6:00am.

    There it is. Your phone lights up and begins ringing. You try to ignore it but your alarm goes off right afterwards. You have to pick it up now if you ever want the noise to stop, and so you soon find it in your hand.

    The noise is gone now but you continue to stare at it. You pull up the conversation only to see your method of ignoring them did not work. Now you read through the old messages, trying to figure out if you know anyone who texts like this.

    No one comes to mind.

    Sighing, you put it back down and your nightstand and move on to getting ready for the day. Maybe...just one more day of ignoring it would bring this to an end.

    Clothing

    Top;
    Shirt: White t-shirt → Long sleeved blue shirt
    Coat: N/A → Doctor's coat

    Bottom;
    Pants: N/A → Black slacks

    Accessories;
    Sliver watch

    Inventory;
    Grey flip phone, notepad, black ink pen, flash drive, brown leather wallet with a photo ID, a credit card, a few gift cards, and fifty dollars in cash

    Status; Tired, healthy, no ailments

    Now ready for the day you leave your house and head towards your sliver sedan. Only then do you realize that there's still an hour left before you have to get to work and with the drive there being as short as it is you have plenty of time to yourself.

    Would you like to take a detour?

    → No, I like being early to work.
    → I never really did greet the new neighbors.
     
  2. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

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    Oh, man. This has to be the single most greatest idea ever!! ^.^ I love VN's and this already seems like it's going to be a great one. Okay, decision time . . . Do I want to skip a possible interactive scene by being early to work, take a chance on something else happening on that route, or do I greet the new neighbors who I know little about and possibly stumble upon some new route . . . Hmm . . . I choose . . .

    --> I never really did greet the new neighbors.


    I do have a few questions regarding this idea.

    Question One. Will you be making multiple posts for different answers, say I picked this one, someone else picks a different one. That would help you get the storyboard for the VN done, i'd also keep a chart of the routes.

    Question two. Will you be seeking help with this VN? I'd like to take part, though there's not a lot i'm good at.

    Question three. Will users who participate in the thread get their names in the credits of this VN? I know it sounds egotistical, and it is, but i've always wanted my name on something big ^.^

    And that does it for the questions. Thanks for starting this new thing, i'll be sure to take part in it from now on ^_^
     
  3. Doukuro Chaser

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    1. It'd be a majority vote, meaning whichever route gets the most votes will be posted. However got most of them already planned out and will come back to write out every one of course. I think I'll probably stick to only posting the ones picked though, however at the end if someone wants to ask 'what would have happened if we did ____' I'll tell them.

    2. Possibly. Right now it's a solo thing but if you have a skype you can add mine (aforgottensoul) and we could discuss it. If not then also could just message me here.

    3. If they want their name in it, then yeah. I'll credit them for helping me get it started and being apart of this.

    And I'm glad to see you're so interested in this, it makes me happy. c:
     
  4. program Twilight Town Denizen

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    → No, I like being early to work.

    No one likes their neighbors.
     
  5. Jayn

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
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    (Just a note here; great idea Mono! I can see this translating very well into VN formatting and I wish you luck. For everyone who participates, though, make sure you add enough content in your posts to prevent deletion. This is in the Writer's Nook, not the Spamzone or Playground so please keep that in mind. Thanks!)
     
  6. Plums Wakanda Forever

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    Also like the idea so far! It'll be pretty rad to see it in its full VN glory when it's all done. (And also echoing Jayn to watch your post content~)

    -> Greet the neighbors.

    Their the first NPC interaction we'll probably have, and that'll help us find out more about the mysterious DR. RILEY CROSS.
     
  7. Doukuro Chaser

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    (forgot to change loft to house, oops. edited)

    → I never really did greet the new neighbors.

    About three doors down there was a moving truck parked in front of a house. It's been there for a few days now, making it a rather slow move in. At least compared to what you're used to.

    In any case from what you've heard a father and daughter now live there, though no one has really heard much from them since their arrival. Some complain about this but you figure it is simply because they are busy. Though hopefully not too busy for a little welcome?

    Hoping it'd be okay you make your way over there to see a frail young female lifting what appears to be the last box out of the truck and a man on the phone. The man was pacing in the yard but as soon as he noticed you he hangs up before waving. Taking this as your opening you move closer, smiling the best you can.

    "Hey," you greeted before shaking hands with the man. "I live three doors down and realized that I never came over to introduce myself. Name's Riley Cross."

    "Issac Black. And that's my daughter," he pointed over to the girl who had came back outside after taking the box in. It seems as if she was closing the truck, marking the end of the first stage of moving. "Karen, want to say hi to our guest?"

    She shot a glare at you before her expression softened. The girl seemed torn between saying something pleasant or something awful. In the end nothing came from here and she simply went back inside.

    This resulted in laughter from Issac, which wasn't exactly the reaction you expected from a parent. "Isn't she great? Anyway, sorry to cut things short but we really got to finish this. Maybe you could come over sometime next week though, for dinner? Or even better, let's throw a party!"

    "Sounds great," you said with a nod as the man retreated inside. Whether or not you'll go remains undecided, but it seemed hard to say no. Maybe this was mostly due to the fact he had shut the door before you could say anything at all.

    Sighing you realize things will probably get loud in this once quiet neighborhood.

    In any case it's about time you got to work.

    ----

    Talking to the neighbors didn't take much time but somehow you've only just made it. This gave you no down time for coffee or to hang out with your co-workers. Instead it was straight to work. And apparently that meant talking to a new arrival.

    Normally these things were scheduled better with a warning ahead of time, but for some reason today was the first time you ever heard of Marie Bret. A murderer, apparently, and possibly a Paranoid Schizophrenic. Though it wouldn't honestly be the first time a criminal pleaded the insanity card in hopes of getting a lighter sentence or to be spared from being placed in a ruthless environment.

    You were wondering if that was the case here as you waited in your office for the patient to be brought to you by a nurse.

    When she finally got there you watched as the brunette took her seat across from you. The two of you were about the same age and yet something about her seemed...older. There were better words, yes, but they escaped you at the time. It just looked like she was already reaching her end.

    It was hard to ignore this but you had to for the session had to start. But no matter what you asked she did not say a word. Only near the end did see finally start talking.

    "You seem like a good man, one who truly cares for the people here...which is why I can't tell you anything."

    It seemed like you were finally getting somewhere. "What do you mean?"

    She paused, looking back with uncertainty. A war raged within her as she tried to decide what to say next. "It seems wrong not to warn you, since you may already be involved in this conflict. There's just...the faint smell of a demon on you. On this entire building. At least one must be here..."

    "A demon?" It was hardly the first time a patient spoke of demons, though this time it wasn't by a crazed looking person. In fact she had none of the usual twitches or scared expression. She was calm and appeared to be perfectly at peace. "Why is the demon here?"

    "Well they have to look after their own, right? No," she noticed your look, "I'm not a demon. I was close to becoming one but...well, all the failures seem to end up in places like these for their final days."

    You tried asking what she meant by that but no matter how you asked she went back to saying nothing. And soon the session was over. Even as a doctor it seemed that you could not postpone it's end, not this time anyway.

    After she was taken away a sense of hopelessness overwhelmed you. Why? No reason came to you. But no matter how hard you tried to shake it, it would not go away. And before you knew it the day was nearing an end.

    With your shift over you must now decide what to do. But before you do...you withdrew your phone. Today is your brother's day off and surely Mr. FBI can help you out with this mystery sender. It may be impossible to get in touch with him for the rest of the week.

    So what to do?

    → Maybe I could see Marie now...
    → With his resources he could easily find out who this 'stalker' is.
    → I just want to go home.

    'Save' is now available! If you reach a Dead End or Game Over we'll go back to the last saved spot. Only one person needs to save and it can be in the same post as their choice.

    → Save
     
  8. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

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    Indiana, USA
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    --> Save

    This is a lesson i've learned from many experiences with VN's, I hate starting over.

    This was a very nice scene, your choice of wording was excellent. At this moment in time nothing seems to be out of the ordinary, yet I get the feeling that won't last very long. The newest characters addition "Marie" is very interesting. A murder and a suspected "paranoid schizophrenic" is quite the addition indeed. The way she talked so obscurely has only gotten me more interested in her character. The way she talked about "demons" with such a calm appearance was also very intriguing.

    I'm going to go with . . .

    --> Maybe I could see Marie now...

    This seems like the most obvious choice as going to see her would lead further into the plot development. I'd like to see more of her and get a better understanding of of just who she is, and if all her "delusions" are just that.

    As for the scene with the neighbors it was also pretty ordinary. I'm also interested to see exactly where they take part in the story. Perhaps they are just ordinary neighbors, perhaps not. Only time will tell what the future holds for our dear, Dr. Riley Cross.

    Excellent scene, with plenty of suspense. You leave the readers/players wanting more. And for a visual novel, suspense is key. You need to keep the viewers interested and wanting to delve in deeper to the story. Can't wait to read the next scene ^.^
     
  9. Doukuro Chaser

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    I've decided to put a 24 hour period between the last vote and when I start writing the next part to keep things moving (though obviously a bit late in posting this time). Sure more people would be nice but I'm content with just the one right now. It's more than what I could ask for with this choppy writing, with second person being my weakest style. Still it seemed the most fitting, however maybe I'll go with third person for the final product.

    → Save

    The game has been saved.

    → Maybe I could see Marie now...

    You decide that this stalker of yours can be dealt with another time, and thus find yourself heading to Marie's room. It was just too troublesome, that speak of her 'final days'. Sure you asked the staff to keep watch on her, but that didn't feel like enough.

    But as you reach her door a nurse stops you. She's a new one, this redhead, though already it feels as if she's been here for as long as you have. Even so, her name always escapes you until after you hear her voice.

    "Good day, Dr. Cross. Mind if I have a word?"

    Victoria. That's it.

    "Sure," you utter, trying to get a glance at Marie's door but she blocks your view. "What is it?"

    A smile forms on her lips as she seems happy to have caught your attention. Now that you think back on today you remember someone saying she was looking for you this morning. Had she been trying to get to speak to you all day? Just the thought makes you feel awful.

    "You forgot to sign these."

    Victoria hands you the clipboard she held, and on it are some forms you had filled out earlier. You hardly pay them any attention before signing, wondering if that was all she wanted.

    "Thank you," she sighs with relief as she takes them back from you. However her grateful expression soon turns into worry as she watches you. "You don't look too good."

    "Huh? Oh," a nervous chuckle, "yeah I guess I haven't been sleeping much lately."

    Victoria falls silent, looking down at the forms in thought. Moments later and she perks up, smiling once more. "Hey, why don't you just let me handle all the paperwork for a few days? With that new arrival there's bound to be loads coming in soon for you to fill out. Just tell me what to put on them and you can focus on what's really important; the patients."

    Giving a tired smile you nodded. "Yeah, that sounds nice. Thank you."

    "No problem." She grabs your arm and turns you around before giving you a slight push. "Now go on, go home and get some rest."

    You laugh, saying alright before leaving.

    It wasn't until after you were driving away from Raghnall did you realize you never checked on Marie. But at this point it was a bit too late to drive back and mend this. Too many questions would be asked and the doctor that took the next shift already disliked you for the amount of overtime you took. So it seemed best to avoid conflict.

    I'll just see how she's doing tomorrow, you think as you get out of your car once it was parked in the driveway.

    The afternoon breeze was cool without bringing you shivers. A good temperature, really. However it won't be long before it becomes freezing so you make your way inside, only to hear your phone going off on the way.

    Who would be texting you at this hour? Oh, it's the mystery sender. Wait, isn't it a bit earlier for that? If they were slipping up that would...

    How do you reply?

    → What the hell do you mean? Just who are you?
    → LEAVE ME ALONE.
    → Kill them? How?
    → Don't reply.

    → Save
     
  10. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

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    --> Save

    I happened to catch one little spelling mistake I thought i'd let you know about. When Victoria is speaking and she says there is "bond" it should be "bound." Other than that everything looks okay.

    As for the story so far, it's still as intriguing as before. The second person dialogue is better, in my opinion, for the readers here to better understand what's happening. Though with visuals added, third person would be great for the visual novel. Don't doubt yourself, you're doing great so far.

    These scenes were pretty good. I'm sad that we didn't get to learn more about Marie, but i'm guessing it's a fixed point in the story that you can't talk with her again that day. As for the new character that's introduced, she seems pretty normal. The newest text message is intriguing. A "Curse" was mentioned. I'm starting to see more and more how this is for a visual novel. It just really gives off that feeling. I also like the newest options, being able to choose how Dr. Cross replies to the message is very fascinating. I think i'll have to go with . . .

    --> Don't reply.

    I was originally thinking of Kill them? How? but from what i've read, in the past the "stalker" isn't really up for giving out information so easily. It'd be best to stick to the norm for now, until you can find out a little more of the situation. The first option would more than likely get no good response. The second option could set off the "stalker" this being from Dr. Cross' view. The third option is likely to be some cryptic riddle and completely useless. Or maybe it might come in handy later . . . Okay, i've changed my mind.

    --> Kill them? How?

    This could be a pivotal point for Dr. Riley Cross. Perhaps in the message that follows would be some sort of cryptic information that could help him in the future. This is my final decision. Options one and two I couldn't see having any kind of "good" outcome.

    Keep up the great work. I love the story so far. Can't wait to read more ^_^
     
  11. Doukuro Chaser

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    → Save

    The game has been saved.

    → Kill them? How?

    The reply was sent. It felt strange, standing outside and waiting for a stranger's reply so intently. Especially when the stranger was possibly stalking you and didn't really seem like on to answer questions. In fact, he or she probably won't even-

    Beep.

    Oh...well that was unexpected.

    You tried asking what they had meant by this, but no more replies came that day. That is not until the usual goodnight message. Not that you were even going to lay down, still being focused on what they meant. At this rate another sleep deprived night would surely commence.

    Who to trust? Well your brother for one. The two of you have been through thick and thin, growing up neigh inseparable. And your co-workers... Well, there was just hardly anyone to distrust so this felt silly. Why were you getting so worked up something a possible deranged stalker said anyway?

    Ah. Maybe it was a patient that had been released. Were they off their meds? What a shame. You'll have to look into that later...

    Ahh...yes...just an old patient... It wasn't good news, though somehow you felt suddenly relieved enough to drift off into a peaceful slumber.

    A rather pleasant dream followed which was only ruined by the morning's alarm, and with it the good morning text. Seriously, it would have been welcomed if it were someone you knew. In fact it would have been nice to greet each day with a nice text wishing you a fair day and asking if you were okay. And perhaps this thought tricked your sleepy mind into texting back, saying you were fine today, as if talking to a dear friend.

    No reply came from that though, which shattered the illusion. Hm..oh well. Time to start the day.

    Clothing

    Top;
    Shirt: White t-shirt → Long sleeved gray shirt
    Coat: N/A → Doctor's coat

    Bottom;
    Pants: N/A → Black slacks

    Accessories;
    Sliver watch

    Inventory;
    Grey flip phone, notepad, black ink pen, flash drive, brown leather wallet with a photo ID, a credit card, a few gift cards, and fifty dollars in cash

    Status; Well Rested, healthy, no ailments

    Note: Not much change from Day One, but that will soon change.

    Ah, what was that racket?

    From the moment you stepped outside a loud...noise could be hard. At first you thought it was music but now it just seemed like static. Low pitch, distant, and yet your ears still felt like they were going to bleed. You wanted to know what it was, but the desire to just get away from it was stronger. And so you got in your car and drove away.

    It took a while but you finally drove out of range of whatever that was. And once it was gone a sigh of relief escaped you and you could breath once more. Good riddance.

    Taking your mind off of that now you pulled into your reserved parking spot and got out to get to work. Again you arrive just right before your shift starts, feeling guilty at not being at least a little early.

    In any case it seems like there's going to be another session with Marie.

    How will you handle it this time?

    → Maybe I'll try to find out about how she almost became a demon.
    → I could ask who she thinks is a demon around here.
    → I can try and convince her it's safe here.

    → Save

    I should also mention you can check the menu (which used to be titled as items) at any time. I'll post it whenever there's a change though but if it's been a while, like maybe a few pages, I can post it again.
     
  12. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

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    --> Save

    Not a whole lot to say here. This was a short and sweet scene. The strange sound I would like to learn a bit more about, but for now it appears to not be possible. The reply from the message was actually what I was expecting, something cryptic yet could be used later on as part of the story plot. It's quite an interesting story plot so far. I'm interested to see the next seen, hopefully with Marie in it this time ^.^ She's my favorite character so far actually. I'm gonna go ahead and make my choice . . .

    → Maybe I'll try to find out about how she almost became a demon.

    I find this to be the best possible option. As per the other options seem a bit pointless as she has said before she doesn't want to drag you into anything, and she wouldn't say who is the immanent danger. As for the third option, I doubt you could convince her that it is safe there, seeing as she holds strong feelings against that. Can't wait to read the next installment ^.^