Okay best place to start is by saying until I was 18 I never had a real friend and between the ages of 13 and 17 I did think about killing myself. And then when I was in college there were two people I became close to but they don't talk any more, then back in '10 I met two other people I became close friends with and last year thanks to me they met two other people that the three of us became friends with. But this year the second group of friends have almost cut me out of their life and only my ex talks too me, but when she gives me money she owes me, I know we'll walk away from each other as if we never knew each other. Their reasons? Well the first (Let's call her Jo) who is my ex's best friend hates me because I did something I really shouldn't of so she's the only one out of the three who has good reason too. Second, who is the second youngest (Let's call her Sam) I think she hates me because she too loves my ex but she knows her feelings will never be return, and I did cause a fight in her family, only because I wanted to find out why her mother didn't like me (turns out she didn't) Third, my ex's reason? Well the bad thing I did was towards her, (It happened Nov '10 while we started going out Dec '11) and she's siding with the other three mainly because of what I did to her. Last who is the youngest (Let's call her Tina) heck if I knew, my ex just told her I annoyed her but didn't give me any other reasons. My ex told me most of this today and since she was the only one who would talk to me, she was the one who had to deal with me having the worst B-Fit I've ever had, I am really pissed off that neither of them (other then my ex) talked to me about this, I can go to Sam and Tina's house (since we live in the same city and know where they live) and try to talking to them but I don't see the point in trying any more. So right now the only thing that is keeping me going is my third group of friends who I see every Tuesday, if I didn't have them, I don't know if I'd be here typing this. Kinda sad that this is pushing me to think about ending it all, but with my past and stuff going off now, thinking things like that come really easy... I just hope things get better for me once the four of them are out of my life.
It's gonna be okay, sometimes making friends isn't easy and sometimes losing them is easy. It's a part of life and you will make more and hopefully the bond will be harder to break :) And the others...You really should talk to them, let them hear your side of the story, if they choose not to listen then perhaps they weren't the best of friends... If you ever need or want to just talk or rant about things I'm more than happy to listen ^_^ sometimes just having someone to listen is really helpful and I could try to offer advice where I can. But for now the best thing I could say is "Don't give up!"
Losing and making friends can be a hard thing to do. It hurts to lose them, especially when close, it makes feel so lonely. So unwanted, etc. I know how you're feeling. It's kind of ironic of me to be saying don't hurt yourself in anyway, but still. I shall say it anyway. I would try talking to Tina, first. Try to get her to explain her reasons of why she dislikes you. Stay calm and collective. Say you're sorry if you hurt her etc. Then try the same with the other friends. With your ex? I think you might just have to explain everything, how you feel, how you don't want to left alone, etc. Everyone needs somebody to talk too. The thoughts are tempting, I understand that much. Just keep fighting on. I hope everything get's better for you.
