Well since I haven't and unfortunately probably never will meet you all in real life I feel that I can talk about things here that I can't in the real world. First off, there must be something in the water because in the past 6 months, 10 or so people have died in my family. It wasn't them dying that stressed me out, not really anyway. It was my mom. She handles the deaths by dumping it all on me. Now I know its because of the whole "you treat your closest friends and family worse than strangers" but I'm sick of it. Then we have my lovely history professor, who is an old, cranky sadist. She absolutely hates me. And I know this because she assigned about 15 reports due in one week. Now normally this is supposed to be a group project but no she stuck me by myself. Then she complains in the hallways about how "rebellious" and "defiant" I am. And ooh lucky me, there's more. Lately I haven't been getting any kind of sleep.None.At all. Now this probably wouldn't have bothered me if it was just on the week days but no. I slept for 14 hours straight and I felt like I had slept 2 hours. And its starting to freak me out. Lately I've started hearing things in my head.Voices. I can ignore them but they tell me to do awful things like kill people and burn down buildings. I also get horrible mental pictures of people's bodies being mangled and killed. The voices get louder and worse the angrier I get, which is pretty anger most of the time. I carry a rubber band and snap it on my wrist every time I get angry. I have to hide the bruises from me snapping it so much. Also I've come to realize that I'm bi. Now this is hard enough to bear(as everyone who is bi knows) but I have to sit through church and my parents saying how I am an abomination from Hell because I think some girls are cute. Not to mention my friends hate gays and bi people. All of this is really hard to deal with, not to mention this will be my freshman year of high school. So I've got to get my grades straight and ready to go. I'm so f*cking stressed and I'm not sure how much longer until I snap.
I think two things are predominate in your situation. Stress from school, parents and religious activity are obviously taking a toll on you. Plus, you're a freshman in HS. You're still going through hormonal and perceptual changes (at least a little bit). Another thing to think about is that you might be developing schizophrenia (I don't mean to scare you but that's what it sounds like). Voices in your head, anger and the like. I'm assuming you don't have mania (over excitement and periods of "happiness" which make you feel incredibly eccentric, but then you dip later into a depression), considering the conditions your presenting. If you do have mania on top of this depression and anger, it could be a bipolar disorder, since sleep seems to be lacking (even though you are getting plenty). It seems slightly depressive, in other words. Again, I'm not trying to scare you, but it's a serious possibility. The main thing you need to focus on is changing your responsibilities in the environment you live in with your parents, friends, school and the like. Things like the going to church every week, your parents telling you you're an "abomination going to hell", academic pressures, etc. If those conditions continue, I can't say it will be much better for you. Talk to your parents and let them know that this pressure can't go on. Work on those before something like a shrink comes into play because sadly, in the world today, it happens way too much. Ever since psychological dispositions were invented due to lack of knowledge in environmental stimuli, I'd say psychologists and psychiatrists using various methods of cognitive therapy have warped the general populations consciousness. Especially those young. I hope I helped you. Like I said before, it could just be a period of your life (since you're 14/15 I presume) were change is happening and your body is needing to adjust. It might be something else. I can't say for sure.
This is quite a jiffy. I don't think your professor hates you. It could be just about something else. About the voices in your head. To me, that sucks. The voices can be really annoying at some times. My best opinion is to ignore them and don't listen to them. And yea. Try to live through HS. Hope I helped.
Dude I heard the voices a while back...they go away if you do something bad but really lightly bad...you know like playing a prank on somebody...then after a hile they disappear...thats all i can say
