My Dream world unveald

Destiny packed her book bag with drinks, snacks, and junk she liked to carry around.

“Destiny! Jamie’s hear!†her mom yelled

“Coming mom!†Destiny replied grabbing her bag and running down the stares

“Hi there Des.†Jamie greeted

“hi there†Destiny replied

“now you girls be back before dark.†Destiny’s mom warned

“yes ma’am†they both replied

The girls rode there bikes to the forest.

“This place is so cool!†Jamie said

“yah…there’s something other worldly about it†Destiny agreed

“yah…AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!†Jamie yelled as both girls rode into a ditch

Both girls laid unconches at the bottom.

 

erm... s'okay just needs more. its 2 short

 

Both girls laid unconches at the bottom.

They both awoke hours later.

“Destiny! Wake up!” Jamie said shaking her

“Wh-what’s going on?” Destiny asked

“We fell like the dumbest we are!” Jamie teased

“Hey speak for yourself!” Destiny said holding back a chuckle

“lets get out of hear. Then I’ll prove your stupidity!” Jamie tease

“fine.” Destiny agreed standing up

It took the girls a good hour to climb out of the ditch, and when they got out they realized that they weren’t in the woods or even in there town anymore.

“where are we?” Destiny asked

“not a clue” Jamie replied


A little fairy flew up.

“hi there! We have been waiting for you two!” the fairy said “follow me”

The fairy flew towards a town

“was that a…?” Jamie asked

“yah! Common! We’re goanna loose her!” Destiny said running after the fairy

“Hey wait up!” Jamie said chasing after her.

 

it seems a little bit short, plus there is some spelling and grammer problems, maybe try describing the location and surroundings abit.

 

it's just annoying and a sensless thread

 

gease u people r mean!

 

keep writing it!!!!

 

It's good :D I like it, please write as much as you can!:D

 

Hm... The main idea of the story is good. I like how you go in the hole, and when you get out of it its somewhere competently different :noworries:
Although, you do need to do a little more about where you are.

 

Whatever.........

 

It's an abomination to the english language.

 

I dont care, im not going to read it anyway and no we are not mean we are just saying the truth

 

Age isn't an excuse...

Okay, I know I shouldn't be critical of other people, but being 14 doesn't give you any excuse for not at least using spell-check. The main concept is nice, I'll give you that much. But, you need to capitalize your sentences and use a bit more detail. Plus, you should be careful on word choice. Instead of:

It could have gone something like this:

Now I'm not saying this was your intention or your point. I'm just showing you how much more your story could flow if you decide to continue. Just remember, use spell-check, a dictionary, proper grammar and punctuation and make sure to add details where needed.

 

Because this thread in no way possible fits WITH the new rules <_>

~Moved to Da Spammy Zone and poll closed~

PM me with objects :3 Or comments >_> Or concerns <_<

 

They ran throw a field trying to keep up with the fairy.

“This place is so cool! There’s no litter. No pollution. It’s so pure, so filled with life!” Destiny Said admiring the area

“Yah. I guess” Jamie said not fazed

They interred a small village filled with all the fairy tell creatures and more!!! Spells where being casted, magic was going throw the air, and everyone was being kind. They all seemed to know each other.

“What a wonderful places” Destiny said flowing the fairy

“If you say so.” Jamie said


The fairy led them into a small building. It was nothing like the town! It was dark and lonely. A group of older people where sitting in a room.

“You’ve arrived.” one said