"My" Mistake -- a poem by Me.

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Panda Face, May 30, 2009.

  1. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

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    -- "My" Mistake -- by: Lyana M. Choate


    No one seems to understand,
    The pain I undergo.
    No one cares to warm my hands,
    Whilst I'm frozen in the snow.
    No one cares or gives a thought,
    About the teenage youth,
    I fight the shadows on my wall,
    With none but fist to tooth.
    "My" mistake is what you did.
    Blamed me for it,
    while you hid--
    Away from all the things "I've" done.
    You held your breath,
    Began to run--
    Away to force me past despair..
    Tied my hands,
    Yank my hair.
    To hold to me a leech of steel--
    I have no upside to this deal.
    So tell me I'm wrong,
    You'll think it's true.
    The person truly wrong--
    Is you.
     
  2. Sumi suicidé

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    Two things.
    1.) Wrong section.
    2.)SUPERAWESOMEAMAZINGPOEMRANDYELPANDY! Great flow, beautiful vocabulay, nice idea, lovely presentation, All-around good work! ​
     
  3. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

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    dang it!! i'm half asleep. TO CTR!! she'll know what to do!!
     
  4. Cleopatra King's Apprentice

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    Beautiful choice of words xD It's superawesomely sweet :'D
     
  5. Styx That's me inside your head.

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    I can't move this for you, sorry, but I can give CnC...
    Loved the build-up to the accusation. This was backed up by the flawless rhyme and meter. I enjoyed reading this; you've got talent.
     
  6. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

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    *le gasp* T-Thank you! :china:
    I take time in my poetry. I actually based this poem on me and my mom's relationship.
    :ninja: ​
     
  7. Xendane Banned

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    Wow, I don't think I could write something this good.

    I'm no good with rhymes, so it's not like I'd try,

    but still!
     
  8. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

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    I'm blushing! ^///^ kya! I'm happy people like it... my poetry skills come naturally. :D
     
  9. Xendane Banned

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    Blush of doom?
     
  10. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

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    yersh. blush of doom. xD :bangbang: i submitted this poem in for my language arts class, actually. :D the teacher lurved it.
     
  11. Xendane Banned

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    What is this "Lurve"? I've not heard of it...

    (Probably because I'm an ignorant fool who's half asleep.)
     
  12. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

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    welll. love = luv = lurv (they all mean the same thing) i'm half-asleep as well. 8D
     
  13. Xendane Banned

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    I'm probably more asleep than you are, I've been up since midnight last night. And that was so I could finish Chapter 9 of one of my stories so my readers on another site I'm a part of could finally read something new.

    Hey, I can't be doing one thing 24/7. I'm a busy guy. :D
     
  14. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

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    xD I've been up since 7am-- on friday.

    damned exams! keeping me up!​
     
  15. Xendane Banned

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    Makes me glad that I'm finally out of school...
     
  16. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

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    lucky baka. -_- i'm behind in my classes!! i hope i dun have to work thru summer!! D:

    nuuuuuuu!
     
  17. Xendane Banned

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    Well, I'm sure that'll be fun

    <.<
    >.>

    (*Runs away*)
     
  18. Aura Goddess

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    Watch the spam.

    As for the poem, I have to say, that was really good. Great flow, great job on the rhyming. Very good. I loved it. Keep it up.
     
  19. Xendane Banned

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    (Whoops, forgot about that... my bad.)
     
  20. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

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    Thank you! :D I have a way with words, no? :D​