One night stands: good or bad?

Are one night stands good or bad for you?
This is whereby you meet someone in a social setting like a bar or restraunt, talk with and, in the end, have sex with them for that one time only and not meet up with them again.

I want to know people's opinions on such things. Is it wrong to have sex outside of marriage? Or to have sex with no investment in a relationship? Or is it a good way to blow of stress or sexual tension and relieve it as such? Or maybe it boosts your confidence about finding a future relationship if your able to sleep with someone?

Thoughts and opinions people?

 

It really depends on the people involved, and the situation that the two are in. I mean...I guess sex outside of marrige is okay, but there's a higher risk of STDs that way...

They say that sex is a good way to blow off steam, but I wouldn't know personally. I don't know about the confidence thing.

 

It really depends on the instance.

I'm not against sex outside of marriage, it's a rather outdated standard these days. I respect those who choose to wait for sure, that's got to take a lot of self-control, but I'm not sure I could do it, so I don't expect others to.

As for a one night stand, there's not really anything dangerous about it as long as you're covered as far as birth control goes & you're not infected with an STD or anything. Of course, the likelihood of those precautions being taken when the two parties are, how shall we say this, not their usual selves, dramatically decreases.

On how I feel about it, like I said, it depends. If a person is going out and having one night stands every other night, that's a problem. If it's just a once in a blue moon occasion, whatever, it happens. If it was just a mistake, again, it happens; everyone makes mistakes sometimes, now you just know better for next time, I suppose.

Now I'm coming from no experience in the sex/relationship department, but it seems to me that there can be two kinds of sex; just plain going at it, or sex with someone you love. A one night stand (should) be the former; it's just an action, a release. It's when the lines get blurred and people get emotionally invested that problems arise.

Personally, though, I don't think I could ever do that.

 

I've had plenty of one-night stands.
Just without the sex.
Considering the fact that I'm a virgin (something people refuse to believe for some reason), I haven't had an actual one night stand. I have, however, fooled around or done mild stuff with girls I've never met (and sometimes even friends) while both sober or under the influence. Most of the time, it doesn't mean much. Hell, it's just meant for fun. Of course, if it was sex, it'd probably be different. I don't see anything wrong with sex outside of marriage...unless you are married lol

The only problem is what I consider my worst and best, no-sex, one night stand. I was drunk and high off my ass. I woke up in a different city with a dead car, flat tire, speeding ticket, and a girl I had just met sleeping in my lap. To be honest, it was a great night. Unfortunately, I got attached to the girl and that didn't work out :/ Believe you me, there was no intention of relationship there, I actually just wanted fun. If we had actually had sex, I probably would have ended up even more attached xD And, like I said, I was not sober in the least.


I don't mind the idea of one night stands. To each their own. Hopefully people know the risks and it's up to them if they want to do it or not. I mean...not many people would turn down sex with no relationship >> (so I've heard)

 

Due to lack of time I haven't been wanting to post but this merits my two cents.

I make no effort to hide my personal views and will fully admit that I'm against one-night stands because of my christian upbringing. However it is not fair (or effective) for that to be my only point on the matter. First I have a broader view of what sex is than most people. To me sex is not just intercourse, it is anything that, by default, puts your "mind-in-the-gutter" You can't separate this from the thought of you having actual sex. Where exactly this line is varies from person to the next. I have one friend where holding hands is enough for her. Whether it is your intent or not there is an emotional connection that occurs during sex, the deeper the level the greater that connection. Girls get it more severely than guys to boot. And this has to deal with brain chemistry, not my beliefs.
Take this link for one such study.

With that attachment comes the forced detachment from the unwritten contract of the one-night-stand. To me one night stands are like communism, if it followed the theory I would have no issue with it, but it simply doesn't. I've helped several of my friends who have gone through what Red Robin described. They went into a one-night-stand without wanting it to go anywhere afterward, but it did. Then they get embarrassed when they are in the same room with whoever it was, even moths later they are torn between running away and avoiding them or hooking up with them again.

Admittedly people don't go around advertising their one night stands much, but I have yet to meet someone that could say to me that they came out of a one-night-stand without feelings for the other one. Well, at least not until they've had so many that the become numb to it. If anyone can tell me that they can pull it off with neither person encountering this to some degree, I would first ask if you were being honest with yourself and not just bottling it away. If that isn't the case then congrats. There is a whole other can of worms I could discuss at that point, but you would have effectively disarmed my point on one-night-stands.

 

I personally wouldn't have one, or at least try not to (this should be pretty easy without alcohol) because I see sex as something more than just a way of releasing stress, I see it more as that connection between two people who are in love (well, they should be). Well saying that, I don't mind how other people view the situation, I understand that people have different views, I just wouldn't do it personally.

As Misty said, if it's a regular thing than one night stands are bad but otherwise I don't see a problem with them as long as no infections or accidental conceptions occur.

I have never had such an experience, I am not the sort of person who hangs around in social areas that will likely lead to one night stands. I have however kissed guys in just the one night and never went back to it, but I can't really say that's the same.

I'm not that fussed about having sex until I'm in love, I'd rather have the relationship first and let it develop on feelings alone, no sex interfering.

 

This is an interesting topic, I must agree with what most people (Like Misty, Enzy etc) have said so far.
Personally though, I've also (like Mixt) had a Christian upbringing...
but I'm not really fussed with it to that extent.
I mean, I'll just be plain honest. I've never been married, and yet, I'm not a virgin, so therefore, the sex before marriage thing didn't really work out.
Now as for one night stands... I've never been a part of one myself.
I had the chance mind you.
I was sober, she was drunk... I told her no, because I figured it wasn't right while she was in such a state. (Although, I admit, if I had been drunk too. I probably would have said yes.)
Anyway, the night ended with me having a hand print on my face for turning her down. But I was considered a gentlemen and a decent guy by my friends (although... one -who was drunk at the time- insisted I was gay for turning down such a hot/cute girl)
Anyway, I don't regret my decision for turning her down.

Now I don't see a one night stand as something wrong, if other want to do it... who am I to stop them?
Although as you can tell from my above story, I myself would try to avoid it myself.
Of course, under the influence of alcohol (which is the case for most people who have one night stands...) that is a completely different story for a lot of people.
People who wouldn't normally do it would then probably say yes (As I said, I myself would probably fall guilty of such a thing).

 

Speaking from experience, I have nothing against them but found them less enjoyable than having sex with the person you love. The technicalities that are mostly irrelevant when making love do arise when trying to please a person you're not really close to and might draw your attention away from the essence: arousal.
A couple making out wants to express their love for each other. Unacquainted people want to "do a good job" or invertedly, are selfish hogs.
Long story short, one might be so pre-occupied with trying to be a good fuck that they forget to enjoy themselves, or they might be so pre-occupied with trying to have a good fuck that they forget to please their bed partner.

Not that one-night-stands are unenjoyable per se, and the chase if often enjoyable even if the catch is not. I just advise against jumping into the adventure at every chance one gets. Not just because of birth control, not just because of STDs (of course these are important as well but I'm trying to bring up a new angle to the matter), but because they might be disappointed with the result. One night stands can be very rewarding though, when approached with the right expectations.

 

I personally am against one night stands for about the same reason as I'm against genocide. I've never experienced it (nor do I plan to), but in the same way genocide is killing and is therefore wrong, a one night stand is sex without love, and I consider that wrong. Maybe not a good comparison, but it's the best I can make. I see where many people come from on the position that "Gee, it's fun, so what's the problem?" but I consider that not only is it dangerous in the physical sense, it also carries the danger of making the first time with a person you truly love and would do or give up anything for far less special. Additionally, and this may be one way my mild Autism expresses itself, I just can't wrap my mind around the idea of completely giving yourself to somebody who you don't love romantically. It just doesn't make sense to me.

 

Again speaking from experience: no it doesn't. At least not for everyone.

 

So your arguement is the fear of actually forming a relationship with someone afte sex will inevitably lead to emotional and psychological pain? I don't believe that's the case for every type of one night stand, some meaningful relationship can be formed after being with someone sexually. I've heard of a number of one night stands that turned into long lasting relationship, i'll admit not all that sommon, but I would say it shows that being someone for sex only can lead to something beneficial emotionally and psychologically.

I'm actually surprised about the number of men that actually turn it down. Not as much compared to women, who apparently have greater restraints on their sexual desires, but still to a higher degree then what you'd expect from men. I myself have turned down a one night stand with one of my friends, I joked about something sexual which led to her asking about doing it one off with each other.
Initially, I was into the idea, I had known her for the last two years when she asked this, so I thought it wouldn't really damage our friendship down the line since we'd known each other for long enough. In the end, I wasn't in the mood and I knew that I wanted my first time enganging in sexual intercourse to be with someone I cared about in such a deep and meaningful way. Not to mention she was recently an ex of one of my best mates so I couldn't do that to him either.
I'm either an idiot, a good mate, or just plain gay! :P

 

That's why I said danger. It might not happen, but it's still reasonable to be afraid of it happening.

 

I feel like we need a proper definition of what we are considering a one night stand. Is it to have the intent to cut the relationship immediately, regardless of if that is the end occurrence? Vice versa? Simply having sex on the night you meet the person regardless? This conversation can go very different ways based on this.

 

I am a Christian and have generally strong Christian views.
However, I am okay with sex outside of marriage. The reason for this is that I believe many of the rules that God made were meant to protect people at the time. For example, there were many Biblical laws regarding the kind of food you can eat. Almost nobody cares about these anymore because we have so many precautions to keep this kind of food safe. However, at the time, there was in inherent risk at eating those types of foods.

It's kind of the same thing. At the time, if a girl wasn't a virgin and wasn't married, she was ruined. She could never find a husband and could possibly even be killed. And if she got pregnant out of wedlock, don't even get me started.
This, however, doesn't apply anymore. There are several forms of contraception and virginity is no longer held in high regard.

That being said, I don't think one night stands are okay, because it still has the moral implications of being...you know, easy. Sex outside of marriage with someone you love and care about is different. But one night stands, no, I'm not okay with that as a Christian.

 

I presume the set term of it would be a one off sexual encounter between two people, who don't take a further development of a relationship, it is purely sexual and a one off.
However, like you said before this isn't as smooth and clear cut in reality, people form attachments to the smallest of things, pets, toys, books, jewelry and so on. As such, after a moment of high emotion and physical interaction, the likelihood of attachment is to be expected, so meeting up again is a possible side effect.
And I'm not saying that it's the best way of meeting someone or starting a relationship, most of the time it backfires, but it's still a viable path to a stable and long lasting relationship.

 

One night stands. If you want to get into peoples rights, then of course they should be able to, regardless of the teachings of the bible.

Not gonna put a lot into this post, but on a personal view, I think one night stands to be a bit selfish. I personally am one who enjoys the connection between two people in a relationship. So I figure that the whole one night stand ordeal makes people a bit more arrogant towards them.
I use my friend for example. This guy thinks he's in love with her, and he's your average neighborhood manwhore. And I find the action he chose to be extremely common with most that are used to this sexual life. But he basically went in, even after being denied, and forcekissed her until she kneed him in the sack.

Otherwise, I find that sex without love involved is kind of animalistic I guess. In the end its just anouther type of addiction to pleasure, whether it be small or large. But I don't think it's that different from two people giving into their reproductive urges. My oppinion, not challenging anyone elses.

 

I think it's good for the person to relieve themself...maybe help to get rid of some of their stress,but at the same time it's cruel on the other person. Unless they both have absolutely no intention of a relationship..in which case i support it.

 

Yeeeeaah, that's not how that works. There's a huge difference between occasionally giving in to a temptation and compulsively giving in to it. You might want to reconsider your definition of "addiction".

 

This is a subjective issue; I cannot see it as right or wrong to have sex under any circumstances as long as it is consensual. I can see stopping someone from having consensual sex as wrong, but not having it itself. When you do that, you create a victim or two victims in a victimless situation. Creating a victim is always wrong. That sums up what I have to say on this subject, but I can add more if anyone is going to object to it.

 

One night stands are stupid. Why would you want to risk it?