part one of my story how is it?

here it is
It Had to Happen

Dedicated to Thelightisgone123


Story line: Two years after Sora and friends defeated Xemnas and returned home.

(Scene 1 takes place on Destiny Island in Riku’s dream and room).
Characters: Dream Zexion, Dream Riku, Dream Sora, and Riku

D. Zexion: I see all of the darkness inside of you Riku just let it out let it pour out of your soul.
D. Riku: No I made a promise to all my friends to never use the darkness to fight again.
D. Zexion: he he what friends do you have left Riku, Kairi forgot you long ago and Sora well Sora just plain hates you.
D. Riku: No you are lying you dirty *******.
D. Zexion: Hmmmm. So I do have to prove it lucky me.
(Zexion pulls out his spell book and summons D. Sora)
Go ahead Sora tell him what he means to you
(Sora takes out his keyblade and takes a lunging stab at D. Riku)
D. Sora: You thought I was your friend. I only put up with your sorry *** because Kairi felt sorry for you. But now that you know the truth I’m afraid you’ll have to die.
(D. Sora takes another stab at D. Riku, Riku dodges and instincts guiding him he slashes D. Sora with all his might in the back).
Ughhhh no how could this happen
(D. Sora falls over and appears to be dead).
D. Riku: No…Noo Dammit why did I do that Whyyyyyy.
(While Riku’s back is turned away D. Zexion takes his chance and stabs Riku in the spine with a summoned sword. Riku wakes up as soon as the blow is dealt).
Nooooo.. what? Where? Home again this is the 10th time I’ve had this dream and I’m sick of it.
(Riku jumps out of his bed, gets dressed, throws on his black cloak, grabs soul eater, and jumps out his window).
I’m going to find what’s causing this dream.
(the scene fades to black and the last thing you see is Zexion slouching in a corner smiling).

so how is it i think it sucks personally but it gets more interesting believe me.

 

pretty good, the chapter needs to be longer, and the language is a little out of character, and you need to go into a bit more detail, but its got a good plot by the looks of it

 

not bad.... better than the rubish i used to write XXDDD

 

hey not bad u need to improve a little but just fine :D

 

Your dialouge for story telling needs alot of work...