the problem is really simple but i'm scared out of my mind. my partner feels like we're not communicating like we used to. we've both been incredibly busy with life and haven't been able to get together much, and we always hit walls when trying to talk over the phone or even in person. i know you cannot force conversation, but i'd really like some advice on this. also, i would like to add that one problem is that she is not that big into video games, and i'd really like to talk about them with her, but i'm always scared she won't be interested and i end up reading into what she says too much. when we play games together, she does have fun, but i'd really like to share my ideas and views about video games especially because i'd like to work in that industry, and if i feel i can't talk about that stuff.. well, that's an issue. so yeah: what should i do to spice up conversation between the both of us? we already do fun stuff together, but we're really looking to focus on improving our abilities to have meaningful conversations and not just small talk to pass time.
Seeing that you both are concerned with this situation is actually, believe or not, a good thing. The fact that you both are worried over this means that you and your girlfriend really want to get things situated and build a stronger relationship. So with even that, you two are communicating. Okay, so conversation-wise; try talking about something you are both really interested in. Ask her things she likes that you don't already know of and see if you have similar interests. If not, let her speak about the things she has interest in and then you talk about what you are interested in. This would be the perfect chance for you to bring up your passion for video games. Perhaps you could ask her what her favorite game is and why she likes that game. If you are planning on making a career out of game design then she should know and possibly become more interested in it. Why not know what her boyfriend plans on doing in the future? With that, you could even talk about the future. What are her goals? Yours? Where do you both plan to be in five years career/place-wise? Where will you two be relationship-wise in five years? Etc...etc.... If she wants to talk about how much she loves to shop, by all means let her speak about shopping. You could even ask her questions about it or compliment her for wearing a certain brand. If things on the phone or in person begin to go slow, don't hesitate to ask questions. They keep a conversation going and you learn a bit in the process. They even could bring up new topics to discuss. New conversations. Bring up ideas. Mention something you two could do sometime. Maybe a date? Or vacation? Future vacation? Let her add her own opinions to the idea and you add too. Express opinions on a certain topic or discuss an event that happened recently. Tell her your views on the subject and ask her to share hers as well. Tell a funny childhood story or a story from your past with family and friends. Let her share her's. You said that you both have been very busy, ask her how things are going with whatever she is doing. Wish her best of luck with getting through it, to hang in there, and that you are there for her. (Mushiness :3) When you two aren't together or haven't gotten to talk for a while, don't be afraid to text her a random compliment. This will let her know that you are thinking of her when she isn't around and it will make her feel special. (and make you look like an even more awesome of a boyfriend to her...all teh feelz!) Keep your conversations on the phone short and sweet unless you have a lot to talk about. If things start getting quiet on the phone, don't be afraid to say that you are getting off for a bit and that you will call her later. It's better to end a conversation when things are going good than after things fall into an awkward silence for a few minutes. Hope this helps you two! Best of luck!
I'm perhaps not the best person to be saying this since I have the same issue of resisting to share interests with someone and over thinking what they say, but perhaps the best thing to do in this situation would be to just give it a shot. Try opening up the problem to her, let her know how you feel and maybe she'll be willing to give it a bigger chance if she knows how important they are to you, and that you want the two of you to be able to enjoy them together, or at least her not dislike them. I'm also horrible at having conversations with people. I cannot initiate a conversation, and I cannot carry on a conversation, but maybe the best thing to do would be to not worry about it and just let it come naturally. (Sounds lame, I don't even know what I'm saying.) Just go with the flow and stop trying to force conversation. Forcing conversation is not fun. It's painfully awkward. At least for me it is. Maybe you don't need to talk all the time. (Silence is golden, after all.) Just relax and enjoy the company.
Okay all your advice was very very good-but this bit here was GOLD! TRIGGER! To talk, you must text. random compliments are amazing because even if you don't really have all that much time to have a conversation, a short, sweet compliment brightens her day (eww cheesiness). It will really help you guys communicate more because it lets her know that you're busy but you're still thinking about her. I'm kinda having the same problem with a friend of mine (my ex, but my best friend nevertheless). We used to speak all day everyday (post-breakup) and now with uni we've kinda stopped. Hell I tried talking to him and he thought I wanted to get back together (bleh). Anyway what you should gather from this is that the communication cannot be forced. Forced communication leads to awkwardness, and this awkwardness will pretty much deflate your relationship cause she'll feel the tension. A simple text, a 'good morning beautiful' works the best (though if your gf is anything like me you'll get a foot up your ass). She will appreciate it! Even though you two are busy, it still shows that you care. NOW THEN let us talk about conversational things. Now if you haven't learnt the hard way already-one relationship consists of 2 individuals. You must put up with whatever the hell she wants to talk about even if you absolutely cannot stand it. Relationships are about love and all that crap, but also about tolerance. You cannot always force the video game topic on her because it's obviously not one of the stronger things you have in common with her. Focus on what you do have in common, and if you've covered all that, "how was your day?" is the easiest way to instigate some conversation. Even though whatever she's going to say might be really boring, you have to stay interested. Communication problems are indeed a sign that something is off, but don't freak out! The absolute worst thing you can do is over-think, and then over-text, because she will dump you for being all clingy and stuff. Do nothing more than the odd "good morning beautiful" and "how was your day" and see where the conversation takes you. You don't want to be doing this everyday though. Make it a random occurrence, so it doesn't get redundant and boring. It will keep her waiting for the next text, and THAT is what you want to do! I will conclude by saying my ex and I broke up for virtually the same reason. School started taking its toll on us, and he feared about how little we were communicating, so he would text me all day everyday without realising I was ridiculously busy. Then he insisted on coming over etc etc. I didn't believe he was giving me the space I needed so we broke up. That's kinda what you want to avoid. The worst thing you can do is panic! Just follow my advice-short, sweet texts on random days, and I will be very surprised if no conversation comes from it. Good luck :)
