Roxas: A Biography

This is a 85% true biography of Roxas, my best friend, and avid user of KH-Vids. The parts that aren't true are parts that I don't know exactly what happened and had to make stuff up. I hope you find it enlightneng. (Roxas knows about this, and he said its all okay for me to put up.)

Roxas was born on January 13th, 1991. He lived in England for several years, in which he learned many lessons that overall didn't help him later on in life.

He moved to America around the early to mid 90's. He met a dashing young boy named Atticus in first grade. They became best friends quickly, and had many nice adventures and storiez.

When Roxas was in 4th grade, he had his first girlfriend, a girl named Joelle. She was fat and ugly and I don't know what he was thinking. Then, he had a girlfriend named Jackie. She was skinny and ugly and I don't know what he was thinking. Roxas and Jackie did many things that normal 5th graders dont usually do. He described them to me in detail but I won't put you through those, but let's just say I didn't know tweezers could be used that way. These two years were years he would very much like to forget.

In 6th grade, Roxas realized he felt an attraction for boys as well as girls. He first noticed this when he saw a boy named Jared. Their eyes met, and Roxas blushed sheepishly. Jared gave him a warm smile and Roxas looked away, embarassed. Unfortunately, their love could not unfold, as Jared was shipped to Vietnam as a part of a mail-order rape victim deal. Roxas was heartbroken, but moved on.

Roxas also met a boy named Donovan Garmo. This boy was Roxas's first official "boyfriend". Roxas was madly in love. But due to insecurity in his sexual orientation, Roxas ended the beautiful relationship, and was once again heartbroken.

Roxas turned to music as his sole refuge. He started a band with Atticus, and Roxas decided they would be called Oblivion. Atticus thought that was dumb from the start but Roxas was enthusiastic about it and Atticus didn't want to hurt his feelings after his breakup with Donovan. Oblivion was heavy metal, they played music in the style of Children of Bodom, Metallica and Lamb of God.

But Roxas and Atticus decided they liked punk rock a lot better than metal, so with their good friend Joel, they changed their name to Connection Failed and are currently recording an album and playing shows.

In 6th grade Roxas played a video game that would change his life. He first saw the commercial for Kingdom Hearts on TV, and thought it looked pretty dumb because of all the disney characters. But the first time he played it, he pulled an all nighter. He then sold his gamecube to buy a Playstation 2. At around this time he was viciously beaten by a 46 year old German transvestite who pretended to be his dad before violating him in several areas of the body, but Roxas is still a little shaken up and hasn't gone into much detail.

Roxas is now obsessed with Kingdom Hearts. He has admitted he has a problem and has admitted himself to rehab. He hopes to complete rehab soon so he can return to his normal life.

I also have heard that he is engaged to Cin. 0_o

That was the story of Roxas: A boy, then a man, then a boy again.

Biography written by Atticus.

 

I peed myself after reading that.

 

.......................................................... I think about 95.4% of it was made up.

 

Up until the 5th paragraph,it is true.

 

ROFL OMG.

I can sooooo tell Roxas typed that. xDDDDD



Very enlightening. I shall remember this extremely useful information, for one day I shall beat roxas up, stare him in the face and say: "I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO THERE, I TOLD YOU."

/angermanagement

xD

 

omg that was so funny xDDDD
fav. parts= paragraph 5 and the german trans beating xDDDD

and he's in rehab O_O
where can i find a rehab to cure me from kh2 T-T
ima gonna send him flowers, and jared xD

 

roxas didnt write it xD. i did.

 

XD OMG XD
Thats so hilarious lol!
*wipes tear from laughing*
Wait a minute.. How can a 15/16 year old admit themselves to rehab o.0?

 

HAHAHA, Roxas is the man!

 

Ahhh... it all makes perfect sense now o.0

 

it may seem suprising, but most of it is actually true.

 

Dude, that's awesome. xD

Roxas sure has had an eventful life.

 

Wow, his life must have been pretty interesting XD

 

Correct. 100%

 

that has got to be the BEST biograph of a person i have ever read in my entire life nice work

 

Enlightening, indeed.

*****in' info.

Quite dashing *licks lips*

Amen to that! What as creepy girl!

First off, it was in 3rd grade. Secondly, she wasn't that bad. Third, she just wanted top practice her sexual fantasies. I just got taken along for the ride. I learned a few things. Too bad she didn't have boobs then :(.

....>_>

****. Yes.

WTF?!?

I want to smack his bum.

What a sad moment.

Actually, I don't think we had any real songs. Chorus of Guitars was better.

Connection Failed = <3

The best thing in that last paragraph wasn't actually KH, but the transvestite. I liked him in my skin.

Thank god they let me use a laptop in rehab ^^; *btw, I'm actually not in rehab for KH*

...

I have explained the situation to you. End.

And a wonderful one at that, too.

I lolled throughout this whole thing.

 

That was funny. xD...shipped to Vietnam...xD. Wait a minute! Don't use my country for your strange story! ....jk! >.<

 

3rd grade makes it even weirder

 

Well, he'll have an interesting story to tell his future wife/husband (with a story like that, you just can't be sure...)