Talking to your exes, acceptable or not?

My friends and I got into this discussion earlier.
I know it's common (or at least seems to be common), that when a couple breaks up, they usually either end on bad terms or get out of touch for whatever reasons.
So Clark and Lana started out as really close friends and eventually became a couple. They broke up after a couple of years but stayed friends. Then, Clark dated a girl named Alicia for a bit and then Chloe for a bit while Lana goes on to date other guys as well like Lex. Eventually, Clark starts dating Lois shortly after Lois broke up with Oliver. Lois and Oliver are still good friends while Clark still good friends with Lana and Chloe, and even talks to Alicia occasionally.

Is it fine for Clark and Lois to talk to their exes while in a relationship with each other?
I've heard "No because the fact that they're exes means there used to be feelings there and those feelings can jeopordize "Clois," "As long as they're both okay with it and there's nothing secret going on," etc.

Ignoring my obvious Smallville references, what are your thoughts?

 

From my own personal experiences, no, it's not alright to talk to your exes.

First Reason: You can keep telling yourself that you don't have feelings for your ex anymore, but in fact, you do. But you give yourself the excuse you don't so you can try to go back to the first level of the relationship; being close friends. From my experiences, you miss that, and you want it to go back to that... But then the other person (or you eventually) will want it to go back the way it was; you two dating and going out again like nothing happened, what ever the reason you broke up.

Second Reaon: Your friendships will die, hardcore. Especially if your other friends are going out with your ex. Yeah, it's sometimes painful to hear them talking about your ex as their dream come true and not yours, but let go and move on. It's working for them, it didn't work fo you. If you try to talk to your ex while your friend is going out with them, misunderstanding will come up, and you might even accidently break what friendship you had with your other friend if you were to get back together with your ex.

In conclusion, in my experience, talking to exes is not a good idea. Different results happen, but in a scale of 1 to 10, good things come out of it. The other 9? Bad stuff happens.

 

I honestly find it very awkward when talking to an ex.
It makes me think about the times I talked to him before and what we talked about when we were together, and so on.
And it also makes me find all the bad things about him that I didn't notice when I was with him.

So, I don't talk to my exes because I find it awkward, and the negativity shines through.

 

From my experience you have to not to them for a really long time before you can actually have a civil conversation with them. And even then, you have to be really careful because things can take a turn for the worse really quick. I like talking to everyone so the occasional "small talk" is usually okay.

 

Yeah I mean I still talk to Sabby all the time. We're BFFs 4ever and all that jazz.

 

Well I talk with my ex occasionally and while after the break up, we didn't talk much because of the usual awkwardness that comes with a break up and because a lot of the people around us decided to make more awkward as well. But after a little under a year, we started talking again and to be honest, I feel nothing strange between us at all. We actually joke every now and then about how awful we were as a couple and we're still good friends.

 

I'm one of those people who can talk to an ex and not be awkward about it. We went out, it didn't work the way we wanted it to, or maybe it just got boring, so we broke off. Nothing wrong with that. Unless he did it for an unfathomable and idiotic reason such as cheating, then we could still be friends.

 

This.

There's nothing wrong with talking to your ex. I mean, if you get along still, and don't hate each other, maybe you can go from being each others ex to friends if you weren't already.

 

Talking to an ex is not a problem. Sleeping with an ex or making a romantic jesture that is above passionate kissing towards them, is a problem and can be one hell of a fire. And believe me everyone involved gets burned in some way...

But yeah in summary talking is fine, becoming friends, good friends or evenly romantically involved is fine, as long as both parties aren't in a relationship with anyone else and aren't doing it out of desperation.

I don't get the problem. As long as you're mature enough to accept the past, why you can't talk to an ex is a mystery to me.

 

I've seen it go both ways. It depends on the maturity of the people and the circumstances of the break up. If you have trouble letting go of the past it will be harder to let go of the feelings you had for them. I bet people won't agree with me on this but I think if you had sex with them has an impact on this. And if you broke up hard you might not find yourself being able to forgive them completely (or vice versa).

 

Don't see anything wrong with it, can't understand the fuss surrounding it. Fine and dandy to keep in contact, provided that both ex-partners have settled any conflict among themselves. Rethinking it, however, expecting humans to be so level would be a tad foolish. Our feelings are prone to get in the way, in theory it works out, but applying this to reality distorts it. Sure, if you can manage to stay equable in the face of your ci-devant lover, then by all means keep in touch. Wish it was that simple, but hapless as it is, it isn't.

Cannot stand pigeonholing people, so I will halt myself here. Such broad generalizations - is it acceptable to talk to your ex? The answer differs depending on who we are speaking of, none of us are perfectly alike. Present to us a single case and it would be much easier to answer, but speaking for everyone? Impossible, would be to no avail were I to try.

And this is why I never post in the discussion section, I'm terrible at discussing; cannot support my posts if asked to, just my stupid beliefs. Take it with a grain of salt. If anyone decides to quote me, don't expect a reply.

 

It's wrong at all. If that were the case, I'd have to unfriend my ex girlfriend on Facebook and, remove her from my contact list on MSN, and then leave KHV forever once I found a new relationship. I think it's perfectly acceptable, especially if the two people were already the best of friends before the relationship. I mean, you can't honestly expect two people to break off all communication between one another just because they were once in a relationship and are now in new relationships. I agree that they shouldn't be alone together (as in, the only people in a room that has soundproof walls), but other than that, they can still be friends just like I'm still one of ex's best friends and part of her reverse harem (jokingly, of course). Good day.

 

I think it's perfectly okay as long as you both agree to it. I still talk to mine but I have no feelings for him. After you cheat that feeling dies.
But back on topic, I think that's for you and your ex to decide. However, first you need to have at least a year of distance to give you time to heal.

 

In my experiences, it's never really worked. I mean, it just hasn't worked. That's because either I still had lingering feelings, they had lingering feelings, or we both didn't have any feelings but eventually they came back--or we thought they did. Then it turned more into a, "lol there's no one else here so...i love you."
or "i can't have who i really want so, hi again."

Either way, it's a ridiculous cycle. There are a couple of people I still talk to, but I've learned to stay far, far, far, far away. From them. From their current girlfriend. From anyone crushing on them. Because it seems that no one can be mature about it, in my situation. Everyone thinks someone is out to get them or ruin something.

Now, when you're dealing with mature people, I'm sure it can work out just fine. I would love it if my exes and I could be friends, or at civil about things, but I hate having to hear love confessions, or have some girl approach me and go off because they think their boyfriend still has feelings for me. Dramamamama. It's all just painful. So yeah. Unless you guys are totally fine with each other, have no lingering feelings, resolved most if not all major conflicts, I don't see anything wrong with it. Depends on the person.

Usually when you stay friends with your ex (unless you never really were that deep involved to begin with, or happen to be an emotionally detached person), feelings are still there and are used to manipulate you into getting together, again, in the future. No matter how long it takes. I realize it's taken me A LONG TIME to realize myself, but I think that getting back together with an ex is usually a bad idea. Don't forget. Things didn't work for a reason. That reason is probably still there, and someone (if not everyone) will usually end up hurt in the end. The only time I've seen it be totally successful in a long range of time is if you take like a year or two between the time you broke up to actually get close again, and nurture your FRIENDSHIP.
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I don't really have any "exes" per se, but I have a complicated relationship with at least one person that feigns at "ex" status. Our conversations are not immediately charged with old, pent-up, fleeting feelings and don't degrade into arguments. My relationship with her does not constitute "baggage" that my next partner will have to put up with. Any failure to relate or converse peacefully is a sign of a problem or a less-than-ideal situation that needs to be righted, not ignored, preferably with the support of one's current partner; and if your partner will not support you in that capacity, I sure hope you're not wanting anything serious, because that just slammed a huge roadblock down in front of you.

It disturbs me that there is a trend in America and other parts of the world that couples are divorcing left and right, dysfunctional families are becoming the norm, and no one is bothering to question why that is or try something different. Habits formed in early life will come back to bite you if you don't deal with them, and avoiding exes is like taking a cigarette to an old photo and burning out one of the faces. Doing it for the sake of a current partner is more like cutting out that partner's face and pasting it over the old one. It is by no means necessary, nor, I think, healthy, for a person to do that or think they have to do that for any reason, and from where I'm standing it can only lead to trouble--marital trouble, most likely, when you get far enough down the line. That's not to say a person can't live with having burned that bridge forever, but it's hardly ideal and it should not be the norm. It's stagnation, is what it is.

Bottom line is, don't ever shelf a problem that is dragging you down or straining a relationship, because it will not go away. You need to pass it through your system and make it a non-issue. If you have an ex that you only see as a void in spacetime then you've got some work to do.

 

That's how I am. Only the 'he' is a she for me.
I fail to see the problem, and people who say you still have feelings for your exes, are wrong. Trust me, I hate my ex, and I have no feelings for her.

 

I find I'm able to talk to exes easly..... though to be fair all my exes are acctually female so it's a bit diffrent for me lolz

 

I guess it depends on the person

When you break up talking to that person is the last thing you wanna do. But to me if you can forgive the person for your mistakes and for whatever they might have done. Even if you or your partner cheated. You should have enough in you to forgive them, but not for them, for everyone around you. No if you can forgive them for yourself and really be at peace with them I find it easy to talk to an ex that way. I will say give it sometime though. It is weird to actual speak to the person so when you feel ready to do it then go for it. They don't even have to reply back even though it would be nice. Still at least you know that you did made an attempt to and shows that your becoming more mature. Hey the other person may hate you but let them then. You go out living your life while they are still being fixed on you. If their whole life is about you they either still may have some feelings for you. Or just want you to feel the same way as them so they can feel better about themselves. I will say forgiving them and trying to at least make the end of the road you two shared a good one will not be easy when you break up. Try your best and if you feel you did the best you could I mean really did the best you could then more power to you.

 

About a good year or so ago, I still had feelings for my ex, but I didn't act on them because it had been months and he was finally (hint the emphasis) going out with someone else. So thank goodness for that, otherwise I would have gotten myself back into that dysfunctional relationship.

 

Like some other people here, I don't see a problem with talking to your ex as long as both people are mature about it but yeah, it all depends on the person.

I still talk to my first ex-boyfriend, we're really good friends and we have a good laugh whenever we see each other. My second ex on the other hand, I try to avoid him as much as possible. I've changed mobile numbers and I've blocked him on facebook and MSN because he's tried contacting me again, I found out that he still hasn't gotten over the break-up (it's been well over a year since we broke up). I broke up with him because I was sick of him treating me like I was an object to play with.