What's the difference? Would you consider me obsessive?

As usual, this thread sounds a lot like my previous threads in the general Help with Life section. So, as before I will mention some issues that some of you guys already know.

Let's see, I have a best friend. That's right, I have one best friend and I've mentioned him in here two times already in different issues. I'm gonna just get this off my chest and state that my best friend and I are really close. In fact, I'm scared that I'm obsessive. You may be asking why, but it's seriously because I'm not use to having anybody else. This can be a good and bad thing. First off, I never really counted on other people, because I've gotten hurt in the past. I'm also very independent.

Since I was in first grade, I've been always quiet and shy. In fact, I always got upset when I saw a lot of other people hanging out and that it could never be me. The weird part about this is that I'm not as upset as I am now. I guess I was truly use to not having many friends. I never had a best friend, but I had a couple that I just talked to at school.

In ninth grade that changed when I met my best friend. He seems like a "copy" of me. I just find it weird how two people can like the same stuff. My parents and his parents would always make cracks and say "geez, now I know why you guys are such close friends". As time moved on, the friendship was known as best friends. Buy the time tenth grade came around, we were already calling each other brothers. We would hang out every Friday night. We would usually do the typical Friday night things. Ex: Pizza, PlayStation 2, Movies, bowling and etc.

As time moved on, I felt happy that I finally had a best friend/brother. In November of 2008, I already knew what was planed. My step-dad was ready to retire from Metro North (railroad station that went into Grand Central, New York City). He's been working there for thirty-one years. My mom and step-dad's dream was to live in Florida near the beach.

I knew we were moving. I couldn't bare looking at my best friend, family, teachers and etc. It didn't really get to me until we were packing in August of 2008. We moved on the 20th of August, drove down in the tropical storm and arrived from New York to Florida on the 23rd of August. I've been living here for eight months, yet I still hate living here with a passion.

Since I've moved to Florida and started a new school, I'm seeing my old school everywhere I go. I'm at work and I see my old job. I'm thinking of my family and my best friend. Getting all depressed and upset. I'm seeking for attention, trying to be somebody, yet I'm still quiet and not socializing with many people from this school.

From this day on, it still kills me that I can't see my best friend. I've lost patience. I don't trust him, particularly because I learned some things that I didn't know about him. He's apparently turned bi, but that doesn't bother me because I still care for him the same way. I mean, I'm not gonna de-friend him because of a change in orientation. He's made it clear to me that he cares for me so much. He always puts me first and etc. I do the same, but it's at a point where we are always talking on phone and on computer. I've isolated myself to one friend and I think I'm obsessive. If I don't talk to my friend for one day, I get all depressed. I feel there's something wrong with me.

The worst part is that I feel I'll never be myself again. I mean I'm only visiting on Christmas break and summer. By the way, my mom told me if I wanted to move back this September, that I could but now she just changed her mind. She's been a total hypocrite. She could care less about all my plans that I was going to take on this year and next year. I was supposed be in SAT prep classes. I was also supposed to be a mentor for the freshman, including for my nephew. As a bonus, I was accepted in TV production and I would be graduating with my class in my old school. Now, next year I'll be on the stage with all the new kids and at the same time, my old school will be too. I'm not sure if I can handle that.

As I've worked on trying to get back, my mom has screamed and carried on that I will not go back even though my sister is willing to take me in, back where I lived with all my family.

Redoing state tests is only half of my problem right now.

 

Um i like to help people out with a lot of things but this one makes me feel sad......and i don't usually get sad, but you are still friends with him right...? Even thogh you found out about his preferences.....because that has the potential to cloud the judgement of reasonable thinking for both of you.....

Sorry to go all Dr.Phil on you but, do you feel like you are/were obsessed with being around him...?

 

Yea, we are totally still best friends. I just got off the phone with him now.
I've never been obsessed with hanging out with him when I was living in New York, but ever since I moved, I feel like I am from this day on. Like I said, I never had a best friend, so this could also be a result. I just felt like I've died inside and it's affected my mood on everything. I can't even have a great time on the computer, because I'm either depressed, feeling sorry for myself and etc.

The only time I'm happy is when I talk to him, my family, old teachers and communicating and working with KHV. Anyway, I don't want people to feel bad for me. A lot of people move and leave people they cared and loved. I just need to stop being a baby, but it's like I have no control.

 

Allright Mike!I knew things would turn for the better...but,things are still awful in my case..I have lots of friends..but some betray you when you make a mistake..

 

Well the i think that the reason that you believe you are so obsessed might be from seeing other people around you hanging out with their "Best Friends"..... and it is a perfectly natural human emotion....Jealousy....everyone feels it, experiences it, and watches people go through it.....uh is there a way of incorperating any of those things into your everyday life, so that you are happier more....?

 

plus the way it makes you miss what you had.
I was the same way when my best friend moved, he was like my brother from 7th grade to sophomore year. Mike, you sound a lot like me (even the fact we're both from New York and moved South!) I understand where you're coming from, but hopefully you won't turn to the same ways to cope as I did.

Keep in touch with him, try to stay up-to-date in each other lives, don't forget you guys are like brothers, if not closer. If you notice the time between yr talks with him is getting longer, call him up on the spot.

It's alright to occupy yourself to cope, but make sure you remember he's still your friend and don't let him forget that either. The fact that you accept him after his orientation changes is proof of that.

 

And ya same here, my best friends both moved away this year.....i was really devistated but i still talk to them......and Mike, i don't think that you are obsessed, but that you are so happy to have a best friend that you don't want to lose a close friend....

 

By the way guys, it's me. I talk to Michael as much as possible. I care about him more than he's saying, but I'm sure he doesn't want it known, hehe. I thank you all for trying to help him, because I can't do much. Trust me, I've tried.

 

I wouldn't call it an "obsession," and if you keep thinking of it that way, it will turn into that. You're just so used to being dependent on one person for everything a friend can give that it's hard to separate yourself from that. It's even more severe than it is with people who have more friends because it's always just been that one person. But there's nothing wrong with that. Some people prefer to have only one person close to them, no one else.

So keep in contact with your friend, but try to learn to cope with not being able to always talk to him. Slowly ween yourself off of talking to him everyday. Explain the situation to him -- tell him that you still care about him, but you want to try to open yourself up to the people closer to you as well. He'll understand. Try going without talking to him for a whole day, and learn to deal with that. Gradually increase the time frame.

I've gotten very close to people on before, and it did get to the point where it was hard for me to go without talking to them. But you can take yourself away from that need. Try completely staying away from the phone for a whole day -- occupy your time with something else, like playing video games, working, playing a sport, etc -- try not to think about your friend at all. I'm not saying by any means that you should avoid him. Don't do that at all.

Try meeting new people as well. Think of what you liked in your old friend, and look for that in other people in Florida. No one is going to be as close to you as he was, and no one is going to share as many interests as you did with him, but that's okay. Opening up socially is very hard, it's terribly difficult for me, but just try it. Even if you only make friends on here, it's better than none at all.

It may sound hard, but you can do it, Mike.