Why I'm not here, and I guess goodbye too

Discussion in 'Departure Hall' started by Maka Albarn, Mar 20, 2013.

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  1. Maka Albarn It's called love

    Joined:
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    Hey everyone;

    Here we go again, eh? It seems like I just recently made one these. I really don’t know if this will be official (knowing me coming back even though I say I’m going to go poof), but I just wanted to let all my friends know and everyone else who knows me what’s going on. Why I’m not logging in. Why I’m acting so distant. Why don’t I talk to you, or Skype, or text you.

    I got some life problems to solve. No matter how many times I post in Help With Life, I gotta solve this on my own outside of this site. Plus, I feel like I’m becoming a constant nuisance to everyone with me being so depressing, complaining, and being unhappy all the time.

    To make a long story short, most of you know I was hospitalized last year around my birthday in August. I was having serious mental and emotional problems and they’ve gotten a bit better… But I still have a long ways to go. I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Don’t worry, I’m taking medication for it now and getting therapy- both individual and group.

    Why am I not sticking around you might be asking yourselves. Why won’t I just talk to you guys? Because I feel like not many of you will listen or want a burden like this. It seems like when someone gets sad, depressing, or start complaining constantly, everyone starts to diss that person and their problems UNLESS they’re HIGHLY respected members. So, I’m going to remove myself for a while. Maybe I might stay off for good, but it depends.

    Most of you know, and most of you don’t know, but depression is complicated. It’s not a phase, it doesn’t usually go away quickly, and it’s always there no matter what. It’s not really a choice either. I’m trying so flipping hard to be happy, but it’s really, really hard. I can take medication to cancel most of it out, but the suicidal thoughts and feelings of being hopeless and a lost cause will ALWAYS be there in my head. It’s a chemical imbalance in the head and it’s not easily fixable. And it doesn’t make it easier that I have anxiety and insomnia on top of all of this.

    I may have acted happy all the time and make my posts funny, but I was always feeling so hopeless and dark inside.

    I just want to thank the friends who are still talking to me and making sure I’m okay. If you’ve thought of me but haven’t been able to get a hold of me, thank you. I’m sorry, I just can’t stay here. A lot of my depression sparked from here sadly, and I feel horrid every time I come back even to look at old posts or read my poems.

    If you ever want to get a hold of me, you can contact me on Skype and my email. If you want to text me, you’ll have to get that through my email or Skype. I’m going to get a new phone soon too.

    Skype: classicsnap
    E-mail: darkheartsnatcher@hotmail.com or maka4242564@hotmail.com

    Thanks again for trying to talk to me and being patient with me everyone. I hope you have a good day.

    Love Maka
     
  2. Doukuro Chaser

    Joined:
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    Dealing with a lot of depression myself I understand where you're coming from but I must say you are never a nuisance or burden. I can't say much else without being a hypocrite, no matter how much I mean it, but I can say that I wish you the best of luck and that I hope things keep improving.
     
  3. Hiro ✩ Guardian

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Gender:
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    Well Maka, not much to tell you here except that I will miss seeing you around here (despite the fact we speak on Skype so often), but yeah.

    I do hope you'll come back to us, because you do have friends here, me included.

    Ciao.
     
  4. ShibuyaGato Transformation

    Joined:
    May 1, 2009
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    4,065
    Oh Maka, I do wish we could talk more, whether it be on here or on Skype. You really aren't a burden at all, but if you feel like you need some time alone to deal with things then that's perfectly fine, healthy even. Just remember that you can always hit me up if you feel like a chat.

    Take care~
     
  5. strfruit Gummi Ship Junkie

    Joined:
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    Depression is a rough battle, but you hang in there! I wish you the very best, Maka!
    You will most certainly be in my thoughts. I hope all will be better for you real soon.

    Never give up and stay strong. ^-^
     
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