You always get back up.

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Radiowave, Jan 27, 2010.

  1. Radiowave ITSA PIIINCH

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2007
    Location:
    You know, across the universe
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    To quote (500) Days of Summer, "This isn't a story about love. Its a story about life." I'd rather not divulge in the details but, after recently experiencing much of whats in my story myself, I felt compelled to write. It took 20 minutes to write, so don't attack me =/. The story itself is a bit long (about two pages) but I hope its funny at certain parts and you enjoy it.

    I'm not in the best of spirits. =/
     
  2. Chevalier Crystal Princess

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
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    Trapped on an Island
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    Awww, how lovely. I especially loved the end.

    It's a rather informal piece, picaresque actually. In this case the whole informality of it works in it's favor. I like how you mingle that with your familiarity with the subject. It gets that realism needed for these kinds of things. I really like how you actually know how to write this in a very interesting, and funny matter. And you have a sense of exactly what to write in things. it feels like you had some security regarding how to go about this. It really must have hit you hard in order to grasp the situation in this matter.

    It was really entretaining to read, and well...good luck with the love life.
     
  3. Radiowave ITSA PIIINCH

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2007
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    You know, across the universe
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    Thanks a lot man. I really appreciate it that you read it. And yeah, I was hit pretty hard but it certainly does help for inspiration, not to mention a bunch of movies I've seen. To be honest I didnt really plan any of my story (except for when I was sitting on the train coming home) and felt that its ending was kind of abrupt but I guess it did me some good.

    I'd like to say I'm encouraged to keep writing these type of stories but hopefully I wont for awhile :'D

    EDIT: I also cleaned up the story a little. There were small touches and parts that were italicized in the word document that weren't here for some reason.
     
  4. Juicy Chaser

    Joined:
    May 29, 2008
    325
    Yeahh khv randomly does this quite a lot ^

    Anyway, the story. I was pleasantly suprised that it was written in the second person, it's been a while since I've read anything like it. You certainly succeeded in bringing in some humor, especially when he was psyching himself up.

    Few mistakes I spotted, overall it was very well written and edited though.


    Should be "they're" or they are.

    This was a beautiful simile, but the clauses need seperating so the sentence sounds okay when read. I suggest a comma after "butterfly's".

    Need to lose the first a.

    Ugh, the feeling really sucks when you start noticing all the couples around you and you're the single one. :l










    and haha, I love the Muse version of "Creep". c:
     
  5. Jiku Neon Kingdom Keeper

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2007
    Location:
    Moe, Victoria
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    Not a literary masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, but that's not what you're going for, you seem to be going for catharsis and were that to be the aim then you'd be hitting the nail on the head. It's very emotionally driven and it works. Grammar hasn't proven to make reading dificult and you set the time, place and general setting without ever really saying much. I know it's easier to write short than it is to write long, but it doesn't detract from what you've got here. It's a short blurb so I'll treat it like one, one I really liked.