Yu-Gi-Oh! Spirit of the Sun

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Beucefilous, May 9, 2013.

  1. Beucefilous Kingdom Keeper

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    So i had this idea a few days ago for a story, and decided to post it here.
    Note: Some knowledge of yugioh will help with understanding what's happening, but isn't necessarily essential.

    Chapter one:
    "Oh? What's this? Another fool comes to challenge the master of the sun?" Said Marik Ishtar, in his deranged state. He let out a psychotic laugh. Lying at his feet was the unconscious body of a young girl, no older than thirteen. Her mind was now lost to the shadows, as was the fate of anyone unfortunate enough to lose a duel with him. "Soon the shadows will claim you as well." Standing a ways back from Marik was a boy with a smug look on his face. He wore a mostly grey ball cap with white on the front, and had grey hair partially covering one of his Topaz colored eyes. Beneath the hat a red bandanna could be seen.

    "Look, i don't know what this whole master of the sun or shadows thing is about, but whatever you did to that girl, it's not gonna fly." He said challangingly.

    "Hahaha! Then why don't you try putting your cards where your mouth is!" Marik taunted. "Please, give me the pleasure of knowing the name of my next victim! Not that it matters, they're all the same"

    "You are twisted in so many ways. I could only assume you must be the infamous Marik Ishtar. Rumor has it that you use some kind of magic artifact to duel. Tears away at your opponent's mind until they can't do anything. Well let me tell you up front, cheap tricks like that ain't gonna work on me. Oh, and the names Senji Masuta. You asked didn't you?" Senji said slightly grinning.

    "We'll see about that. Enough talk!" Marik exclaimed as they both activated their duel discs. The holographic projectors shot out into a square around them as the machines on both their arms released the trays on which cards were placed. The lunatic decided he'd go first. He grinned at his hand, apparently he was quite pleased with it's contents. "Of course no duel would be complete without the final touch" Marik said sadistically.

    "Come on, Give me everything you got. You're gonna need it!" Senji invited him to uses his dark powers. The invitation was gladly accepted by his opponent as a golden rod with an engraved eye was pulled from behind him. A golden light was emitted from it as dark clouds began surrounding the field. He looked around at the area. In a matter of moments, nothing could be seen but shadows and darkness. Now he saw what he meant by the shadows thing.

    "Now, for my first move I'll summon Revival Jam in attack mode!" The wielder of the Millennium Rod as he layed the card on top of his duel disc. Sure enough, a three dimensional version of the monster on the card appeared on the field between them.

    Revival Jam
    Lv: 4
    ATK: 1500
    DEF: 500

    "Even should you destroy my Revival Jam, it's special effect allows it to come right back from the graveyard! Next, i'll lay two cards face down and end my turn. Let's see how you answer to that." Marik goaded as he placed two cards in the slots beneath the monster card zones and larger replicas of them.

    "Revival Jam? Weak sauce. I thought this'd be more of a challenge." Senji said casually with a shrug. He looked over his hand. Yeah, he could take it out. "First i'll play cold wave! Wouldn't want any of those face-downs getting in the way." Marik scowled at this. His face-downs were useless to him until his next turn was over. "Next, i'll summon D.D.Survivor in attack mode!"

    D.D.Survivor
    Lv: 4
    ATK: 1800
    DEF: 200

    "What difference does it make? A mere three hundred points of damage won't make any difference. My Revival Jam will just return to me! Or are the shadows taking your weak little mind already?" Marik let out another laugh, but was interrupted by the sound of another spell card being used.

    "I activated Dimensional Fissure!" Senji called out. A large holographic tear opened in the sky, leading into nothingness. "Now with this card out, any monster that would be sent to the graveyard, isn't. It's instead removed from the game. And since Revival Jam has to be in the grave to revive, you can do the math. 'or are the shadows taking your weak little mind already?'" He said mockingly. Marik growled. "D.D.Survivor! Attack Revival Jam!" The monster did as it was commanded, and attacked the slime on the opposing side of the field. It broke into pieces, and the counter on Marik's duel disc dropped.

    Marik: 3700

    Marik groaned slightly as the shadows drained away some of his life force. It didn't last long before he let out yet another maniacal laugh. "In this shadow game, the lower our life points become, the weaker our bodies grow!"

    "Low life points eh? Well, luckily for me, that's not gonna be much of a problem." Senji grinned as he made the remark. Wondering what he meant, Marik cautiously made his next move, drawing a card from his deck. He stared over his hand. For this turn, he was unable to use spells and traps, but next turn would be different. For the moment, his best option was to stall.

    "I summon holding arms!" As the card hit the duel disc, a pair of gold shackles appeared on the field, with an eye similar to what was on the millennium rod in the center of the link.

    Holding arms
    Lv: 4
    ATK: 500
    DEF: ?

    "Now! Holding arms! Attach yourself to his survivor and bind it in place!" His monster did as told, clenching the cuffs around D.D.Survivor's wrists, hoisting it into the air. "For three turns, your monster will be useless to you! Ahaha!"

    With it being his turn now, Senji drew a card. He selected a spell and placed it in the proper zone "I activate soul absorption! Now any time a monster is removed from play, i gain 500 life points!"

    "It won't do you any good! Your cold wave has worn off, i activate Mystical Space Typhoon!" Marik said, extending his hand. As he did so, one of his face down cards rose up, revealing it to be the card he had announced. a green vortex of wind spiraled from the spell card, consuming Dimensional Fissure. "Your Fissure is no more!"

    "This isn't good..." Senji said seriously. In his hand was nothing he could use to remove things from play, Not yet. "I activate gold sarcophagus!" He called out, activating the card. "This card lets me take one from my deck, and seal it inside, removed from the game. On my second turn after it's activated, i can add it to my hand!" He knew exactly which card to choose. He selected it from his deck and put it in the removed from play zone. "And since it's removed from play, i gain 500 life points!" A purple wisp floated out of the card and into his body. As it did so, his life points rose

    Senji: 4500

    "It's my move" Marik stated as he drew his card. He grinned at what it was. Monster reborn, this would come in handy later. "First, i'll tribute my holding arms to summon legendary fiend!" The shackles binding Senji's monster faded, releasing it. On Marik's side of the field, something else appeared.

    Legendary fiend
    Lv: 6
    ATK: 1500
    DEF: 1800

    A large blue demon with 3 heads. One vaguely humanoid, and the other two of dragons.

    "Still not strong enough." Senji pointed out.

    "I'm not through you fool." Marik corrected. He took another card from his hand and placed it in the spell and trap zone. "I equip legendary fiend with sword of dark destruction!" A long red blade appeared as the monster gripped it tightly. A dark aura began enveloping it.

    Legendary fiend
    ATK: 1900
    DEF: 1600

    "Now my fiend, i think his monster has survived long enough! Ahahah!" The fiend attacked D.D.survivor with a slash of the sword of dark destruction. D.D.Survivor perished in a very similar manner to Revival Jam.

    Senji: 4400

    Senji felt the effects of the shadows as he lost life points. Since it was only 100, the pain was very mild. Yet he still felt it. The sting of losing life points. He now knew why so many people had lost to this guy. "Now, for my last move of the turn, i play card of sanctity! We each draw un-"

    "I know what it does." He interrupted Marik, showing he was still strong. He drew until he had six cards in his hand, as per the effect of the card. Marik did the same. Since the turn was over, Senji drew a card, bringing his hand to seven. For the moment, he couldn't do much. He had Helios Duo and Trice Megistus which would help, but neither of which could he summon at the moment. "I'll set a monster face down, and some backrow to go with it." Senji said, laying down one monster and one face-down card.

    "Is that all? You'll need to do more than stall if you want to beat me." Marik drew a card for his turn. "And now, thanks to my Legendary fiend's effect, it gains 700 attack points!"

    Legendary fiend
    ATK: 2600
    Def: 1600

    The monster grew larger in size as it's attack points increased. "I summon Melchid the Four Faced Beast!" A circle of four masks materialized on the field. The masks were all different, but all equally as unappealing to the eye.

    Melchid The Four Faced Beast
    Lv: 4
    ATK: 1500
    DEF 1200

    "And i'll equip it with black pendant! Raising it's attack power by 500 points." As the card was played, the black pendant shown on the card's picture appeared around the masks. A low glimmer could be seen shining from it, indicating a dark mystic origin

    Melchid the four faced beast
    ATK: 2000
    DEF: 1200

    "Now my beast, destroy his pathetic defense! Assault of the four faces!" Melchid did as it was told, shooting a different colored burst of energy from each mask at the face-down monster, and shattering it. "The graveyard awaits, pitiful monster. And now, Legendary fiend! ATTACK HIM DIRECTLY AND CUT DOWN HIS LIFE POINTS! AHAHAHA!" Marik yelled with yet another insane laugh.

    Senji: 1800

    "AAAAAGH!" Senji cried out in pain as the red blade passed through his body, taking out more than half his life points all at once. Before he'd only lost 100, so it was just a sting. But this, this was excruciating. The strain to stand was clear on his face, closing one eye and clenching his teeth. "I'm getting really sick of hearing that laugh of yours." Senji said spitefully. He was becoming more serious as the duel progressed. "Now then, my move!" He announced, drawing another card. "And since it's been two turns, the card i put into the sarcophagus is added to my hand!" The lid slowly slid off of the sarcophagus floating on the field as the card rose out and floated over to him. He grinned as it reached his hand. If he had a chance of winning, it lied with this.

    "I'll set these one card face down, and summon Cyber Valley." He said, placing the cards on his duel disc. On his side of the field stood a long, slender, mechanical dragon. "That's it for this turn"

    Cyber Valley
    LV: 1
    ATK: 0
    DEF: 0

    "A weak monster in attack mode? What are you planning?" Marik questioned as he reached for his duel disc. He stopped just before his hand reached the deck and a sadistic grin lit up his face. He knew full well what he was about to draw. He could feel it in his body. He picked up the card and glanced over it. Sure enough, his suspicion had been correct. It was The Winged Dragon of Ra. "It matters not what your plan is. You wont live long enough to carry it out!" Marik yelled, sure he was going to win with the power of the god. "First, My Legendary fiend grows in power once more!"

    Legendary fiend
    ATK: 3300
    DEF: 1600

    "Next, I activate Dark World Dealings! We each draw one card, then discard one." Marik made his draw and without even thinking about it, discarded Ra to use with monster reborn and revive into it's phoenix mode and devastate his opponent with it's effect."

    "Not so fast! Getting a little hasty. I chain Macro Cosmos!" Senji said, raising the trap card from it's face-down position. "Now, any card at all that would be sent to the grave is banished instead."

    "I-Impossible! It can't be!" Marik said in a shaky voice. He'd just wasted his trump card.

    "And that's not all. I still have soul absorption on the field! Which means for both cards banished, i gain 500 life points, plus the dealings card itself" Senji pointed out. as a small silver soul rose from his banished zone into himself, raising his life points by 500

    Senji: 2300

    "But if this is a shadow game...then that means-" Marik was cut off by an enormous wisp, ablaze with golden fire rose from his removed from play zone. It circled around and trailed over to Senji, enveloping him before finally going into him completely, boosting him by another 500

    Senji: 2800

    "Well, that was a little flashier than i expected. Your god card isn't gonna save you now, so make your move." Marik silently obliged, glaring at Senji. He pulled a card from his hand and placed it into his duel disc. As the card was revealed on the field, it was soul exchange.

    "With this card, i can now tribute your Cyber Valley along with my Melchid to summon the mighty Masked Beast Des Gardius!" the two monsters vanished into the removed from play zones, and were replaced with a giant brown creature with a mask where it's face would be. It stared down the opponent's field, ready to strike.

    Masked Beast Des Gardius
    LV: 8
    ATK: 3300
    DEF: 2500

    With all the cards that had been removed from play, souls swirled around Senji, all coming into him. There were five cards banished, Dark world dealings, Soul Exchange, Cyber Valley, Melchid the four faced beast, and black pendant. Giving him a total of 4500 life points.

    Senji: 7300

    "That's quite the impressive number you've come up with there. It's a shame it won't last! Attack him directly, Masked beast, Legendary fiend!" Both monsters did as commanded. Each one was a powerful strike, causing immense pain. Senji cried out as they struck him, and he dropped to one knee.

    Senji: 700

    "Go ahead you fool, make your last move!" Marik taunted. Even without the winged dragon, he was confident in his skills to win the duel.

    'Man, what am i gonna do? I had almost twice my starting life points, and he nearly dropped me to zero in one turn. And that Legendary fiend will only get stronger.' Senji looked over his hand. There were several useful things in it, but it was missing a key ingredient. 'one card. one card out of my whole deck can save me. The odds of me drawing it are slim...'

    "Get up" A voice rang out, causing Senji's head to shoot up, looking around for the source. It was obviously not Marik's. While his voice was deranged and warped, this was confident, serious, and prideful. After a moment, he turned around and realized who the voice was coming from. A tall, tan man with long, bright golden hair spiked back stood there. His eyes were dark red, burning with intensity. Senji had no idea who he was or how he got there.

    "You didn't hear me? I said rise to your feet." The man commanded. He was demanding, but Senji realized he was right. Sitting and waiting to die wasn't going to help. He struggled back to his feet, and place a hand on his deck. "Here goes everything." With one swift draw, he drew out his card and slowly opened his eyes to see what he held. The golden haired man nodded as he too glanced at the card. It's holder was pleased with the draw he'd been dealt.

    Chapter two:
    Marik scowled at his opponent's refusal to give up. He had nearly taken him out, yet he got back up. "You fool, there's nothing you can do against these beasts in a single turn! All it would take is one more attack to end your measly life!" He yelled to Senji, attempting to break his spirits.

    "Just shut up and watch!" Senji commanded his opponent. "I'm turning this around and there's nothing you can do about!" He gave one more glance at the man behind him. He had a serious look on his face, staring down Marik, but the man on the other side of the field made no reaction to it. He ignored him entirely. Or maybe, it wasn't that he was ignoring him. That didn't seem like the kind of thing Marik would do. What if he didn't even know he was there? In any case, it was his move, and he had to make it count. "First, D.D. Scout plane returns to the field due to the start of a new turn!"

    D.D.Scout plane
    Lv: 2
    Atk: 800
    Def: 1200

    "What? But i never destroyed that monster." Marik said, staring at Senji's new creature

    "You should pay more attention. It's thanks to you that i could summon this. Dealings, Remember?" He said, indicating that he'd discarded it to the banished zone. "Now, I summon the thing that'll help me take down your two beaters over there! D.D. destroyer! Come out!" The young duelist called as he laid down the card he'd drawn.

    D.D. Destroyer
    LV: 4
    Atk: 1000
    Def: 1000

    An almost monkey-like creature appeared, except it's limbs were various other animal parts, and growled angrily at Marik. "It only has 1000 attack points, against my 3300. That's your saving grace?" Marik said with a laugh, far underestimating the card's effect.

    "Yeah, it is. You'll see why once I activate this." Senji said, slipped a card from his hand into the spell and trap card zone. The ground rumbled as a large machine rose up in the center of the field. In its center was a circular portal spiraling with a great many number of bright colors. "Different Dimension Gate! When this card is activated, i pick two monsters, one on each side of the field, and have them go through the gate, which removes them from play. I choose my D.D. Destroyer and your Masked Beast Des Gardius!" A swirling wind began drawing in the monsters, slowly drawing them in until they both were sucked through the portal. As per the effect of Soul Absorption, two souls floated back out of the portal and into Senji.

    Senji: 1700

    Marik slightly tilted his head in the direction of Legendary fiend, as if to remind Senji it was still on the field. "Hold your Horus there, Destroyer isn't done with you yet! His effect is when he's banished, i can destroy one card on your field! And take a guess which one i choose." Marik looked shocked as his Legendary Fiend exploded into flames and was removed from play. Shocked, and almost afraid. He was now Defenseless, and his other face-down had been nothing more than a bluff. What's more, Legendary Fiend and the Sword of Dark Destruction it had been equipped with were both now banished, further restoring Senji's life points.

    Senji: 2700

    "Now, i'll activate double summon!" Senji declared, placing a card in the last slot available in his spell and trap card zone. "Now, even though i've already used up my normal summon, i can do it one more time!" He called, pulling a card from his hand. "I tribute my D.D.scout plane to summon Helios Duo Megistus! And since double summon and scout plane are banished, i gain 1000 more life points" As he cleared away one card and replaced it with another, a large orb of flame appeared, followed by a much smaller one orbiting it. Below was a bundle of bandages, wrapping around nothingness. They were arranged in the shape of a heavyset woman with a body proportionate so that the orb of flame was her head."

    Helios Duo Megistus
    Lv: 6
    Atk: ?
    Def: ?

    Senji: 3700

    "Now, the Helios cards are kinda special. Their attack is determined by how many monsters are banished. Duo, gets 200 attack and defense for every one of them" Senji explained the card, as the attack counter on Helios rose

    Helios Duo Megistus
    Atk: 1600
    Def: 1600

    "However, She's not sticking around for long. From my hand, i tribute her to special summon Helios Trice Megistus!" Once again Senji wiped away a card on the field and put another in it's place. This monster was very similar in appearance to it's predecessor. Three slender female figures made of bandages, all with a sun like object for a head. "This is the final Helios monster. Instead of 200, it gains 300 for each monster banished. Which includes, Duo Megistus. Speaking of which..."

    Senji: 4200

    Marik simply stared in awe at Senji and his monsters. He was on death's door. Yet, in a single turn, the duel been completely turned in his favor. It was incredible. Was he...actually going to lose? No. He still had one more turn. Helios Trice Megistus was strong, but not strong enough to take him out all at once.

    "Right now, there's nine monsters banished: Revival Jam, Masked Beast Des Gardius, Legendary Fiend, D.D. Scout Plane, Cyber Valley, Melchid the Four Faced Beast, Helios Duo Megistus, D.D. Destroyer, The Winged Dragon of Ra," Senji drew out the last card as if insulting Marik that his god card had been removed from play. Never able to be summoned due to his own error. "Nine times 300, that brings it up to 2700!"

    Helios Trice Megistus
    Lv: 8
    Atk: 2700
    Def: 2700

    The Golden Haired man had been silent this whole time, a small smile creeped it's way over his mouth as Senji dueled. Something about him...There was a fire in his eyes. A fire that refused to be smothered out. A light among the shadows. "Do it." The man spoke in a deep voice, telling him to carry out the attack. Senji nodded and obliged, extending his hand outward to declare it.

    "Go! Primordial Nova!" Senji called out the name of the attack. The three women of bandages encircled Marik and each let out a burst of flame from the orbs of fire that were their heads. Marik cried out as the flames scorched him, draining away his life points. Unlike Senji, he had no way of regaining them.

    Marik: 1000

    "It's not over yet you fool! I still have life points, and one more turn to end you!" Marik shouted angrily. He was enraged at the thought of losing. He couldn't stand it. Losing or the boy defeating him. His eyes were filled with hatred. A burning hatred for the one they gazed upon.

    "Oh no you don't!" Senji called out, raising his last remaining card on the field.

    "WHAT?!" Marik was shocked at what he saw.

    "Go! Ring of Destruction!" The purple trap card rose up. Marik's doom was revealed. A metallic ring encircled Helios Trice Megistus, spouting flames in several directions. What Ring of destruction did was it wrapped itself around a monster on the field, destroyed it, and both duelists took damage equal it it's attack power. Except in this case, only one of the duelists would survive it. A bead of sweat dropped off of Marik's face, followed by an explosion. The explosion which destroyed Senji's monster. The final act in the duel.

    Senji: 1500
    Marik: 0

    As the duel ended the shadows faded, as did all the cards on the field. Senji stood victorious and looked over at an unconscious Marik Ishtar, his cards laying scattered around him. "Well done." the golden haired man called out from behind him, congratulating him on his win. Senji turned around to get a closer look at him. He looked somewhat familiar yet he couldn't put his finger on it.

    "Who...are you?" Senji asked him. The man seemed to be thinking about how to answer his question. Eventually he walked over to the unconscious opponent Senji had defeated. He rolled him over with his foot and picked up a card off his chest. He slowly stood up and held it next to his face, showing the picture and himself side by side.

    "No way..." Senji said, unable to believe what he was seeing.

    "You may call me Ra."

    Chapter three:
    "Ra?! As in the Winged Dragon of Ra?!" Senji asked. Even though the answer had become obvious at this point, he was unable to believe that the spirit of a god card had somehow manifested itself and helped him win the duel. He understandably found it far-fetched.

    "The same." Answered the god of the sun in response. He took one glance over at the card he held "Here. Your prize." then tossed it to Senji, who skillfully caught it. Not a second sooner had he, a bright flash of light emanated from the card. Senji was forced to cover his eyes while Ra held up his poker face. After the light was gone, Senji slowly returned his gaze to the card. It was different from before. It's art was like a fusion of it's normal machine-like mode and it's phoenix mode. The dragon on the card was ablaze with a glorious golden fire, and in a position as though ready to smite the enemies of it's summoner. It's effect followed a similar patter. At the cost of now it couldn't be special summoned, it could use the effects normally limited to it's phoenix mode while on the field from a normal summon.

    "Whoa...What the hell just happened?" A confuse Senji wondered aloud.

    "It's as i thought..." Ra muttered to himself, closing his eyes momentarily. Opening his eyes, he looked at the boy across from him, who was looking at the card in his hands. Whether it was in confusion or admiration couldn't be discerned. Perhaps both. He thought it best to explain his theory, to avoid confusion. "The egyptian gods are mighty beings as you know, but our power is held back. We're restricted by the chains of a mortal master in a duel. If allowed to break free, our power would surpass even that which has been witnessed in our being played previously."

    "That's great, but what does that have to do with me?" Senji was confused, and would be shocked at the news the sun god was about to deliver.

    "You're no longer entirely a mortal." Senji's eyes widened as the words hit his ears. It was obvious he didn't understand the half of what Ra meant, so the explanation continued. "The duel you just won was a shadow game. In one such duel, the monsters aren't simply holograms. They're the living spirits of the monsters called forth from another plain. When you played soul absorption, you drew in the actual souls of those monsters that were destroyed. It seems as though two souls inhabiting the same body merge themselves together in a sense, sewn together by invisible threads. Myself included. You're now as much a god as i am."

    Senji stood silent for a few seconds. He was a god? How did that even work? His explanation had answered a few questions and left a dozen more in their places. His head hurt from all the thoughts in it. "If you're merged with my soul, where are all the other monsters that i absorbed during that duel? Shouldn't they be here too?"


    "Lesser creatures such as those cannot withstand my presence. It's similar to not being able to look directly at the sun. You end up having to cover your eyes and look away. The concept is the same. They become incapable of inhabiting the same body and are banished from it. Although it does raise the question as to why you're able to..." Ra said, becoming lost in thought. The conversation was broken by a faint moan from off to the side. The girl Marik had beaten was waking up. The likely cause of this was his own defeat.

    "Oh my head..." She groaned as she slowly sat up and rubbed the back of her head. Senji quickly made his way over to her to see if she was alright. Ra remained where he was but looked in their direction.
    "Hey, are you alright? What were you doing dueling Marik? That guy's a lunatic." Senji questioned her. It was only then a thought occurred to him. Could she see Ra? He turned over Marik with his foot and picked up the card, so it was obvious he could interact with the physical world, but so far he hadn't interacted with anyone but him. 'Guess I'll find out soon enough...' Senji thought to himself

    "I'm fine..." The girl said as she looked over to the unconscious body of the man who'd defeated her in a shadow game. She could infer that he'd been beaten at his own game by the boy in front of her, which caused her to wake up. "Thanks for saving me, but i only lost because he used that stupid god card of his. The power that thing's got is ridiculous" She said, remembering her match with him. "As for why i was dueling him, the Battle City tournament of course. He came up and challenged me."

    It made Senji glad that he'd averted the summoning of it. If he hadn't, he'd almost definitely have lost. He looked surprised when she said that she was a participant in the tournament. She was so young. "But...you're only like thi-"

    "I'm eighteen." She interrupted him, knowing what he was going to say. She looked somewhat irritated at him thinking she was younger than she was, as most people did. "I just look young. Anyway, thanks again for helping me with Marik. My name is Gabrielle." She said, standing up and extending her hand to shake his.

    Senji took her hand, surprised at her real age. "Senji Masuta." He said introducing himself. Something occurred to him. She'd lost. She was out of the tournament. Senji, being the nice guy he is, took out a locator card and handed it to her. "Here. He kinda cheated with that whole Millennium Rod gimmick. I don't want you out of the tournament because of that."

    Gabrielle hesitantly took the clear card from him. She didn't like getting help, but she knew she had to in this case. She wanted to prove herself as a duelist by winning the tournament, and this was the only way to do that. "..Thank you." She said eventually, unsure what else to say.

    "Now then, are we done here?" Ra said from behind Senji, breaking his streak of silence. Judging by Gabrielle's reaction, she could see and hear him. Senji nodded at his new godly friend.

    "Yeah. We've got a tournament to win."
    CnC appreciated.
     
  2. Beucefilous Kingdom Keeper

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    Ah, right. Well with it being banned in the real game, i had never really looked over it too much. I just knew it stopped your opponent's spells and traps until your next turn.
    I'll leave that in there for now and take note of that in the future.
     
  3. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

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    Ohmygosh!! This was absolutely amazing!! I haven't seen an episode of Yu-Gi-Oh! in forever, and this just made my day ^^ It was so much like an actual episode of Yu-Gi-Oh!

    The play by play was awesome, the details were (in my opinion) the best part of this fanfic. There's not one thing I didn't like about this. Your portrayal of Marik was outstanding and Senji was amazing. I loved the ending as well. Leaving the rest to the readers imagination, not revealing the golden haired (which I'm assuming was Yami Yugi) mans name, and just the feeling in those last few paragraphs!!

    Totally astonishing work ^^ Grade A fanfic.
     
  4. Beucefilous Kingdom Keeper

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    Chapter two is up!
    Marik scowled at his opponent's refusal to give up. He had nearly taken him out, yet he got back up. "You fool, there's nothing you can do against these beasts in a single turn! All it would take is one more attack to end your measly life!" He yelled to Senji, attempting to break his spirits.

    "Just shut up and watch!" Senji commanded his opponent. "I'm turning this around and there's nothing you can do about!" He gave one more glance at the man behind him. He had a serious look on his face, staring down Marik, but the man on the other side of the field made no reaction to it. He ignored him entirely. Or maybe, it wasn't that he was ignoring him. That didn't seem like the kind of thing Marik would do. What if he didn't even know he was there? In any case, it was his move, and he had to make it count. "First, D.D. Scout plane returns to the field due to the start of a new turn!"

    D.D.Scout plane
    Lv: 2
    Atk: 800
    Def: 1200

    "What? But i never destroyed that monster." Marik said, staring at Senji's new creature

    "You should pay more attention. It's thanks to you that i could summon this. Dealings, Remember?" He said, indicating that he'd discarded it to the banished zone. "Now, I summon the thing that'll help me take down your two beaters over there! D.D. destroyer! Come out!" The young duelist called as he laid down the card he'd drawn.

    D.D. Destroyer
    LV: 4
    Atk: 1000
    Def: 1000

    An almost monkey-like creature appeared, except it's limbs were various other animal parts, and growled angrily at Marik. "It only has 1000 attack points, against my 3300. That's your saving grace?" Marik said with a laugh, far underestimating the card's effect.

    "Yeah, it is. You'll see why once I activate this." Senji said, slipped a card from his hand into the spell and trap card zone. The ground rumbled as a large machine rose up in the center of the field. In its center was a circular portal spiraling with a great many number of bright colors. "Different Dimension Gate! When this card is activated, i pick two monsters, one on each side of the field, and have them go through the gate, which removes them from play. I choose my D.D. Destroyer and your Masked Beast Des Gardius!" A swirling wind began drawing in the monsters, slowly drawing them in until they both were sucked through the portal. As per the effect of Soul Absorption, two souls floated back out of the portal and into Senji.

    Senji: 1700

    Marik slightly tilted his head in the direction of Legendary fiend, as if to remind Senji it was still on the field. "Hold your Horus there, Destroyer isn't done with you yet! His effect is when he's banished, i can destroy one card on your field! And take a guess which one i choose." Marik looked shocked as his Legendary Fiend exploded into flames and was removed from play. Shocked, and almost afraid. He was now Defenseless, and his other face-down had been nothing more than a bluff. What's more, Legendary Fiend and the Sword of Dark Destruction it had been equipped with were both now banished, further restoring Senji's life points.

    Senji: 2700

    "Now, i'll activate double summon!" Senji declared, placing a card in the last slot available in his spell and trap card zone. "Now, even though i've already used up my normal summon, i can do it one more time!" He called, pulling a card from his hand. "I tribute my D.D.scout plane to summon Helios Duo Megistus! And since double summon and scout plane are banished, i gain 1000 more life points" As he cleared away one card and replaced it with another, a large orb of flame appeared, followed by a much smaller one orbiting it. Below was a bundle of bandages, wrapping around nothingness. They were arranged in the shape of a heavyset woman with a body proportionate so that the orb of flame was her head."

    Helios Duo Megistus
    Lv: 6
    Atk: ?
    Def: ?

    Senji: 3700

    "Now, the Helios cards are kinda special. Their attack is determined by how many monsters are banished. Duo, gets 200 attack and defense for every one of them" Senji explained the card, as the attack counter on Helios rose

    Helios Duo Megistus
    Atk: 1600
    Def: 1600

    "However, She's not sticking around for long. From my hand, i tribute her to special summon Helios Trice Megistus!" Once again Senji wiped away a card on the field and put another in it's place. This monster was very similar in appearance to it's predecessor. Three slender female figures made of bandages, all with a sun like object for a head. "This is the final Helios monster. Instead of 200, it gains 300 for each monster banished. Which includes, Duo Megistus. Speaking of which..."

    Senji: 4200

    Marik simply stared in awe at Senji and his monsters. He was on death's door. Yet, in a single turn, the duel been completely turned in his favor. It was incredible. Was he...actually going to lose? No. He still had one more turn. Helios Trice Megistus was strong, but not strong enough to take him out all at once.

    "Right now, there's nine monsters banished: Revival Jam, Masked Beast Des Gardius, Legendary Fiend, D.D. Scout Plane, Cyber Valley, Melchid the Four Faced Beast, Helios Duo Megistus, D.D. Destroyer, The Winged Dragon of Ra," Senji drew out the last card as if insulting Marik that his god card had been removed from play. Never able to be summoned due to his own error. "Nine times 300, that brings it up to 2700!"

    Helios Trice Megistus
    Lv: 8
    Atk: 2700
    Def: 2700

    The Golden Haired man had been silent this whole time, a small smile creeped it's way over his mouth as Senji dueled. Something about him...There was a fire in his eyes. A fire that refused to be smothered out. A light among the shadows. "Do it." The man spoke in a deep voice, telling him to carry out the attack. Senji nodded and obliged, extending his hand outward to declare it.

    "Go! Primordial Nova!" Senji called out the name of the attack. The three women of bandages encircled Marik and each let out a burst of flame from the orbs of fire that were their heads. Marik cried out as the flames scorched him, draining away his life points. Unlike Senji, he had no way of regaining them.

    Marik: 1000

    "It's not over yet you fool! I still have life points, and one more turn to end you!" Marik shouted angrily. He was enraged at the thought of losing. He couldn't stand it. Losing or the boy defeating him. His eyes were filled with hatred. A burning hatred for the one they gazed upon.

    "Oh no you don't!" Senji called out, raising his last remaining card on the field.

    "WHAT?!" Marik was shocked at what he saw.

    "Go! Ring of Destruction!" The purple trap card rose up. Marik's doom was revealed. A metallic ring encircled Helios Trice Megistus, spouting flames in several directions. What Ring of destruction did was it wrapped itself around a monster on the field, destroyed it, and both duelists took damage equal it it's attack power. Except in this case, only one of the duelists would survive it. A bead of sweat dropped off of Marik's face, followed by an explosion. The explosion which destroyed Senji's monster. The final act in the duel.

    Senji: 1500
    Marik: 0

    As the duel ended the shadows faded, as did all the cards on the field. Senji stood victorious and looked over at an unconscious Marik Ishtar, his cards laying scattered around him. "Well done." the golden haired man called out from behind him, congratulating him on his win. Senji turned around to get a closer look at him. He looked somewhat familiar yet he couldn't put his finger on it.

    "Who...are you?" Senji asked him. The man seemed to be thinking about how to answer his question. Eventually he walked over to the unconscious opponent Senji had defeated. He rolled him over with his foot and picked up a card off his chest. He slowly stood up and held it next to his face, showing the picture and himself side by side.

    "No way..." Senji said, unable to believe what he was seeing.

    "You may call me Ra."
     
  5. Technic☆Kitty Hmm

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    I made my replies and revisions while reading through the chapter. When referring to lines, I mean sentences. When referring to paragraphs, I'll be excluding the card info. So paragraph three would be "What? But I . . . "

    On the subject of paragraph three. There's a mistake in the first line. "But i never" should be "But I never" instead of the former. Generally speaking, you should always capitalize 'I' when it is by itself.

    I'm noticing the same issue again in paragraph four. Rather than telling you everytime I see the error, mostly in dialogue, just be sure to remember to capitalize 'I'. Even though it seems like a small error, it can really kill your work.

    Mistake in paragraph five, lines one and two. There appears to be a rather large grammatical error here.

    There's actually a few errors. I'll go ahead and show you a revision that would take care of them.

    Mistake in paragraph six, line two. Actually, there shouldn't be a break here.

    In the same paragraph, line five. There is a grammatical error. You used "it's" which is a contraction for "it is" rather than using "its" which is possessive.

    Not sure if it's a mistake in paragraph seven or a pun. The phrase is normally "Hold your horses." However, I can understand it if it's a pun.

    Mistake in paragraph eight, line seven. "a much smaller on orbiting it" It should say 'one' rather than 'on'.

    I'm pretty sure in the last line, same paragraph, there's a run-on sentence. There's just too much going on here. I'd recommend breaking it up. I'm also noticing a few other grammatical, or no . . . Maybe grammatical isn't the word, but structural perhaps. I'll explain momentarily.

    Okay, so I'll explain what happened here. I broke up the, what appeared to be a, run-on sentence. I also removed a line that seemed redundant. You had already stated the bandages were wrapping around nothingness so there was no need to state it again. In the way the, broken off, second sentence was worded, there was no need for a comma. And that wraps up the explanation, lol

    Mistake in paragraph ten, last line. There is no form of cut-off for the last bit of dialogue. You should either have a hyphen, or the also popular trailing periods. So it would be "of which-" or "of which..." so that we know the dialogue is cut-off. You could also remove the sentence prior's period, replace it with a semi-colon, lowercase the 's' in speaking, and add a period to the end to make it a complete sentence.

    Mistake in paragraph eleven, line two. Run-on.

    As my old English teacher would've said, "What was completely turned in his favor?"

    Multiple mistakes in paragraph twelve.

    Now I'll try and recap the errors. Okay, so rule of thumb: never not spell out a number that's under 100. Always spell them out. You used a comma in the first sentence and proceeded to follow it with a capital 'T'. When making a list like that, it's best to use a colon. Describe what the list is about, colon, then all the list items. Space after 'D.D.' for both of the monsters. In some cases I've actually seen spaces between the two D's as well. You completely ignored any means of punctuation at the end of the list. Following that, was a run-on. Again, you should have spelled out nine. 300 was fine though. I don't mean to be harsh, but this isn't math class. 'x' is not an acceptable replacement for 'times'. Always spell items like that out. Times, divided by, minus, added to. Follow this especially in dialogue. Unless you're directly quoting or referring to a mathematical expression or equation, always spell it out.

    Mistake in paragraph thirteen, line one. Run-on. It should be a semi-colon rather than a comma. It'd be better if you'd make them two separate sentences.

    Same paragraph, line six.

    Mistake in paragraph eighteen, line two. Run-on. Again, either replace the comma with a semi-colon or make them both individual sentences.

    Same paragraph, last line. Run-on. Semi-colon or separate sentences.

    Mistake in paragraph nineteen, line two. No need for the first comma.

    Same paragraph, line three. The period after 'Well done' should be a comma and the 'the' following should be lowercase.

    Same paragraph, last line. Again, no need for the first comma.

    Last paragraph. You did not use any ending punctuation. There should be a period after 'Ra'.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

    All in all it was a great chapter. Excellent end to the duel with Marik. An unexpected twist in the end. Can't wait for the next chapter ^^
     
  6. Beucefilous Kingdom Keeper

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    I had no idea i made so many mistakes. Thank you for pointing them out. I've corrected most of what you mentioned
     
  7. Beucefilous Kingdom Keeper

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    "Ra?! As in the Winged Dragon of Ra?!" Senji asked. Even though the answer had become obvious at this point, he was unable to believe that the spirit of a god card had somehow manifested itself and helped him win the duel. He understandably found it far-fetched.

    "The same." Answered the god of the sun in response. He took one glance over at the card he held "Here. Your prize." then tossed it to Senji, who skillfully caught it. Not a second sooner had he, a bright flash of light emanated from the card. Senji was forced to cover his eyes while Ra held up his poker face. After the light was gone, Senji slowly returned his gaze to the card. It was different from before. It's art was like a fusion of it's normal machine-like mode and it's phoenix mode. The dragon on the card was ablaze with a glorious golden fire, and in a position as though ready to smite the enemies of it's summoner. It's effect followed a similar patter. At the cost of now it couldn't be special summoned, it could use the effects normally limited to it's phoenix mode while on the field from a normal summon.

    "Whoa...What the hell just happened?" A confuse Senji wondered aloud.

    "It's as i thought..." Ra muttered to himself, closing his eyes momentarily. Opening his eyes, he looked at the boy across from him, who was looking at the card in his hands. Whether it was in confusion or admiration couldn't be discerned. Perhaps both. He thought it best to explain his theory, to avoid confusion. "The egyptian gods are mighty beings as you know, but our power is held back. We're restricted by the chains of a mortal master in a duel. If allowed to break free, our power would surpass even that which has been witnessed in our being played previously."

    "That's great, but what does that have to do with me?" Senji was confused, and would be shocked at the news the sun god was about to deliver.

    "You're no longer entirely a mortal." Senji's eyes widened as the words hit his ears. It was obvious he didn't understand the half of what Ra meant, so the explanation continued. "The duel you just won was a shadow game. In one such duel, the monsters aren't simply holograms. They're the living spirits of the monsters called forth from another plain. When you played soul absorption, you drew in the actual souls of those monsters that were destroyed. It seems as though two souls inhabiting the same body merge themselves together in a sense, sewn together by invisible threads. Myself included. You're now as much a god as i am."

    Senji stood silent for a few seconds. He was a god? How did that even work? His explanation had answered a few questions and left a dozen more in their places. His head hurt from all the thoughts in it. "If you're merged with my soul, where are all the other monsters that i absorbed during that duel? Shouldn't they be here too?"


    "Lesser creatures such as those cannot withstand my presence. It's similar to not being able to look directly at the sun. You end up having to cover your eyes and look away. The concept is the same. They become incapable of inhabiting the same body and are banished from it. Although it does raise the question as to why you're able to..." Ra said, becoming lost in thought. The conversation was broken by a faint moan from off to the side. The girl Marik had beaten was waking up. The likely cause of this was his own defeat.

    "Oh my head..." She groaned as she slowly sat up and rubbed the back of her head. Senji quickly made his way over to her to see if she was alright. Ra remained where he was but looked in their direction.
    "Hey, are you alright? What were you doing dueling Marik? That guy's a lunatic." Senji questioned her. It was only then a thought occurred to him. Could she see Ra? He turned over Marik with his foot and picked up the card, so it was obvious he could interact with the physical world, but so far he hadn't interacted with anyone but him. 'Guess I'll find out soon enough...' Senji thought to himself

    "I'm fine..." The girl said as she looked over to the unconscious body of the man who'd defeated her in a shadow game. She could infer that he'd been beaten at his own game by the boy in front of her, which caused her to wake up. "Thanks for saving me, but i only lost because he used that stupid god card of his. The power that thing's got is ridiculous" She said, remembering her match with him. "As for why i was dueling him, the Battle City tournament of course. He came up and challenged me."

    It made Senji glad that he'd averted the summoning of it. If he hadn't, he'd almost definitely have lost. He looked surprised when she said that she was a participant in the tournament. She was so young. "But...you're only like thi-"

    "I'm eighteen." She interrupted him, knowing what he was going to say. She looked somewhat irritated at him thinking she was younger than she was, as most people did. "I just look young. Anyway, thanks again for helping me with Marik. My name is Gabrielle." She said, standing up and extending her hand to shake his.

    Senji took her hand, surprised at her real age. "Senji Masuta." He said introducing himself. Something occurred to him. She'd lost. She was out of the tournament. Senji, being the nice guy he is, took out a locator card and handed it to her. "Here. He kinda cheated with that whole Millennium Rod gimmick. I don't want you out of the tournament because of that."

    Gabrielle hesitantly took the clear card from him. She didn't like getting help, but she knew she had to in this case. She wanted to prove herself as a duelist by winning the tournament, and this was the only way to do that. "..Thank you." She said eventually, unsure what else to say.

    "Now then, are we done here?" Ra said from behind Senji, breaking his streak of silence. Judging by Gabrielle's reaction, she could see and hear him. Senji nodded at his new godly friend.

    "Yeah. We've got a tournament to win."