Something new, more of a pop up in my brain, and might not be that good. Enjoy if you can, and don't bash me about it. I wouldn't write something that would offend anyone(even if I tried), or if it would be massively boring. -------------------------------------- CHAPTER 1 The year of the very day we fight is never one of our choices to remember, only the thoughts of loved ones, and if we will ever survive for the next two seconds. This is the way of the battlefield, and you should be as strong as the warriors by your side. Remember your fellow comrades even after they die, and after you die. This, this is what we've been trained through, and it will never break. At least, not for me, and my friend Trevon..................... " So, you ready to take back what is ours? Or, are you gonna chicken out again?" The brown headed man grinned lightly, and started to knock on the young mans helmet. His smile was dazzling to a newcomers eyes, but not after you meet him. His soft green eyes would turn stormy, and his whole personality will change. Of course, that was when it was time for battle, and that time wasn't now. Or was it? " I don't know, I can't go out there by myself, so would you come with me?" Staring at the pupils of his eyes, the man smiled to himself, and reached for his sword. His hair was spiked upwards, but at the middle went into a downward position. The scar on his cheek was hypnotizing, especially since it shot straight across his face, and it seemed to get larger every time he fought for his life. His uniform was a usual Captain uniform, except his was black. This symbolized alot of things, one being he is part of the top squad officers in the whole force, but the others are unknown to most. " Well won't it be an honor, well? Let's go! C'mon, don't take all day, we have a long way to go!" The young officer lifted up behind the rock, and picked up his gun. He took out a clear crystal that gleamed from the street lights above, and inserted it into the weapon. A strange symbol appeared on the side, and started to change into numerous twisted like letters. Soon it glowed, and the soldier seemed to have a spark in his eyes. ' Let's go." The captain's sword was long, and wide. For the blade, it stretched to about four feet, and it was pretty...well...extraordinary. It was filled with constructed lava from the core of the planet Proferus. A world made of mysterious lava, but is more elite in its core. Strange weapon, for a strange world. The man peaked from the rock, and scanned the area in front of them. A powerful battle raged on as two groups went head to head, and the bloodshed got worse. The man smiled as he jumped from the cliff, and the new soldier followed him. Slashing downwards towards a flock of enemies, a wave of heat spread in front of them, and a blast commenced. Jumping from where he was, doing the fancy spiral roll, the captain landed in the middle of a chaotic battlefield, and so did his private. Tons of bullets speed his way, and with quick movements of his sword blocked all of them. Stabbing his sword into the ground, lava suddenly lifted up from the ground, and consumed his selected opponents. The private dodged most of the bullets, but had an unexpected one zoom right past his leg. Right before that, he shot the crystallized gun, and a white bullet with wings sprung out. It went straight through the enemy in front, but cut through the second flood with its wings. The wings left the bullet after that, and it was by itself. When it landed, it exploded causing a white flash, and destroyed a good deal of his share. Soon a infield medic came to help the private out as the battle commenced, and more blood was spilled. After more vigorous fighting, and tears of lost comrades, the battle ended. A flag with the words Unlimited Peace swung on top of the main building now in few damages, and the winning team seemed to go inside...... " Hey, wake up, it's no time to sleep." Blue hair rustled over his nose as he opened his eyes, and there was a woman staring down at the young man. He launched up as she moved her head out the way expecting that, and the woman smiled. " Im glad you're up, and well. It's good to see you again Kao." Kao rubbed the back of his head, blushing a bit as he barely stood up, and squinted from the quick sharp pain to his leg. The woman quickly helped him keep up, and slightly frowned. " Don't just get up so fast! You gotta be more careful, even though you only came through with this, and a bunch of bruises." Sighing, he sat down, and looked around the building. " Yeah......thanks Brittri." She smiled, and gave him a quick hug. Kao manage to keep in the smile, trying to be a little more mature, and not returning the hug. Brittri released, and gave a wink. " Don't act like you don't care Kao. I'm the only one who knows how you really feel. Enough of this though, the captain wants to see you in the next room, and please use those support holders. I can't help you because I have others to treat. Can't have me forever." Kao rolled his eyes, and grabbed the wooden support handle. It didn't take that much to stand up, but the pain of the bruises worsened. Walking towards the door, he looked back at Brittri, and let out a light smile. He had finally been able to win, but he had many more battles to go. "..............I can't open the door." Brittri giggled as she ran over, and slowly opened the door for him. Kao blushed a little in embarrassment, and walked through the door. " So much for my accomplishments, can't even open a door..." The captain was talking with other leaders of a certain squad, and to another captain like him. The brown haired warrior looked over at Kao, and waved for him to come over. " Wow, you must have had a really good dream huh? By the way, I like the crystal you have, keep it up Kao. Now, let me show you are plans." Kao strolled over, but was happy to find that there was a chair nearby. Rushing over in delight, he almost messed up with his supports, and flew towards the chair. " Finally!" Too bad though, a higher class pulled the chair away, causing Kao to land straight on the ground, and the whole room laughed. Kao looked up at one of the higher squad members, Jain. " Very funny Jain, give me the chair, or I'll leave a scorpion in your bunk again." Jain laughed as he scooted the chair back to Kao, and grinned crazily. These were the mere peaceful times of war, when you pal around with your comrades, and everything didn't seem to matter anymore. Kaos captain cough to get their attention back, and it always seemed to work. " Alright, now time to get back to business. We've searched the whole bottom level of this building, but now we need a team to go towards the middle region. Remember, this building isn't as normal as it looks, why do you think it's still standing after all the fighting?" Another squad member, Zel, raised his hand, and the captain sighed. " Yeah Zel, what is it?" Zel put his hands directly in the back of his head, and swayed on the heels of his boots. " Maybe the buildings on steroids?" Soon everyone started laughing again, and even the captain did. " Okay Zel, I guess you're the first to go." Now everyone was laughing at Zel, but he slapped himself for falling for that trick. The head captain use to trick people into going, or doing things they didn't want to do. " Now, I guess you know who's accompanying you right?...........Kao." Kaos eyes widened, but he quickly tried to keep his cool. His face seemed to be a stone wall, and he nodded his head. Though, his thoughts did differently. " Oh man! I still have to use these stupid supports!" The only thing that could come out was a question. " Are you sure you want to send me? Im still using supports." The captain cocked his head to the right, and shook his head. " Now now Kao, no excuses, and I didn't give Brittri a chance to actually finish on your leg. So, after you go check back with her, come back here. Understand?" Kao closed his eyes, and then reopened them again showing high confidence. " Yes sir." Jain rolled his eyes, and started talking to the other squad members. The captain turned around, and looked back at the map. " Alright, now as for the rest of you...Team Delta, I want you to venture the land, and search for any abandoned enemy camp sites. I'm pretty sure they were all deployed to fight us, so it should be okay. Only carry a little power, and go all out if you get surrounded. Team Zanier, contact the officials, and tell them we have won. Give them some good descriptions about our location, and that we're low on supplies." Clearing his throat, he looked at everyone, and did his famous bright smile ounce again. " I love you guys, you're my comrades, and nothing will ever change that. Unlimited Peace. Ready?" All the groups nodded their heads, and saluted. " Go!" Splitting up to their duties, Zel walked over to Kao, and helped him up. Jain finished taking items from the captain, either that, or made more small jokes. The three went through the door, to meet more of their members that were getting cared for by Brittri, and she was almost finished with the last one. Kao sat down on the bed again, wiped most the sweat off his forehead, and looked up at Brittri. " It's feeling a little better, but no thanks to Jain though. That surely wasn't any normal bullet I got hit with, but the captain says you should fix it up in no time." Brittri nodded as she started digging in a box with a green cross with flowers surrounding it, and took out a pair of blue bandages. The same green cross on the box had appeared on her forehead, and the ounce blue bandages turned a bright green that sizzled like a campfire. Kao took of his boot, pulled up his pants leg, and started to get ready for something wonderful. Brittri started rapping it around his leg, touching his skin, it started to glow a faint greenish color, and she softly kissed his lips. Kao jumped back in surprise, and the glow had fainted. The process had required for her to also touch his skin, but Kao didn't expect that. Even though, she had already touched him, she still had kissed him, and that's what surprised him the most. Jain was about to crack a joke, but he knew Brittri would do something horrible. After a few seconds, Kaos leg had felt better, great even, and now he was ready for action. Brittri had turned back to normal, and the green bandages had faded away into a mysterious smoke. She sat down besides Kao, and smiled ounce more. " Man, those field medics are really hopeless huh? They just make you more comfortable before you die." Kao licked his lips, trying to keep from laughing ounce more, as it was his, and her comrades she was talking about. Brittri noticed, and rubbed the back of her head. " Oh come on, you know I didn't mean it like that. Wait, are you still surprised by the kiss?" Kao turned the other way, trying to keep from smiling, and raised from the bed. It has always been like this. Brittri was the kind of person who could make you smile anytime, on any battlefield, or in every bad situation. Of course, she always does it to her favorite person, and that would be Kao. Even though they have been lovers since training, Kao is still in her trance, and tries to keep from smiling to much infront of her. This isn't a sign of little affection, Brittri knows he cares for her alot, and they seem to be very happy all the time. Most people get jealous, but there isn't anything that would tear this relationship apart. Zel, being her brother steps in, staring straight at her deep aqua eyes as always, but can't help to smile. " Enough already, now we're gonna go check out the middle region of this building, even though you're apart of our squad in general, I want you to stay here, and that's a order." Brittri crosses her arms, pouting as usual when Zel tells her what to do, and looks him straight in the eyes. " Fine, but you better take care of yourself. Did the captain already give you some supplies?" Zel nodded, pulling them out of his pockets, and showing how many he had to everyone. It was about ten healing herbs, twenty energy recoveries, and another white crystal for Kao. " Now Kao, Im not gonna give this to you yet until you actually need it, so i'm gonna use it for now. I'll be sure to recharge it with the energy recoveries." Jain looked across the room, seeing most of their teammates in top for, and then looks back at Brittri. " Alright, let's go everybody. This may not be easy, depending on what's up there, but let's just hope for a couple of bats...." After saying goodbye to Brittri, the team walks over to the staircases, and looks up at the dark pathway awaiting for them. Kao nods at Zel, both of them pull out their crystals, and the group travel up the stairs. As they walk Kao gets tapped on the shoulder by something, and that caused chaos. In a second, Kao turned, tripping the tapper, and pin down with the crystal at its throat. This had all occurred in two seconds. It had all been meaningless, as it was Zerk, one of his comrades. " Oh, sorry man. On the battlefield, you should be ready for anything, and always stay cautious." Zerk was more new than Kao was, and he didn't know the captain like Kao did. Pretty much, he was a private, and didn't know better. Zerk stood up after Kao let off, but Kao looked at everyone else. " Hey, what if he had been an enemy?" Zel shrugged, putting his crystal right infront of his face so they could see him better, and slightly grinned. " Well, I saw him actually coming up towards you." Kao put the crystal in between him and Zerk, hoping it would be clearer for both of them. It was pitch black, and it was hard to see everyone with just two crystals. Not everybody has one, and all the other soldiers that did are Team Delta. " Well, what did you want?" Zerk looked down at the ground, and scratched the back of his head. " Well.......how come you never treat Brittri right? I mean, she hugs you, kisses you, shows you all kind of affection. All you do is try to keep from smiling. She deserves someone better....." Kao just stared at him, or more just stared down at him. Zerk was pretty short, actually the shortest of them all, and seemed to be the weakest. Sure didn't know what to say though. At least the right things. Zel just walked past the two, slowly so they would still see him, and the others followed his lead. Kao walked, if you wanna call it walked, behind Zel, and actually ruffled Zerk's hair. " You don't understand, true love......hmm....nah, I don't really have to explain. I'm gonna let you find out for yourself, and then you'll know that we're both mad for each other. I know you're just worried, and curious. Though, this isn't the time, we're approaching the region any minute, and the battles will continue." Zerk managed to let out a small smile, it's not that he didn't like Brittri, to tell the truth everybody did, but he would rather look out for Kao in his own way. After a few minutes, they reach the first middle floor, but it was suppose to be pitch black. There was a small light coming from a turn in the first hallway, and that's where they would go. Kao connected installed his crystal with his gun again, and so did Zel. The rest of the crew cocked their weapons, and tested their swords in a single swing away from the group. They were ready for anything. Kao walked slowly towards the hallway, gun glowing, and pointed frontward. There were small sounds of metal clashing coming from the hallway, and everyone was a little shaky. Putting his back against the end of the wall, Kao did a small peek around the corner, but soon laughed. Everyone was puzzled, until he stepped right infront of the hallway, and pointed at the glowing object. The group looked, and they all smiled. Zel took a breather, and started to relax a bit. " Man, a glowing mushroom. Though, why would it be sitting right here?...." Jain threw his arm around Zerk's shoulder, and pointed at the mushroom. " Ow, I think it just stung me guys. Ha! Hey look Zerk it wants to get you..........Zerk?" A few seconds after he threw his arms around Zerk, he felt something cold run down his hand, and it smelt like something every soldier knows. Blood. You would never know what blood really smelt like unless if you shed it, and have spilled it out of your own wounds. Jain aimed up his weapon, and could feel something breathing on him. " Guys! Zerk is- what the-!........." Zel turned around, raising up his lighted gun, but there was no Jain. Kao flew a few cuss words, and started searching. " Everyone stay close! Jain! Zerk! Where did you go?!" Zel turned around towards the glowing mushroom, and his brown eyes slowly lighted up as he slowly turned around towards his group. " Hey, i'm starting to think this is a tra-.......holy crap!" It was too late, Zel had seen a big black object move from the ceiling to one of his squad members, and soon he could see about five of them if he turned the right ways. It was pitched black, and the things were as dark as the devils heart. A scream came from one of the comrades, and then another. Kao could see that one tried to sneak up on Zel, but he quickly turned on his rapid fire. Tons of little tiny white bullets sprung out, these didn't have wings, but they were quicker, stronger, and overall better than normal ammunition. The black creature screamed a terrifying sound as it died, but it had started to turn red. It wasn't blood.... The captain was working with Team Zanier to communicate with the other squads, until they heard, or felt an explosion go off. The captain looked up at the ceiling as it rumbled, clenching his fists, he ran for his sword, and nodded at the captain of Team Zanier. Brittri clasped her hands together, and looks up the stairs. " Kao.........." Kao had knocked right into the wall as the creature threw him across the hallway, and cut his arm. Zel had laid unconscious from the blast that impacted right on him, and he appeared to be dead. Kao could still hear the screams of his comrades as they got attacked, and he felt so weak again. " No!! Leave them alone!!" The creature was right on his face, drool oozing out its mouth, and he had spoken like a normal human being. " We will build this world anew, and live with the Darkness that is trying to take your land." The creature raised its claws, and stared down at Kao. Kao didn't even worry about himself, the only people he thought of was his comrades getting killed right now, and that he couldn't do anything about it. He could only scream for the person who has rescued him before. " Trevon!!!!" The captain stood at the beginning of the stairs, and his whole body was turning into one big storm. " Don't worry.......i'm coming Kao." END OF CHAPTER 1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hmmm, I think i did pretty good. Chapter 2 will be out soon, or really after people have recognized/read my story. lol
very intense beginning, with a nice end, I like this story alot, lookin forward to the future chapters to this.
Yeah, thanks people. I'll just go ahead and post the new chapter today........Remember to comment. XD --------------------------------------------- CHAPTER 2 Consider others well being before your own, and don't be selfish. I never did know what that meant, not even after all the sacrifices, deaths, and drama that went on during something called war. I can understand caring for someone you know more than yourself, but with someone you don't know. I guess it's all part of being a hero, or is it really? Kao managed to kick the creature away from him before the strike, and crawled over towards his gun. Slashing his tail forward, cutting, wrapping around Kaos leg, and flung him towards the higher floor. Kao had gone right through the ceiling, and landed right next to the hole he had made. Splitting up blood, Kao smiled, and squeezed the handle of his gun. " Heh, no matter. I have my weapon. Now all I have to do is-" Kao didn't finish his sentence as another explosion had happened right beneath him,and the floor where he had landed just collapsed. Bringing him down as well, Kao landed right on his back, which had taken out the fire sprouting on him, and his gun was flying away ounce more. Barely one eye open, he could see his comrades still fighting, and more of them dead because of the blast. " N-no! fall back now! Retreat!" No matter how many times he screamed for his team to run, they had continued to brawl, and Kao cried. Suddenly, a hand had touched his shoulder, and gave a slight chuckle. " H-hey......we will never run......we would abandon our teammates. Everyone is not dead yet Kao, we can still fight..........." Kao had smiled to see that Zel was alright, but the left side of his face was dark with blood, and burns. He was right though, everyone who was on the ground was either dead, or barely alive. Which meant, we had more people, but Kao didn't want that. " Zel, if their not dead, then we'll carry them out instead of fighting, so that way we can save them...." Zel shook his head, and took an effort to stand up. Smiling again, he raised his sword into the air, and yelled with all his might. " We will fight! Not because of our pride or dignity! But for our fallen comrades!" Zel had started to emit this strange blue/purple light around his body, and sword. In three quick slashes, a wave of energy flew towards incoming creatures, and they all exploded. Kao had forced his body up, covering Zel who had obviously forgotten that they cause a good size explosion, and shouldn't have destroyed three at one time..... " Zel! I won't let you go like this!" Kao took out two healing orbs from Zels pockets, and opened them at the exact moment the blast had impacted them. A reddish orange, and green color had light up the hallway........also making it better for Trevon to see. " What was that?" The heroic captain had been making his way up the stars, his sword barely making any light, but could see where the end was. The bright explosion didn't fade away like all the others, it stayed for awhile, and that's when he took his chance to run faster. Making it up there, he could see most of Kaos team fighting, but not actually killing the awful creatures. " What are you guys doing?!" Taking out his sword, he ran towards the first soldier he could see struggling, but another man on the ground caught him by the leg. " Don't hurt them too bad, or they will explode! That's whats happening to that explosion right there! But.....but I don't know why it's green...." Trevon clenched his fists, and put away his sword. How were they suppose to kill exploding enemies in such a small place as this? First things first though, he had to help the soldiers struggling. One comrade had tackled on down, and started pounding it in the stomach. Their skin was as hard as a rock, so every hit with skin wouldn't do much damage, at least for a regular private. Trevon grabbed the creature by the tailing, letting the soldier get off first, and swung it towards another one with some other comrades. " I understand we have to be careful, but don't get beat up either." The man was surprised, as the captain was making jokes, but his eyes were still so wild. Soon he helped out other soldiers as well, but of course they kept coming because they can't die. Actually, more like they didn't want them to. The thing that ounce was an explosion, had turned into a ball of multiple colors. Trevon took out his sword, and looked at now his team. " Take everyone that is still alive, and leave. I'll handle the rest of these things, and whatever that is." All the men looked at each other, and one stepped towards Trevon. He was worse than all of them in terms of injury, but he had the same feeling as them all combined. Jain...... " No, we will not go......we want reveng-" Trevon looked behind them, revealing his left eye, and everyone backed up. Jain was the first to pick up a wounded soldier, and soon everyone followed after him. The captain looked back at the creatures trying to gain sense of what was going on, but he only shook his head. " Man, I knew this would be dangerous, but man. I believe......you're in my way!!" Taking out his sword, he jumped from wall to wall in a swift action, getting closer to his enemies, and slashed down his sword. Slicing one in half, in a split second, he ended up at the end of his line of enemies, and soon they all split in half. Normally, after the turn of events, this would seem like a stupid move, because there were about eleven left. Trevon smiled. " Goodbye." They all exploded, and a powerful blast blew through all sides of the walls surrounding the floor, including the top, and towards the brilliant captain. Holding his sword out infront of him, it seemed to open up from the sides, and he smiled ounce again. Suddenly, all the fire had started being absorbed by his sword, the intense heat and power was enough to make him sweat. Soon all the fire was sucked up into the long sword, but it didn't close yet. " Now, time to figure out what this is...." Turning around, Trevon began sucking up the unknown fire into his blade, and two well known soldiers dropped out. As his sword closed, he ran over to see who they were, and smiled when he saw the familiar faces. " Well, now I see what that was. Hey, wake up." He starts messing with their hair, and Zel was the first to open his eyes. Looking at the hallway first, he saw that there were no body's, the area looked more horrible than war itself, and that's saying something. Zel finally realized that someone was playing with his hair, and looked up to see the captain. " Captain......." Trevon smiled, and looked at the now awaking Kao. Kao had the same reaction as Zel, but noticed the captain before anything. " I called for you............thanks for coming." Kao sat up, his injuries healed up, but the burn mark on his back was still there. Zel had everything healed, except the forever scar that is on his face, but he hadn't noticed it yet. Trevon put his hand on his face, and sighed. Zel looked confused as the both of them were staring, and he didn't know why. " What happened?.......my face? What's wrong with it?!" Something on the side of his face was irritating him, but he thought his face still had blood on it. Kao reached for his gun, infused with the crystal he could see a little, but he thought it would help. " Look at the crystal Zel....." Zel looked straight into the crystal, eyes widening, heart pounding, and tears began to run down his face, or at least the good side of his face. His heart pounded harder in fear because he was more worse than the creatures he fought, and that part was darker. " My face.........it's........" Trevon stood up, and closed his eyes. " Im sorry, something like that.....you would need special surgery, but it would be almost impossible. Things like this are the cost of war, but it's just your face. Just be grateful you didn't lose anything more important...." He started to walk towards the other part of the hallway, where they should, and would be going. " I will help you finish your mission, seeing as you will need my help to get to the higher ground. There's no turning back for now." He was telling the truth though, that explosion was towards the exit, and that part was completely destroyed. There was no turning back, and they would have to find a different passage. Zel stood up, nodding his head, and Kao followed afterwards. Kao looked towards the hall, and cocked his gun making light spark from the inside. " Lets go." Trevon sure was a hero alright, he made sure that his comrades had left, and taken out the enemies by himself. Same thing for Zel, he knew most of his comrades were not dead, and he didn't want to retreat. He wanted to fight for them, and wasn't concerned with his own safety by almost blowing us both up. For me, I may have saved us both, but did I really do it for the both of us? You can choose for that, but I know im not there yet............ END OF CHAPTER 2 ------------------------------------------------- Pretty good? Comments are welcomed.
Okay, I like the story. It has originality and most of the key elements seem to be there. It's also pretty magnetic. Your imagery is moderate. It could use a little bit of work, though. Your choice of words for describing emotions was exceedingly well done, but environment and characters need just a pinch (you're on the brink, though, so don't think too much about that). I give it an 8.5/10. Keep it up n__n
Its good ^____^ You do have a few grammatical issues though :P Mostly possesive things, such as "Barry's whateverthing" :3 Like Spike said, work on the imagery. Work on descriptors, as well as more emotional thoughts. But its good ^_^ I look forward to reading more (:
Sorry it has been a pretty long time, I just had some things to take care of, and I feel relieved now. Enjoy, and comment. =D ----------------------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER 3 I wish that I wouldn't lose any of my friends, and none of the people I work with. Half of war is being able to die on the battlefield, and without death it wouldn't be what it is. Fighting to the enemy wouldn't seem that bad to somebody you just ask on the road, but they're forgetting that the people we know will die to. Including them....... The group had been able to go through the most of the floors in the middle, but there was no lethal interaction with any aliens. Or anything for that matter. It had only been cold; of course dark in the whole area, but the tension had never left the air. To Kao, all of this was stressful, and only because he was worried about Brittri. The monsters seemed to be fond of darkness, but what if the power went out below? Zel on the other hand, was wrapped up in getting revenge, and not just for his face. Pretty much, they wanted to kick some butt, and conquer these floors. Trevon was starting to get worried, thinking that going deeper into the darkness would be bad, but Kao thought of a strategy. The threesome was in a triangle formation, that way they were watching each others back, and of what was their front. Each had some form of light, and might attract something. That didn’t seem to happen. Kao growled in anger, and shot his gun ounce making a big flash of light. “Come out already! I know you’re hiding!†Zel rolled his eye, of course on the good side of his face, and looked at Trevon. “There doesn’t seem to be anything, and I got all steamed up for nothing...†Trevon wasn’t even listening as he bonked Kao on the head, and told them both to shush. Looking back frontward, he started walking again, but he seemed to be looking for something. Kao followed his lead, getting back to his position, but he still was steamed. “What is it Trevon?†Trevon barely made sound with his steps, and of course with his breathing too. Stopping again, he looked back at Zel, and started to whisper. “Did you guys notice not even an explosion? The bullet he fired had just disappeared. I think there’s something down there, but stay quiet………..If ya can.†Kao slightly smiled, as Trevon tried to throw in a harmless tease, and Zel only grinned as he knew it would be pretty hard for him. The tension had gone over the limit now, as the group approached the end of the hallway, and were ready for anything. Step by step, sweat began to drip down Kaos forehead, and it was hard to not even breathe. Closer. Closer…………….There was nothing. Trevon lightened up off his grip on the lava filled sword, and started to kick the ground. “Just a stupid wall, I don’t understand! It’s not like your bullet just dropped in mid air, it can go long distance, and would have surely-“ Trying to control himself, Zel looked down at the ground, actually looking for the light coated bullet, but Kao looked at the wall. Something was awfully strange about it, and he wanted to experiment. He started to reach his hand out for it, and touched the cold wall. “Eh? Hey guys, I think-“ Suddenly Kao turned into a bright flash, and disappeared in a mere second after he started talking. Zel ran over to the wall, not even touching it, but trying to find out where Kao was. Without him here, there wasn’t much light to see now, but Trevon just started at the wall. He smiled. “Well, that’s quite an old trick.†Zel didn’t turn around to face him, but was still looking at the wall. “What are you talking about?†Trevon did a wild grin, his eyes started to turn dangerous, and he pushed Zel towards the wall. The flash had happened again, and Zel was gone out of his sight. Trevon looked back towards the hallway, and he too was starting to think about the other troops. “Stay safe, and we’ll be back.†Jumping towards the wall, the white flash had happened again, and now he was gone. The group was no longer inside this building, but was they even on the same planet? Brittri could feel it, and she had no idea what was going on. Trevon was gone, she was in charge of the following groups now, but had no idea what to do. Right now though, she was just helping the soldiers that were coming back, and that at least kept her busy. â€Okay Jain, tell me what happened to everyone else.†Jain had started whistling, and then looked back towards one of his comrades. “Man that sure was a bunch of mess, I can’t believe I got beat so-“ Suddenly he was being lifted up by his shirt, and he wasn’t even in the right condition. Brittri pushed him away, sending him ten feet at the very least, and all got quiet. “Stop dodging me, and tell me what happened! Where are the rest of the group?!†Jain had never wanted to attack Brittri before, but this was the first time she had made him think about it. Even if he was to lose his mind, she would still beat him, and even without his injuries……. “Alright, dang, just stop already……†Barely lifting up, he looked at Brittri, and shook his head. “We got attacked as you can see, but not by some freaking weird creatures. Everyone got swarmed, including Kao, and your brother. All I know, is that there was a big explosion where they were, and the energy just floating……..†Brittri just stared at him, her eyes not moving like a cat, but then they lowered down. Jain sighed, sitting down on the floor, and slowly reached for his gun. “You know, with you there, we could probably do better, and I’m sure Trevon kicked most of their butts……………†Shaking her head, she pointed towards the area of the stairway, and frowned. “It’s blocked, and I don’t even know if there’s a way back. It feels like this building will collapse any minute, but it’s so powerful. I………I don’t even feel like they’re here anymore.†Jain raised an eyebrow, looking at the other troops, and back at Brittri. She noticed the glances, and slapped her forehead. “It’s not that I have some weird sensing power, it’s just a feeling……a feeling of worry that is. I think…..I think we should just stay here, and wait for their return.†The troops then went into an uproar, trying to convince them that she was wrong, and only because they all wanted to fight. Jain on the other hand, stayed silent, until he got sick of it, and stood up so fast you could here his leg bones crack. “Now see here, she is right, and all of you know it. To put it straight, we got jumped, and beat up. We need to continue to heal, and we shall not just act on our own. I know, you feel useless, and I even know most of you wanted to die with honor sadly like some. Just……just be thankful you’re alive, because I don’t know what I would do if all of you guys died….†Brittri slightly smiled, and it was only because Jain had seemed to mature after this. All the other soldiers slightly nodded, and started to go to Brittri for more healing. Where ever they were, she just hoped they were safe, and that whatever happened to them doesn’t come down to their level…… “Man, you didn’t have to push me.†Rubbing his head, Zel looked up at Trevon, who was still grinning, and laughing his head off about the whole thing. Kao smacked his forehead, and then looked towards the waterfall. “Hey, I think what we should be worrying about is where we freaking are……...†END OF CHAPTER 3 ------------------------- Where are our soldiers at? There’s a waterfall involved, and it’s making Kao worried. Mustn’t be somewhere peaceful, so stay tuned/reading for the next chapter. ^_^ And sorry it's so short.
Ok, I'm only reading the first chapter.... here's some advice: 1) Run it through spell-check. Copy and Paste onto your Microsoft Word program and run it through your spell-check. Click Ignore All for the stuff that's definately ok for you just because it considers the sentence a fragment or something, just go for punctuation or spelling. Also, keep the names, Word just doesn't recognize names. 2) Run it through a guy.... No, not a knife, the story. Have someone you trust in literary judgement proof-read it for you. 3) Length-wise There's a reason I'm only reading the first chapter, and it's because I think it's too dang long. Speaking candidly, this is probably a result of me not being able to write this much for a chapter, but take into the account of lazy readers. Be a little more lenient about writing, smaller means less to process and less to put in ink. 4) Backups You do have copies of this saved somewhere privately, right? It's always safe to have backups ready in case you lose the original.
