3 days gone (Liars chapter 1)

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Rayeofsunshine, Apr 17, 2007.

?

So, what do you think? (Please read story. I am desperate :) )

  1. Whoa! That is awesome! (plz comment)

    4 vote(s)
    20.0%
  2. pretty cool. Keep it up. (plz comment)

    4 vote(s)
    20.0%
  3. Worth reading. (yes, plz comment)

    8 vote(s)
    40.0%
  4. Not that good, srry. (PLEASE COMMENT so it'll be better!)

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  5. HORRIBLE! (pretty plz comment!)

    2 vote(s)
    10.0%
  6. I'll give you advice . . . (then add advice through comment, plz)

    2 vote(s)
    10.0%
  1. Rayeofsunshine Destiny Islands Resident

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    The Liars- Sora was missing?

    All gone. Love yous.
     
  2. Quiet Elegy This is the death of beauty.

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    well i did notice it reapeated its self but i think it was interesting, next time try to make it a little longer
     
  3. TheLightIsGone123 Gummi Ship Junkie

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    hmmmm

    yes make it longer for sure cause as soon as you start to read its over so ya
     
  4. JellyBeing ALL. THE. BUTTS.

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    I like, except for the repeat. This is the second book?
     
  5. koibito813 Destiny Islands Resident

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    the way you wrote it wasn't very complex; it was actually a little poetic. except for the repeat (and the fact that i don't really like kairi so much XO), i thought it was nice without having to go through paragraphs of description. i'd try for next time, if you're continuing this, to add in a little more detail and emotion. i'd check back again to read a bit. ;3
     
  6. Marluxia-rox Merlin's Housekeeper

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    great

    that was great! :D (apart form the repeat (meh lol) )
     
  7. Blindedangel Moogle Assistant

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    that was awesome great job, but wat was the repeat part for, any way great job ^^
     
  8. Rayeofsunshine Destiny Islands Resident

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    Okay!
    I usually do short bitts, because I don't know if people want to read long story bitts. But, I guess they do! ^^ I will update soon!

    Okay, I'll update it soon!
    Thankyou soooo much for reading!

    YES! Second book! *cough,clickherebecauseIamdesperate,cough*

    there are three stories I'm writing, and they all have to do with eachother. Meaning, they have the same OC characters, and stuff.:D Thankyou SOOOOO much for reading and commenting! *hugs*

    Yeah, I'm trying to get smoother on my writing, guess this was too smooth. Not solid enough.
    My writing style's not the best. DX That's something I need to work on.
    THANKYOU FOR READING AND COMMENTING!:p :D
    *gives you a cookie with a little "Thankyou" made out of chocolate chips*

    XD I messed up. I was wondering why it was so long! I clicked "Paste" twice I guess.

    Darn that repeat! *shakes fist in the air*
    Thankyou so much!:D :) :p :D *hugs*
     
  9. Naminé_ Merlin's Housekeeper

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    This is definitely worth the reading, I think you've done good with keeping them in-character.
     
  10. Rosey Chaser

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    YAY!!!!!!!!!! Mouth to mouth *mutters something about how it wasnt mouth to mouth it was a kiss* I think is good! Little more descrtiption (but who am i too critique, mine is non detail nation) and u'll be good to go!:D
     
  11. Rayeofsunshine Destiny Islands Resident

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    Let me tell you, that is hard! O.o but with the Namine thing on "Broken" you rock at it! *Is envious of your talent*

    Well, first it was mouth to mouth, but when Sora got up, Kairi kissed him! XD
    Yeah, I'm having a hard time with detail, darn it.


    THANKYOU SOOO MUCH FOR READING!
     
  12. Naminé_ Merlin's Housekeeper

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    XD! OMG. Wait til I start playing Scrooge McDuck and the triplets, Huey, Duey, and Louie. They're fun to play! I don't really remember much about the triplets though, so little things like, which color they are, etc, sorta mess me up. The only reason I can do them at all is because I used to watch that show when I was little.
     
  13. Rayeofsunshine Destiny Islands Resident

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    XD XD All I watched of The triplets is a holloween specail, I think. Donald always tries to play tricks on The triplets, and they get him back hard. XD It's so funny!
    "Where's uncle Donald?"
    And then they come out of the graves "You scared us to death!"
    I'm trying to write the next part of my character .. .
     
  14. Naminé_ Merlin's Housekeeper

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    Yay! This is probably off-topic and very spammy...but I got my Zexion to join us in our roleplay~! *dances* Oh, and I don't think I remember that halloween special x_. I do remember some of the movi--DUCKTALES! That's what the show was called! XD I remembered! ...and now I have the themesong stuck in my head ._.;
     
  15. Rayeofsunshine Destiny Islands Resident

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    Oh, It was house of Mouse: House of Villains!
    Oh, on house of Mouse, they are the rock band!
    Cool! I'll check out the RP!
     
  16. JellyBeing ALL. THE. BUTTS.

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    Nicely done. I'll keep an eye for when the next chapter comes out. :D
     
  17. DaSora Moogle Assistant

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    Hahahaha

    this was very cute.
     
  18. Rayeofsunshine Destiny Islands Resident

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  19. JellyBeing ALL. THE. BUTTS.

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    Cool trailer, I thought for awhile that you abandoned the story. XD