4 Hour driving test....**** yea

My friend got in an accident and has to take a 4 hour online drivers test. He's a lazy **** so I'm getting paid to do it for him. This is ****ing horrible but at least there are some funny jokes in this thing.

"Most of us have probably been involved in an auto collision. The insurance company always wants us to state in as few words as possible what happened. The following are some classics that have been collected and published from actual collisions. "

-The first time I saw the old man was when he bounced off the hood of my car.
-Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
-The other car collided with mine without giving me warning of its intentions.
-To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
-I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
-A truck backed though my windshield into my wife’s face.
-A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
-The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
-I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
-In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
-I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had a collision.
-The indirect cause of this collision was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
-I was thrown from my car as I left the road. I was found by some stray cows.
-The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.
-As I approached the intersection, a stop sign appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the collision.
-I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my hand through it.
-My car was legally parked as I backed into the other vehicles.
-An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished.
-I told the police that I was injured, but on removing my hat, I found I had a skull fracture.
-I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the roadway when I struck him.
-I was on my way to the doctor with the rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have a collision.
-The telephone pole was approaching fast; I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.
-I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
-When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
-I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

 

That is some funny ****, man. Post more.

 

Alright.

There were two guys on a motorcycle driving down the road. The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have a zipper or any buttons.

Finally he stopped the bike and told the other guy, “I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in my chest.â€

After thinking for a while, he decided to put the coat on backwards to keep the air from hitting him. So they were driving down the road, and when they came around this curb, the driver lost control of the motorcycle and crashed. The farmer that lived there called the police and told them what happened.

The police asked him, “Are either of them showing any signs of life?â€

The farmer then said, “Well, that first one was ‘til I turned his head around the right way.â€