I finaly got around to making this story. yeah. It takes place after kingdom hearts was saved (and I mean for the frist time). well the story is right under here so start reading ___________________________________________________________________ Chapter 1: the Breakdown Cloud found himself in a catsle. The castle looked like the one he and his best friend Zack used to play in when they were just kids .Looks like I'm back home he said to himself. He looked around to see if anyboudy else he knew was there too. Cloud found a library with the bookshelfs arragn in maze. Man..... this is going to be fun. After going thourgh the maze, he found a gril with long brown, braded hair and light pink dress seating down in a chair next to a table, readind a book. "Umm.... mam I'm looking for some people and I was woundering if you could help me out". The young woman tunred around and anwser "yes but they'er- Cloud"! She got out of her seat and run turds him. When she got to him, she huged him and said "Cloud I missed you so much". It was Aerith! She was crying all over him. "Aerith, I missed you too". Cloud huged her back, he seemed to be happy. She looked up to him and asked " Were is Zack, Cloud? Wasn't he there with you when this world was lost and why are you carrying his sowrd"? Cloud pushed her back, trund around and replyed "Yes but" Cloud sniffld "he died trying to protected me. I took his blade and swore on his dead body that I would portect anyone that I loved with his blade". He turnd his head to see Aerith; she was about to cry again. "If you want me I'll be outside", after he said that, he left Aerith to cry alone. I better leave the castle and never come back, I think Aerith is done seeing me. The water had stop and it looked as if the world was rebulding its self. Cloud see the other castle and (what was left of it any ways) his home town. Cloud was near the the town when heard footsteps behind him. He trund around, with his sword out, and all most hit the thing behind him. When he actually looked, he found out that the thing was Aerith. He pulled back his sword and said "I thought you him". " Hu? What did you mean 'him', Cloud"? Cloud sat down on the rugged ground and replyed "A guy named Sephiroth was born out of my dark self and my past. I've been trying to find him and destroy him. But every time I find him, he gets away". Aerith looked at him. I hope Cloud dosen't die. Cloud got back up and said " He's in the town so I don't want you there to watch". Before he went in the cave leading to the town, he went to Aerith and punched her hard in the stomce. He caught her before she hit the gound and laid he flat on the ground and said "I'm sorry.... but this is the only way". Then he left her there while he went to town.
Good job, I'll be looking forward to the next chappie! =D. Try to make your chapters longer, if you can. People like long chapters ^^. Some of your sentence structures are a bit choppy, too, so try using more commas and semicolons to make it flow better. I really don't have too much critique here, it's really good! Nice job ^^.
Nice job. Really well written. If I may be a bit critical though proof read the spellings next time for typos. The story is brilliant though, well thought out and I hope you continue writing. I look forward to reading more of your work. Well done.
It would have been better without missing words, misspelled words, and choppy sentences. More detail would be nice as well. But, I like the idea.
Thanks Stardust well heres the next one ___________________________________________________________________ Chapter 2: the Mistake Cloud was finally in marketplace when he felt a jolt of pain that made him fall to the ground . He's here all right. When he looked back up he saw Sephiroth flying down in frount of him. "Cloud.... you said you wanted to kill me right? Come on I'm giveing you the chance", he just stood there while Cloud was still in pain. "Looks like your going to die like you best friend". Sephiroth raised up his long blade and slashed it down. Before it could even touch him, Cloud rolled out of the way and was about to hit Sephiroth when he blocked it. "I'll never lose to the likes of you", Cloud yelled as he broke free and showed his wing They both jumped up in the sky to fight Cloud tried to hit him but Sephiroth keeped blocking them every time. Sephiroth finally tried to hit him, but Cloud blocked it and even pushed him back a little ways. Cloud heard a female voise calling him, he trund his face to see who it was calling him. It was Aerith. Before Cloud could even say something to her, he felt something go thourgh him. Cloud knew he left his gaurd down for to long and this was the price to pay for it. He let go of the buster sword and he could hear hit the ground. "Looks like you are going to have the same fate a Zack did". He tilled his blade to the ground to let Cloud slide down. Sephiroth flew away as Aerith ran to Cloud. "Come on Cloud don't die! Don't die", Aerith ceped shaking him; her face was full of treas. "I'm... sorry I let you down, Aeri-", Clouds eye closed and he stop breathing."Ccccccccllllllllooooooouuudddddd"! Aerith went on top of Cloud crying. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2 days later Cloud finally woke up finding himeself in a bed. Then he realized that he was alive! After all that hell I've been thourgh I'm still breathing and where the hell am I. He finaly sat up and looked around and figuried out that he was in his room! Wow, it's been forever since i've been in here. He saw Aerith come in with a tray of food and smiled at him. "Good thing I don't have feed you now that your awake". She sat the tray of food on the table next to the bed. "So, Cloud can you tell me about what happened after we were speared"? Cloud looked up at her. To be countinued..........................................
Yaaay! =D I had to stop reading earlier in the middle because some people showed up at the house, but now that I'm done reading this chappie... =O That was greaaaat!!! Good job! Continue soon (and I'm sorry about the blackout).
I have fans yeah This chapter should be a little longer If I don't fall asleep XD _________________________________________________________________ Chapter 3: turth be out "Okay I'll tell you": "Well we excaped in a near by gummi ship. During the ride, the heartless attack us in many numbers. The gummi was strong but dindn't make it to were you guys were(as you could tell). "We woke up in the Under World, it felt like the world it self took all my streath. When I looked up at Zack, he looked as if he got a good nights sleep. Zack came up to me, picked me up and told me ' I help you till your all right. I'll protect you till I die'. "When we took a break, Hades found us . Zack tried to defaet him, but Hades killed him. He was about get to me when I told him that I would be a slave to him. He toke me up on that and my life chage forever......." Cloud stoped in the midlle of the story. "Cloud....... are you all right". He turnd around and asked "Why a you not mad at me? It's my fault he's dead". Aerith went over to the bed to sit down next to Cloud."I'm not mad at you I love you with all my heart. She pulled his chin to her and Aerith kissed him. Clouds eyes closed, he hugged her and she hugged him back. Next thing that happened was that the door was opened by Yuffie. "Wwwooow this bad time", Cloud turnd around and said "If you tell anybody I will chop you up a thouand diffrent ways" after that he glrade at her. "Ccciidd help mmee", She sprinted down the stairs. Cloud looked back at Aerith and said "Who eles is here". She smiled back at him, and with that he jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs. He saw Cid, Yuffie and Leon. "Cloud ummm get more than toutghs miny boxers", Leon told him. Cloud looked down and he was. he ran back up stairs with a red face. "Aerith get out of my room NNOOWW"! After she closed the door Cloud yelled words only Cid used when he was mad. Cloud came down with all of his clouths on. MAN DO I HATE AERITH! She nearly did sexal harasment by tacing off all most every thing. _________________________________________________________________ Man the ending suckted at lest I think so _________________________________________________________________ To be contuntied............................................
XD They were CAUGHT! Buahahahaaaa!!! ^^ Nice chappie, can't wait for your next update! Btw, the ending didn't suck, it was just a bit fast =P.
I'm sooooo late on macking this I had a lot of stuff to do XD ___________________________________________________________________ Chapter 4:Countdown " Okay, so why are you guys here too"? Cloud asked with a tick off face. Leon replyed "Come on Cloud! We'er your friends and we care..... Right Yuffie"? She was about to answer when Cid added "Looks like you and Aerith are little more than best friends". Cloud blushed at that. He turnd his head around to see his house when saw that somthing was missing. His Big screen with HD was coneted to the mounter and working as a coumputer screen. "Cid, Why did make the TV a computer screen because it cost me 9,999 munny for that danm thing"!!! Cid turned around with " I'm so dead face". "W weeell....... look at her, ain't she a -". Cid knew if he said more stuff he would be dead. Every one couuld feal the tenchon in the air and ran to the door to leave Wow I can sacar people eazly. Ha wait intill Hallwooween. Cloud went up to his bed room and feel asleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Early the next morning Cloud woke up with the smell of fire in the air. The flams close to burn down the the wooden door, so only one way out: the window. He was about to clime out when he saw Tifa on the wooden floor unconnes. He picked her up and cilmed out of the window. Cloud got douwn to the floor and laid her down. "Cloud! Aeriths in dangoer". he went back to her and said "WHAT"? "She was taken by Sephiorth and he was going to drown her in the lake", Her breathing has becomeing very hard. Clouds eyes were full of teras. "But If I leave you here, you'll die"! Tifa gave him a little smile. "Cloud weres that brave person inside of you, and if I do die.... I really don't care becaues I had a good life". Cloud got up to his feet and told her "I'll be back for you Tifa". Then he ran to the lake. To be countiude..........
