--Another Diary Entry of Therapy-- The story of Lyana Choate

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Panda Face, May 13, 2009.

  1. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie


    May 13th,

    ---Dear whomever---

    I feel like I have to let it all out. I want to scream, but cry, and jump up and down all at once. Am I going crazy?
    I feel like tearing my hair out, but I know better than that. The feeling will pass.
    It seems like my life is much more dull than it should be.
    I feel like the olive green crayon in a little kid's coloring box.
    Heh. Poor crayon. Poor me.
    Well, I hope that changes soon, or I might just start jumping off things for fun.
    It's not everyday someone actually dies of boredom.
    Maybe when I Mum finally decides to let go of her failing relationship.
    Or-- maybe if I ran away?
    Too troublesome.

    But-- I know that isn't going to happen, so I'll just day-dream. That's what I do. I dream, I wish, I want. But I don't ever get...

    --Tah-tah for now--

    ~Lyana Michelle Choate

    I closed my diary. 'Soooooo...boring.' I yawned. 'I wonder if something will happen today? Nah...'

    I walked out of my room, passing by my mother's room, the bathroom, the office, and my older brother's room.
    I walked into the kitchen.
    I prepared breakfast for myself.
    I heard steps behind me.
    "G'Morning Lilly." I heard someone yawn.
    "Good Mornin' Jamie." Jamie is my older brother. His name is Jameson Will Choate.
    I heard a door slam, and out walked my Mum.
    "Lilly, James... you two are moving in with your father."
    --- wait... WHAT?! --

    I stared at Jamie. He stared at me.
    "He doesn't find that I can take care of you two, so he's taking you today. GO PACK."
    I stared in horror at my mother, who was glaring us down.
    --- Be careful of what you wish for.---

    May 14th,

    -- Dear whomever --

    In an instant, it seems, my life went from boring to hateful.
    I was bored, I made a wish, and it happened.
    I wonder why something like that happened?
    I didn't want to LEAVE my life...
    I just wanted a little adventure.
    I don't LIKE leading a dull life....
    But I don't like chaos either...

    -- Call it a misunderstanding of wishes?--

    ~Lyana Michelle Choate~

    Great. Just... great.
    One day I'm wishing, the next day I'm screwed. Nice.

    James and myself had packed, gotten dressed, and we were currently waiting on the porch for the car to show up. Neither of us had seen our Dad since I was.... 12? And James was 14. Yes, James is older by 2 years. My age now? 16. Scary...isn't it?

    I sat on the porch swing, reading a book. A nice-sized Edgar Allen Poe poem collection.

    James was just sitting beside me, looking very broken.

    After maybe 2 hours of just sitting out there, a Silver Ford truck showed up. We stood up, and attempted to look into the window.

    Someone stepped out of the truck.

    "Uncle....Chris?!" I dropped my bags, and ran up to our uncle.

    It had been SUCH a long time since I had seen him.

    He chuckled, put me down, and grabbed the bags I had uncaringly dropped.

    He placed all of our bags on the back of the truck.

    "So... you're who's supposed to take us to Dad's?"

    "Yeah, I owed your Dad a favor."

    The rest of the car ride was silent.

    James and I had switched seats in the truck on a rest stop, and I was nodding-off in the back seat of the truck.

    I woke up when I felt someone shaking my shoulder.

    "Hnnnn..... what?"

    "We're here!" Happily yelped James-- the one who had awoken me.

    -- Boy, Dad must've invested some money! Only something like that could afford this! --
  2. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

    oh feh, at least I'll be updating often!

    May 15th,

    --- Dear whomever ---

    It's not like it matters,
    but some things really ARE worth wishing for...
    Like.... wishing for someone to come home...
    or... wishing for good grades...
    or maybe wishing for a surgery to go well...
    wishing for your life to change?
    Why do we ignore our parents when they warn us?
    Why didn't I listen?

    Oh yeah--
    I was bored.

    --- Regrets regretting ---
    ~Lyana Michelle Choate

    I stared in awe at the house before me.
    Huge, monster-like, and many other words I can't spell came to mind.

    I walked dazed into the house.
    I sat warily on a couch.
    And then I heard running from... upstairs, I guess?
    I felt arms wrap around me.
    I looked up in surprise.
    "Looky-looky, Daddy! I have a big sister!!" Shouted a boy about my age, hugging the stuffing out of me.

    "Air--need--- AIR." I coughed.
    He looked up, and loosened his grip.

    I looked up too, and saw my father, smiling sheepishly.

    "Dad-- who is this kid that almost killed me?"

    "Ah, err...that is..... "


    "He's your slightly older brother...."

    "Another one?!"

    "Er... yes."

    I looked at the boy.

    "How old are you, what's your name, and why did you hug me?"

    "Oh! I'm 17, my name is Jonny, and--- you're my little sister?!"

    "Obviously. "

    "I hugged you because our Dad wants us to inter marry in about 6 months."

    "...... !"

    ------ WAIT. WHAAAAAAAAAT?!-----
  3. Finale Wannabe Nobody

    Feb 3, 2007
    that was slightly...kinda...disturbing -.-''

    but good nevertheless
  4. Juicy Chaser

    May 29, 2008
    lol, incest.

    That was suprisingly impressive. The story flows pretty well with a few exceptions (I'll come to those) and I felt the urge to keep reading because you set out your spacing correctly and the storyline so far is decent. Despite the incest being slightly disturbing. xD

    The diary entries are sweet, and it's nice to have them slightly less formal than the actual story.

    The only thing I would say is that sometimes your sentence structures are too repetitive- take a look at this.

    Notice how almost all of those sentences started with "I" followed by the verb. You should rearrange your words more to make them more exciting :3

    like "Suprised, I looked up quickly" instead of "I looked up in suprise"

    Good work :3
  5. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

    *gasps* positive feed-back!!! ^^ Yay! It's the endangered species of khv. xD lol. Thanks for reading, and I'll use your ideas.

    Don't worry about the incest, i'm going to fix that later!

    Spoiler underneath!​

    Lyana was actually adopted! xD
  6. Finale Wannabe Nobody

    Feb 3, 2007

    The truth is shocking!!

    would of been better to not release that.​
  7. Hopefulwishes Traverse Town Homebody

    Sep 15, 2008
    Somewhere in Florida <__<
    OMFG! You actually put uncle Chris in the story! XD Awwwww, don't I make an appearance? *puppy dog eyes* Afterall, I AM your REAL sister. >.^
  8. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

    hey, i warned you! it says "spoiler"
    and i really think incest is weird. :D so-----
    meh. :P
  9. Finale Wannabe Nobody

    Feb 3, 2007
    well when you say 'spolier' your telling people not to look, which makes them look xDD
  10. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

    true, but you really don't have to read the spoiler. xD and dumb people can't find it.
  11. Juicy Chaser

    May 29, 2008
    mhmm, too much spam and not enough actual critique around here recently.

    Since everybody would have read that anyway, I may aswell say- they were still related by law, so the incest is still illegal :v

    Keep it up ~
  12. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

    well, to be honest (yet another spoiler)

    Jonny isn't Lyana's Dad's "son", either. Neither is James. Since Lyana's "dad" can't have any kids, he adopted. James and Lyana were actually adopted by him AND their "mom" but, since they are divorced, the custody WAS "mom"'s and she was paid off just to allow the marriage. so-- really, it's not all that incest.. they are just being tricked.
  13. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

    did ya like it? do'ya? do'ya? DO'YA?! (total Dory [from Nemo] moment)

    VICTORY! :bangbang:
    I'll be updating often, so-- xD​
  14. Panda Face Gummi Ship Junkie

    Yay!! Forth entry of --Another Diary Entry of Therapy- The Story of Lyana Choate --

    May 17th,

    ---Dear whomever---

    You ever have one of those moments,
    when you look at your life,
    and think, "Did I just get punked?"
    Well-- plenty of people do,
    all the time.
    I had that,
    "Did Gawd just screw me over?!" moment.
    Oh boy.
    Oh great,
    there goes the rest of my weekend.
    I'm engaged.
    At 16 years of age.
    To my half-brother.
    Whom I just found out about.

    ----Why did I have to open my mouth and complain?----

    ~Lyana Michelle Choate

    Lyana stared at her father, mouth agape.

    "I'm what?!" She practically hissed.

    "Now, now. I'm not getting any younger-- and you're just the right age to--"

    "Are you ******ed?! That's against the LAW. Incest is terrible!"
    Lyana closed in on her father,
    but soon she felt strong arms pull her back.
    "Calm down, Lilly..." comforted my elder brother James.

    Lyana jerked back, and ran out the front door.

    "It's my life, not yours--father!!" She yelled, before the sound of the door slamming echoed through the room.