-Crimson Angel-

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Doukuro, Jul 7, 2008.

  1. Doukuro Chaser

    Jun 29, 2007
    Okay so while I was bored I talked to Dmaster and got this great idea....Well the first chapter is not that great and the second chapter should be posted soon but I wanna hear some comments. Good or bad.

    PS The first chapter is the narrtor speaking only but she speaks only a little afterwards and the second chapter is like story mood

    -Crimson Angel-

    ~Chapter One~

    As we all should know is that everything has a meaning. Like for the title of this story or the title of this chapter. And if you don’t I, your narrator, shall explain this along the way. Most of the time you will not hear my voice but in this first chapter it is all that you hear, if you do not like it I am sorry. Now the meaning of the title of this chapter explains itself really. It introduces the story. The first important thing that I must explain is the main point of this story. But seeing how it does not have a point other then to amuse you I guess I will start with the plot instead. During the year of 2010 a terrible war broke out and took lives of many and destroyed families and governments all over the planet Earth. The start of the war will not be explained till later on. During this war the technology of this planet went years ahead of what it could of without the war, a little up side. The humans of Earth could soon travel through space as they traveled through their own world. Thus many left the planet for safety but the armed forces, poor, and loyal people stayed on the world. Near the end of the war all seemed hopeless until a strange force, or being, destroyed the planet and killing the people on it. The sad part is that fewer people died in the destruction of Earth then the course of the war. The closet planet and the planet where most of the humans were now living was the planet named Glacia. Glacia was a beautiful and peaceful planet that was home to many species other then humans and their animals. It also had technology beyond belief but seemed so simple and like a picture in a history books in some places. But then again in other places the cities looked like something from an Earth futuristic movie. This world was only peaceful because of its government but it is also in danger because of them. I would like to explain more but that’ll ruin everything. The species on Glacia also contain magical powers because their planet awakens their powers, also the powers of the humans. Most of the people on Glacia have learned to live with the beings from Earth easily while others hate them for taking up too much room on their home world. This could cause more problems down the road.
    Now I have explained... The new world which this story takes place, the lesson of this story, which is that everything has a meaning, even what people say, and the background of the story. What should I...Oh yes. The rules of our starting point, which is a city that divides up the poor and the rich and the trusted and the un-trustable. Where most of the humans are currently living with a few other species mixed in. The rules are simple and even a few are alike Earth’s but I need only to tell a few right now. Most of them explains themselves so don’t overstrain your brain, yet.
    Species must treat all other species equally and blood drinkers may only drink blood of those who are no longer moving about or that of animals.
    The city borders are all around the city creating a circle around it, about a mile out. Past it without permission or passport you will not be able to come back unless the city leader or a court of law says otherwise. If you do come back you will become a fugitive.
    All are guilty until proven innocent
    No one is allowed to abuse their powers and if one do so they will go through court without question. Use them as needed or when the time calls for it, such as in self-defensive.
    None are allowed in restricted areas.
    All under the age of ten have to have an adult with them at all times outside of the household. Their curfew is ten pm. People up to the age of eighteen have a curfew of eleven pm and are not allowed out until seven am.

    I suggest you think about these at least a little.
    Oh how could I forget? I introduced so much without introduction myself. I am the storyteller of the royal city on this world. I never use my name and thus no one knows it which causes most to see me ‘un-trustable Seriously, these people have some trust issues. Well anyway, I am a seer and for those who have no idea what is that it just means I can see through time. Of course I have other powers but they are unimportant in this time and place.
    And while we are talking about the characters in this story I shall now talk about two of them. I will explain the rest later.
    The first one I will talk about will be...Krystal. This young, bright and beautiful girl was born on my home world, Glacia. I will tell of her past along the way but I will tell of her current story. She lives with her family, mother and younger sister. She never knew of her father and her mother might not as well exist but she lives for her younger sister. Thus she does anything to make money to take care of her sister so she doesn’t have to worry about anything. Her younger sister is named Rose and is seven years younger then her sister and Krystal is sixteen, almost seventeen. You can do the math right? She attends high school so she may get better jobs but she is only a teenager and skips sometimes. Her personality varies on her mood but most of the time she is hyper and out going.
    Next up is someone who was born on Earth. He has lived a normal live until he turned six when he gained powers from another world. After that his past is a blur. He came to our world when the Earth was blown up but he has yet to fit in but nothing here suspires him. He is an outcast who has never went to school here and has no files about him. He is a laid back and easy going sixteen year old. Of course as an outsider he is homeless. He has a fetish for swords and fire which worries the people he gets to know.
    Now it is time to explain the groups of this world and city.
    The most important group is the governments.
    We should all know the one from Earth. But after they came here some people discovered secrets about them that only a few ever knew, even people in the government themselves had no idea about these secrets.
    The government on Glacia pitied the Earth people and thought it would be best to work with their government, mostly to avoid any further war.
    Then we have outcasts, criminals, and fugitives.
    This is all that I can say for now. I do hope you listen to the rest of my story.
  2. Dmaster Traverse Town Homebody

    Nov 22, 2007
    In mah imagination~
    umm... i think that's more a prologue then a first chapter ^-^' but ok, it's all good...

    oh, oh! can i still help with teh story?
  3. tofuman Twilight Town Denizen

    May 11, 2008
    under a tree
    that was a great introduction i never read books before i always read manga. if you keep this up you'll do fine
  4. Doukuro Chaser

    Jun 29, 2007
    I figured that much

    Of course

    Thanks for your comments ^^
  5. Deathsight44 Kingdom Keeper

    May 22, 2007
    Let's see what you can do.
    Very nice intro. The others have said enough, but I wanted to say somethings anyways ^_^

    Anyways, to tell truth, I am more looking forward to the next chapter to see what happens to the charecters then the introduction to it, but none the less, it is a good start ^_^
  6. Doukuro Chaser

    Jun 29, 2007
    Thank you ^^
  7. tofuman Twilight Town Denizen

    May 11, 2008
    under a tree
    Thanks for your comments ^^

    ya no problem it my pleasure
  8. Doukuro Chaser

    Jun 29, 2007
    okay so I had major writters block while writing this chap and annoyed me soooo bad..I even had to edit Cian in there the first time....I let Dmaster finished it up for me and I refuse to add more to it. Thrid chapter will come out within the next week or two.

    Mostly lame

    ~Chapter Two~
    Our saviors from the darkness

    The sun now reached the middle of the sky as all of the students of the high school waited for the bell to finally ring. The sun raised the hopes of the students seeing how it had been raining for the last couple of day but here they were, stuck inside of school.
    Tick... Tock... Tick...
    The clock seemed to be moving slower and slower each class.
    Finally bored out of her mind, Krystal rested her head in her arms that were on her desk. She needed to listen but the random rambling of her teacher seemed to fade into the background, far, far away from her. She had been so busy with work she forgot to sleep decently within the last week. She was now half awake and dying to get out of the place. Soon her wish was answered and the bell finally rang, setting the teens free. Krystal met up with her good friend, Sierra, outside of the school and looked at her hair.
    “So you dyed it purple?â€
    She smiled. “Yep.†Krystal answered.
    “Cause I wanted to. And I was bored.â€
    “And that proves my point when I say that you shouldn’t get bored.â€
    “Of course it does. Soooo... It is a lovely day and it is finally sunny. We should hang out tonight when I am done with work.â€
    “Sure, that sounds fun and we haven’t been talking much lately.â€
    The two friends liked and disliked the same things and thought alike but their personalities and the way they dressed and act were so different that everyone was shocked when they became friends, best friends.
    Krystal was never shy but Sierra never really had many friends before she met Krystal. Krystal may even be the best thing that happened to Sierra, seeing how now she isn’t afraid to talk in public thanks to Krystal.
    Krystal hated being inside for too long so she was much tanner then her pale friend.
    Sierra always wore tomboyish clothes like today she wore blue jeans with a simple blue t-shirt while Krystal always like to try out new things, that mostly ended up making her look weird or the exact opposite of her personality. Today she wore a pair of black pants with a few silver zippers of randomly placed pockets on them, a purple undershirt that showed on her arms but the rest of it was covered by a black sleeveless top. And of course she had her silver heart shaped locket around her neck that she never went anywhere without. No one’s seen the picture inside except for her, her mother and her younger sister. Her mother gave it to her but her sister saw it by accident.
    And unlike Sierra’s green eyes, Krystal had natural born red eyes.
    “So where should we go?†Krystal asked.
    “Well I was thinking that maybe we could go to the outskirts of the city.â€
    Now if you’ve never been to this city you wouldn’t see anything wrong with going to the outskirts of it. Well let me explain this city. In the center is a government building where the leader of the city can be found. Around this building are businesses and schools. Public places. Then the rich houses and mansions. The middle class. And then there are the outskirts where the poor or the ‘un-trustable’ are placed, along with the outcasts and etc.
    “But we can’t.â€
    “Oh c’mon. It’s not as bad as everyone says it is.â€
    “Please for me? You’ll get to meet my boyfriend.â€
    “You got a boyfriend?â€
    She smiled. “Yep.â€
    “Okay NOW I have to come.â€
    “Wait that surprised you?â€
    “Um… No.†She laughed nervously. “So when are we going?†She asked quickly, trying to change the subject.
    “Hmm… Right. “She said sarcastically. “Tonight.â€

    Cian was at the shore, sitting on the rocks and watching the sunset as it set the sky on fire with many different shades of blues and purples. He let out a sigh. “I think this is better then the sunsets back home…†He mumbled under his breath, not having to worry if anyone heard or not seeing how he was alone. The aerial blade, its crescent rose painting flashing in the sunlight laying next to him. He closed his eyes and listened to the noises around him which weren’t much besides the water crashing softy on the rocks below and the wind. The shore was just past some woods further away from the city. The city sat on a peninsula which made all of the shores belong to the city’s government and therefore he was still in city borders. He wore baggy brown jeans and a brown t-shirt with a dragon logo on it. His hair was between a mouse brown and a blonde color and he had aqua blue eyes and some freckles on his face. That’s when he sensed it. A threatening aura drifted through the air, making him open his eyes and look around. There wasn’t anyone nearby, yet the aura was so strong it felt as if the source was right next to him. “This can’t be good…†He mumbled and got up before running off towards the city.

    Sierra was standing in an alley, pacing back and forth, and waiting for Krystal who was late. This is so totally unlike her. Could something have happened to her…? No she can take care of herself. I hope… It was already almost midnight.
    She heard someone yell from behind but before she had the chance to look behind her she was tackle-hugged from behind her by Krystal.
    “Sorry that I’m late.â€
    “Ah! Okay I accept your apology. Now get off of me.â€
    “’Kay!†She said and jumped to the ground and walked to the wall and leaned on it.
    “You almost gave me a heart attack.â€
    “I’m sorry.â€
    “Hey. Who almost had a heart attack?†A male voice asked from above making them both look up to see a guy standing on the fire escape and looking down at them with his green eyes.
    He had red, short and spiky hair. Was wearing baggy blue jeans and a green jacket with a light blue t-shirt under it. He also had a black necklace with a gold piece in the middle of it.
    “Me. She scared the hell out of me.â€
    “Oh okay. Who is she?â€
    “This is my friend that I was telling you about, Krystal.†Sierra looked at Krystal. “That is my boyfriend David.â€
    “Nice to meet you. Why don’t you come on up here?â€
    David kicked the ladder and it fell next to them and they climbed up, Krystal first then Sierra.
    â€Right this way ladies.†David said before climbing up higher and then went through a window.
    Krystal sighed. “I feel like I’m sneaking back into my house again.†She muttered as she went through the window.
    “Then you should be used to it.†Sierra joked, giggling as she went in with Krystal in all of the way.
    “Yep!†She said smiling.
    “That shouldn’t be something you should be proud of.â€
    “Oh but I am.â€
    “Hey are you two coming?†David asked, already half way down the hall.
    “Of course.†Sierra said before the two caught up with him.
    They then entered apartment that, though small was clean enough that it didn’t feel very cramped. They walked into the living room and saw two people sitting in the middle of the floor playing cards with a table pushed off to the side.
    “Yo.†David said.
    “Welcome back!~†The girl said and looked up at them with a bright smile. “Who is the new girl?â€
    “Got a two?†The other guy asked, paying no attention to their guests.
    “No. Go fish.â€
    David sighed at the guy’s behavior and the fact that the girl did have a two in her hand. “This is Krystal. Sierra’s best friend, Krystal.â€
    Krystal waved slightly. “Hiya.â€
    “My name is Rikka. And this is my big brother Kane.â€
    Rikka had long blonde hair, brown eyes, and was wearing a black school uniform that must of came from another city or world even. It was cut at the shoulders so the sleeves hanged loosely and cover her wrists and half oh her hands. She also had a short black skirt on. But the most noticeable feature was her white cat ears that barely stuck out of her hair.
    Kane had silver and black spiky hair. He had a necklace like David’s but on a chain and silver. He also had red and black flames tattooed on his neck. He wore a simple plain black shirt with one rather big tear on his from of his shoulder like he had been cut with a blade of some sort and baggy black jeans.
    “Four?†She asked Kane.
    Kane sighed and handed her a four.
    “Nope. Go fishing.â€
    He drew a card.
    “So serious.†David said, joking and laughed.
    “This is.†Rikka said to joke along with him.
    “She’s cheating.†Kane said. “I know for a fact that she has everything that I asked for so far.â€
    “Nu-uh. Play fair of course!†She said with a cat like smile.
    “That’s like saying cats don’t sleep and eat all day.â€
    “We don’tâ€
    “Well…†David started before going in the kitchen and he came back with two sodas, one in each hand. “Akito’s coming.â€
    “Eh? Really?†Rikka asked excitedly. “He hardly ever comes to visit these days.â€
    “Guy’s busy.†He said as someone opened and closed the front door. “Speaking of which.â€
    A guy with short back hair that covered his left eye, a black pair of shorts, shoes that hide the socks…or he wasn’t wearing any, a bit Asian looking with black eyes, a black shirt with red and white designs, and a white headphone in one of his ears leading into his pocket.
    “Hey Akito.†David said to him while he sat down before throwing the soda can at him which he caught easily.
    “Hi.†He said while sitting down also on the couch. He then rubbed his sore shoulder with his free hand before opening the soda. “So what’s been going on?â€
    “Nothing much.â€
    “Rikka’s been cheating again.†Kane said as he played with her.
    “That’s her.†Akito said.
    “Hey! I do not cheat!â€
    “Face it Rikka. You were born to cheat.â€
    “Yeah… You’re right.†She smiled once again. “But I still beat Kane.â€
    “It doesn’t count though.†Kane said as he put the cards back in their case.
    “Yes it does.â€
    “Nope. Doesn’t.â€
    Akito sighed. “And when I get here too.â€
    “Don’t worry Akito. They can’t go on forever. Well they could but I hear Rikka’s tired. And we could always just leave.†David said, trying to cheer up his friend.
    An hour had passed and they were all in the living room, playing and talking.
    It was almost time for Sierra and Krystal to go home so they thought it would be best to get a head start and head towards home now.
    “Well, is tomorrow okay to come over?†Sierra asked David seeing how everyone else was too distracted.
    “Sure. Sounds great.â€
    “Nope.†Akito interrupted.
    “Huh? Why not?†David was surprised that Akito would say no. Were they un-trusted?
    “Because this place will no longer be here.†He said and stood up a little wobbly and looked at them. His eyes were solid black for a moment before turning back to normal.
    “You had a vision.â€
    “Yeah. A bomb is about to go off on one of the lower floors.â€
    “About five minutes from now… No less.â€
    “Then what are the orders.â€
    “Get out of here as soon as you are able to and help as many as possible. But no trying to be a hero.â€
    Everyone nodded before heading out of the apartment and split into pairs of twos. Sierra was with Krystal of course.
    The two girls made their way through the halls trying to warn the people but everyone dismissed them as teenagers just playing a joke or game of some sort.
    But when they were talking to an old lady, trying to warn her, the building began to shake. They heard an explosion go off one floor below them. They nearly fell.
    “Now do you trust us?†Sierra asked the old lady as people ran towards the stairs to get out.
    “Yes I do.â€
    “Well we’ll help you out okay?â€
    The old lady nodded before following behind them down the stairs...

    Krystal breathed hard, half collapsing from the strain on her legs, as Sierra the old lady and herself charged down the hallway, the two friends supporting the old lady as they went. Within a few moments the door was within clear reach, as another explosion went off, causing rubble to fall from the top and affectively blocking the doorway somewhat. Their breaths heavy, Sierra and Krystal increased their pace, picking the old lady up somewhat, before kicking down the door rushing the lady through, and then tempting to go through themselves, when they heard familiar yells from behind, turning to see a couple of younger teens charging up the hallway. Another explosion, and the door was almost completely caved in now, Krystal on her knees from losing her grip, as the two teens literally got sent flying through the door. Staring at each-other momentarily, Sierra reached out to help Krystal up, only to be tripped by her friend, who then rolled her out of the door, pushing herself up, and attempting to get through herself, as yet another explosion went off, this one knocking her completely over, as the building started to collapse, embers in her eyes from a fire that must’ve started on a lower floor. Her breath heavy with smoke now, she desperately turned to the window, running towards it, only to find a mass of hot air blowing into her face, causing her to trip over herself again. It appeared now, as if the explosions had stopped, the building burning as floor collapsed upon floor, fear gripping Krystal’s mind for one of the first times in her life. Cuddling her knees as she readied herself for the worst, a silent white flash caught her attention, a single shining d rose catching her attention, as a teen boy, roughly her age, stood there, on what remained of the wall, a leisurely smile on his face. “And what, may I ask, caused this?†The boy asked, his clothes whipping about as a nearby pillar collapsed.
    “Just help me!†She yelled at him in panic, causing him, to take a step back, almost losing his grip, as a sudden burst of wind made her fall backwards, her head banging, as almost immediately she felt hands grip around her waist...

    And almost as suddenly as that, she was flying through the air, the rose flashing in the night, as they silently landed a few meters away from the others, falling to the ground, half-sighing half-crying, as her pulse raced and she glanced around, taking comfort from just the sight of Sierra who was running towards the two of them...
  9. Deathsight44 Kingdom Keeper

    May 22, 2007
    Let's see what you can do.
    Thought all readers should know. RA has been grounded by her evil, fiendish step father, who is a total ass, so I am afraid that she will be off for a little while.