Okay, recently I've been having some really fast cycling mood-swings. Going from being hyper and giggly to crying uncontrollably for three or four hours or just sitting and feeling like nothing else could possibly ever go wrong about three or four times a day. I'll be brutally honest and say the depression has led me into self-harm after being recovered for about five years (which I am not impressed with myself for letting myself do), and makes me feel physically unable to eat. I've made a doctors appointment, but it's not for over a week. And it's getting worse with each episode of severe depression. So I need some things to try and distract me, because everything I've tried so far isn't working because I just do the tasks on auto-pilot and my brain still thinks about how miserable and pathetic I feel. Just so you know I have very little money (I'm a uni student in England and my student finance money still hasn't gone in so I'm at the bottom of my overdraft and around £400 in debt with my family) and I don't really have any good friends around my area, just people I live with in student housing. Currently I'm relying on just one friend to keep me going, but he's in Australia and we have opposite times where we're up for the most part. And my IRL friends either make me feel guilty for bringing up how I feel because it "upsets her" or make me feel guilty because he "was worse off last year" and I'm pretty certain the two of them b*tch about how I behave when I'm depressed so I've decided that talking to them really isn't a good idea anymore... So any suggestions for things that could distract me?
I like you as a person if that makes you feel any better and i don't mean that in a sappy way i mean it in a very genuine way. I know how you feel completely, i just dropped out of college this year. And personally i felt(and still do fell tbh) what you are saying but the difference was that people didn't particularly see me as the person who broke down into a depressive state and that i was built of rocks, who bore the cross on his shoulders. Its tough whatever way you look at it, whenever i felt depressed i dove head long into a new manga series. I personally found prefer to read about cruel realities and grim outcomes and themes and plots that made you think. If that didn't work i would find a movie about some far off and distant reality and watch as i was sucked into someplace else. Eventually i would be struck by something, something that connects to me, personally. some circumstance which i'm lucky not to be in, or a person who doesn't have the luxury of changing. Sorry if these are way too abstract but i can only go by what has helped me so far, hopefully they will help you.
Thank you so much, you're the only person who's really replied to me about this. I mentioned it to a couple of other friends recently, and all I really got was a "Bless you. :c " type response, which wasn't very helpful. XD I understand what you're saying, and I think I'll give it a try next time I get down. There's a few animes I've been meaning to watch, so it'd be a good time to finally get around to it. c: I hope things are getting better for you though, even if you do feel a bit down sometimes still. < 3
Hey don't go worrying about me, the day when i stop responding online is the day people should be worrying. There is nothing better than diving into a new anime or manga that you find interesting. If anyone else deters you, don't listen to them, if they had input they wouldn't say "get on with your life" vaguely. You feel better eventually.
