'feeling down' is an understatement...

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by T3F, Oct 17, 2013.

  1. T3F Chaser

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2008
    Gender:
    Female
    809
    I was going to post a very depressing facebook status when I remembered nobody likes to see that, so I'm here instead.
    Hi, I'm Kat, and I have some serious anxiety **** going on.
    Uni kinda feels like high school again. I'm trying too hard to be friends with everyone, and I can't just 'go with the flow'. I've recently met a bunch of musically-oriented people because I took a music subject, and they are a really fun bunch. I still feel like an outsider though. Not like they've specifically done anything to make me feel that way, I just do. I feel like I'm 13-14 again: not speaking a goddamn word for the fear that I'll be judged. When I speak I generally get a good reception, but it's hard to keep up that personality all the time. I've just been really down generally and I'm not too sure why. I think I'm just exhausted from trying to be friends with everyone, but I'm not too sure.

    It's coming through at work now as well. I'm starting to lose my temper at complaining customers, I'll kinda beat myself up if I make a mistake...its a miracle I haven't been fired yet.

    My close group of friends-the ones I've been with since high school-are starting to give me panic attacks. I've never been the most social of all of them, but the way I've been feeling lately, I don't have the energy to hang out with them. One of them is in a musical and the rest of us are gonna go see him but the fear that I will say something and they will glare at me and joke about it and make me feel awful as a result has just made me feel like it's not even worth going.

    Also, anyone remember that lovely time in my life when I was good friends with a certain ex of mine? Yeah just an update: he's a horrible human being. I made an effort to spend time with him (as I do with all my friends) and he found it really weird, started talking sh*t about me, and thus made himself a d*ck.

    KHV, I need your help. Like, I really do. I've struggled with social anxiety before but not to this degree. I stopped seeing my shrink because it was all good until this week, where it's hit me really hard. Uni is nearly over for the year anyway so I don't get to see my shrink until next year. Anywho KHV. Help. Please. I have no idea what to do.
     
  2. Daydreamer

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2007
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    137
    I think it's good that you see that you recognize that you have a problem and are not putting blame on your friends. I think a good place you might want to start is to tell your friends how you feel. Let them understand, be yourself, and maybe then you won't feel so pressured. Focus on your needs instead of taking on the impossible endeavor of appealing to everyone. Let yourself learn to trust your friends to not hate you if you say something wrong. Take it easy on yourself. Friends are people you're supposed to feel secure and safe with. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you may have made in the past. Create deep friendships that are not about you impressing them. Impressing people to love you is a dead-end. You're letting your ego be in the way of being yourself. I have been there, and all that does for me is leave me feeling fake.

    I'm sorry to hear it has seeped into your work, don't let it anywhere else. Don't suffer silently, don't let it bubble up inside. And about your ex, I don't know the circumstances, but try not to hold a grudge. Try to let it go, and move on. Don't let him be a weight on you.

    Hope you feel better soon.