This weekend was my birthday... My mom wrenched her neck because she's stressed and has bad knees now from going up north taking care of my mother. She goes up once a week now for four days, missing work, stressing herself out and being exhausted. I've begged her to bring my grandmom to a home but she says she doesn't meet the requirements for a free one from the Veteran's Home. This weekend she wanted me to go up North and help take care of my grandmother who literally can't stand seeing the sight of me, I'd spend all weekend locked in a room and not able to do anything outside of it. I finally told her I refuse because not only I didn't want to spend my birthday that way, but I was worried about her neck. She said: "**** you, then." And dropped the subject. A week before my birthday, my godparents called, I adore them and love the atmosphere. I only see them once a year, too, and we already canceled in January because of my mom going up North to take care of my Grandmother instead of a bbq with them. We made plans and I was really looking forward to it, and when my mom's neck started acting up, she said that I either had to stay home and take care of her or help her drive up North and make sure she makes the turns before being shut in the basement all weekend. We fought most of the week about it because I was angry about missing my birthday and I was worried about her and her neck. I know she gets more stressed out during the trips and it makes her neck worse. She also said even if we stayed home, I had to stay at home and take care of her instead of going to my godparents. I did get to spend time with my godparents, even went skiing, and it was a blast. I got home last night telling about the trip. Looking back at it, I realize she seemed pissed about something, but I didn't know until this morning. I haven't skied in over a decade, and I have some injuries from other things that makes it more sore to ski. So I was sore this morning and asked for a ride, she said no because of her neck and I asked her again to consider putting my grandmother in a home. We had a huge fight about it including her shouting insults while I got ready for work. I left to walk and my mom got out and said she was driving me. I tried to refuse but she said she'd drive with or without me and I didn't want her to hurt her neck more so I got in. She spent the whole time screaming abuse and insults about me in my face and I was nearly in hysterics when I reached work. I'm having a hard time already there and I refused to go despite us being in the parking lot. She really lost it and started screaming about how mentally ill I was and how I needed to be checked, how I was going to be fired. Then she told me she would never let me go to my godparents house again. She kept on insulting and screaming at me when I got home, even talking to me on the phone when I was talking to my boss about being sick. She said: "If your boss knew you were calling because you were crying over yourself, she wouldn't be as sympathetic." Then she threatened to take Aiden my cat to the shelter when she continued to scream at me and I tried to leave for a walk. She also said she was going to call my godparents and ban me from going there again because I didn't stay home taking care of her and she said: "I let you go despite spending the whole time worrying about you breaking your leg." Now I'm upstairs, still pretty upset and feeling like not only a burden, but a selfish, insane brat who just wanted to have a weekend with my godparents on my birthday. Am I wrong?
Mind if I have a moment of empathy here? Your mom sounds exactly like my old man. With that said, I know from experience that when people go off like that, it's usually because of a combination of stress and not being very good at dealing with it. Though it wouldn't seem like it, I'll bet she regretted reacting like that afterwards, so I wouldn't take anything she says in that condition to heart. Anyway,I can understand wanting a weekend off away from your stress to celebrate your birthday, anybody would want some time off from this, but your mom probably sees it as you turning around to go "gallivanting" while she's got all these problems on her plate. It's petty of her, yes, but on the other hand, this is a scenario where your mom needs to be sure you're on the ball, taking care of yourself and focusing on your work, you know what I mean? With that in mind, yeah, you're coming off as selfish, but not unreasonably so, so don't go window-shopping for strain jackets just yet. I'm going to offer you some advice, take it or leave it: If you want things to improve you're going to have to bite the bullet and just cooperate with her. It might make you feel a bit ****** inside, but it's better than coming home to a fight day after day. Happy belated birthday, by the way.
It was probably a little selfish, the birthday thing I mean. Granted, I don' t give two shits about my own birthdays. I can party whenever I want, it doesn' t have to be that day. Depends how bad things are with your grandma I suppose. If it' s the kind of abuse your mum just gave you and worse, yeah, no way in hell I' ll let anyone treat me like that. If you won' t respect me I have no reason whatsoever to respect you. As you can probably tell by now I' m having a hard time feeling sympathy for your mom here. I don' t care how bad she has it, her reaction was utterly inapropriate. How old are you btw, aren' t you way past the age she can ban you for anything ? I take it she could kick you out. Well anyway, if it was me I' ll tell her she' s my mum and I love her, but throwing childish tantrums and cruel mindgames is not exactly the way to get me to want to help, quite the opposite. She' s supposed to be the adult in the room, and the "valid" one at that.
I am, but like you said, she can kick me out. Easily. And I honestly don't have the money nor the job to fully support myself and pay rent. I am looking for a better job, but I need health insurance to be able to make it because of my medical problems. I have skin cancer, and that alone goes thousands a year, even though it's a few surgeries and a check to see if there's anything that needs to be removed at the most. Thanks for the advice, I feel calmer than I did. It's still hard, though... I think I'll wait for her to calm down before talking about it, and thanks for the birthday wishes Spike.
