Friend Issues And... Other Stuff B|

Alrighty... I asked so many people on advice on this a while back. Just letting them know right now that their advice was helpful... I just need to have other opinions. Bare with me please... this is going to end up being reaaaaaally long.

SO! Moving on...

Alright, I have a friend named... let's call her Morgan. We met each other on our online homeschool, got to know each other over the internet, and then we also got to meet each other in real life at least twice. We never fought, we always had fun, but then... some things started happening...

We had this little Private RP on IM. It was like a major cross over and we would have all sorts of characters from different video games, TV shows, and anime. Of course, I was okay with that at first because it was fun, but then it got worse... We put ourselves in the RP. So Morgan's style of RPing was everyone for themselves. She made it to where she would get kidnapped constantly and my characters would have to save her. But then she made it to where she got out of it anyways or my characters failed. So it got frustrating after a while. And then she started to kill herself off more then once, come back to life, but my characters I was in charge with had no part in that. I had to always watch on the sidelines. If that wasn't enough, she started making herself have mental breakdowns that were like oober depressing. And if her breakdowns in the game got out of hand, then the worlds (since we were basing it off of KH) would fall into chaos. And my characters couldn't do anything about it.

Sooooo... as this game went on, I just went along with it. I kept my feelings to myself, but I noticed that I was starting to not do too great. I would cry almost every time we did the RP, and then I would get mad at the world and everything around me.

Then, as most of you know, my closest cousin and friend died in September.

After that, my world just litterally fell apart. Morgan started to notice this too when we played our game. I was so tempted to kill myself off in the game, but I never did. It just... felt kind of wrong I guess. I started picking up on her patterns; not getting kidnapped as much, but having mental breakdowns. Then I would say things I didn't mean to Morgan, but I did, because my whole world was just in chaos and I didn't know what to do... I even tried to quick our game more then once, but then I would find myself playing it again with her. My grades really dropped in homeschool, I started hating myself, and my life... Yeah... it wasn't good... And Morgan had to put up with all of this.

Soooo... months later to this day, I'm doing a whole lot better. I'm seeing the brighter side of life, and litterally getting back on track. Instead of getting F's and D's, I'm starting to get A's and B's in all my subjects. I'm moving to a new place where I'm getting new friends for once, and I actually enjoy life more then ever... but then... there always has to be an opposition.

Me and Morgan were starting to get into fights... We started a different kind of game where we weren't personally involved anymore. But with that game, Morgan still had the notion for every character for themself, and there I also started to notice she was doing the same things with her characters like she did in our old game; my characters couldn't do anything that happened to her characters...

So then, I quit the game all together, because I told her she should make all the ideas since mine always never worked out because she ended up doing her own thing. Then she turns around and says that she doesn't want to be depended on to make all the ideas. So I told her to make a book with all of her ideas and that was that. It ended.

Buuuuuut... everytime I just talked to her on IM after that... I started getting that depressed feeling again... And I didn't like it. Then if I said something of how I felt about somebody else, then she would say, "That's how I felt when you went through your depression." And it made me feel so guilty and so mad at myself because I felt like I wasn't a good friend, and she didn't forgive me for what I did... It's funny... cause I'm still trying to forgive myself and her...

So then I refused to chat with her on IM anymore... Then I waited for her to email me to ask me what was up. She did. So then I told her of all the feelings I felt over the months and I made it very clear that I wasn't going through depression anymore and that I was really sorry for what I did in the past. As the argument went on, it ended up with me saying sorry for bringing it all up, and that I wasn't being a really good friend anyways...

Then I took an advice from an adult I trusted: "You can't recover from your depression by hanging around people who aren't alright. You need a break from her." So, I told Morgan that we both needed a month to recover from our scars we gave each other in the past, and she didn't send me an email back yet.

But I feel like I failed her in a way... Like... I could've handled it better. Her new MSN personal message that she put up recently is lyrics from Numb by Linkin Park. "Every step that I take is another mistake to you. And every second I waste is more then I can take!" So... I'm kind of worried about her. *sigh* And I don't know what to do with her anymore. I try to be her friend still, but it's so hard! I don't want to fall back into depression again because it's so scary when you do... I feel like I'm running away, but I don't want to... I mean, my personality is to help people when they need help...

So... if you read all of that... sorry for making it so long... >< Can you please give me advice and helpful tips to what I should do...? I'm so confused right now...

Thanks for reading guys....

 

First of all, Muffinman, stop posting in this section. You never help anybody. All you do is put down and make fun of those who post here looking for help with their problems. I know I've b*tched you out for it before, when my grandmother died, and I'm doing it again. These people are looking for help, not to feel even worse than they already do.

Anyways, I know you said you don't need help now, but I thought I'd say something. It seems your "friend" might have a problem. It's not normal to keep killing off your characters and giving them mental breakdowns all the time. It seems to me, she might be doing this because she's thinking about suicide or she might be having mental breakdowns herself, kinda like how you were doing that when you were depressed. I could be wrong though. As for the blaming you and constantly bringing your depression up, real friends wouldn't do that. They wouldn't make you feel guilty about it. They'd try to help you get through it. So, I think it's a good idea to take a break from her. If it were me, I'd just remove her and stop talking to her for good. You don't need a friend like that. She seems more selfish than friendly.

 

I'm glad things worked out for you :]

On request:

~Locked~