a poem, i did , not very good, but hey, im working on bettering myself. good CnC please , i need it "Her" Dusk comes at her embrace so there will be no time to regret Racing thoughts may tempt you but don't give into her dilections cold fingers touch you slowly Every touch making you feel so lowly. Don't give into her soft kiss beware the despair it brings breaking away forth from her sweet embrace Dawn will break without her touch and today you live to breathe again another day.
Ok, I actually liked this; it had a good atmosphere about it. I liked the pace of it; I don’t know if it was intended but it created like a racing feel? I imagine that is how the person in the poem felt but I don’t know. I really loved the lines: There were a couple of spelling errors (Tempt and which) but they don’t take anything away from the poem and can be easily fixed. I will be honest though, I dislike this line: It feels too long and the rhyme feels slightly forced, I would suggest maybe changing it to “Every touch making you feel so lowly†the removal of the second “ever†shortens it enough to fit and takes away the forced feel from the rhyme. I also think that this line: would be better if it was changed to "Which only brings despair" However that is a personal choice and I just think it would flow better if the words were re-arranged for that line. To wrap it up, I really liked this and if a couple of tiny things are sharpened up it could be even better. You are really improving and I look forward to seeing more from you <3 I hope this helps D:
Powerful piece. I'm impressed by the dusk/dawn imagery you used, and also by the strange mix of tones as it comes off as creepy and re-assuring at the same time. You seem very adept in the use of contrasts. By the way, what does CnC stand for exactly?
well, thanks. anyways CnC , but you can call it critique. to tell the truth i dont really know. but its critique. when you ask for CnC youre asking for critique.
