|~I Hate You~| <3

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Jayn, Jun 11, 2009.

  1. Jayn

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    4,214
    Not much to say. CnC?



    I hate it when you look at me in such a subtle way,
    Your touch, your voice – everything, robs me of what to say.

    I hate it when you leave me feeling helpless and alone,
    My heart feels so much heavier whenever you aren’t home.

    I hate the fact that I will remain perfect in your eyes,
    That you’ll forever stay blind to my bitterness and lies.

    I hate the way I pity you, and just can’t turn my back,
    Because I am addicted and I couldn’t handle that.

    I hate how weak you make me feel,
    How broken and obsessed,
    How sickening it’s all become,
    And how I’m just a mess.

    I hate that everything I’ve said is positively true,
    I hate the way I can’t escape still meaning “I love you.â€
     
  2. Sonic the Hedgehog The Blue dude is back!!

    148
    That was deep J. Put alot of feeling into it. I"m suprised. I wanna see more!<3
     
  3. Legion Twilight Town Denizen

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Location:
    in your mind
    81
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    sad yet beautiful at the same time.
     
  4. Magick ~Meaner then my demons~

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    The True North.
    390
    Wow, everything was in good form, no grammer or spelling errors as far as I could see. The lyrics were a little long for me, but that's just me. Really good, overall.
     
  5. Jayn

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    4,214
    :'D Thanks, Sonic. I only write when I feel something about what I'm writing so, another poem is probably going to be posted a few weeks to a month now. I don't feel much often anymore. @ @; Thanks again. <3

    Thank you, dear. :3

    Which means that you'd prefer the poem to be shorter? Or the lines to be shorter? Dx
     
  6. Cleopatra King's Apprentice

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2009
    Location:
    Skyway Avenue &lt;3.
    56
    463
    Bitter/sweet poems are the best you can find. Great job Jayn, its a beautiful poem x3
     
  7. Sumi suicidé

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2008
    Gender:
    Genderfluid
    Location:
    the void
    368
    OH. MY. GOD.
    JJ, that is the most amazing poem I think I've ever read D:
    [huggllerifics] I think I've fallen in love with your poetry D:​
     
  8. Kenni-Chan King's Apprentice

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2008
    Location:
    Devon
    57
    475
    Amazing work, very deep and no grammatical or spelling errors. You should write more poetry. The only thing that bugged my is that the last two lines syllables didn't seem to flow, but maybe that's just me. Anyway, amazing. <3​
     
  9. Fellangel Bichael May

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2007
    Location:
    US of A
    197
    Great poem. Keep it up!
     
  10. Jayn

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2007
    4,214
    Aw, my poetry loves you too. <3
    This is the I was writing when we were talking before.
    And now I want to hear your poety. B|

    Thank you. =3
    I started writing it in a more..."lovey-dovey" way but then...
    Then I got angry. o o;​


    I was wondering if the end sounded alright myself. The first edit was:

    "I hate the way I can't escape
    still saying 'I love you.'"

    @ @; Not much of a difference but...Meh.​


    Tankjoo very much. :3

    You guys are great, thanks for taking the time to read and comment/critique. It means and helps a lot.