in a bit of a jam

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by tamale, Sep 26, 2015.

  1. tamale Ice to see you!

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    So there's this guy in a fairly large Facebook group I moderate. I offered a listening ear and help when he mentioned problems he's been having, and I don't mind offering those, and sort of befriended him. But I honestly don't feel that close to him, and it seems like almost any time I get on Facebook on my phone he messages me almost instantly to chat. I am not great at one-on-one chitchat, even online, and especially with someone I don't really feel close with, so more often than not I wind up ignoring his messages. He's also asked before if we could talk on the phone sometimes, which is a H U G E omgnoihatethatpleasedontmakemedothatplease, and I've told him so (not in that exact wording), which disappointed him, and he's pressed on it since that first time he asked. And now he thinks I'm upset with him for some reason, and I'm not. But I am a little weary of him, which I feel terrible about saying. But I don't want to be unavailable to him when he needs help, or to brush him off or be rude so I?? don't know what to do???? h e l p
     
  2. Patman Bof

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    Just tell him like it is. He can already tell something' s off, if you were to sugarcoat it chances are he' d notice. The naked truth is more respectful than a fuzzy lie. That being said, you could ask him if he' s clingy because he particularly likes you or because he has trouble making friends irl (and offer some advice if it' s the latter).
     
  3. Amaury Chaser

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    Yeah, as brutal as it may be, even if not intended, honesty is always the best policy.

    Although I don't think ignoring him was the best solution, either, as that just made him pester you more. You should have nipped this in the bud when it first started. However, he sounds like a very sweet guy, and based on @Patman's reply above, it also sounds like he may be gay and partly closeted. Maybe he's looking for a relationship, albeit likely just as friends.