In need of some Friendly Advice

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Fearless, Jul 1, 2016.

  1. Fearless A good and beautiful child

    Dec 17, 2006
    lmao idk
    So, as we all know, I don't often venture out of the Spam Zone, but this post seemed a bit too serious for there, and I do need some genuine advice so.

    I have a friend. I'm not going to name names, even though she'll likely never see this, but I have been friends with this person for years and years at this point. We became friends around 8th-9th grade, and we were super close for the majority of high school and our early college years, and I was happy to call her my best friend for a long time.

    Recently, as in the last 2-3 years or so, we've started to grow apart, and that's fine. I realize that the friends we make when we're young don't always last forever, but we were still friends, even if not as close as we once were. I always was confident that, at the very least, she'd be around and there for me if I needed her, and vice versa if she ever needed me.

    However, within the last year, she's changed dramatically. She's had some ongoing heath problems, and her attitude has gotten steadily worse, to the point that I might say she's transformed into a toxic friend. And, as I type this, I'm starting to wonder if she's always been toxic, and I just couldn't see it before. Since the beginning of this year, our relationship has taken a complete nosedive. I've been doing my best to try and fix it, but she's just not receptive at all to anything I say or do.

    This week, it's kind of come to a head, in an indirect sort of way. Facebook drama, mostly, but the end result is that this morning I discovered that she had unfriended me; a few months ago, by the looks of it, but I just didn't notice until today, because neither of us have ever been big Facebook people and I tend to not notice stuff like that.

    Now, I'm at a loss as to what to do. I know the majority of the answers you're all thinking of are that I should drop her as a friend entirely, but unfortunately it's not that simple. We have a lot of shared friends, and ignoring her is impossible, because we tend to inhabit the same space when we're out with friends. If I just suddenly stopped caring, I'm worried it'd cause a rift in our friend group, because people might feel forced to take a side. Not to mention, I'm extremely worried about her health, and what in the hell has spurred on this kinda sudden-ish change. I feel like absolute crap, worrying about all this, and it cannot go on like this, if only for my own mental health (which, as some of you might know, is not exactly top notch in the first place).

    Help me out, KHV?
  2. Shuhbooty moon child

    Mar 12, 2007
    If you don't want to drop her as a friend, then you gotta go out of your comfort zone and honestly talk to her. Me personally, I've been in many groups of friends and I've know people for 5+ years that I USE to call best friends, but people change. And if you think her health is what made her toxic there is literally only so much you can do. People can only influence each other so much before either one is tired of it. Now that's not the case for some people, but it sounds like she is done with you as a friend and the only way to stop the friendship is to just stop engagement with you. My best friend and I have been on this for the last 2 years now, I got depressed when I got pregnant and I wasn't able to function in society or keep my friendships going and no one knew how to help me. So thy dropped me. I'm not sad over it- because people come and go and as an adult of 23 I can't honestly rely on everyone that comes through my life-, even the ones I call/ed best friends.

    I would just ask to meet up or text/call what ever it is you are comfortable with and talk with her. Explain your feelings, see if you wants your help and what you can do for her. From what you are saying- thats all you can do and hope nothing bad comes out and it affects your friend group.
  3. Blaine Destiny Islands Resident

    Apr 1, 2013
    I've been in similar situations before and I honestly think the best course of actions would be to sit down with her and ask her what her deal is. If there was something you did she can throw it on the table and you can discuss it as two adults. If she has no interest in talking to you then it seems she's probably just looking for attention. Now, you can always go to your "shared" friends and tell them that you tried being her friend and that you truly tried to sit down with her and talk it over but she had no interest or desire. That way, you're clear of any wrong doing.

    I know it can be hard losing friends, god knows I lost so many close ones that I thought I would love and grow old with together. But that's life, people change and nothing you say or do will keep them around. Only thing you can do is stay true to yourself, and be a good caring friend.