Is it time to get help?

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Day~Dream, Sep 29, 2016.

  1. Day~Dream Kingdom Keeper

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    I've had this immense fear of death since I was little. Whenever I saw documentaries about the body or anything anthropology related it would hit from time to time. Not too often though. Although a few months ago when I filled in the form to get my state ID it asked if I wanted to be a donor and that was when it really hit me and has hit me ever since.

    It only seems like just yesterday I was in kindergarten then in HS and now I'm in my 20's now and before I know it I'll be in my 50's and 80's if I even make it that far. The thought of getting any older has been leaving me with such a profound sadness. It's hard finding joy in even the simplest things like hangout w/ friends, family and my bf. I LOVE Halloween, it is my favorite holiday and I went to a Halloween store today (I thought it would cheer me up) and just seeing the fake skeletons freaked me out and saddened me. (this has never been an issue until now)

    I don't really sleep anymore at night b/c of the thoughts I get. I find it so hard to sleep when I think things like "what if I close my eyes now and never open them again? I'm just going to rot in the ground. Maybe I should be cremated. That looks painful though... But what will I care, I'll be dead. I'll cease to exist. I'll be nothing but just another memory. Life will still go on like nothing even after I'm long gone." Then I break down and that makes it even harder to sleep. >.<

    Even reading a simple magazine and seeing the announcements of a death of a celebrity gives me anxiety now. I just saw an article on MSN on how to tell if you've aged gracefully and it had a picture of 2 elderly women and guess who's in panic city right now.

    I've tried so hard to repress the thoughts and they just keep barging in 24/7. It's all I think about now. I wish I could just disappear, or have never existed. Or that I could be in a cartoon/video game that way I would never have to worry about stuff like that.

    I'm against suicide and these days I find myself envious of those who have done it b/c they took charge of their lives as horrible as it sounds.

    I have even seriously considered doing a satanic ritual to become an immortal vampire. (and I'm a religious person) That's how bad it's all gotten. I don't know when is the right time for someone to get professional help, am I at that point?
     
  2. Fearless A good and beautiful child

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    Sweetheart, I just have to say, I know how that feels. I know exactly how you're feeling right now and I know how difficult it is and I know how much it hurts. I have been there, I'm still there.

    Getting older is one of the most difficult things in life. I sometimes think about the fact that I'm 23 and I feel like my life is already over, that I've squandered my youth, even though I'm still quite young. I cried my eyes out on my 20th birthday because I was terrified of not being young anymore. And it hurts.

    If I'm honest, the symptoms you're describing sound like the symptoms of depression. I'm no doctor, obviously, and I can only give you advice as far as my own experiences, but let me tell you it gets better. Not easier, mind, but sometimes you just have to take it one day at a time.

    In regards to your question, Yes. Yes, go see a therapist. Yes, get medication if your doctor thinks it will help. It does help. Seeing a therapist was one of the best decisions I've made, and I wouldn't be nearly in the position I'm in now if I hadn't gotten help.

    And please, please remember that the people around you love you, and only want what's best for you. And if you ever want to talk, I'm here.
     
  3. Day~Dream Kingdom Keeper

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    Thank you for responding and sharing your experience. I've really been thinking about what you said about taking it a day at a time. It's been helping. I've also been trying to keep myself busy so I won't think about it.

    I will make the arrangements to go see a therapist or psychologist. It's not healthy for me to be thinking about this all the time.

    Thank you so much, it means a lot. : )
     
  4. Ars Nova Merry Christmas dickheads

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    I'm having such a hard time approaching this thread. I feel like I have to say something, because god almighty have I been there before. But I know how sensitive a subject it can be, how something that soothes one person will unnerve the next.

    Look... We keep trying to find some great, lofty solution for all this, something that feeds our ego. Reassurance that there's life after death, or that our consciousness persists in some way. But I think we're attacking the problem from the wrong angle.

    Think about it. We don't just feel this way all the time. At least in my case, sometimes I get the shakes just thinking about these things, and other times I can entertain all the same thoughts without a shred of anxiety. The problem must be something deeper, something more primal. An imbalance of chemicals, a mood that needs to be avoided.

    At times like these, I try to remember that not all questions need answers; that sometimes even asking the question is hinting at something else we need, some other form of fulfillment. Me, I get anxiety attacks when I'm alone, so I'll text a friend or watch a video, something to fill the empty space in a room, remind me that there's life around me. ASMR, for instance, has been a tremendous help in getting to sleep. And sometimes I don't even need a quiet voice - just a voice.

    I talk to a counselor too, and it has helped. If you can find somebody you trust, go for it. My guy has worked with the whole family so he had glowing recommendations to begin with, but it may be worth it to speak to several people if your first few experiences don't satisfy.

    Hope that helps. Hang in there, we'll figure this out.
     
  5. Day~Dream Kingdom Keeper

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    Thank you for also sharing your experience. If there were a root to all of it for me personally I would say that it's because I feel that there are so many things I want to do and I don't know where to start. Like I'm no where near done and I fear I may never be done. So far I've been taking it one thing at a time (things I know I can do now) It's been helping and keeping me busy so far. I don't think about it 24/7 now but the second I stop doing something and find myself with free time those kind of thoughts do come back.

    I haven't had the chance to thoroughly look into psychologists but I hope to find one soon.