Is rage a good thing to hold onto?

Its not a good thing to hold your rage
When you hold your rage for too long,you might take it out on someone who has nothing to do with it.
I rather forgive
but never forget.

 

Wow, I'm really glad to see all the different opinions here. I guess you all deserve an explanation to why I asked this question to begin with. So, here goes.


When I was ten years old, I came in my house from playing outside to ask if I could sleep over at a friend's house for the weekend. There, I walked into my mom's room to see her and my dad struggling on the floor, and him strangling her. The reason for this(Though I don't consider it a valid excuse) is he is an alcoholic, and she dumped out one of his 40oz bottles of steel reserve 211 beer because it had been sitting under their bed for over 5 days. So this opted him to beat the crap out of her and start strangling her in front of my, at that time infant baby brother who was screaming in his crib. The fact that I came when I did and was able to get him away from my mom by destroying my favorite toy over the back of his head has haunted me my entire life thereafter. After I smashed the said toy he let go of my mom and proceeded to punch me, a ten year old boy in the face to the point I went unconscious. Luckily he stopped after that, blamed us, saying it was our fault.

My mom is still with him to this day, believing 'he has changed' but after growing up seeing him beating her, and never knowing if I would come home to see her dead on the floor is something that had driven me into a state of fear, or depression. I was too afraid to leave my house, in fear that something would happen, and as such I didn't develop social structures and abilities that I should have. at thirteen I moved out of my parent's house because I was done letting myself be beaten for no reason. It had gotten to the point he would come in with anything from a belt to a rolling pin and start beating the crap out of me while I was sleeping, no reason at all...one day I found out he did it after his favorite NASCAR racer came in second, and somehow he thought it was in some way my fault. When I turned sixteen I offered to start living with my mom again, on the principle that he was to leave and never come back....in the end, I haven't seen them in almost six years now.

My mom says on the phone to 'get over it' and 'let it be in the past' but the vision of my mom struggling for a breath of air still haunts me every time I close my eyes. The look of pure hatred he had in his eyes haunts every thought I carry, to the point I'm almost afraid to let people get close to me anymore because I don't want to feel the letdown that I grew up with everyday anymore, Or I don't allow myself to get close because I don't want to live with the knowledge that I could become that man.

 

Dude I so do not blame you for holding on to that! I think that is one of the cases where it should be acceptable. However I think the fact you worry that you will become him clearly shows that you are nothing like him! Don't miss out on life because of what he did, you are awre of how wrong what he did was and so by closing yourself off to try and protect those you love surely that is a way for him to win again? Live life and live close to those who are important, don't let those awful memories shape the man you are and will still become, by acknowledging your fear and the way in which you already try to protect those around you I feel fairly confident when I say you will not become that man. :)

 

Anger isn't something to hold on to, but people move on. Even if you can't let it out, there's no point in sulking over it because all it's doing is worsening things.

I, too, have been holding onto anger. For my entire life, actually. I've always been pushed around by people but I have the self-control level not to break-down and do something ridiculous. I mean, if you do something to me that I highly dislike or find offensive, I'll do something then, but I'll never bring it up again after that. Just the way I am.

 

Rage isn't a good thing to hold on to, because it can be very dangerous. People tend to try and hold it in, but they end up exploding and some results are pretty violent. I admit that I have serious anger problems, but I don't stay mad very long. After a nap, I usually regain my sense of judgement and try to look at the positive side of the situation and I'm no longer angry. It's natural to be angry and sometimes it can't be helped, but what's important is how you deal with it and to just move on with your life.

 

yea, like i said, if they did something horrible, u have the right to remain angry. just dont' let it cloud ur judgement and dont' develop "black and white" vision becuz of it.

 

Ah, I wish you would've said that earlier Arc. I can help, but it is up to you to make the decision man.

Hatred in this case can go either way. If you forgive him or hate him, it's al lyour choice. Most people who hate there fathers never forgive them until way after their gone, and regret it, however they also don't have to worry about getting too trusting. My grandfather had horrible father who abandoned him, my grandfather forgive him a year before his death. I had an abusive father myself who was just insane, and even though I knew he cared I never forgave him, and never will. It is your choice. Hate replaces love, and love replaces hate. These one of these emotions always cancels the other no matter what. If you think you'd feel better if you forgave him, then by all means. However, that doesn't mean you have to go live with them. If you still don't trust him or think you'll be happier where your living now, then forgive him if you'l lfeel better about this whole thing but don't live there. Do whatever will make you feel better man, who knows maybe you'll want to get to know the guy more, I don't know. It is all your choice. These things never have a right or a wrong outcome. It's just what do you think you'd feel better doing.

 

No. However, I have held onto it--for, like, a day or so. Letting go is the best answer.

 

Its against my religion to hold on to it, so I let it fade away...... away..... away..... away...... away..... ....

 

Normally it isn't. But it all depends on the case and the person.
But your case was just horrible. I know that if I was you I would start ignoring my father, pretend that he doesn't exist.
That is the one true way that you hate someone with all your heart. That you don't wan't them to be there, excist.
What he did was completely wrong and I think your mother should've left him, but she is probably afraid that he'll come after her.
But no one deserves a thing like that.
But I don't think holding onto your rage is going to help you, that is just making you feel bitter and angry.
Ignore him to the fully even though it's really hard.

 

Use your rage when you need it, not when you can.
My Proverb is: To accept, is to live.

 

Holding on to rage is not a good thing, but letting it all go at once is just as bad, I find digging my nails softly in to the palm on my hands helps letting out rage, this does work if you can look cool on the out side, but I'm sure it still work if you can't.

 

I would have to say rage and hatred are things you should try to let go of as they hold you back. Sometimes anger is necessary to be able to motivate you to get out of some bad scenes in the immediate, but afterwards, it is pointless to grip onto and makes you stagnate.

This is not to say that you should just do the 'forgive and forget' deal either, for every transgression done to you. I do not forget if someone wronged me horribly, and people can try but I don't see why. However, I can generally find out reasons why someone may have done whatever deed it was and let it go whether the person is apologetic or not. However, if it was a serious offense that I deem is harmful to me to continue contact with that person, I move on and get away from the person because I'm not about to be struck again. I can forgive and let it go, but I have no wishes to go through the circumstance again. If the person though is genuinely sorry for the blunder, however, I may keep in contact with him or her. It really depends because some people say they are sorry and will just repeat things over and over, saying they can't control themselves, which is bologna.

What this man did is rotten, and your mom seems to accept him though he had, but she has no rights really to tell you to get over it. I would not like him either or trust him. I don't know if I would 'hate' him for 10 years, but he is someone I would be wary of and if he sincerely had changed, he should show it. Otherwise there is no trust he should get and your mom is wrong to say those things to you. I understand how you feel as I was abused as a kid. Alcohol, by the way, is not an excuse and it gets old to hear it. Alcohol releases inhibited things that are already in the person, and he chose to go with it. Seems he has his own anger management issues. I wish you well with this and hope things work out with you. I would personally avoid the man myself as he seems like trash and he owes you the biggest of apologies and to turn things around so YOU see them; not her.