Lately I've just felt less motivated to do things. I dropped out of college because I couldn't deal with it and I feel like just a big disappointment to my family (I'm talking grandparents, aunts, uncles; the whole family basically). I've never liked school. All it does is stress me out and make me even more depressed than I ever need to be. I question my life and what I'm going to do now. I have no motivation to get a "real job" such as working at a fast food restaurant or some other place. I feel pressured to do better than my 14 year old brother who has always done better than me at everything academically but I'm not sure how I can do that now considering I basically ****ed myself over in college. I also feel ignored at times and my brother gets all the attention... I've also felt less motivated to finish my art works or to actually try and make them look amazing... I also feel like my art just isn't good enough for anything... I feel stuck and I keep bottling in my emotions about everything. I occasionally ask my mom to take me to go see my old therapist but she ends up forgetting and doesn't take me and I end up not doing anything about it. I got tired of taking anti depressants and stopped taking them a long time ago too. I just don't know what to do anymore...
That is a very common problem, if you are/were taking antidepressants I suppose you already looked for help. What works for me (besides constantly asking myself who I am, what I want to do, etc..) is trying to live my life as a third person perspective (I don't know if is healthy do, but it works?), I've always felt that resolving the problem of other people is easier than my own, so If I look at mine as another person is easier to solve them, unconsciously we know how to solve those, just don't have the predisposition/energy to do it.
What I can tell you is that you shouldn't worry about the embarrassment of dropping out of college and the pressures of doing better academically than your brother. School isn't for everyone, and, as sad as it is, degrees don't get you incredibly far. Besides, it is incredibly stressful and doesn't give you a taste of the real world (at least not over here it doesn't) so I wouldn't worry at all about that. You're not wasting your time stressing about something insignificant, and your family will eventually understand that too. Now, on the motivation problem, I try to find inspiration and some form of goal to acheive. For example, I haven't done much in the way of music at the moment, but there was a competition for Matchbox 20 covers and I really wanted to enter. The goal of getting the cover done by a certain time got me motivated to play and sing more. I've also set my goal of "one new video every Friday" which is really motivating too. You said you were an artist? Find a small art competition you can enter, or set a deadline for them (but not a deadline that will stress you out and make you not want to do it any more). At least that way you're enjoying what you do, and you're motivated to do it. I also really like Menos Grande's suggestion too. That works pretty well. Hope this helps :)
